My child is getting bitten at school!!

Pods1987

My child has recently started first class. On the first day back to school I received a phone call from the principal at work to tell me my son had been bitten by another pupil!! The skin thankfully hadn't been broken and the other child who bit was punished. The punishment was segregating him from the rest of the class into a corner at his own table. I spoke to the teacher the following day about it and explained to her that this had happened already last year in senior infants. She said she would keep an eye and keep them seperated.

Yesterday I was working and my child was being collected by his father from school. I looked at my phone and saw I had missed 4 calls from the school. There was a voicemail left from the teacher explaining that my son had been bitten by the same pupil again, and that she thinks it's just a 'clash of personalities' . I was fuming at this statement.

I then phoned my sons father who had picked him up from school, the teacher had said nothing about the incident to him. My son told his dad when they got home what had happened!!

I have now made an appointment to meet the teacher to discuss this and I'm not sure what way to handle it. The tricky part is I know the child and his family. We live quite near to each other and I would have had alot of dealings with this child in the past few years as him and my son play together. I feel strongly that there is a behavioural issue here and I wonder would I be overstepping the mark by saying this to the teacher. I know the terms 'ADHD ' and 'ADD' are thrown around far too loosely nowadays and I'm not qualified to say but I definitely think there is something. I don't think he has ever been assessed and I feel all this biting is his way of lashing out as he is frustrated!! I feel like if this isn't handled properly he could slip through the net and it's going to get harder and harder for him in school as he gets older.

He has such a sweet sensitive side and I know his parents must be upset at these recent events.

Any advice on how to approach this delicate subject would be much appreciated.

lawred2

Well my one bit of advice would be to lay off the amateur hour clinical diagnoses. That isn't helpful.

Pods1987

I did say I'm not qualified to say, I didn't diagnose him with anything!!! But It's also not helpful that my son has been bitten twice and there not back to school two weeks yet!!!

Call me Al

Pod, concentrate on your own child. You have absolutely no right to go into school and start demanding (or asking for!) any type of psychological assessments by the school on anyone's child, irrespective of the circumstances. Chances are if things are as as as you say that this child is already on their radar, but I'd be horrified if your school started discussing something like this with you.

However you can expect them to ensure your child's safety.

Personally I'd be requesting a meeting with the principal and I'd be insistent that the children weren't together at playtime.
Do you know for sure that the other parents have been informed?
What is the discipline policy in the school? This is where you should be starting.

lawred2

Call me Al wrote: »

Pod, concentrate on your own child. You have absolutely no right to go into school and start demanding (or asking for!) any type of psychological assessments by the school on anyone's child, irrespective of the circumstances. Chances are if things are as as as you say that this child is already on their radar, but I'd be horrified if your school started discussing something like this with you.

However you can expect them to ensure your child's safety.

Personally I'd be requesting a meeting with the principal and I'd be insistent that the children weren't together at playtime.
Do you know for sure that the other parents have been informed?
What is the discipline policy in the school? This is where you should be starting.

I can't see how segregating children is helpful. They both need to learn how to interact with each other. One needs to learn not to resort to physicality and the other needs to learn how to stand up for themselves. Both important life lessons.

Keeping them apart is not a solution for such young children. Supervision is what I would personally be requesting.

In fact segregation would only serve to reinforce whatever divide exists between these two. And probably exacerbate it.

pwurple

How to deal with it...

You can only control the behaviour of your own son, so concentrate there. If the boy doing the biting is frustrated, then your son needs to be told how to avoid it or recognise it.

Firstly, discuss with your child. Are they getting in fights? Are they taunting eachother? If the teacher said there is a clash of personalities, then the biting isn't coming out of the blue. There is something leading up to it. Your own son needs to learn how to diffuse conflict too. This is an important life skill in general.

Secondly, as you know the parents, perhaps discuss what's happening with them. Don't be throwing around diagnoses or accusations, but ask what they think about the situation, and do they think it's getting worse. For all you know they could be instructing their son to defending himself if he feels under threat in any way.

Thirdly, and you are doing this already, discuss with the school. Find out is he biting other children or just your boy, is your son getting into "personality clashes" with other children, and ask them for advice on how you can handle it.


My daughter goes to school with children with severe behavioural issues, far beyond what you are describing here. Completely non-verbal, violent. She had to learn how to stay out of their way, and how to recognise when they need to be left alone and not annoyed.

owen85

Organise a meeting with the other family at either of your houses. leave out any comments got to do with what might be wrong with their son. talk about your wish for the biting to stop and how you would like to see the kids get on better together. leave it up to the other parents to train their kid. id bring your kid with you and let the 2 play together while you guys talk it over. maybe play time at eachothers houses could lead to some good teaching from all parents and learning from the biting kid.


the kids parents should discipline their kid and they might meet with the teacher to talk about what action should be taken if their kids bites again.

if all else fails cover your kid in mustard

Pods1987

My child doesn't get into fights with other kids, he has never been in trouble in school. He is fairly outgoing with lots of different friends. Maybe that might help if I teach him how to recognise and diffuse situations but at the end of the day he's only 6. This other boy is 7 and is biting because he doesn't like when my son plays with other kids. He gets extremely jealous and I'm worried now that my son will be afraid to play with others incase it upsets this child. This is wrong.

This child needs to Learn how to handle their anger and needs to learn that if there is a disagreement or an argument that doesn't excuse biting.

I wasn't going to demand that the child is to be assessed or I don't expect the teacher to discuss this other child in detail with me because that's not professional and I wouldn't like it if the shoe was on the other foot but I do feel he is not being handled correctly. Sometimes he is kept in at lunch as a punishment and I think this is the worst thing to do for a child that is hyper!!!!

