Ex is in self destruct mode

Shadylou

my ex and the father of my kids is acting really out of character and I don't know what to do about it.
After we broke up he got in to a long distance relationship with a girl who lives 5 hours from us and eventually moved up to be with her in March, he pretty much cut ties with our kids but he did still pay maintenance. It was a really tough time for me and the kids but we got through it together.
From March to July he only saw the kids twice, once at Easter and again at a family wedding that he attended with his new girlfriend and her daughter.
He turned up on my doorstep over the August bank holiday seeing that his girlfriend threw him out and could he stay with us, I told him no, that he could come and see the kids the next day and he got a cab to his mothers.
Since then he's been drinking a lot and than turning up on our doorstep crying to be let in, I don't want to get the guards involved but it's getting out of control. I called his mother down yesterday for a chat and to let them know I would be involving the guards if this continues and she told me that his other ex girlfriend is pregnant and doesn't want anything to do with him and that's why he's drinking so heavily.
I still care about him as a person and I hate to see him so upset but this needs to stop, I won't let the kids see him if he turns up drunk so they've had no contact with him since he came down home as he has turned up drunk every time we make plans for him to see them, it's also affecting my new relationship

ABajaninCork

Sorry to read this, but he's not your problem any more. Your ex has to do this by himself. It's hardly your fault his new relationship's gone to the pictures. While all in the garden was rosy, he forgot about his kids by you. He sounds like a selfish, self-absorbed baby if you ask me. You've got your hands full with your kids. You don't need another one!

You're also quite right to keep the children away from him if he turns up pissed. Not fair on them or YOU!!

Tell him he needs to fix or you WILL be calling the Gards. And follow through on it.

Hope this helps, and good luck.

Shadylou

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Sorry to read this, but he's not your problem any more. Your ex has to do this by himself. It's hardly your fault his new relationship's gone to the pictures. While all in the garden was rosy, he forgot about his kids by you. He sounds like a selfish, self-absorbed baby if you ask me. You've got your hands full with your kids. You don't need another one!

You're also quite right to keep the children away from him if he turns up pissed. Not fair on them or YOU!!

Tell him he needs to fix or you WILL be calling the Gards. And follow through on it.

Hope this helps, and good luck.

I've tried my best to help him over the past 3 weeks but he's just feeling sorry for himself and drinking heavily. I'm sick to death of him at this point and it's affecting my new relationship.
I'm also afraid to cut ties with him in case the kids feel like I'm trying to get their dad out of my life for this new relationship, my daughter and my boyfriend are still getting used to each other

3DataModem

An addict who won't admit they need help cannot be convinced otherwise by anyone else.

When he sees the effect on his relationship with his children that might make him admit it.

The only way that will happen is if you make his actions have consequences.

By involving guards you are - long term - helping him.

Old Jakey

He sounds like a real winner...cut him out of your life.