Back to work after maternity leave- how did you feel?

Penny Dreadful

Hi all,

I'm due back to work this week after. My maternity leave and I am really emotional about it these last few days.
I've been very lucky in that I've had a whole year to spend with my baby and in many ways it's been the best year of my life. In other ways it's been tough, I was diagnosed with a significant illness that I'm still trying to get a handle on (rheumatoid arthritis) and I had a miscarriage too, but overall I've loved it.

I'm happy with the childcare I've chosen for my baby and she is settled in there now too. I am also going back on a 3 day week so have more time with her than not which is also great.
Still when I look at her today I find that I am fighting back the tears (not like me at all!) and wondered if other people felt this way at their return to the work place.

lazygal

First time I went back pregnant so I knew I wasn't going to be there more than five months. Second time was much harder. I knew it was going to be getting back properly and the baby seemed so tiny to leave all day, plus he was really attached to me and only had breastfeeding as he refused all bottles. It's okay to feel emotional about it, but I have found work enjoyable. I also work a three day week and it's a great balance for us at the moment.

Penny Dreadful

lazygal wrote: »

First time I went back pregnant so I knew I wasn't going to be there more than five months. Second time was much harder. I knew it was going to be getting back properly and the baby seemed so tiny to leave all day, plus he was really attached to me and only had breastfeeding as he refused all bottles. It's okay to feel emotional about it, but I have found work enjoyable. I also work a three day week and it's a great balance for us at the moment.

I think part of how I'm feeling is down to the miscarriage. If I hadn't lost the baby I'd have been doing back for 13 weeks only and it wouldn't have bothered me at all.
I'm sure it will all be fine, it's just taken me a little by surprise.

rockinmama

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

I think part of how I'm feeling is down to the miscarriage. If I hadn't lost the baby I'd have been doing back for 13 weeks only and it wouldn't have bothered me at all.
I'm sure it will all be fine, it's just taken me a little by surprise.

As annoying as this sounds it might be a good thing going back especially if it's a busy job, I found I didn't have time to think about my miscarriage in work before I got pregnant the second time (though did go to grief counseling which helped me loads), been back to work from maternity leave for 4 months now and get photos sent to me daily to keep me from going crazy missing her but do actually find I've gotten my own independence back a bit which is amazing. I didn't believe people when they told me seeing her after work and at the weekends is so much more special now but it really is! Seeing her dive at me the minute I'm through the door... nothing like it!

Moonbeam

1st time I went back to work,I cried for the 1st few days and spied on her in creche for the 1st few weeks. I also cried when I took her out because she loved it so much and they loved her:)
When I went back after the 2nd it was a little easier,I missed her but I survived better.
I also went back on a 3 day week and it was the best decision ever.

Sligo1

Penny, I am so so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I hope you are ok and working through it all.

In regards to your post.... well I HATED going back to be completed honest. I went back after 2 years for a 2 day week (13 hour shifts) initially. My mum minded the kids for 1 day and I would try to work a day over the weekend so my husband would have them. However, I think the reason I hated it so so much was because I didnt really like the work I was going back into if im honest. After 2 years off I was kinda put back to the start (for want of a better word). Fast forward a few months and I got an awesome promotion. Im now working a 3 day week but finish at 3.30. My mum still minds the kids the 1 day and picks my son up from montessori. and ive had to put L into creche. Now that was really hard. I cried a couple times and felt like the worst person in the world if im honest. Even today I balled. My husband called me at work and told me they have hand foot and mouth in her room. I was nearly going to tell him not to leave her in and that I would come home. But after calming down and realising that this could go on for months and that I cant just up and leave work everytime it does I told him to leave her in. I then had another crying session in my office... then was morto when a colleague came in and saw me. I just felt so bad bringing her into a place and in my mind... letting her or leaving her to get sick. That was my thinking!

BUT.... Penny I love my job now and wouldnt leave it even if I could. Do you like your job? Because it really helps if you do. I was ready to quit if I hadnt got this promotion. I find it a lovely (hate saying it but i do) break being at work. And even tho being a mum is so so important. I feel like im doing something else important now aswell which is great for my self esteem. Plus, being at home is such hard work.... waaaaaaaay harder then going to work imho! i suppose it all really depends on where you really want to be. i love my days at home now and treasure them so much more than when I was constantly at home. Im also in a way better mood and dont eat the face of husband so much .

