The complications of co-ownership....

caitrionaanne

Hi all,

I won't go into a big long story but I broke up with my ex fiancé last October 2014 and there are a lot of items in the house that we co-own. I've let it be but now I feel that I should take some of the items or be bought out by him. We are talking quite a bit of money. He is with someone else since beginning of this year so that complicates the process a bit. I now live abroad but come bk the odd weekend. I have contacted him but he has ignored my message. Should I pursue this or am I wasting my time?

c montgomery

caitrionaanne wrote: »

Hi all,

I won't go into a big long story but I broke up with my ex fiancé last October 2014 and there are a lot of items in the house that we co-own. I've let it be but now I feel that I should take some of the items or be bought out by him. We are talking quite a bit of money. He is with someone else since beginning of this year so that complicates the process a bit. I now live abroad but come bk the odd weekend. I have contacted him but he has ignored my message. Should I pursue this or am I wasting my time?

How much money is it and is it worth the hassle?
How much time and effort will go into retreaving money and will it affect your own happyness in the process.
These are questions I would ask myself before proceeding

MouseTail

I don't think you,can go back after a year looking for stuff. If you wanted half the items that should have been discussed at the time of, or shortly after the split. I would chalk it up.

caitrionaanne

c montgomery wrote: »

How much money is it and is it worth the hassle?
How much time and effort will go into retreaving money and will it affect your own happyness in the process.
These are questions I would ask myself before proceeding

Well we are talking a suite of furniture, a 50 inch TV, freezer, bed, and that type of stuff. Being honest it prob would cause hassle if I were to pursue it but I feel why should I leave everything when he scrounged off me for years and he gets left everything. Just doesn't seem fair

caitrionaanne

MouseTail wrote: »

I don't think you,can go back after a year looking for stuff. If you wanted half the items that should have been discussed at the time of, or shortly after the split. I would chalk it up.

I see where you are coming from. It was partially discussed shortly after the break up but nothing happened so it wouldn't be out of the blue.

Typer Monkey

caitrionaanne wrote: »

Well we are talking a suite of furniture, a 50 inch TV, freezer, bed, and that type of stuff. Being honest it prob would cause hassle if I were to pursue it but I feel why should I leave everything when he scrounged off me for years and he gets left everything. Just doesn't seem fair

But you allowed him to scrounge off you for years so seeking compensation for that now is pointless. I think you should let that particular point go.

How come this wasn't sorted at the time of the breakup? I owned a house with my ex and all the furniture in it. When we broke up the house was in pretty serious negative equity. I took over the mortgage alone and in return for Me taking on the negative equity he didn't make any claim on his half of all the furniture. Did you discuss anything about the shared property at the time of the break-up at all?

I think if you persue this now it's going to look like you're doing it out of spite because he has a new relationship. This may not be the case but that's probably how they will perceive it.

What did you say in the ignored messages?

Ursus Horribilis

This happened to someone I know. She broke up with her ex and left things in their house. To cut a long story short, she never got them back. Either him or his new girlfriend threw her stuff out. She was also told unceremoniously to fck off. It wouldn't surprise me if that is what has happened here. Him ignoring your message is an ominous sign in my opinion.

caitrionaanne

Typer Monkey wrote: »

But you allowed him to scrounge off you for years so seeking compensation for that now is pointless. I think you should let that particular point go.

How come this wasn't sorted at the time of the breakup? I owned a house with my ex and all the furniture in it. When we broke up the house was in pretty serious negative equity. I took over the mortgage alone and in return for Me taking on the negative equity he didn't make any claim on his half of all the furniture. Did you discuss anything about the shared property at the time of the break-up at all?

I think if you persue this now it's going to look like you're doing it out of spite because he has a new relationship. This may not be the case but that's probably how they will perceive it.

What did you say in the ignored messages?

I kinda know deep down I'm fighting a losing battle. I just said in a message can he please contact me to arrange to sort out the jointly owned items in the house. We were just renting so there is no mortgage or anything.
I never once brought up the issue of him scrounging off me for years as that was my choice to allow that. It just makes me angry that he has made no effort to sort this out and it's always me who had to go about it. I guess I just hope karma does me right. I don't care that he is in a relationship as I also am but he gets left with everything without every even lifting a finger for it but that's the type of person that always comes out on top from my experience

CaraMay

Tbh you should have sorted that day 1. It's no good coming back a year later.

Tigger99

caitrionaanne wrote: »

he gets left with everything without every even lifting a finger for it but that's the type of person that always comes out on top from my experience

Eh you left the things there without sorting it out at the time. This is partly your fault too. You can sit there stewing over this and getting more and more bitter or you can move on, chalk it down to experience and be thankful you hadn't bought a house together.

Diamond Doll

I think that sort of thing should be resolved at the time or else not at all. I don't think it's really worth your while going back a year later looking for compensation.

I'm recently out of a messy break-up where we'd been living together and have a child together. We had a joint account, and some bills were in my name and some in his, and we'd bought the majority of the child's items and quite a few bits and pieces of household stuff together.

We didn't really end up having any major rows about who owned what, I guess both of us took a hit on certain bills/purchases. In reality he probably ended up far "better off" of the two of us in the whole thing, but I don't really care once we can draw a line under the whole joint financial situation and move on.

The one thing that's a lot more difficult to sort out is custody of our child. Poor little fella is currently at the centre of a messy expensive court battle - at least that's one thing you don't have to worry about in your situation!

If I were you I'd just cut your losses, stop all communication with him, and keep in mind lessons learned for your next relationship!

