Good friend gone bad

Marle Meza

Hi,

Ok I am a newbie here but have an issue, a big issue with someone whom I thought was my friend. I will try not to make this too long but its bugging the hell out of me and I am still in shock over it. I have never had this happen to me before and its scared me.

My ex of 6 years passed away suddenly and unexpectedly a couple of years ago. I had loved him so much it truly gutted me. I spent a year going to bereavement counseling and had to lean on one of my best friends for support at the time. I was devastated. In the meanwhile I made friends with a guy from the US on Facebook who is a self employed journalist in his home town, an author as well. During my grieving he had mentioned to me that he wanted to go out with me, but as I live in Ireland and him in the US its not a possibility and we have never had long enough or frequent enough conversations to get to know one another. maybe once a month for a minute or whatever. I told him at the time I wanted to wait as wasnt ready for anything and I didn't know what would be around the corner.

Since then time has come and gone and I have found my voice again and this was largely due to another good friend who had been there for me all along. I had know Paul since 2007 when we used to play online game wow. Thing is he moved near to me and we have been dating since last year.

Today, I have the worst day ever. George the guy from the US whom I have never met in person, and who doesn't really know me, although I did class him as a good friend and who has helped me and I have helped him a lot, he turned on me today with a tirade of insults and really shocking words on Facebook.

Previously to that he was friendly talking about coming to see me in 2 years but I told him I might be elsewhere, I am planning to move, and he said he would go where ever I am in the world.
It prompted me to speak with him privately and I told him about Paul He wanted me to dump Paul for him and that he (George) was always there for me and then he asked me if there was a possibility of me and him (George) getting together in the future. I said no, had to be honest. It was then he told me that he hoped the Paul would hurt me a thousand times over more than I ever hurt him!!!! :O

He said he had been sleeping rough just to save money so he travel to Ireland and he hadn't wanted to tell me but he did then.
I was in shocked and it gets worse, he said I led him on, lied, manipulated and deceived him and that he hoped my life would be full of suffering, disappointment and all bad things. He said he would write in his next book about me and my fake whining over my dead fiance Alan.
He said 3 people never to mess or f***k with is a media journalist/author and natural witch and that he was all 3 and so much much more!!! he said he truly hates me and that I was laughing at all of this!!!

This has really all scared me. He has blocked me from his page, while I was trying to sort it out with him. I have done nothing wrong, I have never ever ever said Alan was my fiance. To bring Alan into this is extremely low.

I cannot believe that someone whom I thought was my friend could do this to me. Alright he didn't really know me because if he did he would have never been like this to me. I have never bad mouthed anyone ever and am not going to start. But he was really hateful to me and I am not used to things like that, I am such an emotional girl, wear my heart on my sleeve and everything effects me if its directed at me personally.

I have a business on Facebook and I am seriously concerned that it will damage me. I am self employed and its a creative business.

I really do not know what to do, he has mentioned my business name. I wonder seriously about how I can continue on Facebook or how I can sort all this out, I would have done so had he given me the chance but he wasn't for listening, he unfriended and blocked me and what he said has also appeared on twitter

Sorry its so long, don't think I could have shortened it any less

Thanks for reading

What can I do? Need advice please help

Exclamation Marc

Marle Meza wrote: »

What can I do? Need advice please help

Oh God OP, I'm so sorry to read this, this sounds really awful.

Well firstly, the best thing to do is to completely block this guy from social media (you can block someone after they've blocked you even though it's a little trickier), and from here on never respond to him. I don't think he deserves someone like you in his life and you certainly don't deserve that treatment so just get rid of him first and foremost. When he sees, going forward. that he's getting no reaction from you at all and that you're completely ignoring him, he's more likely to go away than if you engage him. And realistically it sounds like he's not in any way rational minded, so engaging won't help or resolve anything.

Further from that, I know its easier said than done, but all you can do is try to block this guy out of your mind and accept that he's an awful person, but he can't harm you. If he writes anything about you, anyone with any notion of sense will utterly discredit him and/or see him as a complete psychopath. I can definitely say that if I saw any of my friends writing the way he's threatening to write about you, I'd be having serious words or be distancing myself from him. He sounds like he's trying his hardest to hurt you as deeply as he can, which you don't in any way deserve. He doesn't sound like he'll stop or hold any punches but you have to know that you are so much better than people like that and it just horribly unfortunate that this guy turned out like this. The only way through this is to accept that this guy is just not worth being in your life and his words (although they understandably hurt) need to bounce off you. You clearly have people in your life who love you and respect you, and @rseholes like this, you just have to try to put them out of your mind, realise that their opinions mean notihng, and ignore them,

He sounds like a real lunatic and is clearly infatuated with you but from what I've read, you've done absolutely nothing wrong and acted like a totally normal (if not a super-strong) person to deal with life and move along as you have been. Unfortunately there are just people out there who are vile and when they don't get their way, they turn on people. You've done nothing to incite or deserve this, it just seems like this guy unfortunately turned out to be a total bad egg.

