im so lost

Ginagxx

myself and OH split up nearly 8months ago, and im still heart broken
were together 7 years, initially I went a bit mad, partying, rushing into another relationship, basically pushing the self destruct button, honestly I was so lost, anyhow we kept n contact and even slept together a few times since, im constantly begging for him back, hes calling me a psyco and saying he wants nothing more to do with me its soul destroying to hear
I embarrass myself with my behaviour im crying and begging him, he treats me so bad calls me horrible names
he seems to be getting on with life great yet im a mess I cant function on my own and I don't want anyone else its affecting all aspects of my life
iv tried to block him out and keep busy but it dosent help
I feel like ill never get over this what can I do???

PirateShampoo

Think you should probably talk to someone professionaly, sounds like you have a few issues you need to work out.

ColeTrain

First off, I'm sorry for what you're going through OP, most of us have gone through something similar and there's no doubt that it's tough.

I don't think it would be any harm to talk to someone, like PirateShampoo has suggested.

From reading your post though, the question you need to ask yourself is: why would you want to get back with someone who calls you a 'psycho' and and horrible names?

You're actually begging to get back with this individual. Maybe you need to take this guy off the pedestal you have him on and work on your own self-esteem. Never beg anyone to love you, you're absolutely 100% better than that, even if you don't see it right now.

My advice would be to block this guy on social media, delete his number and get rid of all traces of him. Under no circumstances should you be meeting him or sleeping with him, for him it's purely sex but it's emotionally killing you.

Xterminator

yes, its time to focus on yourself. cut contact wit the ex, as its not good for you.

if you need help with your behavior i recommend you start with your gp. explain whats going on in your life ; talk about depression and or behaviors that need to change.

have a read here http://www.carmenharra.com/articles/obsessedwithone.html
some good practial steps for trying to move on.

best wishes

X

Virgil°

Ginagxx wrote: »

iv tried to block him out and keep busy but it dosent help

This is the key thing here I feel. You say it doesn't help but in reality you haven't actually tried it. 8 months is no length of time coming from a 7 year relationship. And you've not even given yourself the full 8 months because you've been in contact in the meantime.

If you had cut contact properly for the full 8 months i guarantee you'd be feeling differently than you do now. You're wrecking your own head contacting him.

Your ex doesn't sound like a very caring individual but honestly, if I was being pestered constantly (as you describe, correct me if I'm taking this wrongly)for 8 months by an ex-girlfriend I'd be none too happy either.
You need to not contact him anymore, properly this time. And focus on making you feel better about yourself. If you do this and like the others have said maybe talk to a counsellor to build yourself up and vent I'm very confident you'll make it through.

All the best OP.

Ursus Horribilis

What age were you when you got together? Maybe part of your problem is that you became an item so young that you've forgotten (or never knew) how to be an adult in your own right.

I definitely agree with the other advice given here. You need to cut contact with him immediately. You know that if you ring him up he's going to call you everything under the sun and make you feel worse. So you need to break that pattern. If his number is burned into your brain, get an app for your phone that'll stop you ringing him. I think a chat with a counsellor could help too.

Ginagxx

Op here, thanks for the replies it's all sound advice which I'm taking on board,
We got together age 23 n now we are both 30, so not young by any means I spoke to him yday and he told me to get over it as he has and then he blocked me again
I look at his fb and he's so happy not a care in the world
I think I will talk to my gp as this break up has seemed to take over I can't move on
Iv forced myself to go on dates and block him out but it never lasts I actually met a lovely guy in the mean time but he doesn't speak to me anymore because I hurt him by telling him I was over my ex when I'm clearly not he could see it a mile off and accused me of using him
What's wrong with me? I can't eat I can't even force myself to exercise and I really love working out
I'm in such a rut that some days I wish I could just go to bed and never wake up
And to make it worse Iv found myself going out every weekend with my single friends as weekends is when I seen him most so my house at weekends is full of memories and the alcohol makes me more depressed
I'm really lost I don't know how to make this feeling stop

Ursus Horribilis

I'm glad to read you're thinking of going to go to your GP. In the short term, here are three more practical steps you should take to help

- Unfriend him on Facebook if you've not done so already. Then block him. You've not really broken up yet if you're monitoring his Facebook. I bet you look at it very regularly, don't you?

