Need advice- what to do

LegacyUser · 24-08-2015 7:57am #1

Ok so have been with my bf 3 years- we recently broke up and have got back together since. Things are not ok and we have decided we need to sit down and talk things through. We have a holiday booked in 2 weeks time and he wants to leave the talk until after then- we've both been under a lot of stress work wise and are looking forward to the break away. Anyway after one too many drinks at the weekend- I kissed a stranger. Feel awful about it, I feel our relationship is pretty much over now. But what to do?? Tell him? Or say nothing and break up after holidays? We get on great and I love him, but somethings missing and I can't see a long term commitment with him.

CaraMay · 24-08-2015 10:18am

Get the holiday out of it and then break up.

LegacyUser · 24-08-2015 10:40am

Thank u... I think this is what I will do.. And I think he knows its coming- hence not having this talk until after the holiday.. He's sticking his head in the sand.. I don't want to hurt him but i know that in the longrun I will and my actions at the wknd have proven this

CaraMay · 24-08-2015 10:52am

Yep just treat him with respect until its over. I wouldn't be sleeping with him as it will only give him false hope

Jimmy Bottlehead · 24-08-2015 11:33am

CaraMay wrote: »

Yep just treat him with respect until its over. I wouldn't be sleeping with him as it will only give him false hope

I'm curious about how that chat will go down...

"I know we're on holiday, but no sex."
"Why??"
"Because I don't want to."

OP, I've been in this situation. I'm sorry to say this, but I recommend ending it now. Going on a holiday with someone who you know it's going to end with right after is a miserable experience. I spent half of my trip stressing over how I was going to end it.

Considering you kissed someone else and showed him such disrespect, you could do a pretty decent thing by breaking it off, giving him your ticket and telling him to take a friend instead.

LegacyUser · 24-08-2015 11:52am

I don't think I would stress about it as I think we both know its coming.. He even asked me to leave talking about it until afterwards. There is no way he would take someone else. I'd have to go on it alone. You're right I have disrespected him. I admit that. There is no excuse, or nothing I can do to undo it. I was craving attention that I am not getting from him and I went too far. I feel that doing it before the holiday would actually hurt him more. The holiday will give us a good opportunity to have some time together and some meaningful conversations.

mapaca · 24-08-2015 11:53am

If you know you want to break up then do it now and let him cancel the holiday or go with someone else. It wouldn't be fair to prolong the agony and would probably spoil the trip anyway.

Dave0301 · 24-08-2015 12:30pm

You're going to go on a two week holiday with someone that you have not only cheated on, but are also going to break up with after?

That is a real crappy thing to do. You say you love him, well at least treat him with respect and end it now.

You can go on the holiday yourself, or make other arrangements, but dragging it all out just for the sake of getting away for a holiday is not the correct approach.

MagicMarker · 24-08-2015 12:33pm

Forget the holiday.

Christ if I found out that someone spent two weeks on holiday with me, all the while wanting to break up with me, I'd feel 100 times worse.

It's only a holiday.

24-08-2015 12:40pm

Eh.

So you were together. Broke up. Got back together. Things aren't great and he wants to go on a holiday together to try and sort it, because he wants to be with you, but you want to go on it for the sake of going on a holiday, but completely intending to break up with him after it's done? Have I summed it up properly?

Yeah, that's a pretty low thing to do. Do the guy a favour and break up with him now, taking the holiday time to do something else, and not give him any sense of false hope.

LegacyUser · 24-08-2015 1:10pm

Its actually not that low- he knows full well whats going to happen after the hol- in his own words 'we're doomed'. He is an adult and if he feels that we're inevitably doomed and still wants to go then I can't take full responsibility for that. What I did at the weekend is low and I couldn't feel worse for that.

MagicMarker · 24-08-2015 1:46pm

Hol2015 wrote: »

Its actually not that low- he knows full well whats going to happen after the hol- in his own words 'we're doomed'. He is an adult and if he feels that we're inevitably doomed and still wants to go then I can't take full responsibility for that. What I did at the weekend is low and I couldn't feel worse for that.

Tell him you cheated on him, then ask him if he still wants to go on holiday.

giggle84 · 24-08-2015 1:51pm

Hol2015 wrote: »

Its actually not that low- he knows full well whats going to happen after the hol- in his own words 'we're doomed'. He is an adult and if he feels that we're inevitably doomed and still wants to go then I can't take full responsibility for that. What I did at the weekend is low and I couldn't feel worse for that.

If this is what you know you want to do and you don't feel it would be low.. I don't really get what you want from posters here?

Personally I think you owe him more respect than this. If he doesn't want to have the conversation until after your holiday then don't kid yourself, he's holding out hope that the holiday will fix everything and you're reinforcing that hope. Why not have the talk now and go on holidays as friends if it's inevitable and you still get on so well?

Pyr0 · 24-08-2015 2:26pm

Forget the holiday. You clearly don't have any respect for him otherwise you wouldn't have cheated.

You're planning on a two week holiday, how would it not be brought up? All it takes is a quiet moment, or even worse a few drinks and then its unavoidable. It'll always be that holiday you'll remember for the wrong reasons.

I'd cut your losses, show him some respect and tell the truth and don't go on the holiday.

LegacyUser · 24-08-2015 3:40pm

Its a 6 day holiday. I'm going to tell him tonight, about the weekend- then he can decide what he does.. I booked the holiday, he hasn't paid anything yet.

giggle84 · 24-08-2015 4:20pm

Notwithstanding what I said before, I don't necessarily think you need to tell him about kissing someone else. You don't need forgiveness, you're going to break up with him anyway so telling him might just hurt him more. I just think you should make it clear to him that you don't intend to continue in the relationship and that the holiday will not change that, just so that he doesn't have false hope.

Jimmy Bottlehead · 25-08-2015 12:50pm

Hol2015 wrote: »

Its a 6 day holiday. I'm going to tell him tonight, about the weekend- then he can decide what he does.. I booked the holiday, he hasn't paid anything yet.

Hope it went well OP. It's the right thing to do.

CaraMay · 25-08-2015 2:21pm

Don't tell him. That's just being nasty. Tell him it's finished but don't hurt him unnecessarily. Go off on the holiday alone so but no need to stick the knife in when it's over anyway

IvoryTower · 25-08-2015 2:22pm

id rather know so i could pull out of the holiday(that he hasn't even paid for yet)

CaraMay · 25-08-2015 2:26pm

She can tell him it's over and she doesn't want him to go. That's fair

LegacyUser · 25-08-2015 2:43pm

Hi all. So nothing happened yesterday as we were both too busy to meet up.
I phoned him at lunch.. He's not free to meet today and basically gave me a list of things he is doing right up until next Sunday- none of which involve meeting me. I said I need to see him- he said we'll have lots of time together on holidays.. FFS. I can't say it over the phone or just text him..

Need advice- what to do

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