Fear of being common

lufties

Does anyone else fear this? A life of chain restaurants, football, Heineken,kebabs on a Saturday night, generic town, common music, TV, newspaper..its been a fear of mine for a while,living like the masses. I'm not a snob, and come from a poor family.

Not sure what drives this in me

Stheno

Are you happy with your life?

I recently posted on my facebook that I had a golf lesson and had my mother publicly deride me that I had joined the elite as a result

I was happy to have that lesson as a chance to try something out.

Are you overly focussed on either maintaining a life appropriate to your background/family/friends, or ashamed/worried if you move beyond it?

I'm the first in my family to earn a certain amount, the first to do certain sporting activities, etc, and my family tend to look down on it or be derisive about it, but that doesn't stop me. I'll be the first in a few months to earn a Masters and none of them will be at the grad ceremony either.

Doesn't mean I won't be incredibly proud on the day, just means I've a very dysfunctional family relationship

Kayleigh..

Heineken is mank anyway.

freshpopcorn

Eat/shop/watch/listen/take part/live where ever you want. Once your can afford it/don't rub people's face in what you think is common.
Lots of people think different think things are common/not common.

lufties

Stheno wrote: »

Are you happy with your life?

I recently posted on my facebook that I had a golf lesson and had my mother publicly deride me that I had joined the elite as a result

I was happy to have that lesson as a chance to try something out.

Are you overly focussed on either maintaining a life appropriate to your background/family/friends, or ashamed/worried if you move beyond it?

I'm the first in my family to earn a certain amount, the first to do certain sporting activities, etc, and my family tend to look down on it or be derisive about it, but that doesn't stop me. I'll be the first in a few months to earn a Masters and none of them will be at the grad ceremony either.

Doesn't mean I won't be incredibly proud on the day, just means I've a very dysfunctional family relationship

I'm happy enough, although I feel it takes effort to tailor make it away from the mainstream, sometimes I feel I don't connect with many people as I have such specific tastes, especially with regard to music and hobbies.

Perhaps I'm struggling to find a true inspiration in the world.

johnnyskeleton

lufties wrote: »

Does anyone else fear this? A life of chain restaurants, football, Heineken,kebabs on a Saturday night, generic town, common music, TV, newspaper..its been a fear of mine for a while,living like the masses. I'm not a snob, and come from a poor family.

Not sure what drives this in me

Interesting question. Sometimes it seems as if one has to be the everyman, the proverbial man on the clapham omnibus, so to speak, or to be a unique individual, i.e. the type of person disparragingly called a hipster. It often seems, when you are young, that there is no middle ground where you can enjoy a night of football banter and kebabs one night and then see a play the following night.

To be honest, there is nothing either right nor wrong with either. Nor do you have to confine yourself to one or the other. You can drink heniken in the pub but try craft beers occasionally with a different group of people. You can occasionally eat in unusual eateries while normally going to the chipper etc. Do what feels right, and if you are spending too much time watching TV, say, then go off and read a book instead.

Dont get too hung up on the food and drink things. As Will Self once said, what you eat is not a cultural experience. Its just sustenance. Anyone who thinks eating a rare animal stuffed with an unpronouncable vegetable is equivalent to seeing a play or going to a museum is deluded. Anyone who thinks that drinking a beer brewed by a monk makes you a better person than drinking a beer brewed by a multinational corporation is simply wrong. Try all the varieties of food and drink you can, and take pleasure in it, but remember that its just sustenance.

Being from a poor family is not a pre determination of how you will live. If you go to a good music club you will find people from all walks of life there. Nor does doing the unusual or "cultural" alternative to popular entertainment have to cost an arm and a leg.

So go ahead and try new things. Tell your friends what your doing and see if they want to do likewise. If they judge you harshly for it they arent true friends. Just dont expect doing uncommon or alternative things will make you a better person.

Stheno

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Eat/shop/watch/listen/take part/live where ever you want. Once your can afford it/don't rub people's face in what you think is common.
Lots of people think different think things are common/not common.

I think the OP is coming from a different perspective.

e.g to relax every day I watch say yes to the dress and read the daily fail.

I'm a fairly senior IT consultant, when people hear I do that stuff they laugh as they cannot imagine it.

