DCU Mature Student Limbo

taper jean girl

I seem to have found myself in a bit of a pickle. I'm nearly 25 and started first year in DCU this week. The other students in the class (and everyone else for that matter) seem to be settling in nicely and just ABLE to throw themselves into social situations.

I suffer from pretty bad social anxiety even though no one believes me when I tell them and am feeling so alone. I come across very confident but inside I am screaming! Everyone is saying JOIN EVERYTHING but it's not that simple! I don't live on campus and I work Fridays and Sundays. I feel like I've come up against a brick wall! The age gap between 17 and 25 may be small but it feels HUGE when in amongst students who have just had their Debs.

I've made like 5 friends but none of them are connected, they're all men because 17/18 year old girls are just.. well.. on a different page.

I just need some advice, I don't even know what I'm typing here I just know I feel completely lost and cannot see myself throwing myself into anything without wanting to run away.

By the way i've tried approaching random people in my class but the girls are just.. never in any way interested in speaking to me. I feel like I'm in a Primary School playground.

Any advice will do

SarahMollie

When i was at DCU, I'm pretty sure there was a mature student society as part of the college clubs/socs - maybe give that a go? You'll probably meet a range of people across the faculties that way.

taper jean girl

Yeah, I'm joining that next week. I know it's early days but right now the word "Overwhelmed" doesn't even cover how I feel atm.

SillyBeans

Are there any other mature students? I was a couple of years older than the others when I went to college and those of us that were slightly older seemed to naturally become friends. It's still early days yet, you'll find your friends soon. Your friends don't have to be in your class though so even joining one club or society that you're interested in might work? You don't have to join loads, see which times suit you the best

Konata

Hi OP, I merged your two threads so you just have one on the topic.

I think you are putting waaaay too much pressure on yourself this early! I know it may seem like everyone is making friends but that's rarely the actual case. I have social anxiety too and I really didn't settle in properly until the second semester - and I'm not the only one who felt like that! It takes time to get to know your classmates and students in societies etc. You have to remind yourself that no one can become best friends straight away. I was 21 when I started in DCU and never lived on campus but soon became good friends with people on my course who were in their late 20s and early 30s, as well as the ones younger than me.

For now, just put yourself out there as much as you can, while at the same time approaching the situation realistically - it takes time to make friends for everyone, not just people with social anxiety. You'll get there eventually, trust me

maracuja

I'm 22 and just started first year. I feel like I'm in a limbo myself between school leavers and mature students. I've met some nice people but but I'm getting slightly worried about how little I have in common with most of the younger girls. Like you say, they're on a different page. Mine is an even smaller age gap than you have but I still feel like a bit of an outsider! I am trying not to stress about it, but it's still there at the back of my mind.

I'm pretty shy and really introverted, so I'm also not sure about throwing myself into social situations. I'd like to meet you though Most of the friends I've made while working over the last 3 years have been a bit older than me, it's what I'm used to now.

taper jean girl

Hi Maracuja. Sounds like you're in the exact same boat as me. What course are you doing? I'm sure you could join the Mature Students society with me? Overwhelming isn't it?

maracuja

I've no idea if I'd be allowed into the society, not being an actual mature student. It would be really nice to meet some older students though. All of the people I've met so far got together last night somewhere in my building and I wasn't invited to join them. Maybe I don't fit with that crowd. I can't wait to just find my own group!

I'm in applied languages and translation, how about you?

wonderboysam

Just started computer applications myself and am 30. Helps a bit that I have a total babyface/body! My schedule doesnt have many breaks so I'm going to be in class the whole day most days with a 1-2 hr break each day (mon-thurs). I'm not here for the social aspect (I assume you aren't either), I'm just planning on getting my work done and graduating as soon as possible. I don't know anyone yet but will no doubt make friends along the way, I think its best to not worry about it and let it happen.

taper jean girl

wonderboysam wrote: »

Just started computer applications myself and am 30. Helps a bit that I have a total babyface/body! My schedule doesnt have many breaks so I'm going to be in class the whole day most days with a 1-2 hr break each day (mon-thurs). I'm not here for the social aspect (I assume you aren't either), I'm just planning on getting my work done and graduating as soon as possible. I don't know anyone yet but will no doubt make friends along the way, I think its best to not worry about it and let it happen.

It's the 1-2 hour breaks that worry me. Figure I'm just gonna join the gym and spend most of my time there! Haha. Yeah I'm just gonna see how it goes for now. Are you the only Mature in your class?

wonderboysam

taper jean girl wrote: »

It's the 1-2 hour breaks that worry me. Figure I'm just gonna join the gym and spend most of my time there! Haha. Yeah I'm just gonna see how it goes for now. Are you the only Mature in your class?

Not sure saw one oldish looking guy with a beard so I might approach him Monday! I'm a terrible judge of age though haha. Will probably join the mature students society hadn't given it much thought until this thread!

gillymuffins

I'm in the same boat! Feeling horribly awkward and like a fish out of water.

I'm sure it'll get better as the weeks go by, but it would be nice to find at least one person on my course that's the same age/in the same mind frame as me.

There's a mature students hi-tea on the 24th in the SU. You should go to that because I'm sure all the mature students are feeling the same way.

chinacup

I'm a mature student (24) & feel on totally the same boat! I'll be joining the mature soc too so maybe see u there. Please don't stress, everything will work out! It's the beginning now, things are extra tough for those of us with anxiety/related issues!

kazmcdonald

Hey guys, you are not alone! I'm an oldie too. I am in the same boat and my course seems to be all brainy 18 year olds! I spend most of my free time hiding in the helix. It's a bit quieter than some of the other places. Some of the other mature students are in the process of setting up the mature students group and our mature student officer will be sending out an email about it so people can express interest in joining.

Taper Jean Girl, I totally get what you are saying with the "Overwhelmed"! I'm having a meltdown here over a lab jacket that I need for tomorrow am and it's my own fault that I haven't got one! Its a pretty stressful time trying to get everything and remember to check loop ect!

wonderboysam

Theres a facebook group if you havent already found it!

JohnDaniels

You have to remember that it is all very daunting for all the 'kids' in the class as well. They are starting a new course, lots living away from home for the first time, trying to figure out the course/DCU, make friends etc. Relax, get into the swing of the course and you'll get to know people in the course naturally. They'll be much more open once they are settled in, you'll more than likely have group projects together to get to know some of them etc

@wonderboysam while that attitude may work for you I do think it will make it a very long and hard slog. Obviously as a mature student you are back with probably a more specific focus and goal but fours years is a significant time to spend long days in DCU without having a little fun along the way. You are a college student after all

wonderboysam

JohnDaniels wrote: »

@wonderboysam while that attitude may work for you I do think it will make it a very long and hard slog. Obviously as a mature student you are back with probably a more specific focus and goal but fours years is a significant time to spend long days in DCU without having a little fun along the way. You are a college student after all

Yeah you're right My first time in college I pretty much just drank erry night and never went to class so I was trying to have the come in with the total opposite attitude but I've realized already that that wont work either!! I guess it really is about a balance :pac: