Sex issue - is it him or me?

LegacyUser

I've been with my boyfriend for a year, I love him completely and we're perfectly matched in pretty much every way. Our sex life is mostly great, we have sex nearly every day, he's attentive and likes to perform oral sex and that's mind-blowing! However, penetrative sex is a bit of an issue and I'm not sure how to raise it with him.

I've had quite a few sexual partners and I've never had a problem reaching orgasm from penetrative sex before, I mean I've had bad sex, but in general I've always come quite easily. My boyfriend was in a very long term relationship before and he didn't sleep with anyone else between leaving his ex and meeting me. The last couple of years of their relationship was sexless which knocked his confidence a lot and left him a bit self conscious about his ability to perform. I have done everything I can to reassure him and things have improved hugely, however he seems to have trouble maintaining a proper hard erection.. at least I think that's the issue!!

The first couple of minutes of sex is usually great and I'll usually start to feel an orgasm building (although he usually needs to use his hands to help enter me). But then it feels like he softens a bit or something and I basically don't feel anything at all. He doesn't go soft enough that it doesn't work, he'll come eventually, I just can't feel anything. This has never happened to me before, and size isn't the issue, he's on the larger side of average.

At the start of our relationship he had regular trouble with getting and keeping an erection, I couldn't perform oral sex on him for ages because any time I tried he'd go soft. We've worked through all that and things are a lot better, and I've said nothing until now hoping that it will continue to improve, only it's not! I'm afraid if I say anything it will knock his confidence and we'll be back to square one, but I'm actually starting to think he has some form of erectile dysfunction? He's approaching 40 so it probably wouldn't be that unusual. But I'm also thinking that's maybe it's a problem with me that I can't feel anything since he's obviously maintaining enough of an erection to have sex and orgasm himself.

Anyone else any experience of this or any advice on how I should approach the subject?

Thanks for reading!

laserlad2010

Hi OP, sounds like a combination of anxiety and erectile dysfunction.

Huge numbers of men suffer from it, it's not a big issue.

Considering you guys have made huge inroads, I can't see why this shouldn't come up. He's well aware of it, just bring it up gently as I'm sure you will. Sildenafil (Viagra/Cialis) is the drug which is used for erectile dysfunction, you'll need a prescription for that.

Absolutely no shame in it, I'm 27 and used it for the craic before to see what it's like.

It's a simple issue, just talk to him about it and he can go to his GP.

XsApollo

You don't need to go to a GP for a prescription for Viagra.
Lloyds online doctor do it on their site and they post the prescription in the post.
Good if he wouldn't feel comfortable going to a GP and cheaper too.

elusiveguy

Look into the symptoms of zinc deficiency!

SpaceRocket

I had the very same problem with an ex of mine. Unfortunately when ever I brought it up his response usually was "Huh? I AM hard". It ruined the relationship entirely, I had no interest in sex because I couldn't feel anything and I began to resent him. I do think if I had nipped it in the bud it would have helped but unfortunately I didn't and wasted nearly a year and half... Nip it in the bud now would be my advice.