Everything is falling apart

LegacyUser

I posted about something similar recently and with the mood I'm in now, I really can't go searching for it.

Everything in my life is falling apart slowly.

I had a job, which I quit because it was bringing me into such a deep depression, through an extremely high workload (unmanageably high, brought on by a management that didn't care and worked their staff to the bone), extremely long hours (I'd have to start at 7:30AM and would be looking to finish closer to 7PM to keep up with the work), and ignorant management style (they would call someone dyslexic for making mistakes, swear at staff). It was the right decision for me to make, because I couldn't do it anymore. They were also slashing the Dublin office hugely, with layoffs across all departments. Some gone completely. Replaced with people in Romania. A few days after I quit, I discover that was the plan all along for my team and we were going to be replaced.

Everything was fine - I was applying for jobs and was making headway by getting some interviews, but mostly rejection emails.

My confidence took a huge hit in my job, because they made me feel like I was useless, and then took an even bigger when I kept getting nothing but rejections and "sorry we went with someone else"'s.

But I was powering on, because I knew that there had to be a silver lining. Surely there would have to be.

And then at the end of July, my landlord tells us that we have to vacate the apartment.

So I go looking and try to find - every day searching, contacting at least 1 or 2 a day, sometimes more if I was lucky. Half the time they didn't reply, some that replied asked me what I did and when I told them I was unemployed it's, "oh, the landlord wants students or professionals only". Despite my telling them that I can provide them with a reference from my current landlord to say that rent and bills have never been an issue.

I go to see houses, get on really well with the people, and when it comes to the question of, "so, what do you do?" I'm honest and tell them, "I'm unemployed, but looking for work".

Then, a few days later, I get a reply saying, "sorry, we went with someone else". And you just know it's because I'm unemployed. I'm not as desirable to live with compared to other people.

My move out date is Wednesday. I viewed a place and the woman there gave me the impression that I was going to be picked. And then I get a text, "sorry, we went with someone else. Tough decision".

That's it. I can't do anything else. I have to move home, back across the country, which I left because there wasn't anything there for me.

And now, I have no confidence. God, I can't even convince people I'd be a good housemate. I have nothing. I'm weak and I'm tired and frustrated and fed up. I just want one small break, that's all. I'm beginning to realize that the silver lining is actually made of sh1t.

I have to move home and be around that again. Be somewhere that I'm not happy and have to feel my dad making me feel useless for being 30 and not only having no job, but not even having a house.

I have to go to the citizen's information and see what I can do, because I'm pretty sure having to live at home will affect my payments. I can't lie - I can't pretend I'm not living at home. I can't pretend that I'm working or tell people that I am when I go to view houses. I just can't - my mind isn't programmed that way.

I'm just a shell of a person now, with no confidence, no luck, and nothing to make me happy.

Rubberchikken

you've been dealt a few hard blows so i'd advice you taking a small bit of time to get yourself back together. get your head in a better place then start over.
it must have been an awful place that had managers talking to people like you describe and i realise that it's so hard for some to find accommodation but you will bounce back. be determined to not let any of this get to you.

somewhere in the crappy silver lining there is light and you'll find it. best of luck

via4

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. There's a lot going on here so let's take it one step at a time. Looking for work is the main thing as having work will make it easier to find a place to live. I have a friend who stays in a b & b during the week for work so if you get a job in Dublin that can be an option until you get a place. Then when you do go viewing explain what has happened people can be very understanding when they know the full story. Iv been there when I got a place I had no job for over a year n I got judged a lot by the letting agency like a was a scrounger even though I had been in college and got a degree and came out into the recession but like you I felt so worthless thought I would never work again but after a year of nothing I got three interviews three days in a row and I got a choice of what job I wanted best. Things will change for you please take it from me. As for your dad mine are the exact same think getting a house n job are so eAsy but you and I both know that it's not. As hard as it is just let what your dad says go over your head he is the least of your worries. Good luck

LegacyUser

I have a real issue with dealing with things that I can't control, or things that don't go as I had hoped. I think partially it has something to do with being on the autism spectrum, I don't know.

But I can just feel my head spinning and I'm having little freakouts because everything is spinning out of control and I can't do anything to stop it. I hate it and I hate this feeling. It's never happened to me - I was always either able to find a house or to find a job, but now I can't find either and I'm sinking.

Rekop dog

When will it end? wrote: »

I posted about something similar recently and with the mood I'm in now, I really can't go searching for it.

Everything in my life is falling apart slowly.

I had a job, which I quit because it was bringing me into such a deep depression, through an extremely high workload (unmanageably high, brought on by a management that didn't care and worked their staff to the bone), extremely long hours (I'd have to start at 7:30AM and would be looking to finish closer to 7PM to keep up with the work), and ignorant management style (they would call someone dyslexic for making mistakes, swear at staff). It was the right decision for me to make, because I couldn't do it anymore. They were also slashing the Dublin office hugely, with layoffs across all departments. Some gone completely. Replaced with people in Romania. A few days after I quit, I discover that was the plan all along for my team and we were going to be replaced.

Everything was fine - I was applying for jobs and was making headway by getting some interviews, but mostly rejection emails.

My confidence took a huge hit in my job, because they made me feel like I was useless, and then took an even bigger when I kept getting nothing but rejections and "sorry we went with someone else"'s.