Chemical Byrne

Could the school be considered negligent in failing to prevent this other child from biting your son? Perhaps you should speak to a solicitor before going to meet the teacher/principal so you'll know what avenues of action are open to you.

lawred2

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Could the school be considered negligent in failing to prevent this other child from biting your son? Perhaps you should speak to a solicitor before going to meet the teacher/principal so you'll know what avenues of action are open to you.

is that serious advice?

lukesmom

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Could the school be considered negligent in failing to prevent this other child from biting your son? Perhaps you should speak to a solicitor before going to meet the teacher/principal so you'll know what avenues of action are open to you.

Ah now come on a solicitor?? They are little boys and unfortunately some kids bite. I know my son bit a kid in junior infants he actually went through a phase of biting and it was up to me his parent to deal with it. He's the most laid back kid and at 13 a straight A student with the exception of maths. I think getting a solicitor involved is so off the wall it's almost comical.

Chemical Byrne

Well I'm just thinking along the lines that the school are aware of the problem, have taken some action but it has not worked and arre now taking no further action to prevent him biting. The school obviously have a duty of care towards their students. By failing to prevent your son from being bitten they are breaching that duty of care in my opinion. You're son is also being injured and I'm sure these incidents are or have the potential to knock his confidence. Those three things basically amount to negligence. Mentioning this to them might be enough to spur the school into taking some actual effective steps towards preventing further biting.

Insect Overlord

LOL @ Better Call Saul here...

lawred2

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Well I'm just thinking along the lines that the school are aware of the problem, have taken some action but it has not worked and arre now taking no further action to prevent him biting. The school obviously have a duty of care towards their students. By failing to prevent your son from being bitten they are breaching that duty of care in my opinion. You're son is also being injured and I'm sure these incidents are or have the potential to knock his confidence. Those three things basically amount to negligence. Mentioning this to them might be enough to spur the school into taking some actual effective steps towards preventing further biting.

or more likely; it would make matters much worse as now you will have lost the support of the teaching staff who will inevitably view you as a lunatic.

kidneyfan

6 is old to be biting though. I think that since OP you know the parents talk to them informally but don't pathologise. Maybe move them apart?

Chemical Byrne

How big is the school? If there is more than one 1st class in the school perhaps they could move that child into the other class if there it turns out that it is not possible to stop him biting your son. Does this kid bite other students or is it just your son?

I don't know but the potential for a negligence claim, if a solicitor advises on the possibility, against them might be enough to scare them into taking more serious action to prevent further biting.

Mink

Using legal threats over biting in the school yard seems incredibly extreme and it's that sort of stuff that makes institutions overly worried & cautious about "potential legal issues" rather than just concentrating on the job at hand.

Biting, pushing, punching, kicking goes on in all schools, Teachers will 9 times out of 10 do their best to prevent it and prevent against it in the future. Trying to segregate kids because of this and that behaviour/relationship is unworkable.

I would have thought that if a kid keeps biting (ie if there was a 3rd time) or doing anything else violent like that a few times, they'd get suspended. And then if it continues after that they get expelled.

Neyite

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Could the school be considered negligent in failing to prevent this other child from biting your son? Perhaps you should speak to a solicitor before going to meet the teacher/principal so you'll know what avenues of action are open to you.

Serious question. How does a school prevent a child from biting another - what training /courses are on offer to staff to identify potential biters and ensure that they don't use their teeth on another child?

Because in order for a school or teacher to be held legally liable they would have to predict behaviour of a small child. And if there is a course that teaches that, I wanna sign up!

Call me Al

lawred2 wrote: »

I can't see how segregating children is helpful. They both need to learn how to interact with each other. One needs to learn not to resort to physicality and the other needs to learn how to stand up for themselves. Both important life lessons.

Keeping them apart is not a solution for such young children. Supervision is what I would personally be requesting.

In fact segregation would only serve to reinforce whatever divide exists between these two. And probably exacerbate it.

And that's all well and good in theory, but if my child had been bitten three times I'd now want them to be separated until such time as I knew the approach being used by the school was working. I know that supervision is the key, but unfortunately a teacher won't see or hear everything going on in the classroom.

I'd still be looking to the school to sort this out. Has the school talked to the parents? I'd hazard a guess that they haven't when you haven't heard anything from the parents directly, as you say they know you and I'd have thought they'd have been over to you to apologise and discuss.

If you know the parents well enough and you know that they will actually hear what you are saying (they don't necessarily always want to know) then approach them about it but please don't tell them their child needs to be assessed.

And ask the school about their discipline policy.

byhookorbycrook

Let's just drop the "sue everyone" part, children do bite, slap, hit, spit and these children are only 6.

The OP is concerned about their child and ensuring this doesn't happen again. Make an appt to talk with the teacher face to face. Outline your concerns and explain that it also happened last year. It is reasonable to expect the school to do all that they can to try to prevent further incidents. Schools have a duty of care, this is often expressed as the level of care a "prudent parent" would take. Keep the focus on your own child and how he needs to be able to experience school bite free!

I do not recommend approaching the other parent about a school matter. I would suggest that it be dealt with through the school.

heldel00

I had this problem in my classroom. One child could not cope when his "friend" went off playing with others in the class. They weren't friends but child A found it very hard to mix and child B was a very social little chap.
Happened twice. The children had been separated in the yard and classroom but it's impossible to keep an eye on them all the time.
Our solution was that the biter brought a ball or some piece of equipment in that they enjoyed playing with. Before that they had just been playing chase, cops&robbers etc with nothing to keep the likes of him busy.
It was very effective in our case.