Loneliness

R.D. aka MR.D

Okay, here's a question for you....

How do you fine folks of After Hours deal with loneliness?

I'm a fairly outgoing person but I live in Asia and have few friends at this point because they are all ****bags.

So my question is.. what's a good way to deal with loneliness? I've recently taken up crochet and that didn't work. Netflix doesn't do it. So I'm on my second bottle of wine now and still wondering....

Oh wise sages of AH....answer me

EDIT: Talking about loneliness in general is cool. My own situation is fairly unique so talking in general terms is good.

Dave_The_Sheep

Keep taking up new hobbies, preferably ones that you can do with other people, until you find people that aren't ballsacks.

Join some clubs. Outdoor pursuits. Warhammer. Basketball. Whatever.

PS. What time is it over there?

califano

And stop being a racist

R.D. aka MR.D

Dave_The_Sheep wrote: »

Keep taking up new hobbies, preferably ones that you can do with other people, until you find people that aren't ballsacks.

Join some clubs. Outdoor pursuits. Warhammer. Basketball. Whatever.

PS. What time is it over there?

It's 10.08pm. I'm in Japan.

I know you are right. I just need to get out there but everything seems so superficial compared to back home.

6541

Take this from a man that has lived in quite a few places.
Find the Expat bar, no if's, but's or I only want to mingle with locals, find the paddies.

R.D. aka MR.D

califano wrote: »

And stop being a racist

Oh ****, I didn't mean to say that Asians are ****bags! I don't mean that at all but to be honest I've found that the Irish temperament and the Japanese temperament don't mix well.

However, the ****bags that I was referring to were other expats.

I feel bad now!

Nib

Move to China.

You'll be a mini celebrity over there, the women will be throwing themselves at you.

califano

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Oh ****, I didn't mean to say that Asians are ****bags! I don't mean that at all but to be honest I've found that the Irish temperament and the Japanese temperament don't mix well.

However, the ****bags that I was referring to were other expats.

I feel bad now!

Ah i was only kidding:D, we know you didnt mean that

R.D. aka MR.D

6541 wrote: »

Take this from a man that has lived in quite a few places.
Find the Expat bar, no if's, but's or I only want to mingle with locals, find the paddies.

I can't find one Irish person. I live in Japan. Before this I lived in Korea and China. In both those places I managed to find other Irish people. I've been here 9 months and I've not met one other Irish person!!

I'm female and I find that in Japan (unlike in Korea and China) the expats you meet here tend to be male and only interesting in talking to Japanese women. I'm engaged to a lovely American so that's not at all what I'm after. I just miss having friends.

One eyed Jack

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Okay, here's a question for you....

How do you fine folks of After Hours deal with loneliness?

I'm a fairly outgoing person but I live in Asia and have few friends at this point because they are all ****bags.

So my question is.. what's a good way to deal with loneliness? I've recently taken up crochet and that didn't work. Netflix doesn't do it. So I'm on my second bottle of wine now and still wondering....

Oh wise sages of AH....answer me

It's not loneliness is your problem, it's being attracted to hanging out with shìtbags. Stop that!

Seriously though, just get out and meet more people, Asia is a big continent, and if you're still finding that everyone else is an asshole, there might be something worth looking into the common denominator there...

Hmm, there be's no straight faced emoji round these parts...

R.D. aka MR.D

Nib wrote: »

Move to China.

You'll be a mini celebrity over there, the women will be throwing themselves at you.

I lived in Hangzhou for a year. Never again!!!! :eek:

Also, I'm a woman. So..... I don't really want other women throwing themselves at me.

OhDearyMe

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Oh ****, I didn't mean to say that Asians are ****bags! I don't mean that at all but to be honest I've found that the Irish temperament and the Japanese temperament don't mix well.

However, the ****bags that I was referring to were other expats.

I feel bad now!

I've had some bad experiences with ex pats in ex pat bars - they can be awful cliquey. My advice would be to find the ex pats that don't hang around in ex pats bars (exclusively). And if you feel Japan is not your bag, leave. Life is too short. No one will hold it against you.

fizzypish

I'm on the continent so not nearly as big a move as you. Locals are nice but I didn't find them to be the kind of people I'd enjoy going for pints with. After a time I met some that I meshed well with. Keep at it. There are some Japanese there that you'll mesh well with. Just keep looking. And hobbies.

Mesrine65

http://www.internations.org/japan-expats/irish

osarusan

Irish Network Japan:

http://www.inj.or.jp/en

Might be some use.

Depending on how interested you are, but joining one of the teaching organisations might be worth looking into.

You could join JALT (for about 12,000yen a year) or try and join one of the special interest groups only. There is a Tokyo chapter. you can find that info here:

http://jalt.org/main/groups

ETJ is another organisation (free this time) that might not be full of the kind of clowns you're trying to avoid.
http://ltprofessionals.com/ETJ/

R.D. aka MR.D

osarusan wrote: »

Irish Network Japan:

http://www.inj.or.jp/en

Might be some use.