I suspect OP is suffering the opposite that they have moved on and are unsure how bad it is not to hold onto what was right at home

I've done that and it was fine, a bit lonely but fine, and I ended up happy

freshpopcorn

lufties wrote: »

I'm happy enough, although I feel it takes effort to tailor make it away from the mainstream, sometimes I feel I don't connect with many people as I have such specific tastes, especially with regard to music and hobbies.

Perhaps I'm struggling to find a true inspiration in the world.

Do what you like OP.
I know people who like Starbucks and it because they enjoy the experience/coffee.
I know people who hate Starbucks and love independent coffee shops and these people go to independent coffee shops. Do what you like/enjoy is what I'm saying.
If you find it hard to met people who like certain music/sport. Join groups on meet up.com/etc

lufties

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Do what you like OP.
I know people who like Starbucks and it because they enjoy the experience/coffee.
I know people who hate Starbucks and love independent coffee shops and these people go to independent coffee shops. Do what you like/enjoy is what I'm saying.
If you find it hard to met people who like certain music/sport. Join groups on meet up.com/etc

Cheers for that, I'm into surfing, yoga, organic healthy foods, quality beers, 90s house music, ethical clothing.
All of course not overly unique but honestly not many people I encounter on a daily basis could hold a 2 min chat about these things.

Stheno

lufties wrote: »

Cheers for that, I'm into surfing, yoga, organic healthy foods, quality beers, 90s house music, ethical clothing.
All of course not overly unique but honestly not many people I encounter on a daily basis could hold a 2 min chat about these things.

So you're fear is not being common but enjoying new stuff?

johnnyskeleton

lufties wrote: »

Cheers for that, I'm into surfing, yoga, organic healthy foods, quality beers, 90s house music, ethical clothing.
All of course not overly unique but honestly not many people I encounter on a daily basis could hold a 2 min chat about these things.

Boards beers and the various forum meetups might be just the ticket for you

freshpopcorn

lufties wrote: »

Cheers for that, I'm into surfing, yoga, organic healthy foods, quality beers, 90s house music, ethical clothing.
All of course not overly unique but honestly not many people I encounter on a daily basis could hold a 2 min chat about these things.

You'd have a good chance of making a group of friends who'd be into surfing.(they might be clubs) in your area.
Yoga(I think nearly every community has yoga meetings)
Organic heathy foods(would you consider growing your own vegetables in your garden? Or are the allotments in your area?
Craft beers I know their was a craft beer fesital in the RDS a couple of weeks ago. They might be other events.
You've your niche but it should be doable to meet people you've things in common with.

Exclamation Marc

I wouldn't necessarily fear the 'common', I'd more fear the ruts/routines.

I've a couple of friends who I've very similar interests to, but their lives are on a routine. I love a quiet pint and I'll go randomly with different people at different times and to different pubs, whereas I've a couple mates who'll go to the same pub, on the same day, at the same time, every week without fail. I can tell you the exact time on a Sunday I'll get a snapchat of one in the exact same spot in the exact same pub with the exact same pint. That would terrify me.

Or years ago I had loads of mates who's weekends would literally comprise of 'play football, pre-drinks, pub, Coppers, hangover, Subway, gaming, sleep'. Common yeah, but far too routine. You can shake all those things up to keep them fresh and avoid the monotony (except Coppers, there's just no excuse there). Very common interests but it's about variety inside of them.

lufties

Manufactured Miracle wrote: »

I wouldn't necessarily fear the 'common', I'd more fear the ruts/routines.

I've a couple of friends who I've very similar interests to, but their lives are on a routine. I love a quiet pint and I'll go randomly with different people at different times and to different pubs, whereas I've a couple mates who'll go to the same pub, on the same day, at the same time, every week without fail. I can tell you the exact time on a Sunday I'll get a snapchat of one in the exact same spot in the exact same pub with the exact same pint. That would terrify me.

