Coming out in Summer 2015 :)

Banbha32

I just came out one of the hardest things ive ever had to do and yet it went so smoothly i dont know what took me so long. I honestly felt id never come out and live my life in a cave To give some background im a 28 year old male, never had sex with anyone but i have always known i am sexually attracted to guys (since about age 10). I fought with it myself forever, all the stages of shame and guilt and hoping its all just a phase and will pass and forcing myself to look at women only and not to look at guys and likewise with porn but it obviously doesnt work :P i have had some gay friends through college but always kept it to myself.

My only regret in life is not having done it sooner but i guess you have to be ready in your own mind. I would have always felt coming out was the hardest step but now that its done i can definitely say that accepting it yourself is much much harder as often we can be our own worst enemy. Coming out to others is the easier step and you will wonder what all the fuss was all about (it took me 18 years of strongly worded conversations with myself!) The referendum was the kick up the ass i needed as i could see from facebook and social media that everyone was behind me. I knew almost nobody voting No and realised people that i had known in my life that would have voted that way i had dropped along the way naturally anyway

Id like to know if other people who have recently come out would put the marriage referendum down as the deciding factor for them? If it was not until 2018 or something do you feel you may have held off? I fear that i would have as much and all as i knew Ireland had changed for the better and as happy and all as I am now i fear I wouldnt be out today if the referendum had not taken place this year or at all.

*Also a big thank you to all the boards members over the years who have shared topics of coming out as it was a massive help for me personally. I always secretly visited the LGBT section of boards for years to read peoples stories and boards has helped me come out more than any other source and im sure there will be many more out there like me. Keep on sharing, as you never know who it may help*

qweerty

Yaaay! Really happy for you

Gremlinertia

Congratulations Banbha, it gets scarier the longer you hold on to it as a secret so I'm even more delighted for you. Go and (safely) enjoy yourself..

mattP

Congrats:D

Banbha32 wrote:

My only regret in life is not having done it sooner but i guess you have to be ready in your own mind.

Im 17 and only out to my family, I know I'll look back and wish I came out all the way but you're right - We are our own enemy and I am ****ing petrified Xc haha
Ireland is definitely making progress though so it's not too bad

Daith

Congratulations and well done!

Banbha32 wrote: »

My only regret in life is not having done it sooner

I was in a similar situation and my only advice would be don't make it multiple regrets. Life is too short!

Ten of Swords

Congratulations, good on you. Hopefully you feel much better about things and that a weight has been lifted.

Banbha32 wrote: »

Id like to know if other people who have recently come out would put the marriage referendum down as the deciding factor for them? If it was not until 2018 or something do you feel you may have held off? I fear that i would have

A prevalent attiude I'd imagine. Makes me wonder about the harm that would have been done if the 'No' side had won the day.

Goodshape

Congratulations

mdudy

Congrats man, it only gets better and easier from here!

Mr.Frame

Congrats and well done.
Now you can start living YOUR life , onwards and upwards.
Have fun and be happy, life's too short.

Leonard Hofstadter

Banbha32 wrote: »

Id like to know if other people who have recently come out would put the marriage referendum down as the deciding factor for them? If it was not until 2018 or something do you feel you may have held off? I fear that i would have as much and all as i knew Ireland had changed for the better and as happy and all as I am now i fear I wouldnt be out today if the referendum had not taken place this year or at all.

Congrats. Getting it out there is such a relief for sure. I'm close enough in age to you and I know I'd definitely be still in the closet if it wasn't for the marriage referendum, pretending to be still waiting to find the right woman when I knew it was never going to happen.

I know this isn't the politics forum, but I've more reason than most to be grateful towards the present Government and the Labour party in particular for holding it because it forced me to once and for all man up and deal with it. It was very stressful at the time but it had to be done. I kind of felt I had to start somewhere and I couldn't sit on the sidelines while that referendum was going on and stay quiet, so I started the process a few months before the referendum, although with most people it's been after the referendum that I told them.

Perhaps I've been lucky, but the most 'disappointing' thing in my experience is how much of a non-issue it was to everyone I've told so far - and I mean that in the best possible way. It literally did not make the slightest bit of difference. A few of my cousins said it made me a cooler cousin, which was nice. All those years worrying about it, for absolutely nothing, but it's a good complaint really:).

Mr.Frame

captainspeed wrote: »

Congrats. Getting it out there is such a relief for sure. I'm close enough in age to you and I know I'd definitely be still in the closet if it wasn't for the marriage referendum, pretending to be still waiting to find the right woman when I knew it was never going to happen.

I know this isn't the politics forum, but I've more reason than most to be grateful towards the present Government and the Labour party in particular for holding it because it forced me to once and for all man up and deal with it. It was very stressful at the time but it had to be done. I kind of felt I had to start somewhere and I couldn't sit on the sidelines while that referendum was going on and stay quiet, so I started the process a few months before the referendum, although with most people it's been after the referendum that I told them.