Block the guy on facebook from both your personal and your private page. Block any other access he has to other social media. Block his number from your phone or anything like that also. From here-on, just don't engage him in any single way, whether it's any 'attempt' to apologise or continue the abuse. As long as you engage him, he'll feed off it. If he sees no reaction, he should tire, get bored and give up. You may need to be a little more vigilant on your Facebook business page if he attempts anything underhanded, but if he does, use the Facebook abuse options which should put an end to anything he tries. He'll give up if he sees you ignoring and blocking you. On your personal page though, just fully block your page and remove yourself from any searches, and remove the add friend option (just for the time being).

Have you talked to Paul and let him know? It would be really good if you haven't to talk to him, the emotional support will really help.

Marle Meza

FireballPitcher wrote: »

Oh God OP, I'm so sorry to read this, this sounds really awful.

Well firstly, the best thing to do is to completely block this guy from social media (you can block someone after they've blocked you even though it's a little trickier), and from here on never respond to him. I don't think he deserves someone like you in his life and you certainly don't deserve that treatment so just get rid of him first and foremost. When he sees, going forward. that he's getting no reaction from you at all and that you're completely ignoring him, he's more likely to go away than if you engage him. And realistically it sounds like he's not in any way rational minded, so engaging won't help or resolve anything.

Further from that, I know its easier said than done, but all you can do is try to block this guy out of your mind and accept that he's an awful person, but he can't harm you. If he writes anything about you, anyone with any notion of sense will utterly discredit him and/or see him as a complete psychopath. I can definitely say that if I saw any of my friends writing the way he's threatening to write about you, I'd be having serious words or be distancing myself from him. He sounds like he's trying his hardest to hurt you as deeply as he can, which you don't in any way deserve. He doesn't sound like he'll stop or hold any punches but you have to know that you are so much better than people like that and it just horribly unfortunate that this guy turned out like this. The only way through this is to accept that this guy is just not worth being in your life and his words (although they understandably hurt) need to bounce off you. You clearly have people in your life who love you and respect you, and @rseholes like this, you just have to try to put them out of your mind, realise that their opinions mean notihng, and ignore them,

He sounds like a real lunatic and is clearly infatuated with you but from what I've read, you've done absolutely nothing wrong and acted like a totally normal (if not a super-strong) person to deal with life and move along as you have been. Unfortunately there are just people out there who are vile and when they don't get their way, they turn on people. You've done nothing to incite or deserve this, it just seems like this guy unfortunately turned out to be a total bad egg.

Block the guy on facebook from both your personal and your private page. Block any other access he has to other social media. Block his number from your phone or anything like that also. From here-on, just don't engage him in any single way, whether it's any 'attempt' to apologise or continue the abuse. As long as you engage him, he'll feed off it. If he sees no reaction, he should tire, get bored and give up. You may need to be a little more vigilant on your Facebook business page if he attempts anything underhanded, but if he does, use the Facebook abuse options which should put an end to anything he tries. He'll give up if he sees you ignoring and blocking you. On your personal page though, just fully block your page and remove yourself from any searches, and remove the add friend option (just for the time being).

Have you talked to Paul and let him know? It would be really good if you haven't to talk to him, the emotional support will really help.

Thank you so much for your reply. I have blocked him on twitter and put my account there to private. also blocked him from another media site. I can't block him from my personal account as he has already done this to me first. I can't block him from my page or ban him as he has never posted on there.

I wasn't expecting such a drastic reaction from him and such a nasty way too. I have literally been shaking and crying.
I have told Paul all about it and he has been very supportive, but he cannot do much as he is away on business at the moment. He said the he(George) is a stranger, a nobody and he never really knew me and wasn't to worry, some peoples bark is worse than their bite.

He was only a Facebook friend, but someone I thought was a good friend, wow, I just never seen it coming. I have cried and feel so worried its just crazy what he has said. He hates me more than anything.

I just feel at a loss. I wish I could sort this out but there's no going back after what he has done. Just mostly concerned for my business.

Thank you so much again for reading and taking the time to reply

Exclamation Marc

Marle Meza wrote: »

Thank you so much for your reply. I have blocked him on twitter and put my account there to private. also blocked him from another media site. I can't block him from my personal account as he has already done this to me first. I can't block him from my page or ban him as he has never posted on there.

If you go onto your personal Facebook page; click settings on the right hand side and then click 'Blocking' on the left hand side, you can block people by e-mail address and/or name regardless of whether they've blocked you or not, so stick his e-mail address in there because if or when he unblocks you, he could try to find your page again or snoop on you. Once you have his e-mail or name, you can block him even if he's blocked you, so make sure you do that asap.

I'm not sure if the same works for business pages but have a look.

Marle Meza wrote: »

I wasn't expecting such a drastic reaction from him and such a nasty way too. I have literally been shaking and crying.
I have told Paul all about it and he has been very supportive, but he cannot do much as he is away on business at the moment. He said the he(George) is a stranger, a nobody and he never really knew me and wasn't to worry, some peoples bark is worse than their bite.

He was only a Facebook friend, but someone I thought was a good friend, wow, I just never seen it coming. I have cried and feel so worried its just crazy what he has said. He hates me more than anything.

I just feel at a loss. I wish I could sort this out but there's no going back after what he has done. Just mostly concerned for my business.

Thank you so much again for reading and taking the time to reply

Paul is absolutely right, his bark is totally worse than his bite. He's a stranger, so realistically he doesn't even have a bite! Just idle threats.