I hope this helps. It probably doesnt help tho if youve really enjoyed being at home with your little one the last year tho. I was just wrecked after 2 years of being at home and felt I needed to do something else. You will feel crap the first few weeks. But it does get better. best of luck. x

contrary_mary

I went back full-time when my son was 9 months old and I found it very tough going at the beginning. It gets easier though - you find a new routine and to be honest it's nice to be "me" in work and not just "mammy" all the time. My son is in a small family-run creche and he loves it as he is a very sociable little fella. It's tough when he's sick but we've been very lucky so far and he's been generally well. In an ideal world I would do a 4 day week or even 3 but it's not an option at the moment - hopefully at some stage in the future. In the meantime I just get up at an ungodly hour to start work so that I can get out to pick him up a bit earlier and spend some time with him before bed.

detoxkid

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage xx I went back after 11 months off when she was ten months old. I absolutely hate my job and spent at least 3 months before I went back dreading it. But it wasn't half as bad as I had imagined. It could never have been as bad as I had imagined to be honest! I found I have way more perspective on work since I went back..I'm working a four day week. I put in long days but make it work. I enjoy the odd lunch here or there or walks at lunch times...things that it is hard to do with a little person attached to you! Would I prefers to be off with her? Absolutely. But she is thriving in creche. It has helped that I'm six months pregnant..but I don't think I'll be dreading it as much when I go back the next time..well apart from the thoughts of paying for childcare for two babies I hope it goes OK for u. The workforce is full of women who have been there done that and know how hard it is...which does help x

Penny Dreadful

Thanks everyone for your lovely replies. Miscsrriage or not I imagine I'd be having funny feelings about going back. It's been (in some ways) the loveliest year ever and I've lived inside the nicest bubble- now reality has come knocking as I always knew it would.

I think the three day week will make it ok. Also I'll drop my daughter off with her childminder at 8/8:15am and hopefully pick her up again at 5:30pm at the latest. Compared to many other people's situation that's not too bad especially when it's only three days per week.
I'm glad I started her with the minder a while ago as she is now well settled in and knows the minder, her family and the other two kids she minds.

Work wise, my job isn't the same as the one I left thankfully. I'd really be in the horrors if it was.

With regard to the miscsrriage part, we're doing ok with it. It was the saddest thing that has ever happened to me/ us personally. It certainly does take time to work through it and it was good that it happened before I had to go back to work if it had to happen at all. That allowed me time to just be, not in a weeks sick cert or something like that, I had a lot of time and a very supportive family which helped a lot. I think it's the milestones that you would have reached that sneak up on me now that can get me a little upset.

Anyhow,it is what it is. I have to go back, it's only for a few days per week and hopefully soon enough I'll be filling in my maternity leave forms again.

Suucee

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I remember commenting on your forum about your RA i was diagnosed around that time too. Hope your doing ok. And best of luck back to work. X x

Penny Dreadful

So day one is out of the way and it wasn't thst bad.
I am so glad that I sorted out my child care a good while ago and had started my little one with her child minder as far back as July.
My thinking behind that was that if it didn't work out I'd have plenty of time to find an alternative solution but thankfully it did work out.
It meant that I didn't have another difficult thing to do today, I knew she was settled in and happy and had no idea that I was at work.

So work again tomorrow and then its my weekend already!

Penny Dreadful

Suucee wrote: »

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I remember commenting on your forum about your RA i was diagnosed around that time too. Hope your doing ok. And best of luck back to work. X x

I've finally gotten started on my new drugs for the RA and will be taking my third dose on Friday. It can take anywhere between 2-12 weeks to feel the effects from it. Here's hoping I'm going to feel the benefits in the earlier weeks!

Hope your RA is doing ok for you.

Sligo1

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

So day one is out of the way and it wasn't thst bad.
I am so glad that I sorted out my child care a good while ago and had started my little one with her child minder as far back as July.
My thinking behind that was that if it didn't work out I'd have plenty of time to find an alternative solution but thankfully it did work out.
It meant that I didn't have another difficult thing to do today, I knew she was settled in and happy and had no idea that I was at work.

So work again tomorrow and then its my weekend already!

That's great you were so organised with your childcare arrangements. I'd say that really helped a lot. Day 1 going back is always the hardest. Thinking of you Penny and wishing you well x