Or years ago I had loads of mates who's weekends would literally comprise of 'play football, pre-drinks, pub, Coppers, hangover, Subway, gaming, sleep'. Common yeah, but far too routine. You can shake all those things up to keep them fresh and avoid the monotony (except Coppers, there's just no excuse there). Very common interests but it's about variety inside of them.

i was a bit like that when i lived in ireland, a diet of flannerys, coppers, hangover food, the repiblic of telly type programs, gym to look good on a saturday night. that was 6 years ago and i've lived abroad since. Back then, any work colleagues and 'friends' did the same thing. they usually fell into 2 categories, sports or cars obsessed.

Whitewinged

te="lufties;96908309"]Cheers for that, I'm into surfing, yoga, organic healthy foods, quality beers, 90s house music, ethical clothing.
All of course not overly unique but honestly not many people I encounter on a daily basis could hold a 2 min chat about these things.[/quote]

I'm not really getting this problem. Sounds a bit like you are categorising and stereotyping people a bit.

In your original post you list the things like Heineken, musical type and people who go to chain restaurants.

Then you list what you like, yoga and surfing.

so what is there to fear?

Could it be that you are trying to separate amd distance yourself from what you believe to be common activities in order to feel more unique? really what you fear is not being seen as unique?

Like another poster said, just do what you want to do and what you enjoy. If you like surfing then surf but don't do it in an effort to appear unique.

also you will find that those people who do like a kebab or whatever else was in your list have other interests or qualities that make them unique in their own way too.

PinkLemonade

lufties wrote: »

i was a bit like that when i lived in ireland, a diet of flannerys, coppers, hangover food, the repiblic of telly type programs, gym to look good on a saturday night. that was 6 years ago and i've lived abroad since. Back then, any work colleagues and 'friends' did the same thing. they usually fell into 2 categories, sports or cars obsessed.

You appear to be very critical of everyone OP, including yourself

lufties

PinkLemonade wrote: »

You appear to be very critical of everyone OP, including yourself

I guess that I am, but I like to self-assess and try and make tweaks and positive adjustments.

I'm interested in getting more fulfillment in life, and perhaps striving for sophistication. Growing up in Irish society has probably make me like this. Always competing with others, my peers always seemed to subtly brag about their lives in a kind of one up manship. It could also be to do with how I struggled for my the approval of my folks growing up.

kunst nugget

lufties wrote: »

I guess that I am, but I like to self-assess and try and make tweaks and positive adjustments.

I'm interested in getting more fulfillment in life, and perhaps striving for sophistication. Growing up in Irish society has probably make me like this. Always competing with others, my peers always seemed to subtly brag about their lives in a kind of one up manship. It could also be to do with how I struggled for my the approval of my folks growing up.

Why should it matter what you are into or others are into? I like to occasionally make electronic tracks in my spare time, listening to slightly obscure bands, gaming and horror movies. I have no expectation that anyone I met is going to have any of these interests but that doesn't bother me - there's plenty more that I can talk about to people - my interests in life don't solely define me. And if I need an outlet for my interests? There's a wonderful invention called the internet that more than takes care of those needs.

Is your fear of being common really a fear of not being special? Because you're not special. None of us are. There's billions of us out there that will all turn into the exact same worm food when we die. I probably suffered from an inflated sense of self in my younger years but that got kicked into touch over the years with the passing of time and becoming a father. If striving to be sophisticated makes you happy, knock yourself out but I don't understand a fear of living like the masses. There isn't a zombie horde out there forcing you to watch the X Factor and go to the pub every Saturday night.

InTheTrees

Common is an odd word to use, how about bourgeois?

meeeeh

This reminds me of my family's visits to opera. My mum loved it, my brother and I were bored senseless reading the program and my father was busy pretending to like it because you can't be cultural buffoon and not like it. Four of us might have gone to the opera but only one of us actually enjoyed themselves while the rest of us would be happier at home watching a movie.

Sophistication is only sophistication if you enjoy it, the rest is just trying hard.

lufties

kunst nugget wrote: »

Why should it matter what you are into or others are into? I like occasionally make electronic tracks in my spare time, listening to slightly obscure bands, gaming and horror movies. I have no expectation that anyone I met is going to have any of these interests but that doesn't bother me - there's plenty more that I can talk about to people - my interests in life don't solely define me. And if I need an outlet for my interests? There's a wonderful invention called the internet that more than takes care of those needs.

