Casual guy giving me mixed messages

via4

I just was looking for some advice. I have been single for most of my life as I have serious confidence issues and trust issues. One guy has been coming down over the years casually. On average once every three months. We never went out or done stuff together which was fine at the time but now I want to cut that time wasting and try and be with someone proper I. E be taken out on dates etc. in text messages I made that clear to him and he said fair enough. I went on two dates with two different guys no spark there but it's my baby steps towards making changes in my life. The casual guy was ringing me for a while but I wasn't answering because I'm trying to do this new change and he just wants one thing. He kept ringing so I answered and he said I'm coming down next week. I said no you arnt I told you am not wasting my time on something that's going nower. He then said he liked me n would go out etc. I wasn't expecting that but after years of making no effort or treating me proper now that I am done with it he's saying all this stuff now. I told him I was serious and to give him a few days to think. That was a few days ago and havnt heard from him so would it be worth giving him a chance or is it a bit suspicious that only now he is saying he likes me I always got the vibe he only came down when he had no one else but I was lonely so I didn't mind having the odd night of company. Any advice?

jopax

Hi op,
You finally stood up for yourself and demanded some respect so don't stop now.
I don't think he sounds like a decent guy if he can treat you like that for years.
You already know what you need to do, so I say hang tight & don't allow him to use you anymore.
I hope you find a genuine man who will want to treat you respectfully.
Good luck with it op.

Ave Sodalis

I'm confused as to how he hasn't been treating you properly. I would assume that, given how casual it was and that neither of you originally wanted anything serious, any romantic stuff would be off. Why is he suddenly at fault when it was you that changed your mind about wanting something more serious from someone?

I would give him a chance to prove himself. If it doesn't work out, then you can leave it. If it does, then happy days.

via4

Yes I am thinking about giving him a chance to prove himself nothing to lose and all that. It's not that he is at fault it was just that when I initially explained in texts that I'm looking for something proper with someone not necessarily him as I got the impression he never wanted that he said he was planning on staying single and that that was fair enough. I put the whole thing behind me so I didn't think it was fair of him to assume he could still come down and keep ringing. I'm just questioning if it is genuine but I suppose only one way to find out thank you for your reply

via4

Thank you for the reply yes your right don't get me wrong we get in like a house on fire and it was just a casual thing it was my own fault for letting him use me and now that I am getting older I could be doing without this. The two guys u went on dates with didnt spend a cent I paid my own way I would like to be treated proper I'm getting the stingy guys not that I dnt want to pay me way but it shows kindness when a guy treats the girl esp on the first date but so far all am hearing is how they dnt like spending money

Ave Sodalis

via4 wrote: »

Thank you for the reply yes your right don't get me wrong we get in like a house on fire and it was just a casual thing it was my own fault for letting him use me and now that I am getting older I could be doing without this. The two guys u went on dates with didnt spend a cent I paid my own way I would like to be treated proper I'm getting the stingy guys not that I dnt want to pay me way but it shows kindness when a guy treats the girl esp on the first date but so far all am hearing is how they dnt like spending money

But he didn't use you. The two of you agreed not to have a serious relationship which you had no problem with until you decided otherwise.

via4

We didnt exactly agree to that we never had that conversation at all he would just ring out of the blue and for me it was better than sitting at home alone. If I made contact first he would ignore me which makes me think how can he like me if he can go weeks without talking. I'd like to be with someone that genuinely likes me that's my main concern

Penny Tration

I agree with sup-dude, there was no mistreatment and no using here.

However, the question now is do you take the risk?

There are three possible outcomes:

He's genuine and wants to see where things go.

He goes on a date, sleeps with you and that's the end of it.

He goes on a date, doesn't sleep with you and you never hear from him again.


Are you able to deal with all three of these possible scenarios? If you're able to deal with the outcome, then by all means give the guy a chance.


I'd be a little uncertain as to your ability to deal with it if it turns out he just wants sex, though, as you mention insecurities. Will these rear their head or get worse?

Ultimately, your own loyalty is to yourself. If you believe he's genuine and if you can truly handle him NOT being genuine, then give it a shot.

via4

Thank you for the reply yes I'm still in two minds whether to take the risk or not

via4

An update on this is the date never happened. Like a fool I said yes and went out and bought new shoes planned my outfit and got excited and this is something I have not felt in a few years like I had something to look forward to. Two weeks went by and no budge from him so I said again last night what I tried to say two weeks ago that I am just wasting my time with him. He used the work excuse that he was too busy but he goes out on nights out so thats the cowards way saying hes not interested. I said it all to him and he agreed that he should not have said h liked me and would go out with me. I knew deep down that it wasnt going to happen but I was just doing the good ole "try and be positive" lark. Oh well

kylith

Well, at least now you know. And you have an outfit all ready for the next date you go on.