Afterthoughts....

tony glenn

The Big Day has come and gone a while now, amazingly successful and nothing but positive feedback from all involved. So that's great, right?
Well yes, but now the afterthoughts are picking at her, and I need to know if others felt the same way....
Hindsight is a wonderful thing etc, but there were a few we didn't invite that we now wish we had, and likewise, a few we invited that we now wish we hadn't! We had a long list, and had to make choices as the numbers were just getting too big.
Then a few couldn't make it...and we obviously couldn't send 'top-up' invites to those we'd had to leave out. Also, there were one or two that were 'evenings' but we now wish had been 'full day', and vice versa etc.
It would ease her mind a lot if she knew that other couples had the same thoughts after their wedding, so comments appreciated!

Addle

That's why I don't understand why couples arrange their guest list to suit their venue. Surely it should be the other way around?
It was for me anyways.

kandr10

It's just very difficult to please everyone. I know there can be pressure on couples to invite extended family etc and obviously there are budget constraints. You made the best decision you could within the limitations you had. Leave it at that and enjoy the memories! The only people I had second thoughts on whether they should've got an invite were old college friends of my oh. Since the wedding we've only seen them once or twice so I don't really feel too badly anymore.
It just occurred to me after that I didn't pay for my family's taxi out to the venue (2 bridesmaids amongst them!) slipped my mind as we didn't do proper cars or whatever. I was mortified at that!
Done and dusted now though. I think my family know me well enough to know I wasn't being scabby at the time and just forgot. I hope at least!

drunkmonkey

You can't invite everyone, any one that's been married will understand that, I wouldn't dwell on it, nobody will hold it against you and if they do they shouldn't have been there anyway.

Toots

Completely normal, there are a few I wish I'd had to the whole day, but realistically a line had to be drawn somewhere otherwise we'd have ended up with a guest list of 300! I think most people know what a minefield making a guest list can be and I'd certainly never hold it against anyone if I got an evening invite as opposed to a whole day invite. Don't dwell on it tony, focus on all the great stuff that happened on the day And congratulations!!

lazygal

Everyone has these thoughts! There'd be at least three at our wedding I'd have changed invitations for.
Also if we were doing it again I'd have no speeches, dj after the band or bridesmaid/best man. I'll definitely have the perfect day if we renewed our vows!

lazygal

Addle wrote: »

That's why I don't understand why couples arrange their guest list to suit their venue. Surely it should be the other way around?
It was for me anyways.

It isn't always the venue that dictates guest lists. Costs, family politics, groups of friends etc can all affect the numbers. We had a certain number each to invite because of reasons that were nothing to do with the venue.

fits

lazygal wrote: »

Everyone has these thoughts! There'd be at least three at our wedding I'd have changed invitations for.
Also if we were doing it again I'd have no speeches, dj after the band or bridesmaid/best man. I'll definitely have the perfect day if we renewed our vows!

I dont think Id change anything only the weather. And one piece of music ( the reflection, uileann piper just didnt play it well and it was an important part of the ceremony, he was much better at the other pieces). My major problem beforehand was the price of the dress but it was so nice and looked so well im over it now.

stinkle

Everyone has little thoughts like that, try and make a positive from it. eg we could have had a good few to the evening bit but had decided early on to invite most people to the full day and allow the parents to have whoever to the evening party. I have a list of folk Id love to have asked to the afters in hindsight BUT as it was such a whirlwind of a day, it was nice to finally relax once the first dance and father/daughter dance were over and just chat to the people who were there. If a busload of newbies had shown up then it would have been on my mind to make sure they were all being looked after and I got to spend time with them - they would have been arriving when the oldies were heading off and I was glad to be able to have a natter with some relatives who were hitting the road. Plus I would have been so mortified if afters guests had arrived with presents, I get embarrassed at the best of times! So for a shy bride it was a perfect day.

One guest annoyed me by moaning (to me! on my wedding day!) about their food. Positive spin on this for me was that when I told friends and family (on the offchance that they, too, had had food issues that I could mention to hotel if need be), they were adamant that they enjoyed their meal, the serving staff were great and for those that needed it, appreciated the dietary options available.

We had intended to see everyone the next day at breakfast, but got a surprise breakfast in bed and wolfed it down, without realising that we might have missed saying goodbye to people. I hope that didnt seem rude at the time, I think they all understood anyway! We made sure to get in touch and say thanks to those we missed.

Gatica

Of course I think most of us would have these post-thoughts... try to make it light-hearted if you can and focus on the positives.
We laughed about "if we were getting married again we'd do x and y" or change this and that. mainly though we try to remember all the great things about the day, the smiles, the sunshine, the dancing...

tony glenn

Thanks so much to all of you for your thoughtful and considered reples. You've echoed everything I was already telling my bride, and she's comforted to know that her 'after-thoughts' are completely normal.

I've heard that people who build their own houses only get it completely right after the third build...........just a thought LOL.....

Thanks once more, gotta go, the future beckons!

fits

tony glenn wrote: »

I've heard that people who build their own houses only get it completely right after the third build...........just a thought LOL.....

Ah jaypurs... thats our next project!

stickybookmark

lazygal wrote: »

Everyone has these thoughts! There'd be at least three at our wedding I'd have changed invitations for.
Also if we were doing it again I'd have no speeches, dj after the band or bridesmaid/best man. I'll definitely have the perfect day if we renewed our vows!