I already tried to join this. Sent them a follow up email and everything but I got absolutely no response from them.

R.D. aka MR.D

OhDearyMe wrote: »

I've had some bad experiences with ex pats in ex pat bars - they can be awful cliquey. My advice would be to find the ex pats that don't hang around in ex pats bars (exclusively). And if you feel Japan is not your bag, leave. Life is too short. No one will hold it against you.

You are totally right. My contract is up in 6 months and I'm leaving then. I'm coming home. It's honestly the only thing that I keep in the forefront of my mind to keep me sane.

In 6 months, I'll be home among people who just like to have a chat. Even texting people back at home helps me feel me better.

osarusan

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I already tried to join this. Sent them a follow up email and everything but I got absolutely no response from them.

Facebook page seems fairly active, maybe look at joining that way?

https://www.facebook.com/groups/irishnetworkjapan/?fref=ts


Irish music and dance event tomorrow in Tokyo.

R.D. aka MR.D

osarusan wrote: »

Facebook page seems fairly active, maybe look at joining that way?

https://www.facebook.com/groups/irishnetworkjapan/?fref=ts


Irish music and dance event tomorrow in Tokyo.

I don't have a facebook but I did see that meetup tomorrow. I shoudl just take the plunge!

TheLastMohican

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Okay, here's a question for you....

How do you fine folks of After Hours deal with loneliness?

I'm a fairly outgoing person but I live in Asia and have few friends at this point because they are all ****bags.

So my question is.. what's a good way to deal with loneliness? I've recently taken up crochet and that didn't work. Netflix doesn't do it. So I'm on my second bottle of wine now and still wondering....

Oh wise sages of AH....answer me

You're drinking the wrong stuff. If only you were on your second bottle of Saki, you'd be asleep by now ........... dreaming of your American dreamboat!

Pherekydes

Loneliness is just a word, so I've been told,
Loneliness becomes a word that's very cold.

osarusan

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I don't have a facebook but I did see that meetup tomorrow. I shoudl just take the plunge!

Do you ever get the free Metropolis magazine that is available?

Some lists of events in there also.

R.D. aka MR.D

TheLastMohican wrote: »

You're drinking the wrong stuff. If only you were on your second bottle of Saki, you'd be asleep by now ........... dreaming of your American dreamboat!

The last time that I drank sake, I blacked out and now can't show my face at a local bar. I'm sure that I didn't do anything too bad but I don't know exactly what I did!!!

I like wine because it's cheaper than beer but 'gets ya drunk' as a friend of mine used to say!!

Mother Brain

Curious as to what has you over in Japan if you don't mind me asking?

I've dreamt of going for about 15 years now but never managed it...

TheLastMohican

Pherekydes wrote: »

Loneliness is just a word, so I've been told,
Loneliness becomes a word that's very cold.

It also applies to places other than Chicago!

TheLastMohican

Mother Brain wrote: »

Curious as to what has you over in Japan if you don't mind me asking?

I've dreamt of going for about 15 years now but never managed it...

hat is one m/f of a long dream!

R.D. aka MR.D

osarusan wrote: »

Do you ever get the free Metropolis magazine that is available?

Some lists of events in there also.

Yeah, I've seen that. To be honest with you my biggest problem is that I live in Chiba. I'm a good 45 mins from Tokyo or 90mins from Shibuya/Shinjuku.

Staying overnight is outrageous in Tokyo and the last train is usually 11.30pm. I think that my problem is that I was spoilt in Korea. Cheap Taxis. Expats my age. Cheap booze. Outgoing locals.

Japan is great and very pleasant but I don't fit in.

R.D. aka MR.D

Mother Brain wrote: »

Curious as to what has you over in Japan if you don't mind me asking?

I've dreamt of going for about 15 years now but never managed it...

I'm an English language teacher. I first worked in Korea and then in China and now I'm in Japan.

You should definitely try to get here on a holiday. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it as a holiday destination.

rojito

I second internations, another option is couchsurfing, although it seems to be dieing a slow death there are still normally local forums for any given city with events and activities. You are not required in any way to have randomers sleeping on your sofa.

I think most Asian cities have a GAA team, right? Even if you aren't interested in playing, you could lend your support in cheering them on or helping with some of the organisational stuff. I'm sure it would be appreciated.

Facebook groups? "Expats in japan" or some such?

Finally... there is always Tinder...

Mother Brain

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I'm an English language teacher. I first worked in Korea and then in China and now I'm in Japan.

You should definitely try to get here on a holiday. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it as a holiday destination.

Ah ok, cheers! Must do a bit of research on that whole process or I'll never end up going!

Sorry to hear about your troubles by the way, I wish I had some good advice...

osarusan

Japan GAA:

http://www.japangaa.org/

R.D. aka MR.D

rojito wrote: »

I second internations, another option is couchsurfing, although it seems to be dieing a slow death there are still normally local forums for any given city with events and activities. You are not required in any way to have randomers sleeping on your sofa.

