last thing that made you laugh your ass off

justchecked

when was the last time you were left in stitches of laughter and what caused it.

if something can leave you in knots of laughter it can work for others too, if we share them we may have a laugh.


(what about you OP ? - yeah ok if the thread does well ill go there but they're such random references that they might not be understood. )

NachoBusiness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iheOMq8UkN4

Overheal

This happened on facebook tonight,

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

justchecked wrote: »

when was the last time you were left in stitches of laughter and what caused it.

if something can leave you in knots of laughter it can work for others too, if we share them we may have a laugh.


(what about you OP ? - yeah ok if the thread does well ill go there but they're such random references that they might not be understood. )

Come on, you can't do that.
You started the thread, so what's so funny?

kfallon

This morning when I was in the shower, I looked down at my willy and I was in fits of laughing!

But then I had a massive , I sat in the bath crying for 2 hours, I'm full of self loathing and this is gonna set me back €50 for a penis pump and elastic band.....again!!!

The Mulk

just seen the "bronchitis- nobody got time for that" news report and the subsequent remix, had a good laugh at that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGxwbhkDjZM

Hammer89

NachoBusiness wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iheOMq8UkN4

Meow is Polish for 'f*ck her right in the pussy'.

mfceiling

Listening to louis ck realising he hadn't the time to leave his hire car back and make his flight, so he drove the car to the door of the airport and just left it there with the keys in it.

When he got on the plane he rang them to tell them where the car was. The guy said you can't do that. Louis says I just did, and if you want it back that's where you'll find it!!

justchecked

Tessa Hallowed Watercolor wrote: »

Come on, you can't do that.
You started the thread, so what's so funny?

OK, but I did say they were random.
1st, like the guy above was Louis CK related, I was listening to a recorded lecture and some guy in the audience questioned the professor, but he had the same type of voice that Louis CK does when he's making fun of gay guys, it was so cliche and over the top. Yes immature but still, the thoughts that someone out there has such a flamboyant and cliche voice made me laugh.

2nd was Artie Lange making fun of crazy Alice and he broke out into a mock voice of fat Albert, no-one here will get that reference but it left me on the floor hoping I wouldn't die laughing.

osarusan

This surprised me and made me laugh for quite a bit.

CruelCoin

Watching a video of a guy trying to calibrate his microphone for voice controlled games (ps 1).

"Hello!" - didn't work (voice announcer: bad)
"hello..." - didn't work (voice announcer: bad)
"ello" - worked (voice announcer:good)
"Herrow!" worked (voice announcer: great)

Similar results for "playstation" -> "praystration" and "Lifeline" -> "Riferine"

Was a Konami game (These guys are famous for their terribad QA process)

Burst my hole.

Tasden

A reddit story about a guy who pretended he didn't know what a potato was

Mesrine65

This...

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=96952289&postcount=2

blinding

Two guys get in to a lift and ask the person in the lift, what floor for Flat 13

The person in the lift is not really with it that day and for some reason replies to go to 12 and use the stairs to go up 1.

There are only 12 floors. The person that gives the "impossible" advice realises that they have said something crazy but is too embarrassed to confess so waits to get out at their own floor (9).

This actually happened to some one I know (not me). I don't know if I have brought across how hilarious this episode was but if you think it through it is.

fleet_admiral

Was told a very simple joke but nearly pissed myself laughing, had a few on me at the time but its still funny

What do you call a judge with no testicles?

Justice mickey

rgmmg

I was on Facebook last night and read a joke posted as a note by a mate of mine a couple of months back. It was a joke about religion, standard issue - priest curses, bishop curses worse and then the Pope wades in to the scene and trumps them all. I usually ignore any jokes people post and just look at the updates. One of many jokes he's posted over the years that I haven't bothered reading.

Last week, the same guy announced he was in and out of hospital in recent times and, after a few posts from his friends to say "hope all is well" etc, he posted a couple of days later to say he'd actually had stomach cancer since 2012which meant most of his stomach was removed amongst other things and it was now terminal. He said "I'll fight it as best I can, don't know timeframes as yet!" etc. He passed away on Sunday at the age of 37 It might not have been the best joke but, through tears, I did laugh out loud as it typified his fun filled character - always trying to make people laugh.

keano_afc

This joke:

A guy is strolling down the street in London where he comes across an old
lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie.
The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the guy replies I've
always wanted to be lucky."
The genie grants his wish. So off the bloke strolls, wondering how this will
change his life, when he spies 10 quid on the footpath. Not a bad start he
thinks. As he picks it up, he notices a Ladbrokes betting shop across the
road. He strolls over, looks through the racing lists, and sees a horse
named Lucky Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at Ascot. He puts the 10 quid on the
nose, and what do you know, the horse bolts in.
Feeling on a bit of a roll, he heads to the local illegal casino, fronts
up at the roulette table and puts the whole 1010 quid on "Lucky seven."
Round and round the wheel spins, and "bang!" on Lucky Seven.
Now he's really flying....what better way to celebrate than to head to
the local brothel for a bit of horizontal folk dancing. He knocks and enters,
when all of a sudden he is showered with streamers and handed a glass of
champagne. The madam of the establishment puts her arm around him and
says,
"Welcome sir! We have much pleasure in informing you that you are our
lucky 1000th customer, and you have won the right to enjoy the
pleasures on offer from any girl who works here, absolutely free of charge."
The bloke says that he's always fancied making it with an Indian girl....so
he's ushered into one of the rooms when in strolls the most gorgeous
sub-continental he has ever seen. Not much time passes before clothing is
strewn around the room and the Karma Sutra (pp 101 to 532) is being
well and truly tested.
At one point the guy pauses and says to the girl, "You are one of the most
beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe how lucky I
am.
But there is one thing I don't really like about Indian women. I don't
like that red spot that you all have on your forehead."
The Indian girl looks him in the eye and says, "Sir, I am here to please
you and succumb to your every desire. If you wish to see it gone,
then please scratch off my caste mark."
So the bloke goes at it with his fingernail. All of a sudden he leans
back and starts laughing his ass off.
"What's wrong, what's wrong?" asks the Indian girl.
To which the bloke replies, "You're never going to believe this, but I've
just won a car!"

I was crying for about 5 minutes after I heard it.

zcorpian88

Playing pool with my friend in his garage the other day, he is an ace pool player and ALWAYS hammers me, he's just a f**king pool prodigy.

I broke, then my friend says "Time to 7 ball ya man!" he goes to belt in a red that was closest to the pot, misses the red completely and pots the black.

The look on his face, as he takes a lot of pride in his pool skills.

For Forks Sake

keano_afc wrote: »

This joke:

A guy is strolling down the street in London where he comes across an old
lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie.
The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the guy replies I've
always wanted to be lucky."
The genie grants his wish. So off the bloke strolls, wondering how this will
change his life, when he spies 10 quid on the footpath. Not a bad start he
thinks. As he picks it up, he notices a Ladbrokes betting shop across the
road. He strolls over, looks through the racing lists, and sees a horse
named Lucky Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at Ascot. He puts the 10 quid on the
nose, and what do you know, the horse bolts in.
Feeling on a bit of a roll, he heads to the local illegal casino, fronts
up at the roulette table and puts the whole 1010 quid on "Lucky seven."
Round and round the wheel spins, and "bang!" on Lucky Seven.
Now he's really flying....what better way to celebrate than to head to
the local brothel for a bit of horizontal folk dancing. He knocks and enters,
when all of a sudden he is showered with streamers and handed a glass of
champagne. The madam of the establishment puts her arm around him and
says,
"Welcome sir! We have much pleasure in informing you that you are our
lucky 1000th customer, and you have won the right to enjoy the
pleasures on offer from any girl who works here, absolutely free of charge."
The bloke says that he's always fancied making it with an Indian girl....so
he's ushered into one of the rooms when in strolls the most gorgeous
sub-continental he has ever seen. Not much time passes before clothing is
strewn around the room and the Karma Sutra (pp 101 to 532) is being
well and truly tested.
At one point the guy pauses and says to the girl, "You are one of the most
beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe how lucky I
am.
But there is one thing I don't really like about Indian women. I don't
like that red spot that you all have on your forehead."
The Indian girl looks him in the eye and says, "Sir, I am here to please
you and succumb to your every desire. If you wish to see it gone,
then please scratch off my caste mark."
So the bloke goes at it with his fingernail. All of a sudden he leans
back and starts laughing his ass off.
"What's wrong, what's wrong?" asks the Indian girl.
To which the bloke replies, "You're never going to believe this, but I've
just won a car!"

I was crying for about 5 minutes after I heard it.

Brevity is the soul of wit my friend.

tl:dr

Mint Aero

Hysteria.

Armchair Andy

Myself and two buddies discussing a woman who had her assets enhanced yesterday.

"I reckon the husband paid for the whole lot, must've cost him a few grand"

"So does that mean he now owns those tits?"

"No anybody can cum on them".

I laughed heartily.

NachoBusiness

Mint Aero wrote: »

Hysteria.