I'm not surprised you are so shaken up, when people attack you on such a personal level, especially when you have put so much faith in them and battled through everything you have, it can cut you down very quickly. Just know that you're better than any of those things he has said about you and he will go away.

It would be great if you could sort it out, but you're right, he's gone too far and you shouldn't let him back into your life. You've dealt with enough to have to put up with someone like that.

Feel better OP, go out and treat yourself this weekend and try to put that prat to the back of your mind. You've come so so far to let someone like that hurt you in the long run. Soon he'll just be a distant irritating memory.

Marle Meza

FireballPitcher wrote: »

If you go onto your personal Facebook page; click settings on the right hand side and then click 'Blocking' on the left hand side, you can block people by e-mail address and/or name regardless of whether they've blocked you or not, so stick his e-mail address in there because if or when he unblocks you, he could try to find your page again or snoop on you. Once you have his e-mail or name, you can block him even if he's blocked you, so make sure you do that asap.

I'm not sure if the same works for business pages but have a look.



Paul is absolutely right, his bark is totally worse than his bite. He's a stranger, so realistically he doesn't even have a bite! Just idle threats.

I'm not surprised you are so shaken up, when people attack you on such a personal level, especially when you have put so much faith in them and battled through everything you have, it can cut you down very quickly. Just know that you're better than any of those things he has said about you and he will go away.

It would be great if you could sort it out, but you're right, he's gone too far and you shouldn't let him back into your life. You've dealt with enough to have to put up with someone like that.

Feel better OP, go out and treat yourself this weekend and try to put that prat to the back of your mind. You've come so so far to let someone like that hurt you in the long run. Soon he'll just be a distant irritating memory.

I have blocked him on Facebook now, thanks to you. I have tried on my business page but can only ban him from the page if he makes a comment.

I went to my twitter business account just to block him and I saw he is still going on and saying horrible things about me. I think some people have said something back to him as he said something like some local people weren't on his side on his page and that he was getting rid of local garbage/ mentions my name/and something else in the US. He also mentioned my full name and that I am in Ireland. He has said what I do for a living in the creative industry. I feel like his is trying to destroy my credibility.
Maybe I am overthinking there but I don't know. I guess when you get to a panic shock state you think of all sorts of things.

I know he is a stranger, but really believed he wouldn't be like that. Just goes to show I never knew really knew him.

I do hope that I can forget this and move on. Just hope things will work out.

Thanks so much for replying again. I really appreciate it.

athtrasna

You can report abusive tweets on Twitter and they may take action against him.

vixdname

He's obviously a complete loon.

A journalist \ author (and part time witch) who has to sleep rough in order to save money to visit his internet love in Ireland.....

Either he's a really bad author \ journalist and he's not getting paid much for his work if he's sleeping rough or he's an utter loon, the latter being the most probable.

Best advise is block him, have no connection or contact in any form.
You're obviously hurt by the stuff he said, but that's all it is...stuff....stuff from a loon who's more to be pitied then frightened of or concerned over.
This is a 1st world problem, people meeting people on the NET but really have no clue to who they are except only what they tell you.

In future, be cautious who you hook up with online, and always take what they tell you with a pinch of salt.

Marle Meza

athtrasna wrote: »

You can report abusive tweets on Twitter and they may take action against him.

Thank you I may do just that.

Marle Meza

vixdname wrote: »

He's obviously a complete loon.

A journalist \ author (and part time witch) who has to sleep rough in order to save money to visit his internet love in Ireland.....

Either he's a really bad author \ journalist and he's not getting paid much for his work if he's sleeping rough or he's an utter loon, the latter being the most probable.

Best advise is block him, have no connection or contact in any form.
You're obviously hurt by the stuff he said, but that's all it is...stuff....stuff from a loon who's more to be pitied then frightened of or concerned over.
This is a 1st world problem, people meeting people on the NET but really have no clue to who they are except only what they tell you.

In future, be cautious who you hook up with online, and always take what they tell you with a pinch of salt.

What bothers me is that I had given him no indication that I would want to be with him, I have done nothing wrong, just been nice, friendly and helpful as would do with any friend and I mistook his kindness and care as being part of the friendship.

Only this morning I realised something I omitted from my conversation with him and I think it is my mistake, my fault (maybe) but I didn't get the opportunity to tell him that I have known Paul far longer than him. He wanted me to dump Paul for him because he said he had been there for me for a long time. I never got to tell him that about Paul. Maybe that's the cause of it. Blimey! I don't know :O

Sometimes when you're faced with sudden behavioral changes from someone you thought you knew, you get quite a shock. and all manners of things fly through your mind and out of your head and you can't think straight.

I wasn't given the time to talk much he just went, unfriended me and blocked me and then went into a horrible tirade on social media about me. Something I would never ever do to anyone.

I'm not befriending anyone any more on any social sites. It's way too hurtful to go through something like this again, once is way too much.

Thank you for your reply. Much appreciated.

Sunflower 27

I'm so sorry to read you went through this.

He sounds insane, truly.

Please do not waste any further time on him OR the things he said. He sounds like a desperate and lonely person that honed in on you and your grief. I wouldn't believe half the stuff he said either.

You have been through a terrible ordeal. Time to let this all go now and that includes his pathetic attempts to massacre your character in the print media.

