Dealing with a rotten sibling

LegacyUser

So I'm in my 20s, the oldest, and one of my little brothers is 11. Just call him Jim for this post. He behaves horrible and doesn't ever really get disciplined. He calls people in the family names in a "jokey way", like calling my other brother with acne names and blackmailing my little Sister into doing stuff for him by telling her he's going to tell the teacher stuff about her if she doesn't. If one of them go to my parents, they just tell Jim to stop it and that's it. He doesn't get grounded or have things taken from him. He also will sit there and demand my Mother to make him tea or food, she does it because she prefers to do just do what he says to avoid roaring and shouting.

My parents wanted to go away for the night, so I said I'd babysit. I told the kids I'd get some sweets and a film to watch. Straight away he started with "Don't get rotten coke you better get the proper stuff" and "I bet you'll only buy a few sweets, get loads". When I gave him the sweets there was no thanks. He just scoffed them down and asked were there more.

I'm still shaking with anger after what happened this morning. I was making breakfast, and he came in and said "where's my breakfast, fat ****" (one of his favourite insults is calling people fat). He thought he'd get away with it, like he usually does, but I told him he wasn't having anything after saying that to me. He laughed and then licked the food I was making, and said "well that's obviously mine now". I grabbed him and pulled him out of the room and told him get into his bedroom. He came back out a few minutes later and tried to grab the food again off the counter. I grabbed his arm again, he tried to kick me, I started shouting at him to get out so he started running, then turned around and spat on me. Then locked himself into the toilet. I went into his room and took his x box remotes. He is in his room now, I haven't seen him in about an hour.

I'm so sick of his attitude, he's actually disgusting. I'll have to tell my parents when they come home that I won't be minding him again. I feel bad because they've enough stress and things to be dealing with, but I just can't deal with him anymore. Does anyone have any advice on what I can say to my parents on how they need to start disciplining him? They will probably get mad at me for causing trouble, because I didn't pacify him, and stressing them out to be honest.

cazzer22

He sounds like an absolute brat and you're so right. He has to learn. Behaviour is learned. If he isn't disciplined he is going to get progressively worse. What's he like in school as a matter of interest? How dare he spit on you and call you vulgar names. That behaviour is disgraceful.

deisemum

He will get worse unless your parents decide to put in some decent parenting and not give up like some do for a quiet life. If this bad behaviour is not dealt with now it will bring a hell of a lot more stress on them especially in the teenage years.

punisher5112

That seems to be a pattern of the way society as a whole is going.

Parents are in this case not doing enough.

Games consoles and no tv whatsoever in a kids bedroom its one of the worst things especially with that behaviour.

Youngblood.III

A brat is right...just be careful about grabbing him and shouting, I know it's hard not to react.
Be calm, sometimes you'll have to wait a while and then talk to him.

LegacyUser

He's an angel in school, with other people, and other kids. People always comment on how lovely he is. It is only behind closed doors he's such a brat. He knows he's terrible too, because he'd be mortified if people knew how he acted.

freshpopcorn

My honest opinion is let this up to your parents. Raise your concerns and let then parenting to them. Be careful regarding an physical contact you've with him. You could be the one who end up in trouble.

Also when did this behaviour start had it always being going on or is it more resent. Kids generally act out for a reason in my opinion or there learning this behaviour from somewhere. If this behaviour is only a recent thing of be concerned about a change that might be causing him to act out.
Or if it's just him being a trouble maker it's up to your parents to sort out and try different methods of displine with him to find one that works. If the behaviour continues at home/in school it might be worth looking into getting him assessed.

Calhoun

Have a little brother like this or he used to be like this as he was so young there was no one around him from a siblings perspective to put manners on him.

Essentially it wasn't my place to change him but I can say I really disliked him and would only reprimand him when he was being disrespectful to me. I did however limit my exposure to him and made sure his behavior wad never rewarded by myself.

My parents basically seen it get so bad when nobody wanted to spend time with him and started getting him in line very fast. Until your parents get to this and want to check his behavior there is not allot you can do. I would just limit interaction with him .

coolcat63

I agree with the other posters; it's up to your parents to instill discipline but there's nothing to stop you loving the child and hating the behaviour. So next time he is rude about the food you cook - throw it all in the bin. If he demands sweets, don't provide any. Teach him consequences without letting him rile you. You're 20, he's 11, you can rise above it.

deisemum

somad wrote: »

He's an angel in school, with other people, and other kids. People always comment on how lovely he is. It is only behind closed doors he's such a brat. He knows he's terrible too, because he'd be mortified if people knew how he acted.

Tell them about his behaviour and see how he likes it.

ongarboy

I'd suggest having a family meeting with yoru parents...but without your little brother, where the rest of the siblings discuss all the issues and also emphasize your concerns that it seems to be getting progressively worse. If it may help, compile a list of recent incidents to reinforce to your parents that this isn't just isolated issues and so they may take it more seriously.

Then, I would suggest having a follow up meeting with your brother also in attendance (assuming your parents are on board) and discuss why and how his behaviour is very damaging to the household. He's most likely too young (and certainly immature) to understand the broader ramifications of his actions but I believe kids as young as 11 do have empathy and should be able to alter their behaviour if clearly shown why it is a problem. However, if that isn't an option, he will also need discipline and this is where your parents have to come in and be on board. Kids react best to punishments (denial of treats/freedom/things that they value).

Failing that, as a 20 something, I would suggest you start looking at your own future...living outside that home. I could not live with other adults (parents included) who would refuse to address responsibilities that have direct negative impact on me.

MouseTail

I echo what a lot of people have said. This is an issue for your parents. You and your other siblings if appropriate should raise this with them. I highly recommend they read a book called The Teenage Brain which gives an excellent insight into this type of behavior, and suggests some excellent coping and behavior management strategies. I know your brother is not a teenager yet, but he does seem to be exhibiting some of the behavior explained in the book, and he may have started puberty.
You really shouldn't have grabbed him, physical aggression towards a child is never acceptable in my view.

se conman

Sounds like he has never had to ask twice for anything, so make him have to be courteous to get something. (Without you being mean)
Take him on a trek (a long trek) and walk the manners into him.
A good dose of healthy outdoor activities will tire him out (less energy to be abusive) and you may find that ye actually bond. Plus when he is tired is a perfect time to turn the conversation to how his behaviour is unacceptable. (He can't escape from you so he has to listen )