Assault Query

Edg3

Hey all.

Never thought I'd be posting in here for something like this.

Anyway I'll try and keep it short. I'm really just looking for advise or a pointer to where I may stand.

The other day, Wednesday, I was in the gym and got annoyed by one of the other people in there, he was doing something dangerous, and it wasn't the first time he did it. It'd been reported before but laughed off or he'd been called a gob****e but no one ever did anything. So, and I can't explain why, I decided I'd enough and I walked over to him and said
"Would you mind not putting the weights back like a retard"
He looked at me and instantly ramped up to pissed off, calling me to join him in the studio (separate room to the gym) I declined, said we can talk here, he said no come in here for a sec. I said alright and went in. The gym owner was standing in the studio at the far end, which isnt more then 20-25foot away. The guy started yelling at me, asked me what I'd said, I repeated myself, without the retard part and when he accused me of dropping weights (which was ironic which is what he always does) I started to laugh. I could still see the gym owner and one other person behind him. He yelled at me
"Don't you laugh at me, you should learn how to fight" and took a swing at me, hitting me in the jaw. I stepped back, and my friend who'd followed us in stepped in and the guy had a swing at him too. My friend called for the gym owner who seemingly ignored it. After my friend called for the gym owner I stepped forward to go talk to him (the owner) and the guy took another swing at me, hitting me in the same spot again. This time I stepped back and rather then let him take another go I charged the guy and tackled him to the floor.
This is when the gym owner finally stepped in and broke it up.

After more shouting from the guy who punched me, he was thrown out and I was let go back about my day. The owner spoke to me afterwards and said he'd have to punish us both, because that's gym policy. He said to leave it with him for the night and he'd get back to me. The following day (Thursday) I was ready to leave to go gym since he hadn't called and he told me he'd decided we were both getting a two week suspension. I agreed as I felt I deserved some sort of punishment for what I'd said but as the day went on I became more enraged that the guy who physically assaulted me for calling him names was getting off with what I considered a warning.
Now the reason I decided to not report it to the guards was because I didn't want to cause issues for the gym, the owner has always been decent to me and I have friends who work there, but I feel I'm either being overly punished or the other guy under punished for what happened.
The guy fed the gym owner some bull**** story about how I'd been planning this and how I was responsible for dropping weights and making noise (which I haven't done in over a year and when I did they were baby weights).

So my question is, where do I stand. After 3 days is it to late to report him for assault, where do I stand since I called him names and never struck him til two punches in.

I'm not denying I was in the wrong for how I approached him, using the "R" word isn't exactly a friendly greeting but it's also only a word. I think I covered everything in what I wrote but if you need any more info on anything specific let me know.

Thanks.

MarkAnthony

You can report it but personally I'd just let it go.

The guards will either ignore it or create a lot of hassle for everyone. Frankly (am I'm guilty of doing it myself) you started it, even if you did it with good intentions. Sounds like a bit too much testosterone flying around.

Personally I'd leave it, go back in two weeks. Shake the guys hand and hopefully it will have been enough for him to stop doing what ever retarded thing he was doing with the weights.

To answer your question though, no it's not too late to go to the guards or indeed sue him civilly.

Edg3

MarkAnthony wrote: »

You can report it but personally I'd just let it go.

The guards will either ignore it or create a lot of hassle for everyone. Frankly (am I'm guilty of doing it myself) you started it, even if you did it with good intentions. Sounds like a bit too much testosterone flying around.

Personally I'd leave it, go back in two weeks. Shake the guys hand and hopefully it will have been enough for him to stop doing what ever retarded thing he was doing with the weights.

To answer your question though, no it's not too late to go to the guards or indeed sue him civilly.

Thanks for the quick reply.
I really don't want to follow it up. I don't want to cause more hassle and yeah I'm aware what I said wasn't appropriate but the way he snapped around when I walked up to him, I could have said please and thank you and he still would have went for me.
Evidentially he's a trained fighter, and the gym owner said I was lucky he was there to break it up.
I honestly just don't feel the guy is being properly reprimanded for his actions. I'll take my two weeks but why is one word being punished as much as a physical assault. I wasn't even angry when I walked up to him, I don't know where the retard part came from, I meant to stop before I said it, but he just really got under my skin.

