girlfriend keeps putting off having sex

LegacyUser

i've been going out with this girl for close to a year now and we still haven't had sex at all. im not obsessed with it at all really, we're both virgins but shes had a bit more experience than me and got pretty close to it with her ex. a few months after we started going out she put it off until the summer and every time i bring it up she kicks it down the line again. i completely get that she needs to feel ready for it and all that but is this just too long of a wait? what should i do?

zoobizoo

What age are you guys?

FouxDaFaFa

Are you sure that she is open to the idea of having sex before marriage? Does she have personal or religious views about sex that might influence the way she thinks about it?

I wouldn't immediately wonder that only for the way you phrase her thoughts on it is a little odd. I can understand her not feeling ready but the way you put it makes it sound like she views sex as a chore that she doesn't want to do.

Do the two of you talk about intimacy and sex openly or does she change the subject? Is she comfortable with affection?

LegacyUser

she is very open to the idea and has often brought it up herself. she even made suggestions towards us doing it this weekend last weekend but i mentioned it the other day and she said she still didn't feel ready. we're both 19.

Buona Fortuna

Are you setting this up as a big thing rather than just letting it flow naturally?

Rather than having an agreed "date", why not just kiss and cuddle and see what happens?

Saying we're on next Saturday could be a bit like looking forward to a bungee jump, for some people.

FouxDaFaFa

It's great that she's talking with you about it. What Buona Fortuna said could be having an impact. Maybe setting this (in her mind) unbreakable date where it's "we're going to meet up and have sex at this day and time" is making it a scary prospect to her. It's a little clinical. That could even stress out older people who have had sex before.

Or, it could be the case that she simply does not feel ready for sex yet and may not be for some time. Not everyone turns 18 and is ready for sex just because they can have it. But the only one who can answer the question "how long is too long to wait" is you.

OneOfThem

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Are you setting this up as a big thing rather than just letting it flow naturally?

Rather than having an agreed "date", why not just kiss and cuddle and see what happens?

Saying we're on next Saturday could be a bit like looking forward to a bungee jump, for some people.

Yeah, this all day long. I'd say it's best to just kiss and cuddle and touch and then touch a little more and then keep going (at all times being prepared to stop dead in your tracks should they express in any way whatsoever that they would like you to, of course). Most women in my experience, without much (or any - as the case may be) experience are much more comfortable with that. Rather than a preset "ok, let's have sex, at x point. Now it's x point. Ok go" kind of scenario.

Do you know how to put on a condom? Do you have any just in case? If you don't know how, buy a pack and use a few of them to practise putting them on with ease, but also to get yourself used to the feeling of having one on. Don't push the issue - if she isn't feeling ready, then the more you push, force, and try to arrange dates as to when it will happen, the more she'll feel not ready. Take your time. Let it happen naturally. If it happens, it'll happen that way. Have patience. But also please be wary that your first time likely won't be like how it is in your head -- I always feel like I should say this, because I think most build up a fantasy in their heads for their first time and it rarely reaches this. But don't worry - it'll get better in time.