Too much stress – Managing professional life and my relationship.

LegacyUser

I like this forum because of its anonymity and I always get great responses, even if sometimes, it isn’t what I want to here.

I’m really young (Very early 20’s) and I previously worked at a marketing start-up and I worked MENTAL hours; fourteen hours a day, six days a week. It was good, but I have no time for friends, family or a life, to be honest.

I quit, and then started working part time at a firm close to where I lived. I had loads of spare time, and loads of spare money. Then I met a girl. (Same age as me – in college).

We started going out, all was good. My work contact ended about four months in, I went on the dole, we had a great Summer. Not a whole helluva lot of money but plenty of good times.

[Now] I got a job in a major SME based in Dublin, one that I am massively underqualified for and have to work twice as hard to be half as good as everyone else there. It's an unbelievable career move. And now (“the girl”) and I are living together. For the first time.

She’s sleeping in, and not doing too much all day, or going to college for a few hours and then going home (it’s still quite relaxed - the work hasn't kicked in yet). So when I come home, she’s super energised and I’m just exhaaaausted. I’m being really snappy and just generally horrible. Even on the weekends, all I really want to do is sleep. I know it’s going to get easier (I’m only a month and a half into this job) but for the time being, it’s really rough on her, and I know I’m getting frustrated.

Does anyone have any advice for dealing with a situation like this? I do have to do some work-based studying and planning, but I want to leave my work stress at the door.

iusedtoknow

It always takes time to ramp up to another job. 3 months is the general rule of thumb to even get comfortable with your new role etc. Give it more time. It will settle down.

As for your GF...go easy on her - it's not her fault that you are burning the candle at both ends and she is able to have some time to herself, particularly at the early point of the year. Try not resent it (it kind of sounds like you already are) - as it could build up.

As for finishing work.. do something, anything to finish "work" and start "not work" life. I'm a manager with 12 direct reports in 4 timezones, so if I wanted to work 24/5 - I could. My wife works shifts, so I am often in our house by myself so could technically work in the evenings if I wanted to - however...I don't.
Even when I work from home, I go for a walk and get coffee so that I reset as I go in the door as if i've just "come home" from work. If I am in the office, I use my commute to listen to podcasts or music. When I get in the door, I switch my work email off completely from my phone and use "do not disturb" so that only phone calls get through. Usually I have 6-9pm as my completely no work hours. Around 9, I turn on my work email for 30 minutes - scan through to see if anything needs dealt with and if not - not respond to anything until the next morning. I switch notifications off again until the morning.

Even though my work is extremely casual in dress, I still get changed after work into "normal" clothes (i.e. ones i don't wear at work).

Try and build up a routine that delineates between your work and not work life.

DukeOfTheSharp

I've been in your GF's position and I won't lie; it didn't go well. You might want to leave your stress at the door, but it won't happen unless you're 100% honest with her about what you're feeling. In my case, it went south fast, the pressure on my OH was insane, they always wanted to be the best they could be, but their best was never good enough for themselves. They worked so hard that they actually became horribly depressed, anxious, angry, blaming me for all their problems, treating me poorly, using me and tossing me aside. This is what happens when someone gets in over their head and starts to feel like they're drowning and alone.

You need to communicate, you need to work with your girlfriend to make this easier, you both need to understand how big this situation is and how easily it can get out of control if neither of you want to deal with, or accept, how hard this will become at times. Set up a time when you get back to do all your work related things, and spend an hour or two just spending quality time together. At least for now, that's the best way to deal with things. Right now both your life and hers are all up in the air, you need to grab quality time together whenever you can until you both settle into a proper routine and then you'll be able to plan effectively. Otherwise you're both going to resent each other for having your own issues and problems, but neither of you will want to deal with it.