I have a friend who may be suicidal

Prettyblack

She said yesterday "I've had thoughts" but then said she'd never do anything as she has two kids.

Back story: Imagine the most bubbly, outgoing, friendly person you'd ever met, and then multiply by 1000. Very active, physically fit and active, lots of friends, the kind of person with the ability to go up to anyone and start talking to them, and come away with a new friend.

Very stressful job apparently, like crazy amounts of stress. In recent months it's just gotten on top of her, taken a bite of her normal personality. She had some lows, but then bounced back again.

This time though she's down, and seems to be staying there. She physically shakes, she doesn't know what to do about herself; she went to the doctor who suggested anti-depressants. Her husband isn't much good, his approach is that she'll come out of it when her job gets back to normal. She left her job on Friday (not permanently) to have a break, but is worried the lack of routine and reason to leave the house will make her even worse.

So what can I do to help her?

Diamond Doll

God I feel for your friend, I've been in (still am in) a similar-ish position. I'm also a mother, of one small child.

I also left my job, back in May, basically for a mental health break. I was bad then, and things only got much worse for me before they got better. Culminating in my partner leaving me, and taking my child with him. Not good. And I'm not back at work yet, and not sure when I will be.

At least I'm finally well on the road to recovery. Your friend sounds like a very driven person (like myself), I'm sure she wouldn't be considering the break from work unless things were really bad. I myself only expected to be out for a couple of weeks, nothing like this. But in the grand scheme of things, a few months isn't that much in the context of an entire lifetime, if I come out the other side strong and healthy.

The key for me was to get talking to an excellent GP, who really cared, and with a great understanding of mental health issues. Also he got the ball rolling with a referral to the HSE psychiatric services - it takes time, so your friend should look to be referred ASAP - she can then be referred for counselling and whatever else she needs. I don't think medication on its own is usually sufficient. Is it possible she didn't get across to her GP how serious things were/are? Would it help if you went along with her, or if you (with her permission) spoke to her GP yourself?

Pieta House is meant to be really excellent too, I've never been in touch with them myself though.

What else you can do ...

... Contact her regularly, but don't force her. And don't be upset if she doesn't always reply. I know, being in that position ... while I appreciated my friends and family's concern, I often felt "talked out", and sometimes the effort of just replying to a text was far too much for me. Deciding whether to lie that I was fine, or to go into how shlt I was feeling, when I really wasn't emotionally able for it. Just keep contacting though, even if she's not engaging.

... If she'll let you, do what you can to help her with kids and housework etc. However don't push it - when people started trying to take over for me, I felt even more useless, and as though everyone else could see it too.

... Sounds a bit cliche, but see if there's anything new you could take up together, ideally on maybe a weekly basis. Keep some routine in her life. And ideally with new people, that neither of you have never met before. It's comforting being around new people, where you don't have to keep up the facade that people think you are - like the way you think she's super fit and active and happy and friendly, it'll be nice for her to meet new people and not feel like she has to be that person from the start, as they've no preconceptions of her. If that makes sense!

Prettyblack

^ thanks.

Ryan Mac Sweeney

Hi there
I feel very sorry for what your friend is going through at the moment. It must be terrible for her children so what I would suggest that you give her all the help and support that she needs at this point in time. I would highly recommend Pieta House for her as there she will have access to councelling and support. Maybe you could suggest it to her then make an appointment for her and the two of ye go along together. She will definitely notice it afterwards.

Prettyblack

Thanks, only reservation I have about Pieta House is that its very "suicidal" you know? I don't think she's quite there yet, it might be too in your face with regards to what kind of support it gives.

eviltwin

Prettyblack wrote: »

Thanks, only reservation I have about Pieta House is that its very "suicidal" you know? I don't think she's quite there yet, it might be too in your face with regards to what kind of support it gives.

You should contact Pieta House yourself, they are great and will give you lots of advice on what to look out for and how to support her. I was in a similar situation with a friend of mine. We didn't get professional help or advice and she took her own life. I wish I had talked to someone now. Mind yourself too, make sure you get lots of support for yourself. Its emotionally draining dealing with someone like this and you can easily find your own mood starting to slip. Try and talk to someone in her family too and share your fears with them, there is very little that you can do from a practical point of view if her husband is not offering support or doing his bit, he really is the first point of support or should be. I'd try and have a private chat with him if you can, it could be that she is good at hiding how she feels in front of him and he may not be seeing what you are.

Prettyblack

Thanks all, things have developed over this weekend so hopefully we're going in the right direction.