- Stay off the drink for now. Alcohol is a depressant

- Don't even think about going on dates for now. You need to sort you out first, not try to replace one bloke with another.

Even if your ex is a nice person (I've no idea what he is or isn't), having his ex ringing him up and bawling down the phone to him would drive anyone mental. You know all this though. You want it to stop. So hey...tomorrow ring your GP and arrange an appointment with a counsellor. Crying on a counsellor's couch will be a far more useful exercise than trying to ring your ex and being roared at.

Ginagxx

Thanks so much I'm amazed at how kind people can be
Even complete strangers it's so sweet
Thanks for all your advice
Iv blocked him on whatsapp and Facebook
Iv made a promise that it ends here right now
I will never check up on his page again( you were correct, I must do it 20 times a day) it's nuts!!!
I'm making those appointments first thing tomorrow and Iv also made a pact that I'm getting back into my fitness routine tomorrow
I want my life back and some headspace

Ginagxx

And for what it's worth he is a nice guy I think I have just worn him down and made him angry with my neediness since we split
I honestly do wish him all the best and hope he is happy I just wish I felt happy too

irishgirl19

Op I know it sounds cliche but time really is the healer in all this. A few months of no contact and you will be fine.
But I know what you're going through its very very hard. A counsellor will help to get feelings off your chest.
Its a vicious cycle calling him as when he shuts you down you'll just feel worse about yourself.
Don't be surprised if you hear from him after he realises your not bothered contacting him anymore. If I was a betting person I would put my money on this. But this is where you really have to be strong and ignore him

silverbolt

ColeTrain wrote: »

From reading your post though, the question you need to ask yourself is: why would you want to get back with someone who calls you a 'psycho' and and horrible names?

You're actually begging to get back with this individual. Maybe you need to take this guy off the pedestal you have him on and work on your own self-esteem. Never beg anyone to love you, you're absolutely 100% better than that, even if you don't see it right now.

I can understand this bit to a degree. I had an ex who stalked me and begged me to get back with her almost on a daily basis, when i got with someone else she really went mad telling me to dump her and get back together.

I tried being patient and nice but in the end the only thing that worked was being cruel. Nothing else was getting through to her and after several months id had enough and got rather nasty. Im not proud of it but it worked. He might not be doing it cos hes a dick, or he might just be at the end of his tether.

Ginagxx wrote: »

Op here, thanks for the replies it's all sound advice which I'm taking on board,
We got together age 23 n now we are both 30, so not young by any means I spoke to him yday and he told me to get over it as he has and then he blocked me again
I look at his fb and he's so happy not a care in the world
I think I will talk to my gp as this break up has seemed to take over I can't move on
Iv forced myself to go on dates and block him out but it never lasts I actually met a lovely guy in the mean time but he doesn't speak to me anymore because I hurt him by telling him I was over my ex when I'm clearly not he could see it a mile off and accused me of using him
What's wrong with me? I can't eat I can't even force myself to exercise and I really love working out
I'm in such a rut that some days I wish I could just go to bed and never wake up
And to make it worse Iv found myself going out every weekend with my single friends as weekends is when I seen him most so my house at weekends is full of memories and the alcohol makes me more depressed
I'm really lost I don't know how to make this feeling stop

the bolded bit is definitely part of the problem, hes happy and moving on with life and your sat there wallowing in self misery.

Your being destructive in yourself, your forcing yourself to get back into the swing of single life things (dating, relationships etc) when your not ready to do so. Your lost and you need to find out who you are again. You need to become an "I" before becoming a "we" again. Your single friends could be ready to get out there and mix it up. But you are not.