He was not a friend but someone you met online. You have no idea what he is really like. If he even is who he really is.

Thank your lucky stars he is gone from your life. There is no need to be scared either. He is all full of bluster. Why would a journalist/author be sleeping rough? He isn't very good at his job then is he

Put this whole situation behind you. You owe him nothing.

Do look after yourself. You have had a rough time of it and were vulnerable to all kinds of idiots online.

Marle Meza

Sunflower 27 wrote: »

I'm so sorry to read you went through this.

He sounds insane, truly.

Please do not waste any further time on him OR the things he said. He sounds like a desperate and lonely person that honed in on you and your grief. I wouldn't believe half the stuff he said either.

You have been through a terrible ordeal. Time to let this all go now and that includes his pathetic attempts to massacre your character in the print media.

He was not a friend but someone you met online. You have no idea what he is really like. If he even is who he really is.

Thank your lucky stars he is gone from your life. There is no need to be scared either. He is all full of bluster. Why would a journalist/author be sleeping rough? He isn't very good at his job then is he

Put this whole situation behind you. You owe him nothing.

Do look after yourself. You have had a rough time of it and were vulnerable to all kinds of idiots online.

He has been saying horrible things about me on social media and has had a post removed, I did not report him.

It is hard to shake the feeling of shock and worry. He would harm my reputation on social media as I have a business page on Facebook and a business twitter account.

The things he is saying I would never ever say to a soul, to anyone. He is putting me in his book, I don't know if he is using my name, if he does, would that be illegal to use my name or one where I can be identifiable? He is also including someone else he hates. I would hate to think he would mention in his book in such a horrible manner.

This is oh so much more than I can handle. I have been having bouts of bad health since last May and have an ecg cos I thought I had a heart attack or something related to my heart. I have had other symptoms, but have been checked out by my doctor and been given the all clear, yet I feel not 100%, a bit out of sync in myself ( if you understand) I am on no medication, I don't drink, smoke or doing anything that would cause my health to go like it is. A year after my ex passed away suddenly, I started having health issues but have mustered through them. I cried a lot, so much it hurt. I was near a state of collapse and felt my life was in this long dark tunnel until Paul came along. He has been totally amazing and I am blessed and fortunate to know him. I never thought this would happen after such heartache

But with George, I have never known such hatred in my whole life. I have never had any falling out with any friends and have a great bunch of friends, but I try to deal with things as much as I can myself. I try too.

The thing that hurts most was him bringing Alan into it. That was such a low blow and disgusting. I cannot imagine now, what type of person I had been talking with all this time, since 2012. I am just bewildered.

Thank you so much for your reply. I will try to look after myself and not to think about it but seriously it is a tough thing to do right this minute as the change was so sudden from good friend to someone I feel like I never knew.

MagicMarker

A man you've never met said some nasty things, it happens.

Block him, ignore him, move on with your life.

Marle Meza

MagicMarker wrote: »

A man you've never met said some nasty things, it happens.

Block him, ignore him, move on with your life.

Have done. I am and am trying too.

Thank you for replying

Mark Tapley

Try not to worry OP. He is making a show of himself and I think people will realise that. He portrayed himself as a caring friend and is now showing his true colours. He sounds like a bit of a fantasist what with his hedge journalism and everything.

orthsquel

tbh OP he sounds like he is very emotionally immature. I'd be very sceptical about him sleeping rough and everything else mentioned about him being a media journalist and an author.... with sleeping rough, you didn't ask him to, he decided that upon himself (if it is true), you actually dissuaded the idea of a relationship with him, to be a real media journalist you need to have the credentials to back it up as well as being registered... but he could be one of those freelance writers that offer those click bait articles "10 things men love" type guff that is generally found online as opposed to being a journalist in the traditional sense. I suppose these days online blogging falls under the umbrella term of journalist and probably sounds a lot grander to call yourself a media journalist. Oh and it is quite commonplace - at least in my experience - to come across people who call themselves "authors" who have only ever self edited and self published a book they have written and are not "authors" in the traditional sense, i.e. they have never submitted a written novel to a publishing house and have never been published by anyone except by themselves and might only sell it online themselves. So I wouldn't put too much stock in what he has described himself as being, as it can be easily exaggerated to imply something grander than the actual reality.

As for him discrediting you online.... that is really the only way he can get at you. While there is only so much you can do in blocking etc you have to realise that whatever he does, makes it look worse for him. It will show him to be petty and vindictive and emotionally immature and people will see that. TBH you haven't really done anything to warrant this kind of behaviour from him, I would suspect that there's a lot more going on behind it all that has nothing to do with you... especially his own emotional immaturity.

If he is really into his witch craft and being a natural witch and all that.. he probably should remember the law of three.. whatever you send out into the world, you get back times three. I'm no expert in Wicca while I have many years ago read up on it, but it does seem to be a fundamental principle involved in Wicca. And threatening others with witch craft is also another no-no... witch craft is not there for the purpose of wielding power over others, to threaten, intimidate or make another be fearful of what someone they know might do with their knowledge of it, any book I read about witch craft, on being a natural witch - even online - was very specific about that. I would generally feel that it is more likely he is an individual who has emotional issues along with manipulative and controlling traits.

