Should we rent together first?

Lorrs33

A little backstory: my boyfriend and I have known each other for fourteen years and been together for seven. We haven't been able to afford living together because I had been working part time due to college and I'm still paying off a student loan.

In February I got a full time job and was just made permanent a couple of weeks ago. We decided at this stage in our relationship that we would start saving for a house.

Now my family are saying we should rent together first before we commit to a mortgage, which I know make sense but we just can't afford it. I'm struggling just to save for a deposit and pay back the remainder of my loan (I've at least another year on it).

We've been on holiday plenty of times together and we've known each other long enough that I just don't feel there are any more surprises left.

Now I'm conflicted. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please, no smart comments.

Eric Cartman

find out where you want to live, and rent there for a year, a mortgage while your paying back a loan will be hard anyway. The year will give you a fair indication of what its like to live together, let you both get that loan and a deposit etc… sorted, what the area is really like and if managing all the expenses that go with living away from home are something you can manage.

I've lived with some people who were really close friends and now we barely speak. Living with someone is completely different to holidays / just knowing them.

athtrasna

You say you can't afford to rent together, look at it the other way, can you afford not to? My grandmother used to say "if you want to know me come live with me" and I learned the hard way that this is very true. It may delay your dream of home ownership for a year or two but this is a wise investment of time.

You also don't mention your boyfriend working? Is he saving too or would you be funding the entire thing?

R.D. aka MR.D

I agree with the above. Living together is absolutely nothing like going on holiday together. It's not even like having them stay at your apartment for 2 weeks.

It's very sensible to live together first.

Diamond Doll

My advice would be absolutely live with each other first, for as long as possible. It's completely different to going on holidays with them, or even living with them short-term. You need to live with the person long enough for the honeymoon period to wear off. If after a year or so of living together, you still feel the same, you can always move back home or whatever then to increase your saving capability - if you want to. I wouldn't in a million years go into a mortgage with anyone unless I'd lived with them for quite a while first.

loalae

Oh my goodness rent together first! I know you have no intention of breaking up you you have no idea what he us like to live with and breaking a lease is a lot more affordable than having to rearrange mortgages or sell a house if it doesn't work out. Also - owning a house isn't the be all and end all. If you rent first you figure out what is important for you to have in a property. It will also give you a better idea about whether you and your boyfriend have the same attitude and values towards money, home life, and who should be completing what chores. I think you'd be crazy to buy with someone before living with them first.

Lorrs33

athtrasna wrote: »

You say you can't afford to rent together, look at it the other way, can you afford not to? My grandmother used to say "if you want to know me come live with me" and I learned the hard way that this is very true. It may delay your dream of home ownership for a year or two but this is a wise investment of time.

You also don't mention your boyfriend working? Is he saving too or would you be funding the entire thing?

No, my boyfriend works too.

We're saving to split the mortgage. I wouldn't invest in a house until my loan was paid off also.

Dial Hard

Everyone else has already said exactly what I would have above, you absolutely need to rent together for a while before buying. Living with someone is COMPLETELY different to going on holidays with them, or even having them stay over regularly.

Also, a year of so or renting will do your mortgage application no harm either, tbh. It demonstrates your ability to service a large monthly payment.

Silverfish

Yes absolutely, you wouldn't buy a car without a test drive! It wasn't until I moved in with someone that I realised they liked to clip their toenails and keep the clippings on the bedside locker.
There's a lot of give and take when you move in with someone first, it's nice to have that out of the way before you take on the added pressure of a mortgage.

woodchuck

You should 100% live together first before committing to a joint mortgage!! Even if it means putting your saving on hold for a year to rent a place first. As people have said, you never really know a person until you live with them.