I think your looking for direction and I agree that a visit to a GP could help. I dont mean medication but changes in lifestyle and outlook. Its not easy and it can take a long time (everyones different afterall) but you will get over it and get yourself back and track. Your issue at the moment is that your NOT letting yourself do that. Your holding on to something that is no longer there.

irishgirl19 wrote: »

Don't be surprised if you hear from him after he realises your not bothered contacting him anymore. If I was a betting person I would put my money on this. But this is where you really have to be strong and ignore him

Possibly but unlikely if all shes done is bawl and beg to have him back.

But as you say time is a great healer and the only true healer

ColeTrain

silverbolt wrote: »

I can understand this bit to a degree. I had an ex who stalked me and begged me to get back with her almost on a daily basis, when i got with someone else she really went mad telling me to dump her and get back together.

I tried being patient and nice but in the end the only thing that worked was being cruel. Nothing else was getting through to her and after several months id had enough and got rather nasty. Im not proud of it but it worked. He might not be doing it cos hes a dick, or he might just be at the end of his tether.

I take your point but the fact he has been intimate with her a few times since the breakup, makes it seem like he's picking her up and putting her aside when it suits him.

Ursus Horribilis

I shared a house years ago with a guy who broke up with his girlfriend. He was a nice guy and tried to let her down gently. Unfortunately she was having none of it and when ringing him and pleading with him didn't work, she started turning up at the door bawling her eyes out. Maybe there are better ways with dealing with this but all of us in the house simply stopped answering the door. She did annoy the hell out of us all though and definitely the word psycho got mentioned. There's nothing more frustrating than someone not taking on board what they're being told. She nearly drove us mental and we weren't the ones going out with her.

Ginagxx

irishgirl19 wrote: »

Op I know it sounds cliche but time really is the healer in all this. A few months of no contact and you will be fine.
But I know what you're going through its very very hard. A counsellor will help to get feelings off your chest.
Its a vicious cycle calling him as when he shuts you down you'll just feel worse about yourself.
Don't be surprised if you hear from him after he realises your not bothered contacting him anymore. If I was a betting person I would put my money on this. But this is where you really have to be strong and ignore him

Hi thanks so much for your advice, I wish I did this 8 months ago and it would all be over now I'd be "fixed"
But look in 8 months time I'll be glad I started now
I just love him so much I thought we had a future he's the only one that ever made me feel that way n I can't imagine anyone else ever making me feel that way again
No he has 1 billion percent made his mind up I tried everything to convince him to spend some time with me n see if we could salvage it and he had none of it
He's well and truly over me n to be honest I'm questioning if he was as into Me as he said
But that's all ifs and buts now it's irrelevant
He's in my past Iv been so good I haven't checked up on his pages and Iv made apps with both doc and counsellor and to be fair I have great support from family and friends I'm gonna b ok xx

Ginagxx

silverbolt wrote: »

I can understand this bit to a degree. I had an ex who stalked me and begged me to get back with her almost on a daily basis, when i got with someone else she really went mad telling me to dump her and get back together.

I tried being patient and nice but in the end the only thing that worked was being cruel. Nothing else was getting through to her and after several months id had enough and got rather nasty. Im not proud of it but it worked. He might not be doing it cos hes a dick, or he might just be at the end of his tether.



the bolded bit is definitely part of the problem, hes happy and moving on with life and your sat there wallowing in self misery.

Your being destructive in yourself, your forcing yourself to get back into the swing of single life things (dating, relationships etc) when your not ready to do so. Your lost and you need to find out who you are again. You need to become an "I" before becoming a "we" again. Your single friends could be ready to get out there and mix it up. But you are not.

I think your looking for direction and I agree that a visit to a GP could help. I dont mean medication but changes in lifestyle and outlook. Its not easy and it can take a long time (everyones different afterall) but you will get over it and get yourself back and track. Your issue at the moment is that your NOT letting yourself do that. Your holding on to something that is no longer there.



Possibly but unlikely if all shes done is bawl and beg to have him back.

