Can't stop thinking about death..

IceWolf7

I feel strange even writing this but in the last few weeks I've been thinking a lot about death. I'm 20 and it sort of feels like it's just occurred to me that I can actually die, people I know can die, and everything's over and is that just it? It really frightens me. It's probably been brought on by the fact that I knew one of the Berkeley victims who passed away in June.. we weren't very close friends or anything but they were in my school and we were friendly acquaintances throughout the years due to a mutual hobby. I don't feel like I'm grieving or anything as we weren't friends but it's more like it's got me thinking about the whole thing..

No one really close to me has ever died and since I'm a bit of an over-thinker and emotional person I'm also worried about how I'm going to cope when someone inevitably does. I spoke to a friend about it who said they experienced similar feelings a while ago but have just put it out of their head as they accepted it's just another part of life that happens to all of us. It was sound advice but hasn't really cleared things up for me. Sometimes I don't think about it for days but then when it comes into my head again it consumes me. It pops into my head a lot at work as that's the last time I saw the bereaved person a few months ago.. anyone having any advice about coming to terms with this problem?

lifeandtimes

IceWolf7 wrote: »

I feel strange even writing this but in the last few weeks I've been thinking a lot about death. I'm 20 and it sort of feels like it's just occurred to me that I can actually die, people I know can die, and everything's over and is that just it? It really frightens me. It's probably been brought on by the fact that I knew one of the Berkeley victims who passed away in June.. we weren't very close friends or anything but they were in my school and we were friendly acquaintances throughout the years due to a mutual hobby. I don't feel like I'm grieving or anything as we weren't friends but it's more like it's got me thinking about the whole thing..

No one really close to me has ever died and since I'm a bit of an over-thinker and emotional person I'm also worried about how I'm going to cope when someone inevitably does. I spoke to a friend about it who said they experienced similar feelings a while ago but have just put it out of their head as they accepted it's just another part of life that happens to all of us. It was sound advice but hasn't really cleared things up for me. Sometimes I don't think about it for days but then when it comes into my head again it consumes me. It pops into my head a lot at work as that's the last time I saw the bereaved person a few months ago.. anyone having any advice about coming to terms with this problem?

I used to do that too, I'd get it really bad after a heavy night of drinking and have bad anxiety attacks trying to sleep when my mind would be going 90 that would literally make me jump out of bed..didn't go away for a while but eventually it goes to the back of your mind like it was before,keep yourself distracted and try not to over think it,some people call it a quarter life crisis and it passes ...I still get the attacks every now again but not so much

scrimshanker

IceWolf7 wrote: »

I feel strange even writing this but in the last few weeks I've been thinking a lot about death. I'm 20 and it sort of feels like it's just occurred to me that I can actually die, people I know can die, and everything's over and is that just it? It really frightens me. It's probably been brought on by the fact that I knew one of the Berkeley victims who passed away in June.. we weren't very close friends or anything but they were in my school and we were friendly acquaintances throughout the years due to a mutual hobby. I don't feel like I'm grieving or anything as we weren't friends but it's more like it's got me thinking about the whole thing..

I'm sorry for your loss. You may not have known him/her that well, but they were a part of your life for a long time. That's hard to deal with so do try to cut yourself a bit of slack.

IceWolf7 wrote: »

No one really close to me has ever died and since I'm a bit of an over-thinker and emotional person I'm also worried about how I'm going to cope when someone inevitably does.

When that happens you'll cope. You'll cope because you have to, life goes on, and you'll have others around you going through the same. And if you do ever find yourself struggling there are resources out there that can help you cope. Lots of people go to bereavement counselling, for example. There's no real way to prove it to you so it's one of those things you'll have to learn to trust yourself on. It sounds like you've gotten a fright and it's made you a bit uncertain about your ability to cope with situations that upset you or make you anxious.

IceWolf7 wrote: »

Sometimes I don't think about it for days but then when it comes into my head again it consumes me. It pops into my head a lot at work as that's the last time I saw the bereaved person a few months ago.. anyone having any advice about coming to terms with this problem?

The only advice I can give you when dealing with unwanted thoughts is acknowledge that you've had the thought and decide to worry about it later. So if you're in work, you might think "okay, I'm worrying about death and my ability to cope with it. This is causing me anxiety at the moment, but I don't have time to properly deal with it now. When I'm on the bus home I'll think about it some more". If you're in college, would you consider making an appointment with the counselling service? They might be able to help you process what's going on for you at the moment.

PearlJ

My condolenses IceWolf and I sympathise, I went through the same thing in the last few years. My mother died suddenly when I was a child and I put it down to that.
It can be very hard to deal with when we are faced with our own mortality and how quickly we can be taken away or those we love.

I went for some counselling which was hugely helpful, but for the night times when you are lying awake and thinking, 'What if I die in my sleep, what if I die on the way to work, what if my loved ones die,' it can be exhausting.

