He won't leave my head

fruttituttii

Hi guys need advice on a past relationship
So I was going out with this guy for three years and last year we broke it off which was mural to an extent, I seen it coming, but I was very upset. It was fine in beginning, a bit of contact but when we'd see each other on nights out it would get heated. So eventually we cut all contact, blocked on Facebook etc. I pined over him wanting him back for the whole year, without him knowing. So I decided enough is enough and went away for 4months and try and get him out of my head, I've been with few others guys but nothing major. I thought being away would help me stop fanastasing about him but it hasn't.
Any advice?

Exclamation Marc

fruttituttii wrote: »

Hi guys need advice on a past relationship
So I was going out with this guy for three years and last year we broke it off which was mural to an extent, I seen it coming, but I was very upset. It was fine in beginning, a bit of contact but when we'd see each other on nights out it would get heated. So eventually we cut all contact, blocked on Facebook etc. I pined over him wanting him back for the whole year, without him knowing. So I decided enough is enough and went away for 4months and try and get him out of my head, I've been with few others guys but nothing major. I thought being away would help me stop fanastasing about him but it hasn't.
Any advice?

Well first off OP, you're not the first to feel that way so it's nothing unusual. Three years is a very long time to be with someone and unfortunately, as a result it can take quite a while to move on or get over them.

It sounds like this guy has still been a part of your life for the last year whether it's by bumping into him or actively moving away for four months. As in, you haven't just been away for four months, you've been away to get away from him for four months (so he's probably in the back of your mind still, which is totally normal but your actions have been based on him).

There's no steadfast way of moving on from someone or to force yourself to stop thinking about someone, it just happens. One way that can help is to rationalise the reasons why the relationship ended and focus on the bad points that would make you not want to be in a relationship with him.

For me with an ex, although I missed her and the really fun nights out, one thing that I did was to keep reminding myself that she treated me awfully in front of other people and flirted outrageously with others. It helped me because sometimes your brain forgets how bad someone was for you in the past and only focuses or reminds you of the good things giving you a skewed memory which can make you miss them. My example is most likely not directly applicable to your situation, but just an idea of some ways to come to terms with the fact that you are better off without him. There's reasons why you broke up from both sides.

After that, it's just a matter of time. Going on dates with others will help too, but don't be going headfirst looking for the next long-term guy. Just keep it casual and go for drinks and meet people and you'll see that there's really nice people out there, eventually you'll click with someone and your ex will be a thing of the past. I went on dozens of dates before I met the right person, so don't be concerned that you need to meet the right person who makes you forget about your ex straight away. And don't be worried if four or five dates in that you're ex is still on your mind somewhere, it'll just take time, but I guarantee it will come.