Two masculine lads in relationship - can it work?

LegacyUser

Just typing the title makes me feel like I'm asking a stupid question, but I am still going to ask it!

I am in a newish relationship, about 3 months in. I am a fairly masculine guy, and so is my boyfriend. We are both into our sports, making immature jokes, heading out for a session - all of that. It's exactly the kind of guy I am after.

What I'm worried about is that we might be too much like friends than in a relationship. We have slept together, and there is definitely a physical attraction, but a lot of the time it feels like we're just two mates hanging out.

I'm new to relationships, so maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.

But I do get this feeling that we're too masculine for each other. It sounds stupid, but I think we're both trying to be the man in the relationship. I see couples and they're all lovey dovey, whereas we just hang out, don't express ourselves and only really get close when we're in the bedroom.

I do have strong feelings for him, and I'm sure he does have the same feelings for me, but it doesn't feel like we're dating, instead we're just hanging out.

Are we missing something, or are we both just trying to be too masculine. I'm not saying we are actually "trying", but we are naturally ladish.

I'm worried this relationship is doomed if something doesn't change, but I don't know what that something is.

Rick_

Personally, I think you're over-thinking it. Of course two masculine fellas can be in a relationship. If you have the same personalities and interests, then of course it is going to seem like you are great friends more than lovers. Would you prefer there to be more lovey dovey type of interactions between you? If it is something that is important to you in a relationship then perhaps you start it off and see how he responds. If he reciprocates then you know you might have to take charge for a while and hopefully he will start doing it to you without being prompted, but if not, then perhaps he just isn't that lovey dovey type.

Up to you to decide if it is something that you really need in the relationship and if so, perhaps talking to him about it and see what he feels is best.

masculion

masculion wrote: »

Two masculine lads in relationship - can it work?

I would give the same answer I give when someone asks things like "Can a relationship with this big age gap work" or "Can a relationship between an atheist and a Christian work" or "Can a relationship with 1000 km between us work".

The answer is always the same. ANY relationship _can_ work - but that does not mean it _will_ work. What you need to do is establish what each of you want from a relationship - then using that list decide if anything on it is precluded by you both being so masculine (or age difference, or religion difference and so forth).

If not then you have your answer! If yes - then you have to decide if a compromise can be found - or is it a deal breaker.

So there is a process there - which changes from relationship to relationship and only you can do. We can not do it for you. But the short answer to your question is No, there is nothing inherently relevant about your relationship characteristics that SHOULD by default present a barrier.

masculion wrote: »

What I'm worried about is that we might be too much like friends than in a relationship.

There are many people in the world who WANT that in their relationship. You present it like an either or here - you either feel like friends or feel like a relationship. I would suggest the best configuration is both. That the people you enter into a relationship with DO feel like close great friends - PLUS all the extras that a relationship brings.

mattP

I think what you guys have is great Id love to share some of the same interests as my boyfriend so we could do more stuff together - but he hates all my sports and I hate his
I kind of felt the same at first (about feeling like friends) but I concluded that I love him and we make each other happy so it is "working" already.
I think a good strong friendship is essential for it to work out. If it doesn't so what:P Its all an experience, so enjoy it as long as you can :P

unfortunately

What I think you want is affection. It's got nothing to do with being masculine or whatever. I assume you cuddle and are affectionate in bed after sex, why not try and extend that afterwards? If you are watching sport sit close together or try being physically affectionate with hugs or flirty jokes. If this seems too awkward just come out and say that you want to be more affectionate. Honesty can only help in this situation.

ongarboy

I think you are over thinking the masculinity trait as being the challenge of the relationship. You are also maybe focusing a little too much on what you think should be expected in a relationship (eg x amount of affection etc).

A relationship should work on what you both want out of it and where both your needs are being met. It sounds to me that you would like more affection. That should not be a problem as long as he wants it or willingly compromises. As someone said above, send out some feeders to test the waters. Next time you are together alone watching a movie, curl up next to him or just hold his hand. That is not something mates do (no matter how much of a bromance they may have). If he resists or does not reciprocate, there is a possible red flag there that would need to be addressed. However, if you are seemingly content with not displaying overt affection, as is he, then it is not a problem.

You say you both don't express yourselves. It's early days in your relationship so that is understandable perhaps. I would think as you get to know more about each other and fall deeper in love with each other, the ability to express yourselves more freely should become easier.

One final note, go with the flow a little for the moment as it is early days. Let things evolve and gel naturally and try not to force anything if it doesn't somehow feel right (even the hand holding on the couch if it feels overly awkward...although that shouldn't at this stage).

wakka12

Sounds very like my relationship. But its working for us..we have strong feelings for each other. But only really cuddle and kiss sometimes..a lot of the time it just feels like we are friends as well. But maybe thats what I want, I don't know but I know he fulfills everything I want right now so Im really happy with him despite it not being an overly romantic relationship. So I think yes, to answer your question,it can work@