I think you should be glad he is no longer in your life then, if that is the case. You shouldn't blame yourself about his change in behaviour towards you... it will take you a bit to get over the shock of his change in behaviour but even people in real life can be like that too, where even when you think you know them they can flip out and show you a whole other side.. and sometimes instead of flipping out, it can be when they are drunk or trying to impress or whatever else too. and sometimes we only get to see that side of a person when they allow us to, and it's not always because we choose not to see it.

LegacyUser

Forget him. He's behaving like a complete loon.

I do think it's worth examining your reaction to him v how well you knew him though. You'd never met, he was some guy you hooked up with on the net. You say that he was a good friend. I'd think he couldn't possibly be a good friend if ud never met in person. As evidenced by how the supposed relationship between you changed so much, and went quite stalker-y.

I would say that he was never your friend. He was someone you didn't know well enough to call a friend, but whom you grew to rely on through lack of self esteem. I think you need to be a lot more careful before you look for validation from randomers on the net. As you've seen, they can turn out to be psychos. Plus it isn't doing yourself any favours, pinning your future on other people

Marle Meza

Mark Tapley wrote: »

Try not to worry OP. He is making a show of himself and I think people will realise that. He portrayed himself as a caring friend and is now showing his true colours. He sounds like a bit of a fantasist what with his hedge journalism and everything.

Thank you so much for your reply. I have taken the steps to remove and block him. I am not bad today and the shock has eased, thankfully. Just cannot understand how someone can be so chalk and cheese. I never saw it coming. Wish I had known sooner.

Thanks so much again.

Marle Meza

orthsquel wrote: »

tbh OP he sounds like he is very emotionally immature. I'd be very sceptical about him sleeping rough and everything else mentioned about him being a media journalist and an author.... with sleeping rough, you didn't ask him to, he decided that upon himself (if it is true), you actually dissuaded the idea of a relationship with him, to be a real media journalist you need to have the credentials to back it up as well as being registered... but he could be one of those freelance writers that offer those click bait articles "10 things men love" type guff that is generally found online as opposed to being a journalist in the traditional sense. I suppose these days online blogging falls under the umbrella term of journalist and probably sounds a lot grander to call yourself a media journalist. Oh and it is quite commonplace - at least in my experience - to come across people who call themselves "authors" who have only ever self edited and self published a book they have written and are not "authors" in the traditional sense, i.e. they have never submitted a written novel to a publishing house and have never been published by anyone except by themselves and might only sell it online themselves. So I wouldn't put too much stock in what he has described himself as being, as it can be easily exaggerated to imply something grander than the actual reality.

As for him discrediting you online.... that is really the only way he can get at you. While there is only so much you can do in blocking etc you have to realise that whatever he does, makes it look worse for him. It will show him to be petty and vindictive and emotionally immature and people will see that. TBH you haven't really done anything to warrant this kind of behaviour from him, I would suspect that there's a lot more going on behind it all that has nothing to do with you... especially his own emotional immaturity.

If he is really into his witch craft and being a natural witch and all that.. he probably should remember the law of three.. whatever you send out into the world, you get back times three. I'm no expert in Wicca while I have many years ago read up on it, but it does seem to be a fundamental principle involved in Wicca. And threatening others with witch craft is also another no-no... witch craft is not there for the purpose of wielding power over others, to threaten, intimidate or make another be fearful of what someone they know might do with their knowledge of it, any book I read about witch craft, on being a natural witch - even online - was very specific about that. I would generally feel that it is more likely he is an individual who has emotional issues along with manipulative and controlling traits.

I think you should be glad he is no longer in your life then, if that is the case. You shouldn't blame yourself about his change in behaviour towards you... it will take you a bit to get over the shock of his change in behaviour but even people in real life can be like that too, where even when you think you know them they can flip out and show you a whole other side.. and sometimes instead of flipping out, it can be when they are drunk or trying to impress or whatever else too. and sometimes we only get to see that side of a person when they allow us to, and it's not always because we choose not to see it.

He is a freelance indie journalist and author. All his books are self published and he has his own online social newspaper journal which he uses to cover festivals and events in his local area and publishes about them on the free website he uses.

He claims to be pagan and a natural witch. I have heard about the law of sending out and getting back, but I don't think he cares about that.

He has had a post removed not by me but someone else which I saw just before I blocked him on Twitter.

If he mentions me, in his new upcoming indie book based on his life so far, as a character and I am identifiable by name, isn't that illegal? I am worried so much about that. He is also targeting someone else, whom I have never heard about and don't know what happened there, but someone else is getting mentioned in his book, and his name for his character is pretty close to his real name! It is stooping low and is very childish and petty what he is doing. I wish I had known all this sooner and saved me such a nightmare of a few days. I am still not out of the woods, I don't know if he is still saying nasty things about me and mentioning my full name and my business name and what I do for a living.

I really don't understand someone like that. It goes against every fiber of my being and the person I am. So the opposite of me, and never saw it coming.

Thank you so much for your reply. Much appreciated.

Marle Meza

forget him. wrote: »

Forget him. He's behaving like a complete loon.

