advice on stranger contacting me online

LegacyUser

Hi all, I may be overreacting here but I am unsettled and could do with advice please. I used to chat to fellow fans of my favourite band online many years ago. I spoke by email to this particular person up and down from about 2008 to 2010. I was only interested in music really but this guy (a man about 25 years older than me - I'm female) used to also bring up other personal things which I responded to in a short manner. It was ddefinitely never talk about sex or anything like that but just general stuff like I guess penpals might talk. Anyway, I tried shaking him off by barely responding from 2011 to 2013 and I never heard from him again til about an hour ago. I got an email which woke me up. He's in a different time zone. It was a friendly mail but I'm thinking best thing would be to ignore. He was saying he googlef me and congratulated me on various achievements now documented online. For my work, I finally put up a picture of myself, work history etc so now he's seen me, knows what I look like etc. I really don't need this right now. I'm thinking I'll just ignore and not encourage him but I am afraid he'll keep sending emails or track me down. My mind wanders and I worry he'll travel here and Ireland is a v small place esp if you have an odd name. Anyone any advice as I am worried now. I forgot all about this person andcwas happy that way as he comes across as eccentric. I don't chat to other fans anymore and haven't done for about 2 years.

Typer Monkey

I think you're making a huge leap from receiving one email from him to imagining him travelling to ireland to track you down and stalk you. I would just ignore the email completely. He'll either get the message or think you don't use the address anymore. I don't see any evidence that he's a deranged stalker.

LegacyUser

Typer Monkey wrote: »

I think you're making a huge leap from receiving one email from him to imagining him travelling to ireland to track you down and stalk you. I would just ignore the email completely. He'll either get the message or think you don't use the address anymore. I don't see any evidence that he's a deranged stalker.

Yeah I think when I finally got back to sleep and woke up this morning I saw it a bit differently but it's just I have ignored him over the years and he persisted before. It's just annoying and I found it creepy that he had googled me but I guess that's something we all do from time to time. He knows my address as we used to exchange bootlegs by snail mail when neither of us had broadband. He's just a bit odd and I've moved on now. Thanks folks

Oryx

He probably had a lonely moment and tracked you down for old times sake. Yeah checking your info is a little stalkery but I would put that down to having too much time on his hands. To make the leap to thinking he will travel and stalk you for real is ott. Just delete the email and any subsequent ones just as you would any old spam. If you dont need it then dont engage with it!

The_Conductor

People do check out other people all the time. I've had a shedload of people I barely know check out my linked in profile. Just ignore it- its not worth getting excited over.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for the advice folks. He did get creepy at some point before where he'd throw out a comment like 'we should meet' or 'I'd love to visit Ireland' or 'you should visit here' etc. That hasn't happened fir years because as I said I've been ignoring him for 4 or 5 years now. That's what's creepy - that he hasn't got the hint. I haven't uttered s word to him in 2 years - I answered his kast mail in 2013 but was cold and short. He doesn't seem to take a hint. I will ignore completely this time but I bet he'll send me emails now for a few months in a row - that happened previously. I'm older now and working full time. I don't do social media except posting this now. I don't want this in my life. I don't have time or interest. Thanks folks

cactusgal

Just block him? Then he can't contact you at all. Right?

LegacyUser

Thanks folks. I'll try blocking him. I've looked up directions to block someone on gmail but can't seem to do it on smartphone. I'll try it later when I get home. Hope it works! Thanks again. Looking forward to a good night's sleep tonight. Knackered today as was awake for hours after he emailed!

miamee

If you can't block him on gmail for any reason, you can set a filter to archive emails from his email address and by pass the inbox - you'll never see them unless you go looking for them in that case.

MagicMarker

unsettled wrote: »

He did get creepy at some point before where he'd throw out a comment like 'we should meet' or 'I'd love to visit Ireland' or 'you should visit here' etc.

Someone you messaged on and off for years suggested meeting up? The bleedin' cheek.

No offence OP, but you seem very highly strung.

ManOfMystery

You do seem to be overreacting a bit to his perceived 'behaviour'. By your own admission he never spoke about sex or anything like that, he just sounds like someone who's trying to be friendly with someone with whom he had a shared interest, regardless of his age. There are a lot of people up to a lot worse online, partaking in stalking, grooming and so on.

Regardless of all that, if you don't wish to maintain contact that's your perogative. I think simply ceasing to reply and blocking his number is enough in this scenario.

LegacyUser

You are not overreacting IMO at all. You're just concerned so I'd ignore all the people saying you are highly strung because that's neither here nor there. I definetly wouldn't engage in any more contact that will encourage him

DivingDuck

Are you still using the email address from when you used to interact with him years ago, or have you moved to a new one? If it's the same one, and your contact email isn't published online, you can probably just ignore it and he'll assume that you no longer use that email account. If it's the new one, I'd still ignore it in the hopes he assumes you have a filtering system to prevent unwanted emails. If you're in separate countries and you're not on social media, he has very few ways to get in contact with you if you don't want him to.

Regards the emails, unfortunately there's very little you can do about it beyond ignoring them and keeping anything he sends for your records if he persists after this. I don't think you're overreacting, but it is very common these days for people to look up old acquaintances since it takes practically zero effort to do so now. If it makes you uncomfortable, you are under no obligation to interact with him, but the chances are very high that he had a random thought of you one day while at his PC (possibly while clearing out his email or listening to the band you had in common) and wondered what you were up to now with nothing deeper or more malicious to it than that. If he has gone so long without contact, I think it's also very unlikely that he would come here in search of you now.

Hopefully this is the last you'll hear of it, anyway. Good luck.