Stress at work

woodturner

Really don't know what to say about this but here it goes. I've been working for a company for the last seven months now after being unemployed for four years. I get on with the other 3 workers and the boss and am well capable of the work but am finding the whole place so stressful. I can't pinpoint what it is and I have myself in a right mess to be honest.

I've tried my best to stick it out and work around it somehow but every morning when I leave for work I feel physically sick. I suffer from gastritis and when I do get stressed it's like I'm having an anxiety attack or something. I know something has to give because as I'm writing this I feel like crying. I have made an appointment to see my GP as the whole thing has me a little depressed.

I don't know how I have lasted 7 months there as I felt like this after the first few weeks. I have been sticking it out as best as I possibly could as we've just bought a house and I didn't want my partner to be paying the mortgage on her own.

This probably is in the wrong forum anyway. I don't know what advice I'm looking for. I guess I'm curious how others would handle the situation. Would you continue to try and work around it?

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

Atlantic Dawn

Look for another job, life is too short to work under those conditions daily.

don't see how a chance in environment is going to help if the op hasn't pinpointed anything about the place or work itself that is an issue.

woodturner

[Deleted User] wrote: »

don't see how a chance in environment is going to help if the op hasn't pinpointed anything about the place or work itself that is an issue.

That's what I keep thinking. I may find myself in the same situation elsewhere.

woodturner

I don't want to go out on sick pay or anything like that for stress. I just want to get out of there so I don't feel this way anymore. I was coping okay the last few weeks until the boss made a few comments that just got to me. He asked me last Friday what size I made something 3 months ago. I said I couldn't remember and he said it was okay and not important. As he walked out of the workshop he turned to one of the other workers and said "He doesn't f***ing know".

This morning just tipped me over the edge though. I hurt my back in there Saturday and rang him yesterday while in work and told him I was going home. He said it was okay and he'd speak to me later. He never rang back until this morning asking when I'd be in. I said I'd be in when my back felt better. He just said that there was a load of work to be done and didn't care about my injury.

gerrybbadd

woodturner wrote: »

I don't want to go out on sick pay or anything like that for stress. I just want to get out of there so I don't feel this way anymore. I was coping okay the last few weeks until the boss made a few comments that just got to me. He asked me last Friday what size I made something 3 months ago. I said I couldn't remember and he said it was okay and not important. As he walked out of the workshop he turned to one of the other workers and said "He doesn't f***ing know".

This morning just tipped me over the edge though. I hurt my back in there Saturday and rang him yesterday while in work and told him I was going home. He said it was okay and he'd speak to me later. He never rang back until this morning asking when I'd be in. I said I'd be in when my back felt better. He just said that there was a load of work to be done and didn't care about my injury.

Does this kind of stuff happen often?

Seems to be the root of it to me

woodturner

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Does this kind of stuff happen often?

Seems to be the root of it to me

Not really no. They are the only two things that have happened but they were both in the last week.

Mrs OBumble

woodturner wrote: »

I said I'd be in when my back felt better. He just said that there was a load of work to be done and didn't care about my injury.

He's your boss, not your mammy. His job is to care about the quality of your your work, and to make sure that there are customers who pay for what you do, so that he can pay you.

Saying "I'll be in when I feel like it" paints you in a very poor light. Phone him up, apologise and say you were in a lot of pain this morning, and that you have a doctor's appointment at <<time>> and you'll let him know what the doctor says.

Then go to your doctor. Tell the doctor about the two problems (stress and back). Do what the doctor says: if that includes time off work, get a medical certificate from the doctor and send it to work. If it includes physio or counselling, do that too.

woodturner

I didn't say I would be in when I felt like it. He asked when I'd be back. I said tomorrow hopefully, I'd see how I felt in the morning. I didn't have a negative tone or anything towards him. He had towards me as he probably thought I was going to make a claim for an injury or something. I couldn't even if I wanted to as it's an aggravation of an old injury.
I enjoy working there most of the time but still feel uncomfortable or stressed there for some reason. I have made an appointment to see my GP.

seamus

You say you get on well with your boss and colleagues, but seem to be quite sensitive to his attitude towards you.