Ursus Horribilis

The guy's a scrounger so I don't know why you think he's going to want to part with any of these items. You might have had some hope if they were things he doesn't use every day. What you're talking about here are expensive items that make his home a lot more comfortable for him. From his point of view, why should he part with that nice telly, the sofa, the bed and the freezer? They're going to cost him a lot of money to replace. It's not morally right of course but I don't blame him one bit. I think if I was in his shoes I'd be ignoring you too. Sorry.

LegacyUser

You say that you co-own the house then you say you were renting? Which is it? It makes a difference, as you can go in and remove items if you co-own.

Regardless, I disagree with other posters.
If these belong to you, just get transport, ideally a friend with a trailer who's supportive and has an hour to spare; head over and collect the stuff.Pick a time when he's there as you don't want him accusing you of stealing. Be strong and stick to your guns.

Bear in mind you say you live abroad so what you're gonna do with it is a different issue.
But yeah, he shouldn't get to keep your stuff.
Sounds like delayed anger on your part, by the way.

Typer Monkey

I get it, when we feel like we've been unfairly treated it can make you angry and bitter. It doesn't sound like you're going to get any peace of mind from this guy so I think the best thing to do is learn some lessons from what happened so you don't make the same mistakes again in the future. If you decide to never let anyone sponge off you again, to be more decisive when it comes to your finances and sort things out straight away in future maybe you'll be able to let this whole thing go?

lollsangel

Op..I myself would get legal advise on where I stand .

Ignatius in bloom

Peace of mind is worth much more than some furniture and appliances. Move on and find happiness. Think to yourself your're not with a scrounger anymore and be grateful for that.

Eeden

caitrionaanne wrote: »

Hi all,

... there are a lot of items in the house that we co-own....

XT d f rfght 5swsefyh4d wrote: »

You say that you co-own the house then you say you were renting? Which is it? It makes a difference, as you can go in and remove items if you co-own.

OP never said they co-owned the house, just some of the things in it; so she has no right to just go in and remove items, as she no longer lives there.

amdublin

XT d f rfght 5swsefyh4d wrote: »

You say that you co-own the house then you say you were renting? Which is it? It makes a difference, as you can go in and remove items if you co-own.

Regardless, I disagree with other posters.
If these belong to you, just get transport, ideally a friend with a trailer who's supportive and has an hour to spare; head over and collect the stuff.Pick a time when he's there as you don't want him accusing you of stealing. Be strong and stick to your guns.

Bear in mind you say you live abroad so what you're gonna do with it is a different issue.
But yeah, he shouldn't get to keep your stuff.
Sounds like delayed anger on your part, by the way.

One year after they broke up?? Seriously?

Ignatius in bloom wrote: »

Peace of mind is worth much more than some furniture and appliances. Move on and find happiness. Think to yourself your're not with a scrounger anymore and be grateful for that.

OP ^^^^ this. Best of luck in the future.

woodchuck

I'm sorry OP, but I think 1 year is far too long for you to go looking for something now.

I was in a similar situation myself and at the time I made sure I was given back half the money of a recent and large expenditure. After time it occurred to me all the other things I had put money into and/or left behind (ranging from kitchen utensils to a bed). But I think after a certain amount of time you just have to let things go. Is it really worth opening that can of worms??

orthsquel

caitrionaanne wrote: »

Well we are talking a suite of furniture, a 50 inch TV, freezer, bed, and that type of stuff. Being honest it prob would cause hassle if I were to pursue it but I feel why should I leave everything when he scrounged off me for years and he gets left everything. Just doesn't seem fair

Unless there's antique furniture or valuable / hand crafted pieces of furniture, stuff you'd see on Antiques Roadshow and instead just the normal stuff you can get at any random Argos to IKEA to Lidl to DFS to Harvey Norman I wouldn't bother with the furniture. Antique, valuable, bespoke handmade furniture, anything inherited, I'd have never left them behind.

The next headache you'd have if you had the furniture is what to do with them? You live abroad, so would you just be dumping the furniture on friends and family, out to the nearest charity shop, or paying any amount of money for storage? Or even considering moving them to where you currently live outside of Ireland, would you prepared for the costs? Or are you just looking to get them to re-sell them and are you prepared for that process of re-selling them (including the logistics since you live abroad, or is someone else going to have to deal with that hassle on your behalf?)?

Do you really want the stuff? Is it the principle of having them that matters, or do you actually like the stuff?

If you were renting, were the items you bought (I assume still in the rental property) items that were to replace the what the landlord had put in there, or items that broke or were they bought with a house of your own in mind, and are currently stored elsewhere?

Dee01

I would imagine a lot of people have been in this situation (myself included). It actually didn't cross my mind to take anything that we had bought together. I didn't want it (tele, bed, wardrobes, 2 computer consoles... The list is massive).

I also don't know why you want the stuff back if you have no use for it, where would you put it all? Or are you going to calculate it all and ask him for the cash equivalent? It comes across as petty to be honest. And a year later... That seems very odd.

I think you're going to have to chalk it down and try to move on. Hopefully you will never be in the situation again, but if you are, split everything at the point of break up.

Barely There

caitrionaanne wrote: »

Well we are talking a suite of furniture, a 50 inch TV, freezer, bed, and that type of stuff. Being honest it prob would cause hassle if I were to pursue it but I feel why should I leave everything when he scrounged off me for years and he gets left everything. Just doesn't seem fair

The reality is that the stuff you bought together is at this stage worth a mere fraction of what you paid for it.

If you tried to see it on ebay or donedeal you'd probably be lucky to get a couple of hundred quid.

Do you really want to put yourself through the stress and hassle for half of that?

You need to stop stewing about it, stop texting him about it and move on with you life - in the grand scheme of things it's just not worth worrying about.