Is your fear of being common really a fear of not being special? Because you're not special. None of us are. There's billions of us out there that will all turn into the exact same worm food when we die. I probably suffered from an inflated sense of self in my younger years but that got kicked into touch over the years with the passing of time and becoming a father. If striving to be sophisticated makes you happy, knock yourself out but I don't understand a fear of living like the masses. There isn't a zombie horde out there forcing you to watch the X Factor and go to the pub every Saturday night.

yes I am aware of this, but we all like to be able to share common interests, its a part of being human, gaining information (tinternet doesn't tell you everything).

Sometimes the easy way out is to drink coffee in costa, buy primark clothes, and watch man utd vs Liverpool, followed by whatever else is on tv. Perhaps its just me becoming lazy.

I do get the point you are making, to be honest I don't have a big ego. I'm just always searching for value in life.

lufties

meeeeh wrote: »

This reminds me of my family's visits to opera. My mum loved it, my brother and I were bored senseless reading the program and my father was busy pretending to like it because you can't be cultural buffoon and not like it. Four of us might have gone to the opera but only one of us actually enjoyed themselves while the rest of us would be happier at home watching a movie.

Sophistication is only sophistication if you enjoy it, the rest is just trying hard.

Well I'd love to have an appreciation for opera and fine tastes, but I wasn't raised that way. Also I feel there is so much dumbing down these days that people are only interested in whats popular and common. For some reason I hate the thought of becoming like this.

meeeeh

lufties wrote: »

Well I'd love to have an appreciation for opera and fine tastes, but I wasn't raised that way.

Why? Would it make you happier? Would it make you better person? My mum didN't need to be raised to appreciate opera. Her parents were factory workers with not much interest in music.

It's about doing what you like not about doing what you think you should like.

lufties

meeeeh wrote: »

Why? Would it make you happier? Would it make you better person? My mum did need to be raised to appreciate opera. Her parents were factory workers with not much interest in music.

It's about doing what you like not about doing what you think you should like.

well why do or strive for anything by that logic? I like trying new things, I watched x factor recently and afterwards I felt like I'd eaten a mcdonalds, junk for the mind basically. I'm sure opera is something that would stimulate the mind, leading to a better experience.

meeeeh

lufties wrote: »

well why do or strive for anything by that logic? I like trying new things, I watched x factor recently and afterwards I felt like I'd eaten a mcdonalds, junk for the mind basically. I'm sure opera is something that would stimulate the mind, leading to a better experience.

Well it doesn't for me it just makes me bored. I understand what you are trying to say but there's is a difference between trying something because you think you should or because it makes you fulfilled. I like reading Sartre, Camus or Tolstoy but that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy Agatha Christie every so often.

Penny Tration

lufties wrote: »

yes I am aware of this, but we all like to be able to share common interests, its a part of being human, gaining information (tinternet doesn't tell you everything).

Sometimes the easy way out is to drink coffee in costa, buy primark clothes, and watch man utd vs Liverpool, followed by whatever else is on tv. Perhaps its just me becoming lazy.

I do get the point you are making, to be honest I don't have a big ego. I'm just always searching for value in life.

What exactly is wrong with liking coffee from Costa, wearing clothes from Penneys and supporting a soccer team?

Tbh OP, all I'm seeing in this thread is you desperately trying to appear classy and trying to get to a place where you can seem yourself to be better than the plebs beneath you.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with whatever interests you or other people have.

I like archery. I read classic literature. I like Pilates. I wear clothing that's quite different to the 'norm.'

None of that makes me 'sophisticated.' They're just things that interest me.

Similarly, I'll sit down and watch Law and Order or some other stupid programme on TV, I'll dress up in silly stuff for a night out, I'll go play basketball and other less specialised sports, and I'll enjoy those too!

Does that make me any more or less sophisticated? Nope.

Does it make me any less classy? Nope. It means I have varied interests and connect with people on different levels due to common interests. I can chat about Hollyoaks to my sister, then go talk about quantum mechanics with my boyfriend ten minutes later, or I'll stick "Nessum Dorma" on repeat because it's one of my favourite things to listen to. Frankly, who cares?

You like surfing and yoga. Well done? I mean really, why does it matter what you like?