Could the root of your stress be anxiety about performance? I.e. worrying that you won't be up to scratch and that someone will turn around next week and tell you to sling your hook?

Starting a new job is stressful for the first while, especially if there's an implied requirement that you meet targets and perform strongly. Coupled with being out of work for four years, could it simply be that you're terrified of failing?

If so, then maybe ask your boss if you can do a regular check-in with him. Performance management is highly variable across companies. Some bosses barely speak to you from one end of the year to the other, others will talk to you weekly about what's going on. Both can actually be quite stressful if you're not getting any meaningful feedback on your own performance. So if you're anxious about the future of the role, then I'd straight up ask your boss for feedback on your performance.

woodturner

seamus wrote: »

You say you get on well with your boss and colleagues, but seem to be quite sensitive to his attitude towards you.

Could the root of your stress be anxiety about performance? I.e. worrying that you won't be up to scratch and that someone will turn around next week and tell you to sling your hook?

Starting a new job is stressful for the first while, especially if there's an implied requirement that you meet targets and perform strongly. Coupled with being out of work for four years, could it simply be that you're terrified of failing?

If so, then maybe ask your boss if you can do a regular check-in with him. Performance management is highly variable across companies. Some bosses barely speak to you from one end of the year to the other, others will talk to you weekly about what's going on. Both can actually be quite stressful if you're not getting any meaningful feedback on your own performance. So if you're anxious about the future of the role, then I'd straight up ask your boss for feedback on your performance.

Possibly. It's the kind of work I done for 13 years for my previous employer but I suppose I've been out of touch for the last 4 years.

BabySlam

I think the doctor route is the way to get to the bottom of it. Be totally frank and take it from there. good Luck!

LegacyUser

OP, I will say something else.I was unemployed for a year, and when I got a job eventually, I was not in a good place for at least two years afterwards.I only started to feel really comfortable after about 18 months... As in, confident in myself again.Unemployment knocks you back in ways you don't realise, and you were unemployed for four years, so I can only imagine how you feel.You don't realise it until you get back into the workplace and start having to find your feet again.
I'm not belittling what you're feeling because I do think you're under stress, but whether the stress is coming from yourself or your surroundings is hard to say.I do think a GP visit would be worth it, but I' not sure that stress leave is the way to go,as it will take you back out of the workplace,unless things are really really bad.It may just need more time.

woodturner

It is really bad. I went to my GP yesterday and she has put me on a short course of mild anti-depressants. She also advised seeing a counsellor to get to root of the problem. When I drove to work at 8 this morning to give him the doctors cert I was in an awful way.

davo10

woodturner wrote: »

It is really bad. I went to my GP yesterday and she has put me on a short course of mild anti-depressants. She also advised seeing a counsellor to get to root of the problem. When I drove to work at 8 this morning to give him the doctors cert I was in an awful way.

Op just be aware that as you are employed there for less than one year, it is easier for your employer to terminate your employment.

jobless

hi op, its a very good thing you went to the GP and not try endure the stuff you're going through.... hopefully the anxiety will subside. I think talking it through with someone is also a great idea, at least that way you might get to the crux of the problem....

if at the end of this there is no change then you seriously need to think about changing positions... i know you say you dont want to have to rely on your partner for mortgage payments etc but im sure your partner doesnt want to see you in such a bad way....

As someone mentioned above, you were unemployed for a long time and are just readjusting to working again, dont underestimate this change, it is going to take a while to readjust to the working life again, give yourself a chance...

Im not sure if you exercise but its a great stress reliever i find, i can switch off for a couple hours and my mood improves after... also try and eat as healthy as you can and cut out the junk and cut down on alcohol as much as you can.... 'Eat **** feel ****' is something i always say to myself when im thinking about gourging (doesnt always work )...