I do think it's worth examining your reaction to him v how well you knew him though. You'd never met, he was some guy you hooked up with on the net. You say that he was a good friend. I'd think he couldn't possibly be a good friend if ud never met in person. As evidenced by how the supposed relationship between you changed so much, and went quite stalker-y.

I would say that he was never your friend. He was someone you didn't know well enough to call a friend, but whom you grew to rely on through lack of self esteem. I think you need to be a lot more careful before you look for validation from randomers on the net. As you've seen, they can turn out to be psychos. Plus it isn't doing yourself any favours, pinning your future on other people

I have examined my reaction to him, but I was never really given a chance, he just launched into a tirade of insults and hurts. I have only ever been nice and been me, as you would with any friend. I have not given or said anything that would imply anything, I was always careful with him, because people can take being nice and caring as meaning something else, as I have heard about that happening to someone else.

When you said, I hooked up with him on the net. I never wanted a relationship with him, he was just someone who was nice, friendly and who at the time needed help and encouragement and I helped him. I have done nothing wrong. I had no lack of self esteem, I did not rely on him, we had hardly enough communication to warrant any of what has transpired. It's not like every week, every day maybe once a month or 3 weeks ..something like that.

I was never ever looking for validation from him. I have good real life friends and I have a business which I enjoy. I never pinned my future on him either. I have someone in my life that I love very much.

It is hard to get over nasty things being said about you, that you know are not true wholeheartedly, across social media, his upcoming book and probably in his online journal, I find that pretty vindictive behaviour and very low.

I wanted to sort this out, but he has gone too far. I won't trust so easily ever again.

ivytwine

Marle Meza wrote: »

He is a freelance indie journalist and author. All his books are self published and he has his own online social newspaper journal which he uses to cover festivals and events in his local area and publishes about them on the free website he uses.

He claims to be pagan and a natural witch. I have heard about the law of sending out and getting back, but I don't think he cares about that.

He has had a post removed not by me but someone else which I saw just before I blocked him on Twitter.

If he mentions me, in his new upcoming indie book based on his life so far, as a character and I am identifiable by name, isn't that illegal? I am worried so much about that. He is also targeting someone else, whom I have never heard about and don't know what happened there, but someone else is getting mentioned in his book, and his name for his character is pretty close to his real name! It is stooping low and is very childish and petty what he is doing. I wish I had known all this sooner and saved me such a nightmare of a few days. I am still not out of the woods, I don't know if he is still saying nasty things about me and mentioning my full name and my business name and what I do for a living.

.

Don't worry about that. Nobody will read the book firstly, there are thousands and thousands of ebooks out there and most of them are only read by the author's mother. If he's as much a looper as he seems to be, his writing is probably ****e too.

I know legal advice isn't allowed here, but Irish libel laws are very strict compared to US ones. If there's anything defaming in there and you're identifiable, you have him over a barrel- he may come to regret targeting an Irish person Consult a solicitor if you want more information.

You've had a really tough time OP and I think you need to take a bit of time to get over this and all that's happened. Don't be afraid to trust others, but in my experience it's always best to keep a little bit of a guard up with new people, or those you meet online.

Marle Meza

ivytwine wrote: »

Don't worry about that. Nobody will read the book firstly, there are thousands and thousands of ebooks out there and most of them are only read by the author's mother. If he's as much a looper as he seems to be, his writing is probably ****e too.

I know legal advice isn't allowed here, but Irish libel laws are very strict compared to US ones. If there's anything defaming in there and you're identifiable, you have him over a barrel- he may come to regret targeting an Irish person Consult a solicitor if you want more information.

You've had a really tough time OP and I think you need to take a bit of time to get over this and all that's happened. Don't be afraid to trust others, but in my experience it's always best to keep a little bit of a guard up with new people, or those you meet online.

If he goes forward with putting me in this book and mentions me, I will have to consult a solicitor. It hurts to think someone can do this to you out of pettiness and what ever else is going on in his mind. It seems all irrational behaviour to me.

I have a creative business and use social media for business and marketing purposes for it, but in the light of what has happened, I feel I want to just throw the towel in. Reputation is very important to me very, and to be cast in a such a nasty and horrible way by this person who claimed to be my friend, I feel like packing it all in and leaving social media for good.

I never had a chance to sort it all out with him, he just went into a tirade, left, unfriended and blocked me and then went across social media with the most hateful of words and nastiness about me. It will take time for me to get over it. But just don't know how to deal with someone like him and turn the situation around.

Thank you for your reply. Much appreicated

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

You have nothing to feel bad about. You gave this guy no indication you were interested in a relationship with him. If he's waited around for you for a year, that's his doing. You're not some prize he's now entitled to because he allowed his imagination run away with him, waited around for you (in his own mind) and slept rough (WTF?!).

As regards libel or defamation if he's naming a character after you in his book, let him write his book and let all of three people read it. Solicitors letters or threats of legal action would just spur him on even more and give his self published ebook ten times more attention than it would ever get.

From the small amount of information you posted about what he had tweeted I was able to find this guy's Twitter. He's not exactly some kind of big name author. He's self publishing some ebooks - maybe he's reasonably well known in that community. But for all intents and purposes about how his actions will affect your life, he's a nobody. He sounds unhinged and he also seems to be annoyed at someone else at the moment and is threatening to name a character in his book after him. He sounds crazy and no one would give him or anything he writes the slightest bit of notice.