JeffKenna

You also have to remember that it was two of you fighting the one of him. Added to the fact you called him a retard it doesn't sound great from your side.

Edg3

JeffKenna wrote: »

You also have to remember that it was two of you fighting the one of him. Added to the fact you called him a retard it doesn't sound great from your side.

My friend didnt fight him, he stepped him to get him to step off. And the guy was unaware he was there. But come on, I've been called retard 100 times, because of retarded things I've done, I've never gone and punched someone in the face because of it. I'm not excusing myself by far.

JeffKenna

Edg3 wrote: »

My friend didnt fight him, he stepped him to get him to step off. And the guy was unaware he was there. But come on, I've been called retard 100 times, because of retarded things I've done, I've never gone and punched someone in the face because of it. I'm not excusing myself by far.

Well that's how it reads to me from the outside. I'd take it as a lucky escape, I would see you in the wrong here. You need to have a bit more cop on about what you say and who you say it to. Take it on board as a learning experience for the future and be thankful you incurred no injuries.

Edg3

JeffKenna wrote: »

Well that's how it reads to me from the outside. I'd take it as a lucky escape, I would see you in the wrong here. You need to have a bit more cop on about what you say and who you say it to. Take it on board as a learning experience for the future and be thankful you incurred no injuries.

Oh trust me I've learned my lesson. I don't know what I was thinking when I said it. I should have just ended it with please.
Yeah when I said my friend stepped in he basically stepped in between me and the guy and then called for the owner and said "Look at this, its assault.".

Normally I'm a really quiet guy I wouldn't say boo to a mouse, but the thing this guys done has nearly caused me injury on several occasions and I've reported it and its only getting worse.
Basically, not that it makes a difference to the story, he tends to stack dumbbells on top of each other rather then side by side when there is room on the next row down. He does it with heavy ones, 20kilo plus. And I have been at the receiving end of them almost falling on my toe while trying to adjust them, as you move one the other slip and jitter and fall. Its alot of weight to fall on your foot. Ive had 10s do it because of him and now as he gets heavier and heavier the risk of serious injury increases. I'm aware it's not my job to make him do it, but when management refuse to do anything or turn a blind eye, what else can you do, well for one, leave out the retard bit, even if it is appropriate I expected it to turn into a shouting match but he'd a full blown temper tantrum and had a go at me. Some people just cant take criticism.

seamus

Edg3 wrote: »

My friend didnt fight him, he stepped him to get him to step off. And the guy was unaware he was there. But come on, I've been called retard 100 times, because of retarded things I've done, I've never gone and punched someone in the face because of it. I'm not excusing myself by far.

"He called me a retard and then when I confronted him about it, his buddy jumped in and started squaring up to me. I don't really remember what happened, I felt threatened, I think I tried to push him back and maybe I pushed his face, and next thing I know I was tackled to the ground."

Very easy for this to be twisted around to make you sound like the bad guy. Leave well enough alone, just make a point of reporting him to the owner every time he does something stupid.

Edg3

seamus wrote: »

"He called me a retard and then when I confronted him about it, his buddy jumped in and started squaring up to me. I don't really remember what happened, I felt threatened, I think I tried to push him back and maybe I pushed his face, and next thing I know I was tackled to the ground."

Very easy for this to be twisted around to make you sound like the bad guy. Leave well enough alone, just make a point of reporting him to the owner every time he does something stupid.

Yeah thats a good point. But my friend didn't come in til after the first punch was thrown and I stepped back. He was standing behind me. When he called for the owner I walked forward towards the owner and my friend stepped back to the door behind me again. There were at least 3 people in the room other then me and him, but the owner claims to have seen nothing until the point where I tackled the guy. Which I don't believe, I think he's just trying to play it safe and take no ones side. I understand it entirely, he has a business to run and all, and while I don't claim innocence in any way for winding the guy up, 2 punches to the head from a "trained muay thai" fighter which I was warned about AFTER by the owner who said I was lucky he was there, is a bit extreme. I deserved to have him shout in my face, which he did, it wasn't til he claimed I made tons of noise dropping weights that I started laughing, thats when he punched me, it wasn't for the retard comment, though that was the fuel, the laugh was the match.
Of course I'm going to feel hard done by, but I don't watch to chase this down, make a big deal out of it, I just think he's getting off light at a 2 week suspension for how he reacted. Its a slap on the wrist for him and a punch in the face for me (literally).

