Troublesome in Law...

TheCoolWay

Hope this is in the right place!

My other half has a brother who is the black sheep of the family. The laziest, rudest sickest individual I have ever met.

Gets a job for a few short months, get sacked for being abusive to those under him.

Comes home to the family (not my home) for a few weeks until gets a new job and clears off again.

Spends all this money in the pub in the evenings (has no friends so drinks alone), and just gives out to his family constantly for treating him like crap despite them doing everything for him.

Does not contribute to rent, gets angry when dinner is not ready for him etc basically just causes hell, even if visitors are over. As you can guess he is morbidly obese too.

Verbally abuses other family members for treating him like a second class child and has been known to steal from them also.

I can see tough times for us in the years ahead, especially when their parents leave this life.

All I want to do when I see them is knock them out!

Help!!! :eek:

LegacyUser

Unfortunately, the in laws come as the package of having a partner. If you feel it's your place and it will affect your relationship with your partner you could have a chat with your OH.

My advice would be stay clear of him as much as possible...it's all you can do

MagicMarker

What do you want help with?

ladygirl

TheCoolWay wrote: »

Hope this is in the right place!<SNIP>

With regards to your In Law
His Work - None of your business
How he chooses to spend his money - None of your business
How many friends he has - None of your business
If he argues with HIS family - None of your business
Not happy with his dinner - None of your business
Does not pay rent - None of your business
His Weight -None of your business


OP as far as I can see you do not have a single genuine problem with this guy which could affect you. To the point where you had to imagine a scenario that When his parents die - you MIGHT have a problem...

Get over yourself
How other people live their life is of absolutely no concern of yours

Rubberchikken

it's hard to see people behave in the way you've described, but he's an adult and if he chooses to live his life like that, then let him do it.
you get on with yours and maybe someday he'll decide to change or maybe not. that's life.

Neyite

Mod:

OP, maybe if you explain what kind of advice you want, you might get more suitable replies, otherwise its not the right forum for it and will be closed or moved.

It sounds like a rant rather than asking for advice so if so, I can move it to the Cries of Relatives thread in Ranting and Raving for you instead.

TheCoolWay

Thank you to everyone who gave a positive response, there is probably f all I can do to be fair. Gets my OH upset a lot, verbally abuses her too when she is around. Also tells her that he is going to live off us when the older folk leave this life...

I was just hoping someone out there had any positive outcomes from such situations, but I guess its the person causing the issue that needs to change.

nikkibikki

All you can really do OP is refuse to have him in your house because of his behaviour. How other adults (parents in law etc.) allow themselves to be treated isn't really anything you can control. You can stand up for your OH and not allow him to speak to her in a way that upsets her. If ye have kids, you can refuse to have them around that kind of behaviour also. All you can really do is protect your immediate family. Tell him he's dreaming if he thinks he'll be sponging off you in later life. He's not your obligation or responsibility, or your OH's. He's a grown man. Leave him fend for himself.

arayess

unless he is rude to you or your OH stay out of it.
If he mouths off at you - let him have it and don't apologise about it.

*meaning whatever you deem appropriate at the time but as boards doesn't permit advocating violence I'd suggest standing up to him verbally.

Ursus Horribilis

Gets my OH upset a lot, verbally abuses her too when she is around. Also tells her that he is going to live off us when the older folk leave this life...

Just because he's your OH's brother doesn't mean she has to give him the time of day. People sometimes feel obliged to spend time with horrible relatives just because of that blood relationship. It's an awkward one when you're dealing with someone else's brother but I think distancing yourselves from him would be the best approach here. What does your other half think about it?

He sounds vile and there is nothing you can do to change that. All you can do is try to limit his impact on your lives. Not letting him through the front door would be a good start but that's not 100% your call.

TheCoolWay

Odus fell down wrote: »

Just because he's your OH's brother doesn't mean she has to give him the time of day. People sometimes feel obliged to spend time with horrible relatives just because of that blood relationship. It's an awkward one when you're dealing with someone else's brother but I think distancing yourselves from him would be the best approach here. What does your other half think about it?

He sounds vile and there is nothing you can do to change that. All you can do is try to limit his impact on your lives. Not letting him through the front door would be a good start but that's not 100% your call.

Thank you everyone looks like there's nothing I can do about it but avoid as much as possible i'd say!

bp

Avoid and when the parents eventually pass away tell him where to go...I would not do it while they are alive in case he forces them to leave everything to him as 'no one else will mind him'

TheCoolWay

bp wrote: »

Avoid and when the parents eventually pass away tell him where to go...I would not do it while they are alive in case he forces them to leave everything to him as 'no one else will mind him'

The latter begun years ago apparently!