No intimacy or care

LegacyUser

My partner has zero interest in me. He never kisses me or hugs me anymore and if I try to hold his hand he pulls it away from me. Our sex life started to fade when I was pregnant as I was quite ill but even after our baby was born his interest didn't come back. We've had sex twice in the last 12 months. It used to be twice a day.
Aside from that there is just no tenderness or care. If I put my arm around him in bed he'll physically turn his back to me. Or he will put a pillow between us so my face will literally be stuck to his pillow. He also says my breath smells and asks me when I last brushed my teeth. He drinks like a young student and sometimes doesn't even come home or show up for work.
Ive tried a number of ways to improve things. I've lost all the baby weight, dyed my hair, made our bedroom more comfortable. I've asked him outright why he never cuddles me and he either ignores me or tells me to stop causing drama.
Then I found out he was using a dating website. I was devastated and still am but anytime I try talk about it he goes crazy.He's swore he never met anyone off of it but obviously he was looking for something better than us. I feel so ugly and undesirable lately. Even recently I got a new dress for a rare night out with friends and he didn't even look up from his phone. So I asked him if I looked ok and he said I was alright. I am only 27 but I feel like I'm ruined. I do have many stretch marks since being pregnant but I was having his baby so he can't hold them against me!
I feel like all I do is nag him for attention and I know that's pathetic but if I don't try we could literally go days only barely talking. But he shuts down every attempt to discuss it so what can I do? My heart is broken with him

Penny Tration

Oh dear.

I don't usually recommend breaking up until I've heard more about a situation, but he's treating you like dirt and you deserve so much more.

Why are you still with him? It sounds as though he's driven your self esteem into the ground.

Look at it objectively:

He doesn't want to sleep with you.
He won't kiss you.
He won't hug you.
He won't hold your hand.
He insults you.
He forces you not to touch him in bed.
He ignores you or insults you when you try to fix things.
He's on dating sites.

This is abuse. He doesn't care about you, he's shown that over and over.

You deserve more. Please tell him to leave, go speak to your doctor and get help for your self esteem, and tell your family and friends what you're going through and ask for support.

You're young, you've done all you can to fix things.

It takes two to make a relationship work, and you can't make him love you.

HelgaWard

He is treating you horribly. You deserve to be loved, you only have one life, you are not living it to your best potential when you are living with someone who treats you like this. He doesn't sound like a responsible partner or father or employee for that matter. For me I would prefer to live on my own with my child.

Ursus Horribilis

What can you do? Accept that your relationship is over and ask him to leave is what you do. Sorry to be as blunt as that but this is the way it's going. You're so wrapped up in this that you can't see the wood from the trees. Sadly it's very obvious that this can't be fixed.

There is a possibility he is traumatised by seeing your body giving birth and you becoming a mother. That is no excuse for the unkind way he has been treating you though. He has very obviously emotionally left the relationship and is already on the lookout for someone new. He's only staying for now out of convenience.

conor8989

as a man the strange thing about your post is the sex twice in 12 months i find that hard to believe thats not down to your looks or baby weight or strech marks id be worried hes seeing someone else or hes addicted to porn sites it dose happen id check his history on the web and dont get caught doing it

ShaShaBear

conor8989 wrote: »

as a man the strange thing about your post is the sex twice in 12 months i find that hard to believe thats not down to your looks or baby weight or strech marks id be worried hes seeing someone else or hes addicted to porn sites it dose happen id check his history on the web and dont get caught doing it

I wouldn't normally be one to agree with something like this, but I can see the point.
I've been in some pretty nasty, dead-end relationships - one where the guy wasn't even attracted to people of my ethnicity (as I later discovered) and even he would take advantage of "something over nothing" at least once a month!
Either he is sorting himself out (I assume you'd notice this, though) or he almost definitely is meeting women on this dating site.

Tell him to heave-ho. That's not the kind of abusive and neglectful behaviour that you want your child to think is normal and acceptable!

dudara

@conor8989 - I've deleted your last post as it was not of the standard required in PI/RI. Please post constructively and on topic.

dudara