Edg3

By the way thank you everyone for the replies.

One eyed Jack

Edg3 wrote: »

My friend didnt fight him, he stepped him to get him to step off. And the guy was unaware he was there. But come on, I've been called retard 100 times, because of retarded things I've done, I've never gone and punched someone in the face because of it. I'm not excusing myself by far.

It's an inflammatory word for a lot of people OP, which by no means excuses the assault, but certainly makes it more understandable why it's use would cause someone to become, well, inflamed. It still doesn't excuse someone committing assault against you though.

I would suggest you're better off to let it go at this point, the gym manager made the right call by giving you both time to cool off, and you might be dragging yourself through lengthy legal proceedings for ultimately very little.

I was called retarded for a long time in school because I'm dyslexic, but I never assaulted anyone for it, it's simply a word I consider despicable given it's archaic association with people with intellectual disabilities (dyslexia is a learning disability, they couldn't even get that right! ). More people simply aren't aware of it's origins (not unlike the word 'bastard') and so don't make the same association.

On this occasion, you both behaved immaturely if I'm being honest about it, and in a gym, you both could have done each other some serious damage (I wouldn't insult anyone in the vicinity of a 5kg weight disc tbh, ironically enough that you did, considering your use of the word! Could have been much worse than it was!).

I'd simply let it go if I were you and consider it a lesson learned.

Edg3

One eyed Jack wrote: »

It's an inflammatory word for a lot of people OP, which by no means excuses the assault, but certainly makes it more understandable why it's use would cause someone to become, well, inflamed. It still doesn't excuse someone committing assault against you though.

I would suggest you're better off to let it go at this point, the gym manager made the right call by giving you both time to cool off, and you might be dragging yourself through lengthy legal proceedings for ultimately very little.

I was called retarded for a long time in school because I'm dyslexic, but I never assaulted anyone for it, it's simply a word I consider despicable given it's archaic association with people with intellectual disabilities (dyslexia is a learning disability, they couldn't even get that right! ). More people simply aren't aware of it's origins (not unlike the word 'bastard') and so don't make the same association.

On this occasion, you both behaved immaturely if I'm being honest about it, and in a gym, you both could have done each other some serious damage (I wouldn't insult anyone in the vicinity of a 5kg weight disc tbh, ironically enough that you did, considering your use of the word! Could have been much worse than it was!).

I'd simply let it go if I were you and consider it a lesson learned.

I was called it to because I'd issues reading, I'm not dyslexic I just had problems with my eyes. This is honestly the first fight I've ever been in.
I hated myself afterwords for using that word, and even at the end when he was yelling about what I called him I apologized in front of everyone for using that word, but maintained my point was valid. I'm annoyed at myself for letting it slip like that, I use the word with friends, not as a derogatory term but just as a word and I guess my brain farted and I made a mistake which I deserved to be yelled it.
Anyone else I've spoke to about this, mainly friends and family feel the same way but most say even using that word, doesn't (like you said) excuse his use of it.

Deedsie

I'm not having a go at the op here just giving you my personal reaction to your story.

The owner was actually in the gym but instead of going to him and explaining your grievance about the other guys actions you took it upon yourself to tell your man his business. But also insult him by calling him a retard (a desperately ignorant term to use). What if he had a disabled family member? Hard to blame him for getting thick. Shouldn't have hit you obviously but you provoked him.

I'd leave it and learn from the two punches not to use such terms in future.

JeffKenna

Edg3 wrote: »

I was called it to because I'd issues reading, I'm not dyslexic I just had problems with my eyes. This is honestly the first fight I've ever been in.
I hated myself afterwords for using that word, and even at the end when he was yelling about what I called him I apologized in front of everyone for using that word, but maintained my point was valid. I'm annoyed at myself for letting it slip like that, I use the word with friends, not as a derogatory term but just as a word and I guess my brain farted and I made a mistake which I deserved to be yelled it.
Anyone else I've spoke to about this, mainly friends and family feel the same way but most say even using that word, doesn't (like you said) excuse his use of it.