What helped for me was if you drink a lot of coffee, cut back considerably, don't drink it after 6pm, it makes your mind race, take an evening walk to clear your head and a great app for bed time is mind space. It's like meditation 101. It was brilliant toclear your head and relax.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Dear OP,

what you are facing is called existential angst: feelings arising from the realization that death is inevitable, that it is part of life.

On the one hand, facing this truth is extremely scary. No one wants to think about their own death. Our society does everything to protect itself from this painful truth. People unconsciously chase eternal youth through medical procedures and plastic surgery, the ultimate - unconscious - goal being to avoid death, which is impossible.

All this is very painful but ultimately freeing, once you realize that you cannot escape this reality. If you manage to stay with the fear of death and accept that it is a "given", that you cannot change it, you also start to understand how truly precious life is.
Yes, we will all die one day. For that reason, we owe to ourselves to make the most of each day here on this earth. We must tell our friends and family that we love them. We must forgive as much as we can too.

As Clodagh Cogley said, "The thing I'm taking from this tragedy is that life is short and I intend to honour those who died by living the happiest and most fulfilling life possible. Enjoy a good dance and the feeling of grass beneath your feet like it's the last time because in this crazy world you never know when it might be." Clodagh's realization and advice to us all might be the best answer to your question: "anyone having any advice about coming to terms with this problem?"

So no magic pilll here as what you are experiencing is totally normal. You are a human being facing his own truth and getting more insights into the reality of his experience.

I hope that you feel better soon and find ways to enjoy all the little (and big) things that make our existence so beautiful.

Take care :-)

Brussels Sprout

Hi OP. I'd recommend the book "Staring at the Sun" by Irvin D. Yalom. It's all about overcoming death anxiety.

dd972

I had a savage spell of this around Dec 97 then it passed in the new year, absolutely horrible experience, I was going to visit a GP if it didn't sort itself. Hang on in there and it should pass OP.

Buona Fortuna

Hi OP, sorry for your loss. I think most people at some time have a bit of angst about death, especially when someone close dies.

Lets assume that you look forward going to a party (personally I hate them).

You love parties.

You know though, at some time the party must end. Everyone is too tired, run out of booze, go to work or whatever.

If you spend your time at the party worrying about it ending you will not enjoy it.

Hope that is of some use to you. All the best.

It's actually pretty natural to think about death. Pretty much everyone has those moments where it just strikes you and you think, "oh my God, someday I'm going to die, someone I love will die, someone I know will die..." and it's perfectly OK to feel like that. Well, up until a certain point - when it starts to actually take over your life and it's all you can think about, then that's when you should probably speak to a professional. That advice gets thrown about a lot, but when you've reached that stage, that's when you know that you need to extra leg up.
.

LegacyUser

Every so often I think about the fact that I will die and it scares the hell out of me. You just have to come to terms with your mortality. I believe in an afterlife and I tell myself that death is inevitable and a natural part of life. That helps me.

dudara

Dying doesn't phase me. I don't believe in an afterlife. I do believe in living and making the best of this life. Once you're dead, your body will decay and return to the earth. All that will be left are the impressions that you left in the world, so get out there and live.

IceWolf7

Thanks a mil for all the replies guys, really appreciated.

You've all given me a lot to think about. I'm still undecided about whether I believe in an afterlife and perhaps always will be undecided about it. I've always been a pretty indecisive person. And have always liked surprises! :P I'll see how my head is the next few weeks and then decide about popping into the college counsellor.

My one true love in life has always been writing, I was pretty talented in school but had my eye on a slightly unrelated career path, which I also love, but writing was always left to the sideline. Starting to think now that I should take it a bit more seriously in my spare time.

Hey, maybe when I'm gone someone will read some of my works and enjoy them. I think that would be a cool way to have my mark cemented on the world. All the best to you all, and thanks again.

Chancer3001

Read vinnie jones, the soccer players, autobiography.

Such a random suggestion but he goes in depth into his feelings on this matter.

Really spoke to me.

Seems to be magnified 1000000 times after drinking

Rubberchikken

i think it's perfectly natural to wonder about dying. a person gets to an age where they realise they're not going to be around for ever and it's a bit of a shock, to say the least.

i used to wonder how i'd cop when i lost a parent. this was in my early teens. then my dad died suddenly when i was 18 and i coped. you just do. for the most part, you have no choice but to. for me life goes on. i missed him but he wouldn't have thanked me to stop living to. wouldn't have brought him back.

i'm not afraid of dying or death. what bothers me would be being old and ill/incapicated for a length of time and losing my independence. to me that's worse.

enjoy your youth.enjoy the moment. hopefully you have many decades ahead. and if you find that alcohol is getting you thinking about death too much, then maybe consider cutting back a bit.

take care of yourself.