You've done nothing wrong, he has no rights over your affections. If you want to start seeing someone you met 5 minutes ago, that's your right. It doesn't matter that you knew your new BF longer than him, telling him that won't appease him. He feels he has some claim over you because he interpreted short once-a-month online chats as something more. That's his mistake. Leave him to shout and scream and make a fool of himself. Delete him, block him, move on and don't give him another thought.

Marle Meza

login_not_working wrote: »

Hi OP,

You have nothing to feel bad about. You gave this guy no indication you were interested in a relationship with him. If he's waited around for you for a year, that's his doing. You're not some prize he's now entitled to because he allowed his imagination run away with him, waited around for you (in his own mind) and slept rough (WTF?!).

As regards libel or defamation if he's naming a character after you in his book, let him write his book and let all of three people read it. Solicitors letters or threats of legal action would just spur him on even more and give his self published ebook ten times more attention than it would ever get.

From the small amount of information you posted about what he had tweeted I was able to find this guy's Twitter. He's not exactly some kind of big name author. He's self publishing some ebooks - maybe he's reasonably well known in that community. But for all intents and purposes about how his actions will affect your life, he's a nobody. He sounds unhinged and he also seems to be annoyed at someone else at the moment and is threatening to name a character in his book after him. He sounds crazy and no one would give him or anything he writes the slightest bit of notice.

You've done nothing wrong, he has no rights over your affections. If you want to start seeing someone you met 5 minutes ago, that's your right. It doesn't matter that you knew your new BF longer than him, telling him that won't appease him. He feels he has some claim over you because he interpreted short once-a-month online chats as something more. That's his mistake. Leave him to shout and scream and make a fool of himself. Delete him, block him, move on and don't give him another thought.

I have never given him any indication I wanted anything more than friendship. I acted as I would with any of my friends, being there, helping, caring and having a laugh as you do with any friend. He just went into a tirade when I responded to a question he asked me and I gave him an honest answer and then he went off ballistic and did what he did. I was totally shocked and upset. I had known him online since 2012 and thought he wouldn't be like that ever, he didn't come across as such.

I am a bit shocked that you were able to find him through what I have said on here. I know he has being nasty to someone else too. I just can't understand how someone can be like that! It just goes against who I am as a person. I am not going to start saying bad things about him, I am not like that. I would never stoop so low to say the things he has said with such hatred. I've never known anything like it in my life!

I have deleted, blocked him and changed the names of my business blog, and taken off my business page too for the time being. I just can't deal with someone like that and I don't need it in my life after everything that has happened since 2012.

Thanks for your reply. Much appreicated

K_P

Hi Marle Meza,

I was the previous poster, for some reason my login wasn't working yesterday (and I couldn't use my username to post without logging in). I'm glad you're removing yourself from the situation. It can be a horrible shock when someone you think you know can turn on you and show you a side to them you didn't think was possible. Best thing to do is exactly what you're doing - cut off all contact, remove yourself from the situation and carry on with your life. You sound like you've had a tough few years so wishing you all the best in the future.

Marle Meza

K_P wrote: »

Hi Marle Meza,

I was the previous poster, for some reason my login wasn't working yesterday (and I couldn't use my username to post without logging in). I'm glad you're removing yourself from the situation. It can be a horrible shock when someone you think you know can turn on you and show you a side to them you didn't think was possible. Best thing to do is exactly what you're doing - cut off all contact, remove yourself from the situation and carry on with your life. You sound like you've had a tough few years so wishing you all the best in the future.

Yes, it has been tough particularly 2012 when I lost my ex suddenly and unexpectedly, who was someone who remained close to me after we broke up. We had been together 6 years. I went into bereavement counselling, I cried so much, spent nights sitting outside in the garden devastated he had gone. In 2013 my health took a battering, thought was having a heart attack so took myself to the hospital and got the all clear. Then this year since May my health has been up and down and am awaiting an ultrasound to check for gallstones. I don't drink or smoke or do anything that could affect my health. I have changed my diet and have dropped in weight, probably with worry and stress. Thankfully I have someone in my life now, that is truly a blessing. I just could do without having any of that other guys nastiness and hurts in my life.

Thank you for your kind words. I am trying to get on with my life now and hopefully I will forget this has happened.

Marle Meza

I just got a message in my other folder asking me if I was the one 'George' was talking about! I am not going to respond to that. Seems the girl lives in the same part of the US as him. I don't want to enter into conversations with someone who doesn't know me nor what really happened!

So I am guessing that he is still going on about me and saying hateful things. Omg! It really won't go away until he stops or when people ignore what he is saying and do not respond.

I feel my peace of mind is being shook up and it is bothering me that someone who was once a friend can do this. It's nasty and horrible.

Exclamation Marc

Marle Meza wrote: »

I just got a message in my other folder asking me if I was the one 'George' was talking about! I am not going to respond to that. Seems the girl lives in the same part of the US as him. I don't want to enter into conversations with someone who doesn't know me nor what really happened!

So I am guessing that he is still going on about me and saying hateful things. Omg! It really won't go away until he stops or when people ignore what he is saying and do not respond.

I feel my peace of mind is being shook up and it is bothering me that someone who was once a friend can do this. It's nasty and horrible.