You need to stop judging other people just because they don't like the same things you do.

You also need to learn to like yourself more. Nobody who is happy in themselves feels the need to judge others so harshly and so superficially.

kunst nugget

lufties wrote: »

Well I'd love to have an appreciation for opera and fine tastes, but I wasn't raised that way. Also I feel there is so much dumbing down these days that people are only interested in whats popular and common. For some reason I hate the thought of becoming like this.

And meeeh was raised that way and doesn't have an appreciation of opera either. My dad is a music teacher and an avid fan of opera but I couldn't give two figs about it. Tbf, he never forced upon us but we all have an appreciation of cinema through osmosis because of the amount of films he had in the house. It took me a long to appreciate that.

I grew up where there was no real sport in the house at all and to this day I can't watch a full soccer game because I develop ADHD when it comes on. The only sport I watch is rugby and it's really since I was in my twenties. I had zero love for any sport before that. I suppose I didn't share a lot of interests with my about 3/4s of my peers because of my lack of knowledge in sport when I was growing up which when I look back on it was quite isolating but it didn't bother me too much and I suppose I still don't really care if the people around don't share a lot of the same interests as me. I enjoy doing them and that's all that really matters. The one thing I suppose I picked up from my da is that I don't bother forcing them on anyone else. I hate nothing more than people trying to force their musical tastes or their ideas about what's cool on their kids.

The thing is I enjoy what I enjoy whether it's low common denominator or more esoteric. I don't do it to be more cultured, I do it because I have an interest in it and I enjoy it. I won't force myself to watch a football match just like I won't force myself to listen to free jazz - my time is limited and precious and I'd rather use it enjoying something than forcing myself to develop an appreciation of a thing I don't particularly like. That's not to say I don't appreciate opera and everything it entails, I just rather stealth attack a zombie or listen to the Fall or watch a good movie than actually having to sit through The Marriage of Figaro.

woodchuck

I'm struggling to see what your issue is OP. My only guess is that you're not actually comfortable in your own skin... you seem to want to do things because you think you should as opposed to actually enjoying them.

And quite frankly, a lot of your posts are coming off a bit snobbish. There is nothing "wrong" with any of the interested you've named. I'd much rather go to the cinema and watch the latest block bluster if that's what I feel like doing, rather than going to some off beat music gig because I think it makes me unique. If you like trying out different things then that's great, but do it because you want to not because you think you should.

Have you ever considered counselling OP? I think it could help you become more accepting of yourself and others. Why do you care so much about what other people think about you and spend so much time judging others? It actually sounds like an exhausting way to live...

josephryan1989

lufties wrote: »

Does anyone else fear this? A life of chain restaurants, football, Heineken,kebabs on a Saturday night, generic town, common music, TV, newspaper..its been a fear of mine for a while,living like the masses. I'm not a snob, and come from a poor family.

Not sure what drives this in me

If you want to improve what you eat you should buy a copy of Larousse Gastronomique which is basically the bible for gourmet recipes.
Instead of football why not take up chess?
Start drinking wine instead of beer and cook at home trying out gourmet recipes.
Why not listen to the classical music of Wagner, Beethoven, Vivaldi, Chopin or J.S. Bach?
Watch classic movie DVDs and read literature from your local library such as Dante's Inferno or the works of William Shakespeare or the poetry of T.S. Elliot.
Travel once a year to Constantinople or Florence or Barcelona and mix with poets and artists and literary types.

kunst nugget

josephryan1989 wrote: »

If you want to improve what you eat you should buy a copy of Larousse Gastronomique which is basically the bible for gourmet recipes.

I don't know if I'd want to be behind someone doing yoga after eating something they made from that…

meeeeh

I think there is no quicker way for someone to start watching football or x-factor than getting them to start reading Inferno. Excluding Greek drama and Shakespeare anything before realism can be avoided.

freshpopcorn

I don't really know what to say to you op. I just don't get why you can't do the things you like.
I've heard of people going to classic shows/dancing and going to McDonald's on the way home.
I know people who are finically well off and they still buy stuff in pennies and then they could heard to Brown Thomas to buy a matching assesory.
Why are the people above like this? They do the things they like/enjoy.
They didn't think their being sophisticated or common just themselves.
If you wrote down your interests in after hours some people would class you as a hipster and not sophisticated.

