Lazy sibling

LegacyUser

Regular poster but going unregistered.

This may sound very trivial but it is really getting at me. Due to health and financial reasons I currently live at home with my parents and my brother. I get on good with them. However my brother's laziness is really getting at me. First of all he does nothing around the house. He never cooks, cleans or does any type of housework. He would laugh in your face if you asked him to do something. Not only that but he is very messy. He leaves the milk on the counter, leaves empty packets in the press rather than put them in the bin, never cleans up after himself. The best he does is empty his plate and put it in the sink. He expects his clothes to be washed and ironed. His dinner is served everyday. There is not a word of thanks. In fact half the time he just complains. If you question him on this he can get very angry and it puts me off saying anything. A simple text can put him in a bad mood. For example we were invited to a family wedding and I texted him to see if he was going as he was undecided. Later he told me he didn't text back as my text had really annoyed him???

Recently we were at my sisters house for dinner. First of all he walked off when he was finished eating and didn't bother even emptying his plate. The rest of us were still eating at this time. He then decided to make himself a coffee. My sister was just after sitting down to her dinner after tending to her son. As my brother didn't know how to work the machine my sister went up and helped him. I know it's just little things but if a child behaved like that, you would correct their behaviour. He just has no consideration.

I had a disagreement with my mom about this the other day. She is like his maid. She doesn't like confrontation so shuts down any discussion on the matter pretty quickly. I no longer clean up after him as I am sick of him. He has never had a girlfriend and to be honest I can why. He is lazy, selfish and disrespectful. I know it is my mom that indulges him but to be honest at this stage I am sick of both of them. She has raised an ungrateful brat. He is a total mummy's boy so she thinks the sun shines out of his ass. I can just picture her still doing this when she is eighty.

Sometimes I wonder does my my brother have some mental health issues. He smokes weed on a regular basis since he was a teenager so I'm wondering if there is a connection there. Also, I do suffer from mental health issues. Mainly I have difficulty managing my emotions. I know this is annoying me more than it should. I suppose being unemployed I notice this more as I do the vast majority of the housework. My parents both have complained about his messiness. My mom commented that he is a taker. He actually just sucks the energy out of you. If he is in a bad mood, you will know very quickly. He has frightened the dog with his temper. One day he couldn't work iTunes and he started banging things, shouting and cursing. The dog was cowering under the table and he wouldn't go to my brother. Usually the dog would cross a motorway to get to him.

I feel that my mom is actually making things worse for my brother in the long term. All he does is go to work and go to his friends house and smoke weed. She is doing the things that he should be doing. Is he not doing them due to laziness or because of some other health reasons. He is mid twenties with a well paid job. He should be moving out by now. Or maybe I should just butt out. I can't change their behaviour.

strandroad

There's nothing else for you to do than to butt out I'm afraid. You've made your opinion known and they know it's a problem themselves. Just don't clean up after him. It's his own life he's ruining; you can maybe continue talking to your mother about it but she knows and she still does it anyway.

Catxscotch

This is actually a really common problem. My own brother was the exact same when he lived at home, and now I'm living with my boyfriend, I see he is very lazy and a taker.
I have no advice,as I am stuck in the same situation myself. I have also fallen out with my mother over this issue, and I ended up having to apologise and keep my mouth shut because at the end of the day, she is not going to stop a habit of a lifetime.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for the replies. It is nice to hear an outside opinion. My mom has seen the light a bit and things have slightly improved with my brother. I know it may not continue but I am hoping it will. I think my mom's attitude was the one that needed changing. She tends to be overmothering.