Genuinely, and I'm not saying this just to placate you, it's probably George himself doing it to get a rise out of you. I'd almost be 100%. That or he put someone up to it. But just ignore it.

seamus

Marle Meza wrote: »

I just got a message in my other folder asking me if I was the one 'George' was talking about! I am not going to respond to that. Seems the girl lives in the same part of the US as him. I don't want to enter into conversations with someone who doesn't know me nor what really happened!

Or it could be him setting up new Facebook profiles, trying to bait you into talking about it under the pretence of being someone else.

Ignoring the whole thing and anyone online who asks you about it is the best way to go about it. Anyone who purports to be from the US and asks you about this, just block them.

Plenty of people are crazy, but being online gives them a feeling of empowerment to express that crazy because they wouldn't otherwise have the guts to say these things to your face.

You've learned the lesson that some people are just assholes for no specific reason. Unreasonable, irrational, grade-A certifiable, assholes. The better part of our humanity wants us to believe that everyone is a decent person at their core and generally can be taken at face value.

But that just doesn't apply to some people. And you've been unfortunate to have learned this lesson from a really bad one. But thankfully from your point of view he only exists online. He clearly has no real audience, and therefore no real power to make an impact on you.

Your better nature tells you that you want to reason with this guy, to repair your reputation. But there's no reasoning with this guy. And no repairs to be done, because you've done nothing wrong.

Marle Meza

FireballPitcher wrote: »

Genuinely, and I'm not saying this just to placate you, it's probably George himself doing it to get a rise out of you. I'd almost be 100%. That or he put someone up to it. But just ignore it.

Yes, it is possible, it could also be that she is curious or that she is sourcing me out to also publicly spread his hate to include a link back to me or she wants to launch a tirade as his friend against me! I don't know. I don't trust any strangers online anymore.
I am not going to enter into discussions with complete strangers on facebook or twitter.


Thanks for your reply. Much appreciated.

Exclamation Marc

Marle Meza wrote: »

Yes, it is possible, it could also be that she is curious or that she is sourcing me out to also publicly spread his hate to include a link back to me or she wants to launch a tirade as his friend against me! I don't know. I don't trust any strangers online anymore.
I am not going to enter into discussions with complete strangers on facebook or twitter.


Thanks for your reply. Much appreciated.

It's possible, but it's highly highly unlikely. Think about it logically; if one of your friends started spouting rubbish about someone online, would you ever contact them asking them if they were the person XXX was talking about? You probably wouldn't care to begin with, and secondly would anyone have any interest in contacting you over some nonsense a clear psychopath is spouting? Very unlikely.

Firstly, they would know it's you, so the question is stupid and also clearly just to bait you. It's him just trying to give the impression that he has told people and people actually care.

If I had to, I'd almost put my house (if I owned it) on it being him or at worst, using someone else's account to bait you. You may get more messages like that from strangers out of the woodwork, just ignore them.

Oryx

Marle Meza wrote: »

Yes, it is possible, it could also be that she is curious or that she is sourcing me out to also publicly spread his hate to include a link back to me or she wants to launch a tirade as his friend against me! I don't know. I don't trust any strangers online anymore.
I am not going to enter into discussions with complete strangers on facebook or twitter.


Thanks for your reply. Much appreciated.

Or she may be a victim of the guy. It doesnt matter. Block her, and anyone else who pops up. You already know who your friends are, you dont need this guy or anyone to do with him. He is not stable, he has shown that. Try not to worry about any harm he can do, he sounds pretty voiceless if he had to latch on to you, so far away, for self esteem.

You may have to play whack-a-mole with his accounts and 'friends' for a while, but never engage with him or them. Give him no fuel for his fire. Hopefully it will burn out or be redirected elsewhere.

And dont worry about the book. Self publishing is a vanity thing, that noone ever reads, especially when it is his type of vindictive writing.

Marle Meza

seamus wrote: »

Or it could be him setting up new Facebook profiles, trying to bait you into talking about it under the pretence of being someone else.

Ignoring the whole thing and anyone online who asks you about it is the best way to go about it. Anyone who purports to be from the US and asks you about this, just block them.

Plenty of people are crazy, but being online gives them a feeling of empowerment to express that crazy because they wouldn't otherwise have the guts to say these things to your face.

You've learned the lesson that some people are just assholes for no specific reason. Unreasonable, irrational, grade-A certifiable, assholes. The better part of our humanity wants us to believe that everyone is a decent person at their core and generally can be taken at face value.

But that just doesn't apply to some people. And you've been unfortunate to have learned this lesson from a really bad one. But thankfully from your point of view he only exists online. He clearly has no real audience, and therefore no real power to make an impact on you.

Your better nature tells you that you want to reason with this guy, to repair your reputation. But there's no reasoning with this guy. And no repairs to be done, because you've done nothing wrong.

Yes, I have no intention of corresponding to strangers who can only interrupt one half of what has happened. Could also be a relay line. They only hear his side of it, and not the truth either, which is the worst part for me, and worse, he knows it! He always said he was a good friend and that when he helped me in situations, i thanked him and he said that's what friends are for. It was only ever a friendship and I gave him no indication of anything else. He knows this too. But thing is its all weird that.