Just know that you wont always feel this way, and taking the steps you have taken are the right way to get to feeling better...

also your boss sounds like a bit of a bully, when you feel strong enough i would pull him up on his behaviour towards you...

Tom Dunne

Here's a random one for you - do you get much exercise?

Seriously, anywhere you read about stress, it is the one thing they say helps alleviate it. I know from my own experiences, since I started exercising more, it helps a lot.

Tordelback

unempstress wrote: »

OP, I will say something else.I was unemployed for a year, and when I got a job eventually, I was not in a good place for at least two years afterwards.I only started to feel really comfortable after about 18 months... As in, confident in myself again.Unemployment knocks you back in ways you don't realise, and you were unemployed for four years, so I can only imagine how you feel.You don't realise it until you get back into the workplace and start having to find your feet again.
I'm not belittling what you're feeling because I do think you're under stress, but whether the stress is coming from yourself or your surroundings is hard to say.I do think a GP visit would be worth it, but I' not sure that stress leave is the way to go,as it will take you back out of the workplace,unless things are really really bad.It may just need more time.

Have to agree with this. I returned to work after losing my business and being unemployed for two years, and despite having kept up with professional training in the interim and being in a far less responsible and pressured role than I had been for the previous 20 years, I frequently found myself lost and unsure - I'd feel humiliated and miserable whenever I made the slightest error or had to ask how to do something, and deeply stressed whenever a client or colleague asked me a technical question: even when I knew the answer, I was no longer confident about giving it. In fact 18 months on I still occasionally feel like this, but it's far better now.

Becoming unemployed can be a huge blow to your confidence and self-esteem, it's not to be taken lightly. OP, keep at the GP/counsellor route - it'll pay dividends. I'd also be concerned about a workplace where a back injury of all things wasn't taken seriously - particularly if it happened at work, so there may be bigger issues there than your own perceptions.

woodturner

Tordelback wrote: »

Have to agree with this. I returned to work after losing my business and being unemployed for two years, and despite having kept up with professional training in the interim and being in a far less responsible and pressured role than I had been for the previous 20 years, I frequently found myself lost and unsure - I'd feel humiliated and miserable whenever I made the slightest error or had to ask how to do something, and deeply stressed whenever a client or colleague asked me a technical question: even when I knew the answer, I was no longer confident about giving it. In fact 18 months on I still occasionally feel like this, but it's far better now.

Becoming unemployed can be a huge blow to your confidence and self-esteem, it's not to be taken lightly. OP, keep at the GP/counsellor route - it'll pay dividends. I'd also be concerned about a workplace where a back injury of all things wasn't taken seriously - particularly if it happened at work, so there may be bigger issues there than your own perceptions.

This is exactly how I feel. I've made a couple of small mistakes since starting and felt physically ill after each was noticed. After one particular one I suffered from a panic attack or something. My heart felt like it had stopped and I was shaking. It's hard to describe, similar to having a real bad temper or being full of rage. I seen the doctor quickly after that but never got the time off work to get bloods taken or a stress test.

woodturner

Tom Dunne wrote: »

Here's a random one for you - do you get much exercise?

Seriously, anywhere you read about stress, it is the one thing they say helps alleviate it. I know from my own experiences, since I started exercising more, it helps a lot.

My brother is a fitness instructor and for two years I had been going to his gym twice a week for circuit training. When I started back working I was still going but there were weeks where I only went once and some weeks where I didn't go at all. It's been nearly 5 months since I last went. I used to walk regularly too but can't remember the last time I went.

I lost quite a bit of weight in the months I was going before taking up employment again. I was in a better place then and definitely more confident in myself than I am now. I don't know if I've gained weight as everyone is saying I've lost it. When I was going training I was as as watching what I ate carefully but in the last few months I've eaten food I'd normally avoid.

Tom Dunne

woodturner wrote: »

My brother is a fitness instructor and for two years I had been going to his gym twice a week for circuit training. When I started back working I was still going but there were weeks where I only went once and some weeks where I didn't go at all. It's been nearly 5 months since I last went. I used to walk regularly too but can't remember the last time I went.