Exclamation Marc

I still don't see what the problem is with liking common things.

If you like a Nandos, go and have a Nandos, who cares. I'd rather be in a queue of 40 people for a restaurant that makes me happy than be the only one somewhere else just so I can say I was different. Happy > Different.

Do what you like at the end of the day. If it's watching gutter TV like X-Factor, go for it. If it's some Swedish drama I can't get my head around, go for it. Who cares what others like. I'd have more respect for someone who admitted they liked soaps and crap tv because it made them feel happy than someone who forced themselves into some upscale top-shelf nonsense to be different.

If it makes you happy OP, just do it. Who cares how many others are doing the same.

thegreatgonzo

lufties wrote: »

A life of chain restaurants, football, Heineken,kebabs on a Saturday night, generic town, common music, TV, newspaper..

Do you secretly prefer those things rather than the yoga and the organic food etc ? Because I don't really see what the problem is.

LegacyUser

OP, your tastes ARE mainstream.
Yoga is the activity of every yummy mummy.
Craft Beers? More than half the pubs in Dublin.
90s House music is dominating the radiowaves.

I think your real issue is that you’ve tried really hard to construct this alternative identity for yourself, only to find out that you are the mainstream.

LegacyUser

op i think i get where you are coming from, i will try and explain where i am coming from and how it worked for me:

growing up i always felt different to my family, lately that has really come to the fore as i have started making decisions based on whats right for me (and my immediate family) as opposed to what they want me to be/do.

i know they are behind my back saying things like "oh doesn't she think she's better than us these days" but i just don't care.

it's the little things that make up a big feeling, like i don't smoke or drink which to them is shameful and boring if you don't do 5 jagerbombs in one night you are a failure to them. they also feel that obliges me to make 3-4 runs per night at every family event dropping them home. sometimes i don't mind doing it but other times i feel like they are just taking advantage.

i want to stay at home and raise my children, my husband wants me to stay at home and raise our children, we can afford this comfortably on his salary (his was much higher than mine so it made sense for me to do it, plus i genuinely adore doing the little things like helping with homework and spending time with my children), to them i am "throwing my life away" as where i grew up the expectation was to pop out as many children as needed to get a "Free" house and live across the road from mammy, while i don't see my life in that way they do, we pay our way for everything, we are renting (which they see as "throwing money down the drain" despite a few of them getting mortgages they can no longer afford) and the only "handout" we get is child benefit (which everyone gets) and even that we are lucky to be in a position where we can save it in the children's accounts for college/first car/first home.

i want my children to be raised in a manner that disagree's completely with theirs, raised voices are the "norm" with them, where we prefer talking through a conflict with no raised voices giving each member of our family the chance to air their grievance,

again this makes me "full of myself" as "a good slap never hurt anyone" (i disagree strongly with this)

all these little things made me feel like you, a fear of being different, a fear that they would (and they do) embarrass me around my friends (luckily they are like me though and realise your family don't define you), friends i've built up whose parenting/ways of life agree with my own views, it was hard to do that and it took years to find them, but i found keeping up with friends who's main aim was to get as drunk as possible, or had similar views to my family just draining on me,

since then i've started to do whats best for me, and now those same family members and begrudging old friends are asking me "how come everything goes so right for you these days?" and the truth is it doesn't, i'm just happier and as a result everything appears better,

it's such an awful cliche but op be yourself, and to hell with what everyone else thinks of you, it's the only way to live and as i have found it works!

Nermal

lufties wrote: »

Does anyone else fear this? A life of chain restaurants, football, Heineken,kebabs on a Saturday night, generic town, common music, TV, newspaper.

No, I enjoy all those things, I just do it ironically.

Ave Sodalis

OP, you don't fear being common. At the start of your thread, I somewhat agreed with you. Some of my interests are unusual. I prefer talking about philosophical ideas and I often weigh up various random hypothesis with my brother. My hobbies are archery, reading fantasy obsessively, horse riding and games. Not common female hobbies. However, it became very clear that you don't just have uncommon interests because you like them. You have uncommon "interests" purely for the sake of judging those who don't. What would you do if one of your interests became mainstream? Would you drop that interest? Do you even know what you enjoy doing?

