Social anxiety - help

supersonic94

So I have been struggling with SA since i was about 17 during my leaving cert. I am now 21 and about to start my final year in college. I dropped out of college after my 3rd year as I was dealing with depression and SA. I went to see my doctor and was prescribed effexor xl that worked for awhile but then began to give me severe panic attacks and made my anxiety worse. I then took a year out of college and went working and I am now just about to go back and finish my final year and I am freaking out as I'll have to meet a whole new class of people that have all known each other for the past 3 years. Also I'll have to make presentations that I feel physically sick thinking about.

I have a lot of good friends and I enjoy going out socialising if there is alcohol involved (masks the anxiety and gives me some confidence) which, due to my SA, can lead to black outs that further distress me and make my SA worse! I am very popular amongst my friends and guys my own age but I have never had a girlfriend due to my anxiety, for fear of being judged or making a fool out of myself, even though I know I'd make someone happy. (most girls that know me just consider me very shy). I've realised that I need to finally sort this anxiety out as its holding me back in so many aspects of my life. I have stopped playing sport and going to the gym also due to my SA.

Any advice/help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks.

supersonic94

I also constantly find myself dwelling on bad past experiences that may have happened 3 or 4 years ago yet I still think about them on a regular basis. I worry about giving a bad account of myself or embarressing myself in front of other people, family or friends.

Thanks again

tiischy

The biggest piece of advice I could give you is don't avoid things, especially things that you obviously like to do; sport as you mentioned. As hard as it can be at times to face situations or other people or whatever is triggering your anxiety, avoiding things only leads to isolation and then the whole problem gets worse. I can definitely speak from experience here and I would also advise you to take it slow; it's great that you've decided not to let your SA hold you back but maybe start with going back to your favourite sport and go from there; don't try to do everything at once.

The fact that you have some good friends OP is a really good sign that you're probably not embarrassing or giving bad impressions of yourself; I know it doesn't help the thoughts but when they do occur it's good to challenge them and remind yourself that there are people that like you and enjoy your company. I also find that it helps if I think about how I would react if someone embarrassed themselves or was in an awkward situation. I think people in general tend to forget how little attention other people actually pay to them; if something embarrassing happens it's horrible for a moment or two and then conversations etc. move on and everyone forgets about it except the person who is feeling awkward. If you find yourself reliving those moments with dread, force yourself to stop and remind yourself of that.

I was in the same situation as you in that I also had compulsory presentations and speeches; I ended up having a panic attack in the middle of one and not being able to finish but I didn't have any negative reactions from anyone in the class; on my feedback forms people said they didn't even realise I was nervous until I freaked out So just know that even though you're nervous and your SA is making it worse, most people won't even realise and those who do will probably be sympathetic; everyone wants them over and done with. My GP prescribed me Inderal which a lot of people get for public speaking anxiety; it stops all the physical symptoms of anxiety so you don't have to worry about blushing/sweating/shaky speech/etc. and allows you to concentrate more.

I would recommend you have a talk with your GP and maybe look into some kind of counselling; a lot of people recommend CBT for anxiety disorders. Apologies for the long-windedness, I hope some of that was helpful. Well done on going back to college OP and try not to worry too much about trying to fit in with a new year group; I don't know what course you're doing but generally final year tends to have a lot of electives so people may not be with their friends and might be looking to make new ones. Best of luck


Edit: mods; apologies if I'm not allowed to recommend medication, I can delete that part if necessary.

Rubberchikken

could you talk to your gp again before college starts? maybe there's a different path of treatment you could take.

well done on returning to college. a big step/decision but one that i hope you're proud of.

with support you should be able to go into your final year and achieve exactly what it is you hope to achieve.

best of luck

via4

Sorry to hear about your anxiety. I also have it and I have lost all my friends because I cannot go out. However I kind of feel like they were not true friends because they didnt care about me. One thing I have accepted with my anxiety is that I am going to put myself first and I am not going to force myself into situations where I do not feel comfortable. Maybe delay college until your feeling a little better? You may be putting too much pressure on yourself. College will always be there your health is what is more important.

supersonic94

Thank you all so much for the replys, I really appreciate it. I think some form of medication for my presentations is a good suggestion and something I will have to look into. The fact that I only have one year left in college, I feel that it is something that I have to do for myself. I would kick myself if I left my SA stop me from getting a degree (I am doing a science course). I also think that I will meet with a college councellor once I go back.

thanks again

missrosetaylor

I think all the advice posted here has been very solid so there might not be much that I can add. All that I can tell you is my own experience; I have gone through the exact feelings that you have of social anxiety and depression and sometimes I look back over the last couple of years and feel bad about how much that it consumed me and stopped me from doing things that I knew deep down that I really wanted to do. Remember that you're not alone.

However, with some time and help I've learned how to manage it and feel more comfortable in my own skin and start putting myself out there more. Gillian Butlers book 'Overcoming Social Anxiety' helped a lot. I ordered it on amazon during a time where my self-esteem was so low that I didn't want to leave the house. It allowed me to understand what was at the root of my anxiety and also how to understand my emotions, and take control of them. I would really recommend it.

Tompatrick

I think you need consider giving up drinking. It's a short term gain but likely very counter productive long term.

eviltwin

The Mater hospital run a free course for SA sufferers. I've no experience of it myself but know some people who have done it and found it helped.

JuliusCaesar

eviltwin wrote: »

The Mater hospital run a free course for SA sufferers. I've no experience of it myself but know some people who have done it and found it helped.

socialanxietyireland.com will give details of it.

KomradeBishop

^^ Unfortunately that's gone through some serious budget cuts recently, and nearly got completely killed off, and is not at its best capacity. Definitely a worthwhile group though, so absolutely worth singing up - just there is a serious need for similar efforts/groups separate to that, nowadays, due to the funding issues there - more resources need to be put into support for that.

VUDuo2

tiischy wrote: »

"I would recommend you have a talk with your GP and maybe look into some kind of counselling;"

I would total agree with the above, especially counselling.

Had I done that when I was the OP's age ( about 26 yrs ago or earlier) who know's how much happier, outgoing, successful I could have been.

It took a tragic event (about 15 yrs ago) to trigger a severe breakdown, borderline suicidal but through acceptance rather than avoidance I went & spoke to someone, one-to-one psychotherapist sessions. The therapist said "these sessions will help you, but it's you who'll have to put in a lot of work, to help yourself" - I did, eventually.

You have taken a courageous step in discussing your feelings on boards.ie , well done.
Now allow yourself to take further steps that will allow you to enjoy your youth and the rest of your life.

Apologies if the following is a bit cringe, but it's one of the many "positive phrases" I turn to when I'm feeling vulnerable ;

"Feeling stuck is a FEELING, not a fact.
So never assume that you’re stuck with the way things are
Life changes every second, and so can you"

crumlin j

There is some great advice above,I'm a few years older than you but can relate to everything you are going through,I let it dictate my life,I would avoid people on the street I knew,I would avoid anything that would make me uncomfortable socially and it's the worst thing you can possibly do.
In the last year I said to myself life is too short to continue like this so I start doing cbt and it literally has changed my life,it's the hardest thing I have ever done but honestly it's so rewarding.
It's great you feel like confronting it because that's the first step in getting over it,in the last year I've started my own business after being unemployed for so long,I learned how to swim,I've met new people,I've laughed more than I ever have,it's cliche but the more you get uncomfortable the more comfortable you will get..
You will get past this if you push yourself
All the best , j