I think most Asian cities have a GAA team, right? Even if you aren't interested in playing, you could lend your support in cheering them on or helping with some of the organisational stuff. I'm sure it would be appreciated.

Facebook groups? "Expats in japan" or some such?

Finally... there is always Tinder...

Tinder...I can't. I'm actually engaged but my OH is a introvert. We're both planning to move back to Ireland in April and I've been trying to tell him that he needs to be prepared for how chatty Irish people are.

But aside from that, I'm far away from a lot of the things that are on. I'm a pretty active member on couchsurfing but everything is in Tokyo and the last train from tokyo to where I live is 11.30pm or so.

R.D. aka MR.D

osarusan wrote: »

Japan GAA:

http://www.japangaa.org/

Do you have much experience with them? Are they fairly open to new members?

TheLastMohican

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

The last time that I drank sake, I blacked out and now can't show my face at a local bar. I'm sure that I didn't do anything too bad but I don't know exactly what I did!!!

I like wine because it's cheaper than beer but 'gets ya drunk' as a friend of mine used to say!!

Where does your Pinkerton reside? There or US?

osarusan

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Do you have much experience with them? Are they fairly open to new members?

None, I've no interest in GAA in Ireland or anywhere else!

I had a friend who was into it though and went along. No idea how regular it was. He was active in the INJ also. I get the impression the INJ is manly organising a St. Patrick's day parade (more than 1 these days) and smaller social get-togethers during the year.

biko

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Oh ****, I didn't mean to say that Asians are ****bags! I don't mean that at all but to be honest I've found that the Irish temperament and the Japanese temperament don't mix well.

However, the ****bags that I was referring to were other expats.

I feel bad now!

No worries, I got you and know you're sound.

Tbh, japs can be ****bags too - it's not exclusively an Irish thing.

R.D. aka MR.D

TheLastMohican wrote: »

Where does your Pinkerton reside? There or US?

He lives in the apartment below me! But he is one of those people who likes to be alone quite a bit.

I'm not. I like to occupied most of the time. When I lived at home, I had a big circle of people who I could just text and at least one of them would respond and we could do something.

VisibleGorilla

You should be able to enjoy yourself and be happy with your own company.

Loneliness does not really compute with me, I have friends who messed up serious opportunity abroad because of their loneliness that I cannot understand at all.

R.D. aka MR.D

biko wrote: »

No worries, I got you and know you're sound.

Tbh, japs can be ****bags too - it's not exclusively an Irish thing.

The Japanese are alright. They just have their own thing going on.

R.D. aka MR.D

VisibleGorilla wrote: »

You should be able to enjoy yourself and be happy with your own company.

Loneliness does not really compute with me, I have friends who messed up serious opportunity abroad because of their loneliness that I cannot understand at all.

You are so right and I've been trying to work on that.

biko

Whatever you do, don't become a Hikikomori.
There are plenty of expats in Japan/Asia in general and there has to be a lots of sound ones out there.

On the subject of battling lonliness, force yourself to interact with others in various ways. Skype 3/4 people a week, go to meetup.com things.
Worst case, go home.

TheLastMohican

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

He lives in the apartment below me! But he is one of those people who likes to be alone quite a bit.

I'm not. I like to occupied most of the time. When I lived at home, I had a big circle of people who I could just text and at least one of them would respond and we could do something.

1. Drink more vino

2. Open window wide

3. Inhale deeply

4. Let fly with:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1woH96ROG-c

Pinkerton will be alongside shortly ........ or 警察庁長官 asking for your autograph

recylingbin

My loneliness is killing me.

ardinn

Do Japanese women not go mickey mad for white meat?

Please tell me they do - i'd have presumed you would be banging so many that you'd want some alone time - not the other way around. Say it aint so......







Please!!!!

VisibleGorilla

Also if you are in Japan I recommend you try Nomihodai.

You'll make friends for life with that.

R.D. aka MR.D

ardinn wrote: »

Do Japanese women not go mickey mad for white meat?

Please tell me they do - i'd have presumed you would be banging so many that you'd want some alone time - not the other way around. Say it aint so......







Please!!!!

I'm a women. I have a very lovely Mexican-American boyfriend (soon to be husband) so haven't sampled any local talent. But from what I hear, they have a lot of hair and lack certain hygiene norms.

imitation

I was going say hit up Roppongi, but it might a hard sell for somebody is engaged. I was only in Japan for a few weeks but I did find hanging around bars tended to result chats with friendly locals who wanted to practice english, maybe that might help ?

recylingbin

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I'm a women. I have a very lovely Mexican-American boyfriend (soon to be husband) so haven't sampled any local talent. But from what I hear, they have a lot of hair and lack certain hygiene norms.

Omg. That is so hot.

You Mirin?

Do you have no hobbies that you could join clubs for?