For the record, I have uncommon interests because I just happen to enjoy them. The very odd time I go shopping it's in Penny's because, like you, I come from a poor background and I can't afford expensive clothes, which I am perfectly fine with. I drink Costa hot chocolate because it's one of the nicest hot chocolates there are in my opinion. If you're going to do things or not do things purely for the capability to judge others, and not because you actually enjoy them, then I'm afraid you'll get no pity from me if you can't find people to share time with. It's borderline narcissism, OP.

Yes, there's people who blindly follow the crowd. Many people do. In fact, I would go as far as saying the majority of people do. However, that is not for me or you to judge and you're no better for purposely doing the opposite. The only winners are those who do what they enjoy because they enjoy it and fudge what anyone else thinks.

lufties

sup_dude wrote: »

OP, you don't fear being common. At the start of your thread, I somewhat agreed with you. Some of my interests are unusual. I prefer talking about philosophical ideas and I often weigh up various random hypothesis with my brother. My hobbies are archery, reading fantasy obsessively, horse riding and games. Not common female hobbies. However, it became very clear that you don't just have uncommon interests because you like them. You have uncommon "interests" purely for the sake of judging those who don't. What would you do if one of your interests became mainstream? Would you drop that interest? Do you even know what you enjoy doing?

For the record, I have uncommon interests because I just happen to enjoy them. The very odd time I go shopping it's in Penny's because, like you, I come from a poor background and I can't afford expensive clothes, which I am perfectly fine with. I drink Costa hot chocolate because it's one of the nicest hot chocolates there are in my opinion. If you're going to do things or not do things purely for the capability to judge others, and not because you actually enjoy them, then I'm afraid you'll get no pity from me if you can't find people to share time with. It's borderline narcissism, OP.

Yes, there's people who blindly follow the crowd. Many people do. In fact, I would go as far as saying the majority of people do. However, that is not for me or you to judge and you're no better for purposely doing the opposite. The only winners are those who do what they enjoy because they enjoy it and fudge what anyone else thinks.

I like surfing, yoga, prog house..because of the euphoric feeling it gives me. I don't get the same feeling from listening to olly murrs, or any sport I've ever played.

I try not to go to chains out of principle, I even source out ethical clothing manufacturers, farmers markets. and independent brewers. So hang back there on the holier than thou,self righteous tirade.

Eric Cartman

OP it seems like a case of trying to see if the grass is greener.

you think if you get to a certain level that your niche interests will become common or your conversations will become more enlightened. Sorry OP, not the case.

I've met people with high end careers in sales/advertising or 'creative' type jobs who live in posh areas , drink craft beer and wear high end clothes, and they've been the most boring , single interest shallow individuals I've ever met.

from the same side a lot of the smartest people I know wear clothes from tesco , drink cheap cider , watch the darts and live in bad areas.

If your unfulfilled by intelligent conversation or shared interests , Id suggest different forums here and different beers, always lots of new people to meet. But if you judge before talking to them IM afraid your going to get stuck with a load of knobs who think they're better than everyone with no substance to it.

kunst nugget

lufties wrote: »

I like surfing, yoga, prog house..because of the euphoric feeling it gives me. I don't get the same feeling from listening to olly murrs, or any sport I've ever played.

I try not to go to chains out of principle, I even source out ethical clothing manufacturers, farmers markets. and independent brewers. So hang back there on the holier than thou,self righteous tirade.

Can't say I've seen anything holier than thou in what she said. She made some very good points I thought. Tbf, your posts have had an ' I'm a special snowflake ' air about them.

lufties

lufties wrote: »

Does anyone else fear this? A life of chain restaurants, football, Heineken,kebabs on a Saturday night, generic town, common music, TV, newspaper..its been a fear of mine for a while,living like the masses. I'm not a snob, and come from a poor family.

Not sure what drives this in me

I'd guess that it's some kind of insecurity about what other people think of you. I can't think of any other reason why an adult would have a 'fear' of having mainstream interests or being 'common'.