I lost quite a bit of weight in the months I was going before taking up employment again. I was in a better place then and definitely more confident in myself than I am now. I don't know if I've gained weight as everyone is saying I've lost it. When I was going training I was as as watching what I ate carefully but in the last few months I've eaten food I'd normally avoid.

It makes a difference to your stress levels, believe me. It doesn't have to be strenuous or excessive, but enough to get the frustration out.

Another very therapeutic activity I did was write the name of a person who had annoyed me on a squash ball and, well, I am sure you can figure out what I did with that ball.:D

amdublin

Op, I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

I think as difficult for you to believe this will not last forever. It difficult to see straight/see an end when you are in the thick of it.

You are doing the right thing and have taken the first steps by going to your GP. And it sounds like they have been very supportive to you. How did you feel after talking with your GP? Better I hope.

I definitely think you should go to some counselling. Ask you gp to give you some names. It might cost approx €60 x 5 sessions over 5/8 weeks. Exspensive I know but will help you so much.

This will get better for you. You will come through.

In the meantime be kind to yourself. Try get some exercise as others have suggested. Surround yourself with warmth, and good family amd warm cups of tea or coffee, and sleep.

iliketrees

Hi Op, just a quick message to say sorry you are having a tough time of it. I felt the very same as you after been unemployed and the getting some work. I can relate to the feeling of panic, the anxiety. I am getting counselling to help me manage this.
It is a big deal to get back to work and it can be overwhelming. No job is worth risking your mental health. You are doing the right thing, seeing your GP, looking into counselling. I would advise to try to get back to the things you used to do, go back to the gym, walking, eating well, all the things that make you you. Don't be too hard on yourself, but at the same time take as many steps as you can to help you through this.
I wish you all the best.

woodturner

Thanks everyone for all your comments. I really appreciate it.

amdublin

You're very welcome. Stick in there. Investigate the counselling. You're doing the right things. Things will get better.

LegacyUser

I think the counsellor would be a good move, if even just to give you an outlet to let it out. Look OP, I was unemployed 4 years ago - I found a job after a year - and I have since moved jobs again recently .To say I was a weeping mess for the first six weeks of my new job is an understatement. I'm 8 weeks in and I'm still sitting there feeling like an idiot, like I'll never understand what's going on and like my manager must surely think I'm a waste of space. I've made a couple of minor mistakes - in hindsight they're beginner's mistakes - but jesus, I wanted to walk out of the office and never come back in every time, I felt so bad. On top of that, I'm mammy to a 15 month old and this job has increased my hours - I'm so stressed about how long I'm away from her every day that I've spent more time in tears in the last 8 weeks than I have in the last 4 years I'd say.

You get into a comfort zone at home and when you're back in work, you're pushed out of that comfort zone. I really found it a shock to the system to get back into work after unemployment, and I've started this new job not long after returning from maternity leave, which I think has made my experience worse here than it needed to be. I did see a counsellor while I was unemployed too for a few weeks, and it did me so much good - just to open up to a stranger who didn't know me or my situation or anyone around me, and to have someone else's thoughts on my actions and my thoughts. I had panic attacks - I remember I briefly got a job while unemployed, and the day before I was due to go in for an induction, I remember sitting crying my eyes out on our landing - literally heaving, great sobs - shaking with my heart thumping like crazy and black spots in front of my eyes - it took me a while, but I realised I was terrified of leaving the house, going and meeting new people, trying to cope with starting something new when I had been knocked back so many times in the previous months. I just couldn't deal with it.

It's tough for the first few sessions, because things come up that you might prefer not to think about, but it gets easier as you go along. Exercise is a biggie too, you should try to keep up something every few days at least.

I suppose I'm just trying to say that I think you're definitely under stress, but that you would probably benefit from a few counselling sessions. And try not to be too hard on yourself, it's been a rough few years and things do take time to settle and sort out. I really didn't expect it to be like that, but it is.You will come through it in some way though.