Perhaps I've been lucky, but the most 'disappointing' thing in my experience is how much of a non-issue it was to everyone I've told so far - and I mean that in the best possible way. It literally did not make the slightest bit of difference. A few of my cousins said it made me a cooler cousin, which was nice. All those years worrying about it, for absolutely nothing, but it's a good complaint really:).

Congrats to you also, well done. Isnt it great though, when you think about it, that it was in the end a "non issue",to everyone you told.
How brilliant is that !

lyinghere

I'm 27 and came out almost three years ago now. (Cant believe its been so long actually )

I was always aware that a referendum would be held and I would say this was motivation for me to come out three years ago. I did not want to spend my time wanting the floor to swallow me up as friends and family debated among me so it was definitely a contributing factor for me.

Banbha32

Hey everyone!

Just an update. Thank you all for your replies and well wishes. You have all been through the same as me so you know better than anyone what the whole journey feels like and boards.ie has always been my main source of support So I'm out nearly two months already its crazy. I'm a new man. I'm happy every day when I wake up whereas it used to be like a dark cloud that would be the first thing I thought about in the shower every morning and the last thing going to bed and any time in between if I was working or walking on my own. The thoughts do become obsessive and hurtful and are worse than anyone elses reaction. But the transformation I feel has been amazing. To go from being ashamed of myself and afraid and hoping that no one will ever find out my big dark secret to the complete opposite where I am so proud of who I am, I'm happy all the time, I'm full of beans and confidence and am happy to say to anyone oh ya I'm gay I was home at the weekend for the first time since I came out and met even more people at a family function who I hadn't got to see at the time and they were all congratulating me and hugs and well wishes all around and made me really appreciate my family and friends. I haven't had one bad reaction

There was a videoclip recently on pink news where they asked a few gay and lesbian people would they wish they had been straight and amazingly everyone said no way! And that's how I feel too. Back in the day I always wanted to be straight, life would have been so much easier but now that I'm out I'm so happy and proud and would never want to be anything else. That final feeling of self acceptance is absolutely amazing

I have also been to my first gay bar (twice!) and hopefully soon will get the shift too and onwards and upwards from there! So thanks again to everyone I do love reading other peoples stories so any updates on anyone elses journey and what happened next are welcome here

Take care!

Leonard Hofstadter

Great to see more people taking the plunge and coming out .

As a matter of interest, have any of you gone into a gay bar alone? I'd love to go in and try and chat someone up etc etc, but it scares the crap out of me to go in somewhere like that alone and also I'm afraid that everyone inside will think I've no friends and all of that.

L1011

captainspeed wrote: »

As a matter of interest, have any of you gone into a gay bar alone?

Yes. Its not vastly different to going in with other people. Just don't spend the entire time in a corner looking at your phone.

Mr.Frame

Banbha32 wrote: »

Hey everyone!

Just an update. Thank you all for your replies and well wishes. You have all been through the same as me so you know better than anyone what the whole journey feels like and boards.ie has always been my main source of support So I'm out nearly two months already its crazy. I'm a new man. I'm happy every day when I wake up whereas it used to be like a dark cloud that would be the first thing I thought about in the shower every morning and the last thing going to bed and any time in between if I was working or walking on my own. The thoughts do become obsessive and hurtful and are worse than anyone elses reaction. But the transformation I feel has been amazing. To go from being ashamed of myself and afraid and hoping that no one will ever find out my big dark secret to the complete opposite where I am so proud of who I am, I'm happy all the time, I'm full of beans and confidence and am happy to say to anyone oh ya I'm gay I was home at the weekend for the first time since I came out and met even more people at a family function who I hadn't got to see at the time and they were all congratulating me and hugs and well wishes all around and made me really appreciate my family and friends. I haven't had one bad reaction

There was a videoclip recently on pink news where they asked a few gay and lesbian people would they wish they had been straight and amazingly everyone said no way! And that's how I feel too. Back in the day I always wanted to be straight, life would have been so much easier but now that I'm out I'm so happy and proud and would never want to be anything else. That final feeling of self acceptance is absolutely amazing

I have also been to my first gay bar (twice!) and hopefully soon will get the shift too and onwards and upwards from there! So thanks again to everyone I do love reading other peoples stories so any updates on anyone elses journey and what happened next are welcome here

Take care!

Wow ,what a lovely read. Best wishes for your future and hope you get "the shift" soon . lol (I actually hate that word, but that's just me )

Mr.Frame

captainspeed wrote: »

Great to see more people taking the plunge and coming out .

As a matter of interest, have any of you gone into a gay bar alone? I'd love to go in and try and chat someone up etc etc, but it scares the crap out of me to go in somewhere like that alone and also I'm afraid that everyone inside will think I've no friends and all of that.

The only thing that is holding you back is YOU.
In reality, nobody inside the bar will think twice about whether you have a million friends, or none, so don't be worrying about what other people think.
Many a guy goes into a bar on his own, give it a go , who knows anything might happen for the better.

JupiterKid

Well done OP!

It's hard for me to believe but I came out 19 years ago. I was fortunate in that I got a good reaction from most people - even back then.