Okay granted, it wasn't the best album in the world but I feel overall it offered more to the pop-metal genre than any rock band had offered previously. Love Bites was a particular highlight and not just because of the emotive backing vocals but because most power rock anthems up until tend had tended to be all about men showing off their masculine virtues. Yet here we had a track dealing with male emotional vulnerability. It said to men that yes, you may lose love but it's okay, we're here with you, we've been there too: 'Love lives, love dies, it's no surprise'. You've got to understand that in that era most love songs were generally written from a female perspective or to pander to what women wanted to hear men singing about. Whitney Houston's 'So Emotional' an example of the former and any song from Michael Bolton an example of the latter and so to have a song blasting out on the airwaves all of sudden, telling men,"If you have got love in your sights, watch out, love bites" was simply unprecedented. But sure if you want to 'laugh your ass off' at that, be my guest, but all you're really doing is showing your own ignorance of 80's pop-metal and how it helped dismantle long held sexist beliefs that men couldn't be brought to their knees by the pain of heartache.

shuffles88

Karl Pilkington talking about a revealing type of traditional dress made out of leaves "if it was a Christmas present you wouldn't be getting any surprises, you'd go 'I know what that is'". Its the way he says it!

keano_afc

NachoBusiness wrote: »

Okay granted, it wasn't the best album in the world, but I feel that overall it offered more to the pop-metal genre than any rock band had offered previous to that. Love Bites was a particular high point for me and not just because of the emotive backing vocals, but because most power rock anthems up until tend had tended been about masculine virtues. Yet here we had a track dealing with male emotional vulnerability. It said to men that yes, you may lose love, but it's okay, we're with you. We've been there too. 'Love lives, love dies, it's no surprise'. You've got to understand that in this era most love songs were generally written from a female perspective or to pander to what women wanted to hear men singing about. Whitney Houston's 'So Emotional' for example of the former and Michael Bolton the latter and so to have a song blasting out on the airwaves telling men: "If you've got love in your sights, watch out, love bites" was simply unprecedented, but sure if you want to 'laugh your ass off' at that, be my guest, but all you're really doing is showing you're own ignorance of 80's pop-metal and how it helped dismantled long held sexist beliefs that men couldn't be brought to their knees by the pain of heartache.

I read that in a Patrick Bateman accent. Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?

Muahahaha

This made me lol this morning
http://www.broadsheet.ie/2015/09/11/diagnosis/

RayM

Spelling my address on the phone to someone... It wasn't a great line, so I had to spell it out phonetically I couldn't remember the word for 'N' (turns out it's 'November'), so I jokingly said 'N for... umm... Nichael' and we both started sniggering at my hilarity.

Junkyard Tom

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2WH8mHJnhM

Boom_Bap

I've just read this bit of dialogue from the movie Dodgeball.

[Patches has everyone lined up to explain the strategies of dodgeball]
Patches: If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers, then you've gotta learn the five D's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! If you master the five D's, no amount of balls on earth can hit you.
[Justin raises his hand] Queerbait, go ahead.
Justin: Um, me? Or...I--Um...shouldn't we learn by...y'know, like dodging balls that are thrown at us, or...?
Patches: That's what this sack of wrenches is for.
[empties the sack] If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?[Patches hurls a wrench in Justin's face, and he squeals in pain]
Patches: Any other questions?
Justin: [screams] Oh, my God! [still writhing in agony on the floor]
Peter: Uh, Patches, is this really necessary?
Patches: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter: Probably not.
Patches: No! But I do it anyway, 'cause it's sterile and I like the taste!
Peter:...Okay...

Harvey Low Fat Milk

There was a scene involving legal negotiations in the Wet Hot American Summer show with Michael Cera that genuinely had me laughing out loud.

NapoleonInRags

fleet_admiral wrote: »

Was told a very simple joke but nearly pissed myself laughing, had a few on me at the time but its still funny

What do you call a judge with no testicles?

Justice mickey

That made me laugh far more than it should have...

razorblunt

Had a discussion in work about horrible phone calls the other day and I was recounting a story from a previous place I worked.
It was more of a "how stupid is this?" story but for some reason I lost it while recounting it:

Customer Service Rep: "Ok, what's the address?"
- Me: "123 Fake Lane"
"Fake What?"
- "Lane"
"I don't understand, Sir, 123 Fake?"
<it goes back and forth for a while, with my announciating and slowing my speech>
-"ah FFS, LANE! L for Lane, A for Ane, N for Neh, E ( I think I overemphasied the "NEH" in the version I was telling the lads")
"oh Lane, ok, Sir that's fine".

I had to take myself away for a calm down.
I hate Tuesdays when random stuff like this happens.