I want to but....

alittlescared

Hi,

Just posting under a different alias as I want to remain anon and this sub doesn't allow guest posting. Actually, if this should be in personal issues then my apologies.

This is a bit of a ramble and sorry for the length, the main point is - I want to stop drinking. I know I can and I know it would do me the world of good but...

I suppose, first, here is a little background. I'm 32, male, in a long term relationship, have a good job and a lot of good friends. I have the typical Irish social life. Go out about once every week/fortnight with work or friends, have a loads of pints and a hangover to show for it. This results in unhealthy eating etc. I wouldn't say I'm dependent on alcohol, but I do enjoy it.

The reason why I want to stop apart from the hangoverless healthier life is that lately (in the last 2 years) I have started blacking out. I'd say it was only 1 in 8 sessions and progressively it's getting more common. I wake up in the morning and have no idea how I got home or anything that happened from say 9pm onwwards. Through talking to the people I was out with the night before, I have been perfectly coherent and understandable if a little glazed. So the same as most people around me, I just cannot remember it. I am not doing loads of shots or drinking spirits, just pints. I don't feel comfortable knowing this may happen every time I go out.
I try to go out and drink less, which is OK and works in some situations but in others, you are just drinking as much as the people around you at what you think is a slow steady pace and don't realise you're drinking maybe too much. I know when I have a few drinks, to have water, to slow everything down and to keep telling myself that I can't drink too much. I wake up not remembering anything.
I don't want to do this anymore. I've gone out and used money or similar as an excuse not to drink so people wouldn't question me, I have had perfectly good nights and woke up fresh and loving it. So I know I enjoy the alcohol-less lifestyle and I can do it.

I am scared though because:

- I'm 99% sure my mates are good mates and they would accept the new sober me, but what if they slowly stop inviting me out because "I'm no craic". Soberly, we would still be good friends I'm sure, but they might neglect me on the Saturday night.

- I'm at the age now where a lot of my friends, and my partner's friends, are getting married. I have done 2 sober weddings, they've been great and no need to stay over as I can drive home, you save a fortune. However, I've never done a sober stag. I wouldn't know if I could hang around with a stag party for 3 days while they are out of their faces, but then I don't want to miss anything. I don't know if the stag party would enjoy having a sober person around!

- I go on quite few weekends away with some friends and we do like to explore old man pubs and drink up mountains/on walks/exploring. We have great conversations on these trips. I don't want that to stop.

I've asked my girlfriend does she think I have a problem. She says the majority of the time I'm grand on a night out, maybe the odd time I drink a bit too much but it has never caused an issue between us, we never argue and always have a good time when we're out.

So,most of the time half of me thinks I'm fine, maybe cut down a little but the other half just wants to stop altogether for the reasons outlined above. So I've decided to stop.

Do you think I'll be missing out on anything with my friends?
If they do neglect me, are they real friends?
Do the benefits of not drinking outweigh the craic, conversations, experiences, acceptance of a night out?

Thanks for reading

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

hubba

I think if you are blacking out then you need to ask yourself seriously why you continue drinking. If you blacked out from anything else (but drink) you'd be straight off to your GP to sort it out.

The other questions in your thread are irrelevant really in light of the blackouts but I do understand your concern about your social life. You've got to understand that social circles are superficial for the most part and if you quit, you will naturally find yourself gravitating towards those that share your new interests.

alittlescared

draiochtanois wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Hi, thanks for the reply.
The answer to all three is the same. I have had the same gang of mates for 20 years.

Self awareness would be a great place which is why I am going to attempt this!

alittlescared

hubba wrote: »

I think if you are blacking out then you need to ask yourself seriously why you continue drinking. If you blacked out from anything else (but drink) you'd be straight off to your GP to sort it out.

The other questions in your thread are irrelevant really in light of the blackouts but I do understand your concern about your social life. You've got to understand that social circles are superficial for the most part and if you quit, you will naturally find yourself gravitating towards those that share your new interests.

Hi, thanks for the reply.