happypants

I can't recommend living together first enough. I'm with my fiancé over 6 years. We did long distance for 4 years so had stayed together for full weekends a lot. We also lived together for 3 months and had been on many holidays. When we finally did live together is was still a bit of a shock and a year later we are still adapting and getting to know each other! Little things can drive you mental like the kitchen table being a dumping ground for everything, the fact I always empty the dishwasher, toilet seat being left up... Pots and pans left to "soak" overnight (or days if I left them). Also rarely having my own time (unless I kick him out to the pub lol) he uses my expensive shampoo/ conditioner etc etc it seems trivial and I suppose it is but it all takes getting used to after being so used to just pleasing myself. I love living with him but it's such a different ball game when both people are working and cooking and cleaning. My friend is about to build her house with her fiancé and they've never lived together, they're a great couple and I know they're for life but I've told her she reeeeally needs to live together first.

IvoryTower

Ideally rent first but tbh I'd be pretty confident if you know each other 14 years that you're not going to fall out over someone leaving the toilet seat up/down

ladygirl

Rent together first.
Very close friend of mine was together with her boyfriend for 10 years, they wanted to buy a house but rented first just to see how they got on (although they both thought they were made for each other)

less than 2 years later, they're broken up...

Im not saying that this will happen to you, but you never really know someone unless you live with them.

via4

Defo rent together first Not so much for the testing of the relationship as you guys seem rock solid but more on the end of the experience of renting because you learn so much about what you want and where you want to live in the longer term. you can get a more rounded well educated idea. I live alone but renting has taught me so much about housing and all the options and the pros and cons out there with living situations. For example if you buy a house you may think its what and where you want but over time you may have made an error and getting the mortgage etc. you are more tied down. I know more of what I want now and the mistakes I made in my current place I am not going to make the same mistakes when I eventually do buy my own place. Cannot stress this enough that renting first is the best way forward even if it is just for a year. Best of luck

Liamario

Live together before you commit to buying a house. It's too much of a gamble to take to buy a house with someone whom you've never lived with. It's about getting to know each other and also breaking or assessing bad habits that either of you may have. It's also a great test of your relationship.

Sunny Dayz

Try before you buy in both instances here!!


1: As everyone has said you don't know someone until you live with them.


2: Rent in an area where you would like to buy. By renting you get an idea of the type of property that suits you, you figure out what you like and don't like in property and get to suss out the location. You will find after a year of renting you will have a list of what your ideal property would have and you have a better starting point for house hunting. Buying a house is the most expensive purchase you will ever make and there are many people stuck in properties and locations which don't suit them.

Exclamation Marc

I think I'd echo what everyone above is saying on a relationship level, but from a very practical point of view, if you do get a mortgage and the relationship falls apart, that mortgage will become an absolute nightmare for you. I've seen couples (in a previous line of work) who's relationship ended amicably enough but the strain of not being able to deal with the mortgage combined with the dissolution of a relationship turned people incredible hostile to each other and their situations because of a mortgage they can't escape from.

I certainly don't think, hope or imagine that will happen to you and every couple would say 'that would never happen to us', but it unfortunately does happen to some couples and it leaves a long-term knock-on effect on their lives in terms of debt, future mortgages and future relationships.

Of course that can happen with couples after 1 year or 25 years together (it's not an exclusive problem to couples who haven't lived together before), but live together first and be comfortable that that sort of living environment and arrangement is a happy place.

While it's a good thing to live together before buying I wouldn't say it's vital particularly if it puts your plans back a few years by preventing saving. Personally I wouldn't spend money on rent just for the sake of it when you have other places to live for free and are able to save much more.

It's not that unusual for people to live together for the first time in their own place. Two friends of mine got married recently and both couples only moved in together after coming back from the honeymoon into their own houses that were just finished being built in time.

Electric Sheep

Live together for two years before getting married or buying a place together. That way you go through the whole yearly cycle of holidays, Christmas etc, twice. You have a better idea how each other is like to live with under stress, in good times, in bad time, in tight financial times. There are no guarantees, of course, but it is worth it to take the time and effort to give things a "trial run" - it can help to avoid mistakes that can be emotionally and financially disastrous.