But as you say time is a great healer and the only true healer

Thank you this was a very interesting post it's made me see things from his perspective as I said before he's not a bad person he's actually pretty amazing but I wore him down I just couldn't handle the rejection
It's my problem not his
I really don't wish bad things on him in an ideal world I'd love to bump into him in 5 years and both be able to be friendly and both be happy with our chosen paths

Ginagxx

ColeTrain wrote: »

I take your point but the fact he has been intimate with her a few times since the breakup, makes it seem like he's picking her up and putting her aside when it suits him.

In fairness to him I put myself out for him to pick up in my desperation I thought seducing him would get him back
He made it clear it was just sex but In my deluded world I thought if he's around me again he will want me but afterwards I felt pretty low and very lonely

Ginagxx

Odus fell down wrote: »

I shared a house years ago with a guy who broke up with his girlfriend. He was a nice guy and tried to let her down gently. Unfortunately she was having none of it and when ringing him and pleading with him didn't work, she started turning up at the door bawling her eyes out. Maybe there are better ways with dealing with this but all of us in the house simply stopped answering the door. She did annoy the hell out of us all though and definitely the word psycho got mentioned. There's nothing more frustrating than someone not taking on board what they're being told. She nearly drove us mental and we weren't the ones going out with her.

Yeah well he has mentions that all his friends feel sorry for him
Since the breakup I haven't been near his house or hometown we live 40 mins apart just ringing his mobile
He's obviously telling people about the situation
This made me feel so ashamed

silverbolt

Ginagxx wrote: »

In fairness to him I put myself out for him to pick up in my desperation I thought seducing him would get him back
He made it clear it was just sex but In my deluded world I thought if he's around me again he will want me but afterwards I felt pretty low and very lonely

On the one hand you both shouldnt have gone there, on the other hand he was honest about it just being sex, i guess it depends on how you look on it.

Ginagxx wrote: »

Yeah well he has mentions that all his friends feel sorry for him
Since the breakup I haven't been near his house or hometown we live 40 mins apart just ringing his mobile
He's obviously telling people about the situation
This made me feel so ashamed

Its not a surprise they feel sorry for him, hes got an ex who wont accept its over and rings him up in floods of tears. Him wanting to tell his friends and get some advice/take a load off is perfectly normal. Im sure youve talked to your friends as well about it.

I do feel for you OP but at the same time its not a totally bad thing that you feel ashamed, the longer you do this the more you will get yourself labeled as the psycho ex that people tell horror stories about in the pub.

I really hope it works out for you, and its easy for all of us to sit here and say "block him" but its not us who has to deal with it.

Ursus Horribilis

The good thing about this is that the OP has gone and done something about it. She said she has made appointments with a GP and counsellor. She had stopped monitoring his Facebook page. So maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel.

stickybookmark

Hi Gina I have no real advice just empathy. Many moons ago I had a similar reaction as you are having to a break up. And that was only a 2 year relationship, not 7 !!!!
I used to ring his voicemail (you know you can put ''5'' after the number) over and over just to hear his voice. And I used to drunken dial him from a blocked number all the time and hang up when he answered. One time he drunken texted me about a year after we broke up and I was on a girly weekend away but at 2am or whatever I hopped in a taxi and crossed the county to get to where he was (my friends tried their best to stop me but there was no stopping me) think the taxi was >50 euros. Mental behaviour.

I was like you honestly - couldn't see myself ever being happy again, couldn't picture anyone ever floating my boat the way he did. And to be honest it took me a good 2 years to get over him. And I went through the drinking, and the random dates and the falling apart etc just like you.

You will get through this.
And one day you'll find happiness and long lasting love with someone else. I know you can't see it now, but trust me you will be happy again x

WheatenBriar

Op,I see you've closed your a/c but hope you're still reading
Seriously you'll be grand,youre just hit bad by the love virus
Theres potentially several hundred billion versions of it as many as there are people you could in theory get hooked on to be honest

Only one bit of advice really, do not talk about your ex when out with someone new
Make the date about you and them,not your ex