That's very true regarding the blackouts. I suppose I was confused and thought it was somewhat normal. One of my mates does blackout a good bit too but just shrugs it off. I don't feel it's right though.

And yeah I had the same thoughts and I think in life in general I am doing that. It would just probably be a smaller selection of people I am gravitating towards.

alittlescared

I read through a lot of the threads in this sub last night. A lot of it hit home so I am relieved others have gone through the same thing.

It will just take some effort and some getting used to

_davidsmith_

I would be much like yourself, i.e social drinker late 20s whole social life been based around the pub or cans. I never drank in the house during the week really just sessions with the lads/misses.

But earlier this year i went for routine bloods and my liver enzimes were elevated and i was told whilst not serious i should knock the drink on the head for a while.

Devestated i thought how the hell will i adjust, turn into a health freak, become a bible basher, eat rings around myself and become a hermit.

But no i took it one week at a time. It takes about a month to form a habit but only a week to break one. So i took it week by week went out to the pub kept up untill everyone around me became more drunk than sober and then said im heading on (usually about 11ish)

My mates were cool, some more than others, some couldnt understand why i wouldnt just "have the one" but on the whole it was an ok transition.

I ended up off the drink for about 7 months, saved a bloody fortune and kept all my friends. I understand your hesitance with things like stags ect but theres usually one father in law or lightweight that passes out long before the session is over, at least you will last the whole thing! And youll have the embarassing stories without the sore head the next day!

Im actually back to normal liver wise now and can drink again but iv only drank once in the last month, whilst fun the hangovers are for people under the age of 25 who dont know any better.

I still go out on the dry and enjoy being the designated driver or having a coffee in a pub knowing you will wake up the next day feeling perfect, that high horse feeling i call it.

Hope this helps in a small way.

alittlescared

_davidsmith_ wrote: »

I still go out on the dry and enjoy being the designated driver or having a coffee in a pub knowing you will wake up the next day feeling perfect, that high horse feeling i call it.

Hope this helps in a small way.

It does help, thank you. I hope it goes that way for me!

_davidsmith_

alittlescared wrote: »

It does help, thank you. I hope it goes that way for me!

Im sure it will, nothing worth having comes easy, and if you do find it a little hard then there are plenty of people to talk to about it, you always feel like youre dealing with something alone, thats human nature, but there are plenty of other people feeling the exact same way.

The more you do it the easier it will be, i wouldnt make a huge deal of it to everyone because if one night you decide to have that 1 or 2 then noone will think that it is a big deal, and then you can get back on the dry buzz.

I wish you the best of luck with it, if i can do it i have every faith that you can too!

hubba

Another little piece of advice for what it's worth. The journey of sobriety is something you need to do alone, with support from friends and family (and boardies of course) but you are essentially on your own. No-one, no matter how much they love you can come inside your soul and see and feel what you do and at the end of the day, your life is only yours to live, your journey alone, no matter what social convention you've signed up for (marriage etc).

So whether your social circle sticks with you or not, is secondary. You proceed as if it doesn't matter, because it doesn't. Those worthy of you will stick along and the others, well ...

I'm not sure if that makes any sense but when I realised I was the only one who could do this for me, it was very scary. I guess I wasn't used to putting ME first, without anyone else's opinion or influence. But once I conquered the fear, I felt a certain comfort in the independence of my choice.

Sobriety is certainly a journey of discovery, have an open mind and muster up some courage which we all have if we are on here! You will be glad you stuck it out, life is wonderful when your eyes are open.

alittlescared

Thanks hubba.

I'm 2 weeks into it. Have a big night tonight to attend that all my friends will be at. They will be wondering why there is no pint in my hand. I suppose it's my first big test.

Wish me luck!

hubba

In ways it can be the change in social status that's more scary than actually giving up the booze itself. Don't confuse the two or worse, go back to using the latter to get over the awkwardness of the former.

You DESERVE to live a life free of booze and it matters not one iota what the rest of the sheep are doing.

Have a great night and an even better morning waking up with a clear head and plenty of money in your pocket.