But I was powering on, because I knew that there had to be a silver lining. Surely there would have to be.

And then at the end of July, my landlord tells us that we have to vacate the apartment.

So I go looking and try to find - every day searching, contacting at least 1 or 2 a day, sometimes more if I was lucky. Half the time they didn't reply, some that replied asked me what I did and when I told them I was unemployed it's, "oh, the landlord wants students or professionals only". Despite my telling them that I can provide them with a reference from my current landlord to say that rent and bills have never been an issue.

I go to see houses, get on really well with the people, and when it comes to the question of, "so, what do you do?" I'm honest and tell them, "I'm unemployed, but looking for work".

Then, a few days later, I get a reply saying, "sorry, we went with someone else". And you just know it's because I'm unemployed. I'm not as desirable to live with compared to other people.

My move out date is Wednesday. I viewed a place and the woman there gave me the impression that I was going to be picked. And then I get a text, "sorry, we went with someone else. Tough decision".

That's it. I can't do anything else. I have to move home, back across the country, which I left because there wasn't anything there for me.

And now, I have no confidence. God, I can't even convince people I'd be a good housemate. I have nothing. I'm weak and I'm tired and frustrated and fed up. I just want one small break, that's all. I'm beginning to realize that the silver lining is actually made of sh1t.

I have to move home and be around that again. Be somewhere that I'm not happy and have to feel my dad making me feel useless for being 30 and not only having no job, but not even having a house.

I have to go to the citizen's information and see what I can do, because I'm pretty sure having to live at home will affect my payments. I can't lie - I can't pretend I'm not living at home. I can't pretend that I'm working or tell people that I am when I go to view houses. I just can't - my mind isn't programmed that way.

I'm just a shell of a person now, with no confidence, no luck, and nothing to make me happy.

I can't really understand this part. If you genuinely do think you can afford a place in the short-medium term without work I don't see it as any sort of smite on your integrity to pretend you've a job. Obviously a completely different story if you can't afford it. I'd put it in the white lie category which we all do from time to time to get by.

It's almost like you're putting unnecessary obstacles in your own path so you can just wallow in your own self pity, you need to snap out of this negative funk you're in and go out and make your own luck, instead of clinging to this I'm a luckless nice guy act.

LegacyUser

It's not that easy though. I have a really hard time lying - I can't explain it. But, really, the lie would be instantly seen through as soon as I'm in, because I'm going to be there more often than not. It's sort of hard to hide the fact that you're unemployed and around a lot.

And it's not really a case of a luckless nice guy act - I genuinely have a hard time lying.

Of course I can afford it - I've even got reference from my landlord stating as such, but people don't care.

Anyway, I'm moving home on Wednesday. There's nothing else I can do.

Light_Sleeper

I was honestly reading this and thinking to myself , wow this is exactly what I'm going through.

My advice would be to stay positive. I know it's hard and there may be many more blows along the way but by thinking of all the things wrong it's easier to fall into the trap of wallowing. Again I know how easy ( should I say not easy) this is but really try because all you need is a start to get you going again. It will work x

Ursus Horribilis

I see you're moving home today (Wednesday). Try to look on it as a temporary blip rather than a catastrophe. There's no shame in having to move home or not owning a house at 30. You still have plenty of time to get another job and to buy a house (if that's what you want). Does your dad actually say these things to you or are you projecting?

One of the things about not having a mortgage around your neck for now is that it buys you flexibility. Does it absolutely have to be Dublin where you want to live and work? Maybe moving to a less pricey city or town (or even abroad) might be an option for you.

Being unemployed is a horrible experience. I know how it feels because it happened to me. It's all too easy to let your head drop and to get very down over it. Don't! It'll affect your demeanour when you go for interviews and hinder your chances. Try to stay positive and see this for what it is. A run of bad luck that will end sometimes.

LegacyUser

When will it end? wrote: »

I have a real issue with dealing with things that I can't control, or things that don't go as I had hoped. I think partially it has something to do with being on the autism spectrum, I don't know.

But I can just feel my head spinning and I'm having little freakouts because everything is spinning out of control and I can't do anything to stop it. I hate it and I hate this feeling. It's never happened to me - I was always either able to find a house or to find a job, but now I can't find either and I'm sinking.

I get where you're coming from re not being able to control things - but that's how prospective house-share people will feel about you not having a job: that they'll not be able to control rent payments, possibly get kicked out themselves because of that, and perhaps having someone (you) in the house all day every day running up bills.

I know you know that it's highly unlikely that this will happen - but they don't know you enough to know that. So they calculate their risks and choose a safer bet. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything that you dont know here.

So in summary, you can't do much about the house stuff until you have a job. So swallow your pride, be practical and move back home until you get a job and have been in it for a few months. Treat it as a project to invest time and research into, and work on it. My take from what you've described is that you work in a call centre (in which you may need to upskill), or IT. If the latter, then start applying pronto - there's so many IT jobs out there.

TheBiz

As for applying for accommodation, it may be better to explain your story that you just recently left a job you disliked and your searching. Rather than bluntly saying your unemployed (that can imply you couldn't get work to start with.. Not the case in 90% of situations but that's how it's perceived)
Best of luck, things always find a way o working out!