Wow those are sweeping changes! Were you really unhappy with the speeches, best man, bridesmaid & DJ?

stickybookmark

I spent a few weeks after the wedding with afterthoughts swirling around my brain. There are lots of little things I'd like to change and I'm sure I forgot to pay for the odd taxi as well ...I found after a few weeks those thoughts stopped though!

Now I only remember the good bits.

I think it's like childbirth !! :-D

TheMilkyPirate

There will definitely be no speeches at my wedding when we finally tie the knot. I just don't see the point. 90% of people are extremely uncomfortable doing them and most of the people their have no interest in listening to them.

I wouldn't like to force my best man into doing something he didn't want to do on a day he should be enjoying himself.

stickybookmark

TheMilkyPirate wrote: »

There will definitely be no speeches at my wedding when we finally tie the knot. I just don't see the point. 90% of people are extremely uncomfortable doing them and most of the people their have no interest in listening to them.

I wouldn't like to force my best man into doing something he didn't want to do on a day he should be enjoying himself.

It depends on your speech-givers. If you think they will be an awkward affair then defo give em a skip.

At our wedding all the speech-givers had a lot of experience giving speeches/are confident speakers so the speeches were really funny and touching. They really got the crowd going and they were great craic. And touching/tear-jerkers where appropriate.

There was only one non-confident speaker and that was FIL so he just said a token few words which was grand too.

eviltwin

No major regrets. We did everything how we wanted and didn't give into pressure to do things a certain way. The only thing I would change is not tell everyone not invited the date, we had about 20 people turn up to see us and it was very embarrassing as they wanted pics, neither of us like being the centre of attention and it was a bit uncomfortable.

fits

eviltwin wrote: »

No major regrets. We did everything how we wanted and didn't give into pressure to do things a certain way. The only thing I would change is not tell everyone not invited the date, we had about 20 people turn up to see us and it was very embarrassing as they wanted pics, neither of us like being the centre of attention and it was a bit uncomfortable.

:eek::eek::eek:

Oh my, that is totally awful!

lazygal

stickybookmark wrote: »

Wow those are sweeping changes! Were you really unhappy with the speeches, best man, bridesmaid & DJ?

Not unhappy, they just weren't necessary. My dad didn't enjoy the day until his speech was done and other speeches went on way too long. So I'd cut them out totally and let the lads enjoy themselves! Again dj was great but I'd have preferred to have the band a bit longer and spend a bit of time after chatting. We went home to our house so it wasn't a resident bar situation. And bridal party wasn't necessary either, in hindsight I'd have let them just be guests rather than feel they had to help.out on the day.

Milly33

Well we are about three weeks now and I have to say the day after I could have cried my heart out.. Now I was sick on the day itself but I just thought it was too busy and there were lots of things threw me..

Like changing rooms for things the day beforehand, I had been planning which rooms were going to used for what for nearly a year and all of a sudden it was like no well do this here and change this room.. The lady we had in to do the chair covers and to dress the tables was shocking. She had very very wrinkled products and had an excuse for everything... My family then were put under more pressure because of her...

It went great now and everyone said they really enjoyed it, the band were fab, the food was great. I just wish I had not gotten so bothered about things..

I said from day one I wanted a small wedding just close family and friends and everyone to the afters and I wish I had stuck to my guns.. I loved everyone being there now don't get me wrong but I could not handle that much attention. The next day then was fun but I was so worried I had upset people but not getting around to talk to them....

Ive gotten over it now, but still feel a little disappointed in myself but feck it we got there and that's all that matters

stickybookmark

lazygal wrote: »

And bridal party wasn't necessary either, in hindsight I'd have let them just be guests rather than feel they had to help.out on the day.

I wanted no bridal party but was forced into having one by himself asking his bro to be best man against my wishes. We had minimal bridal party though just best man & 1 bridesmaid.

Funnily enough I had the opposite experience. Having originally not wanted them there, they were actually really helpful on the day. The best man:
- brought the mass booklets to the church & distributed them to all readers, musicians etc
- brought the rings to the church and minded them
- brought the fancy pen for signing the register to the church (and brought it back again)
- gave a great speech
- paid the organ player, the church musicans, the priest, the sacristan, the 2 different babysitters, the drinks reception musicans, the band & the DJ (that took a lot of co-ordination!)
- received and minded envelopes & presents for the day

The bridesmaid:
- controlled the flower girls & page boys while waiting for the bride to arrive
- fixed my veil every time I sat down during the mass (multiple times)
- helped me to get ready for the dinner entrance (got me a spare pare of tights, smoothed out all the tulle layers in my dress which were after getting branches & everything in them from the photo shoot)
- was generally there to help out during the day
- received and minded envelopes & presents for the day

But more than one on either side you definitely don't need!

lazygal

We got married and had the reception all in one venue. All cards went into a safe in the office and the boxed gifts into the same room. I can see why people have a bridal party for some things, but I think ours would have helped out anyway, like our families did, but wouldn't have had to make a speech (best man) and walk down the aisle (bridesmaid). You only realise these things afterwards though!

stickybookmark

lazygal wrote: »

We got married and had the reception all in one venue. All cards went into a safe in the office and the boxed gifts into the same room. I can see why people have a bridal party for some things, but I think ours would have helped out anyway, like our families did, but wouldn't have had to make a speech (best man) and walk down the aisle (bridesmaid). You only realise these things afterwards though!

Our best man is a show off, loves being centre of attention so the speech was no bother ha! :cool:

Did your bm not like walking down the aisle?