Civil Wedding Etiquette

cnoc

My daughter and her partner have informed us, the parents, that they are having a civil wedding ceremony next year. I have never been to such a wedding, and have not attended any type wedding for a number of years.

What is the procedure of the Brides father at a civil wedding ceremony. Does the Brides father "give her away". Anything else I might need to know.

fits

There is no set etiquette about what to do. The couple themselves will decide on the format and inform you i am sure.

seamus

Whatever your daughter wants, really.

In reality there's no "procedure" at a civil wedding. At it's core the civil ceremony involves the couple making a few legal declarations in front of the registrar and two witnesses. Then they sign the documents and you're done. But it can be as sterile or as ceremonial as you like. Some people just go in and out, bingo-bango. Others do a ceremony around it where you play some music, read some poetry, have the FOTB give her away, etc.

The only rule really is that there can't be any religious aspect to it.

magicmushroom

cnoc wrote: »

My daughter and her partner have informed us, the parents, that they are having a civil wedding ceremony next year. I have never been to such a wedding, and have not attended any type wedding for a number of years.

What is the procedure of the Brides father at a civil wedding ceremony. Does the Brides father "give her away". Anything else I might need to know.

I'd imagine you would still give her away but that's up to her, they might go for something different - not because it's a civil wedding, just because some people see the whole 'giving away' as a bit old fashioned now. I like it though, it's nice.
I wouldn't worry about etiquette, I'm sure she'll let you know what their plans are well in advance. You'll probably get sick of hearing about it to be fair, lol!

I'm pretty sure you'll have to write a speech though, you poor thing - my Dad was visibly shaking he done his! Being the bride or bridesmaid is great as it's a task we get to skip

Edited to add - When I married my husband we had a civil ceremony and we had it exactly the same as a 'normal' wedding just with no religion. I walked down an aisle with my Dad, he gave me away, we had poems, candles were lit - then we swore our vows to each other instead of to God and our music was things like the Beatles and some classic instrumentals on a harp instead of hymns.
It was lovely.
Some people didn't even realise it wasn't a 'normal' wedding, the only thing they noticed (which was a plus for them) was that it lasted only half the time of a religious ceremony!

cnoc

magicmushroom wrote: »

I'd imagine you would still give her away but that's up to her, they might go for something different - not because it's a civil wedding, just because some people see the whole 'giving away' as a bit old fashioned now. I like it though, it's nice.
I wouldn't worry about etiquette, I'm sure she'll let you know what their plans are well in advance. You'll probably get sick of hearing about it to be fair, lol!

I'm pretty sure you'll have to write a speech though, you poor thing - my Dad was visibly shaking he done his! Being the bride or bridesmaid is great as it's a task we get to skip

Edited to add - When I married my husband we had a civil ceremony and we had it exactly the same as a 'normal' wedding just with no religion. I walked down an aisle with my Dad, he gave me away, we had poems, candles were lit - then we swore our vows to each other instead of to God and our music was things like the Beatles and some classic instrumentals on a harp instead of hymns.
It was lovely.

The speech part is what I dread most of all. I'm going to adopt one of Oscar Wilde's quotes - Brevity is the soul of wit speech.

fits

Just myself and the groom spoke at ours. I didnt really see the point of lots of speeches. And i also think we should be hearing from the women as well as the men!

Mrs OBumble

seamus wrote: »

The only rule really is that there can't be any religious aspect to it.

Even that's not really a rule.

A couple whose religious sensibilities don't match the churches represented here, or who choose to get married outside of the church, may still choose to have some religious content that suits their particular belief.

Could be anything from a prayer of thanksgiving to the Flying Spaghetti Monster to an invocation of Mother Gaia.

The only only rule is, no rules - apart from the minimalist ones laid done by the state (public venue with an address etc).

seamus

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Even that's not really a rule.

A couple whose religious sensibilities don't match the churches represented here, or who choose to get married outside of the church, may still choose to have some religious content that suits their particular belief.

Could be anything from a prayer of thanksgiving to the Flying Spaghetti Monster to an invocation of Mother Gaia.

The only only rule is, no rules - apart from the minimalist ones laid done by the state (public venue with an address etc).

You're technically right there.

However the state registrars can be picky about it. While "religious" or "spiritual" could mean anything in reality, if there appears to be any recognisably religious aspect to it (readings from the bible, some sacramental "blessing"), then the HSE registrar will probably not allow it.

Apparently this can also vary from county to county, some being sticklers for ensuring there's no mention of God at all, others being more flexible.

PhoenixParker

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Even that's not really a rule.

A couple whose religious sensibilities don't match the churches represented here, or who choose to get married outside of the church, may still choose to have some religious content that suits their particular belief.

Could be anything from a prayer of thanksgiving to the Flying Spaghetti Monster to an invocation of Mother Gaia.

The only only rule is, no rules - apart from the minimalist ones laid done by the state (public venue with an address etc).

While a couple whose religious sensibilities don't match the churches can include religious content in their ceremony, they can't do so if they're having a civil ceremony, i.e. one which is officiated by a government employed registrar. For that the rules are quite explicit - there can be no religious content.

You can have a prayer to the Flying Spaghetti Monster or an invocation of Mother Gaia in a secular (humanist) ceremony or in what I term "flexibly" religious ceremony, i.e. officiated by someone like the interfaith ministers or the spiritualists. Those aren't civil ceremonies though.

Basically there are three types of solemnisers with different rules.
Religious, secular & civil.

Religious & secular it's a free for all in terms of ceremony content, provided you and your solemniser agree. Civil strictly has no religious content.

fits

Strictly no religious content in a humanist ceremony either. Even if its to flying spaghetti monster.

fannymagee

Definite no prayers to Mother Gaia in a Humanist ceremony!! They don't even allow Elvis's American Trilogy, because it contains the lyrics "Glory Glory Halleluia". Rules schmules :-)