People who are comfortable with themselves and have tastes that have naturally evolved don't spend time thinking about whether or not those tastes are common. Adopting a preference as a form of aspirational statement, or denying yourself some popular enjoyment purely to project a particular persona is futile. People will see through it every time. Superciliousness is often a mask for an inferiority complex.

I've some very singular hobbies, and I also like a huge amount of things that are generally popular. One thing I've never worried about is being seen as common, because I know I'm not, and no one else matters.

freshpopcorn

When I first saw the thread I felt that this person needs to find his niche and needs to meet people with similar interest.
Most people I know shop/watch/take part/enjoy things because they like them. It doesn't enter their heads if it's common/not common.
For some reason I get the impression from your posts that you think your better than other people because of your hobbies.

meeeeh

lufties wrote: »

I like surfing, yoga, prog house..because of the euphoric feeling it gives me. I don't get the same feeling from listening to olly murrs, or any sport I've ever played.

So what is the problem? I think the stuff you want to do is more like something copied from Gwyneth Paltrow website than something I would found interesting but if it keeps you happy, why not. You should remember though that your brain won't melt of you watch x factor every so often. I think you are more worried because you want to project certain image to others. The thing is nobody will care or notice, they never do, so you can just as well do whatever you feel like doing.

Ursus Horribilis

Sorry to be harsh here but you sound like some sort of intellectual snob. As it happens, I have hobbies and interests that wouldn't be particularly mainstream either but they didn't come about because I wanted to look good. I just evolved into the person I am and became interested in these things under my own steam.

I'm utterly clueless when it comes to X Factor, soaps, the Kardashians, Hollywood blockbusters or the latest pop stars. It's not because I think they're beneath me but because they genuinely don't interest me. Most of my friends like a lot of these things - good for them is all I've to say about that. The world would be a very dull place if we all liked the same things. Just because someone curls up on the sofa with a few cans of Budweiser and watches X Factor doesn't mean that they or their lives are any less worthy.

R.D. aka MR.D

Not trying to be rude but your interests are the new 'common'.

I live abroad and recently had a friend visit me and he was the definition of the stereotype of a twenty something these days: wouldn't drink the local beer (wanted craft stuff), wouldn't just have a decent coffee in Starbucks instead of the muck they have here (asia). People were starting to get into this in a big way when I was leaving Dublin in 2010 and I was hoping people had kind of given up on the pretensions in the past 5 years because I intend to move home next year.

As others have said, I struggle to see your problem. Are you unhappy because you want the 'low-brow' to disappear? Or can you not meet other people with your interests? (I find that hard to believe and I'm sure anybody living in your city could point you to where the 'cool' kids are).

My advice to you is to get on with your life. When my friend was being annoying about stuff, I tried to accommodate him. Paid over the odds for craft beer half the time and drank the local stuff the rest of the time. I went to Starbucks and then took him somewhere else for about 10 coffees that he didn't even finish. If everyone liked the same thing, the world would be a terrible place.

lufties

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Not trying to be rude but your interests are the new 'common'.

I live abroad and recently had a friend visit me and he was the definition of the stereotype of a twenty something these days: wouldn't drink the local beer (wanted craft stuff), wouldn't just have a decent coffee in Starbucks instead of the muck they have here (asia). People were starting to get into this in a big way when I was leaving Dublin in 2010 and I was hoping people had kind of given up on the pretensions in the past 5 years because I intend to move home next year.

As others have said, I struggle to see your problem. Are you unhappy because you want the 'low-brow' to disappear? Or can you not meet other people with your interests? (I find that hard to believe and I'm sure anybody living in your city could point you to where the 'cool' kids are).

My advice to you is to get on with your life. When my friend was being annoying about stuff, I tried to accommodate him. Paid over the odds for craft beer half the time and drank the local stuff the rest of the time. I went to Starbucks and then took him somewhere else for about 10 coffees that he didn't even finish. If everyone liked the same thing, the world would be a terrible place.

I wouldn't say 'cool', I don't like big business taking over the whole world sucking the character out of it by squeezing out the small guy. More often than not, starbucks, costa, mcdonalds, primark etc is mass produced rubbish. If everyone stayed away from these places, the world would be a better place.

Merkin

This is more a discussion thread and not suited to PI so I'm closing it.