To be fair you seem very genuine. Everyone can let themselves down once in a while or have an off day, don't be too hard on yourself. Just let this one go though, I see no positive outcome in going to the guards.

Edg3

Deedsie wrote: »

I'm not having a go at the op here just giving you my personal reaction to your story.

I'd leave it and learn from the two punches not to use such terms in future.

Trust me I won't. I said it today (about myself) and I even said outloud "I have to stop using that term". But I'd gotten so comfortable using it with friends (one of whom has a disabled sister) that that filter in my head has just switched off and I use it like I would idiot or fool. To me it's just a word and I didn't think (really didn't think) of it when I said it and honestly it slipped out and I do regret saying it, I regretted it immediately that's why I didn't repeat it when he asked me in the other room to repeat myself.
It's common sense to think before you talk, but when you're wound up stupid things come out, but I never expected it to jump to that level so quickly.
Afterwards talking to the owner I admitted my use of the word and told him I'd apologize to the guys face for the use of the word, but that my original issue I'd still stand behind.

Edg3

JeffKenna wrote: »

To be fair you seem very genuine. Everyone can let themselves down once in a while or have an off day, don't be too hard on yourself. Just let this one go though, I see no positive outcome in going to the guards.

The main reason I wondered about it was I've been told by some people I should go to the Gardi about it, they know the entire story, I don't see a reason in leaving anything out. I don't want to push it further, but I was curious if I even had a leg to stand on.

JeffKenna

Edg3 wrote: »

The main reason I wondered about it was I've been told by some people I should go to the Gardi about it, they know the entire story, I don't see a reason in leaving anything out. I don't want to push it further, but I was curious if I even had a leg to stand on.

I'm not a legal expert but I do always remember reading a case regarding a night out in Cork. The bouncer refused a guy by saying 'f*ck off back to Romania'. The guy attacked the bouncer but was let off due to provocation.

Others here will know more than I do but I'd be inclined to leave this one go.

One eyed Jack

JeffKenna wrote: »

I'm not a legal expert but I do always remember reading a case regarding a night out in Cork. The bouncer refused a guy by saying 'f*ck off back to Romania'. The guy attacked the bouncer but was let off due to provocation.

Others here will know more than I do but I'd be inclined to leave this one go.

That's just it really, the OP is obviously remorseful, and that stands in good stead to them, but if they were to make a complaint to Gardaí, I'm not too sure the Gardaí would be too interested, let alone the DPP, the judge, and all the rest of it. It may simply just end up as a case of telling the two lads to cop the fcuk on.

The OP might have a better chance of making their point in a civil case, but that's a lengthy and likely financially unrewarding process, and all for what exactly?

Tbh I'd be embarrassed taking a case against a guy after I'd called him a retard and he gave me a punch - dick behaviour met with dick behaviour. Awkward faces all round and let it go is the mature thing to do there really.

Pat Mustard

Edg3 wrote: »

The main reason I wondered about it was I've been told by some people I should go to the Gardi about it, they know the entire story, I don't see a reason in leaving anything out. I don't want to push it further, but I was curious if I even had a leg to stand on.

From your story, one might think that you should go to the Gardai. From a moral viewpoint, perhaps there is an argument to be made that you should.

However, as has been pointed out previously, there may be a risk that this guy will have an entirely different story. If that transpires, perhaps Gardai might decide to prosecute both parties and let a judge sort it out. That would not be good news for you.

I think that you need to decide what is the course of action with the best outcome for you, ultimately.

Edg3

I think I'm going to leave it to be honest.
If I hadn't called him retard I might pursue it but since I did say it, even if his reaction was a little over the top its best to leave it.
The guy might be a day to day douche but the last thing I wanna do is drag this whole thing out. I'm not embarrassed, remorseful for my selection of words but embarrassed no.
I'm glad people didn't jump down my throat here, I know using that word is frowned upon by many people and I don't defend my use of it, just my total brain dead blurting of it.