Family Situation

6541

Folks I need some advice.

Okay I will try and keep this short.

We were once a very tight family consisting of 4 siblings and parents.
The mother passed away some time ago, a relationship i was in ended so I moved back to the family home, started carrying out some modernisation on the house whilst keeping an eye on the father.

All good until lately, another brothers marriage has ended, he has moved back in to the house, his drinking is out of hand and he is a complete mess.
The fathers drinking is also out of hand.

The remaining two other siblings have moved international and don't give a Fook!
So now I find myself living in a crazy house with two Alco's who may I add I am worried about. It is so bad there is no will made, nothing nada. The house is falling down around them, unless I do things nothing gets done.
What do i do ? walk or try and control this situation ? Any Ideas ?

LegacyUser

How do you think you could control it? Both men are adults. And if they are alcoholics then you cannot reason with them. You can't tell them to stop drinking. You can't bring them to AA meetings by the hand.

The only person you are responsible for is yourself. The only person you can control or change is yourself. If you are not happy with your setup all you can do is make changes to suit yourself. It might be worth going along to an Al-Anon meeting in your area. It is a support group for people living with an alcoholic in their lives.

You might find you are not alone, and you might find you are at nothing hoping they'll suddenly see sense.

PinkLemonade

What do you mean about no will being made?

6541

PinkLemonade wrote: »

What do you mean about no will being made?

As in an inheritance will.

LegacyUser

You don't need a will, it will be split evenly between the children

njs030

6541 wrote: »

As in an inheritance will.

Why does that matter?

6541

notjustsweet wrote: »

Why does that matter?

It matters a lot, so on top of the impossible situation of Alcohol, my elderly father has not made a will to a substantial property. This is part of the craziness of the Alcohol and general unplanning that is going on. This will lead to a legal nightmare in years to come.

freshpopcorn

What kind of will do you want your father to make?
I've known lots of cases where their was no will and the property/finances were divided equally amongst the persons children.

6541

freshpopcorn wrote: »

What kind of will do you want your father to make?
I've known lots of cases where their was no will and the property/finances were divided equally amongst the persons children.

Maybe - I want him to look after his affairs, look after his house, look after his health, get his sh*t together. As opposed to everything slipping due to laziness brought on by Alcohol abuse.

freshpopcorn

6541 wrote: »

Maybe - I want him to look after his affairs, look after his house, look after his health, get his sh*t together. As opposed to everything slipping due to laziness brought on by Alcohol abuse.

Do you notice the word his.
I've known of plenty of situations where their was no will left and it was just divided equally between their kids.
The house is his baby. If he wants to hoard loads of rubbish and do no mattaince it's his baby.
His health all I can say is he should see his GP.

njs030

6541 wrote: »

Maybe - I want him to look after his affairs, look after his house, look after his health, get his sh*t together. As opposed to everything slipping due to laziness brought on by Alcohol abuse.

Well it's all his and will be evenly distributed between his children so maybe he doesn't see it as an issue? It's not a legal nightmare at all.
As the other poster said, it's his property and his life, unless he and your brother want help you can't force them, maybe you'd be better off moving out if it's taking a toll on you.

6541

notjustsweet wrote: »

Well it's all his and will be evenly distributed between his children so maybe he doesn't see it as an issue? It's not a legal nightmare at all.
As the other poster said, it's his property and his life, unless he and your brother want help you can't force them, maybe you'd be better off moving out if it's taking a toll on you.

Fair point, but I just don't like to give up on them, but maybe its the only option.

woodchuck

6541 wrote: »

Fair point, but I just don't like to give up on them, but maybe its the only option.

It's not about 'giving up' on them though. It's their lives and you can't force them live it the way you want them too. Other than expressing your concern and offering to help if possible, I don't see what else you can do. They're not going to quit alcohol or do anything else unless the motivation comes from within.

It's obviously having a huge impact on you, so maybe it would be better if you move out. It doesn't mean you're giving up on on them. Keep checking in on them and just be there for them if/when they need some support.

6541

thanks folks for all that replies.

iguana

I'm wondering. Did your brother's drinking cause/contribute to his marriage break down? If it didn't and the drinking is more recent perhaps it's just a phase as he grieves the life he's lost. If not and his drinking has been an ongoing problem, then the odds are that his wife has already tried everything to help him stop and all that plus the threat of losing his marriage hasn't been enough to change him. Which means that the odds are there is nothing you can do either.

What you need to focus on is what you can change and that is your own situation. I suspect that you would be happier living somewhere else and channelling your energy into your own life. It doesn't have to mean totally turning your back on your father and brother. If you live locally enough you can visit them, stay in their lives and do the odd job around the house if you think it's necessary but set a specific amount of time aside each month to do so, so that it doesn't consume you.