Lies & possible depression? Advice?

nonor91

Hi

For the last few weeks, or even maybe couple of months I've been feeling a bit down.... Not constantly, it comes and goes, lots of the time I feel fine and normal but then pretty much out of nowhere I get really overwhelmingly sad and down for no apparent reason. Its pretty scary and stressful. I can't help but wonder is it depression sometimes, but then I've known a few people who suffer badly from depression and have been in hospital with it, and I don't think I'm as bad as that at all.

Anyway, I did a really dumb thing this morning and I don't know what to do now...

I woke up, feeling the usual Monday morning crappiness, got up and started getting ready for work, and just felt worse and worse. I knew then it was more than usual monday morning crappiness, I just felt so **** and so sad and just broke down into tears as I was getting ready. I felt so overwhelmed and sad and freaked out and knew I couldn't face going into work today as I felt like I'd be on the brink of tears/crying all day... I was afraid to call in sick though, it being Monday morning I was worried they'd suspect I was just hungover or something.. So I told a really awful lie and I'm so so ashamed of myself..... I said I wouldnt be able to come in as my Granny had died...

I can't believe I said that, I hate liars and hate lying and I regretted it right away. My boss soon replied saying sorry for your loss and thats fine etc, but asked if I'd mind telling him my granny's name! So now I'm freaking out and feel even worse than before.
I don't know what to do... Continue the web of lies and give a fake name and hope no more Q's are asked, or be honest and say I'm having a tough time mentally and panicked and didnt know what to say

I know I'm a terrible person but I hope I can get some advice as to what to do now

Thanks

Merkin

Just to remind posters that giving medical advice is not permitted as per charter.

Diamond Doll

It's likely he's asking because he wants to send a wreath or a mass-card.

So I guess your options are to look up someone who's died in a relevant area of Ireland and pass on the name, let him send the wreath/card/whatever. Thing is you'll constantly be waiting for follow-up questions etc about the funeral and all the rest, and you'll be trapped in a web of lies that's only going to have you feeling worse.

Alternatively maybe go to your GP and explain what you did and how you're feeling? As if he'll give you a cert to cover today and the next couple of days. And of course discuss a treatment plan for your suspected depression. And if you're asked about it in work when you return, try just saying that you'd rather not talk about it. You have a cert to cover your absence, that should hopefully be enough.

By the way just because you don't feel "as bad" as other people, doesn't mean you don't need treatment. Those levels of anxiety on a Monday morning are certainly not normal, and especially the lengths you went to to avoid work. It's probably not laziness or anything simple like that, and it probably IS something that you'll need treatment for.

There's a great anxiety/depression thread in the Long Term Illness forum - might be a good source of support for you. But I think the first step here should be a visit to an understanding supportive GP.

nonor91

Hi, thanks for the advice. Yeah I might try go see my GP today, but I still have that text from my boss asking for the name, I can't really just ignore that and come in with a sick cert instead? Maybe he was asking so he can send a card, but also what if he suspects I'm lying and wants to catch me out?

I don't want to get deeper into a web of lies, but also the thought of telling the truth, telling work that I'm having a tough time mentally, scares me so much.

Sinall

Get to your GP today if you can, or tomorrow morning and explain the situation.

I understand that you are feeling even worse now than you did this morning and you just blurted out an excuse to avoid work. It's reasonable that you wouldn't have replied to the text from your boss yet so hold fire until you talk to your GP.

I feel for you OP. You're not the first person to do something like this and you won't be the last.