How do you know what to do?

One More Toy

Hello all, I am planning on having a child within the next 2 years, I would like to read up on it, it sounds so stupid, but, how do new-born's parents know what to do?

eg. Eating, bottle feeding, health

It seems like there is not much info out there and would appreciate some advice!

lazygal

Eating for a newborn is easy enough. They feed on demand, whether breast or bottle fed. Breastfeeding is promoted as the normal way to feed a baby, it depends whether that's the right option for the baby and the parents.
Bottle feeding is something you'll need to figure out is right for the baby. Some babies have a preference for some formulas or bottles. I had one baby who took bottles after a week old, I have another who never took one and only wanted to breastfeed.
Health checks are done usually by your GP. There's checks at two and six weeks, then there's a vaccine schedule issued by the HSE. My GP used those visits to check on how we were doing. There is also a public health nurse system but I have found this very hit and miss. There is a home visit when you leave hospital and follow up visits but I have had very few of these. If we have another I will probably opt out altogether.

Sounds mad but you figure it all out quite quickly. I am not very maternal and had no interest in babies before I had mine. We bought a lot of the 'recommended' stuff but most of it is unnecessary. If I was giving advice to prospective parents it'd be to ignore any comments using the phrases 'never did you any harm' and 'in my day we' and to focus on the current best advice. I was given conflicting information about breastfeeding on my first and things would have gone much more smoothly if I'd listened to real advice from a properly qualified lactation consultant.
No books can really tell you want to expect. Only having a baby will teach you what to do.

ainy

to be honest, we're just winging it everyday!! you learn on the job!! you can't really prepare because you don't know what kind of baby you'l get! They're all so different.

I did have an app for my phone when I was pregnant and I get weekly email updates from them now so I find them good enough. But really you kinda go on whats best for your family and what suits your situation!

dori_dormer

I knew very little about babies before having mine, never changed a nappy or anything. I got my info from online, some books, apps. All the medical stuff will be led by your gp, hospital , phn. You get a folders full of leaflets when you have your first appointment at hospital. Then if anything crops up, you dig a bit deeper online etc.
You learn some broad basics at the antenatal classes about nappies, bottles/ breastfeeding, sleeping, epidurals etc. you'll learn a fair bit wandering around baby shops and chatting on the Monthly due date threads.

Then it's mostly learn as you go with regards the specific precipitates of your baby!

BeardySi

Trial and error.

Seriously do what you feel comfortable with - everyone will have an opinion on the best thing to do, do whatever keeps you and baby happy and healthy. If baby isn't liking it, try another way. There's is no one perfect way to rear a baby so don't try to find it!

One More Toy

Thanks guys! Who or what did you get advice from? Parents or websites?

jeni

I remember on my first little girl called sarah in the hospital and the midwife was showing us how to bath her and change her bum and she said don't worry sarah will soon tell you what she wants and when she wants it, like a dope I asked her who's sarah and the nurse pointed to my baby laughing it comes to you, you know your baby trust me, I hadn't the foggiest, try not to read too much about it, babies arnt text book they are all different and reading too much into it can be over welming and cause you to see problems were there arnt any you'll be fine x

LegacyUser

That's actually a great post....most of us haven't a clue!Seriously!I don't know how many people I've talked to in the last year that said "and then the baby was born and the nurse handed it to me and I was like..wtf?What am I supposed to do with this?"!!These were both men and women :-)
Honest answer OP is that you get told a bit in ante-natal classes (not nearly enough) and when the baby's born you pretty much get a crash course from the midwives.While taking care of it at the same time.And really after that ir's about talking to people, reading the odd bit of a book and winging it.It's almost easier when they are new borns because you know you haveto feed them X amount every X hours...it's when they get bigger and those rules no longer apply that it gets a bit trickier.But you will manage, I promise.And then second time round,you'll know exactly what to do :-)

lazygal

One More Toy wrote: »

Thanks guys! Who or what did you get advice from? Parents or websites?

I'm in a few online parents groups which are a great support. I never got into it myself but a friend of mine has found Cuidiu very helpful. They run groups in different places around the country.

Marz66

It will come to you by instinct. All you have to do is feed them (go to a breastfeeding class run by hospital if there is one), clothe them (ok poppers are fiddly but you'll figure it out easy enough, even if you do it wrong the first time, same with nappies. Then they just need cuddles

If your baby has particular issues like reflux or colic, you can call your public health nurse any time or there is loads online.

You will be fine. Just have a bit of confidence in yourself as it can be overwhelming but once you see that youre instincts kick in and baby is happy, you'll be fine.

As youll see i think most newborns hate having their nappy changed and being dressed. It wont be anything youre doing wrong.

A book that I found handy to refer to in the early days was What to Expect the First Year.

Dont count on the hospital to show you much but you'll figure it out on your own.

ainy

One More Toy wrote:

Thanks guys! Who or what did you get advice from? Parents or websites?

boards has been my go to. great information comes up here and it's a great place to ask questions and not feel stupid!
The eumom website is great too and I used the what to expect when your expecting app oh and got the book 'what to expect the first year' for a euro in a local secondhand book shop. I flick through it when we're coming to a new milestone and it gives different ways of dealing with situations which I like. probably wouldn't of bought it new but couldn't pass it up when it was so cheap!!
plus good old Google for 'how to' things. never medical things. always can contact your phn or gp too, they have good info!

Mech1

4 kids here. First thing is they are expensive, I didnt do it but I strongly advise buying a lot of quality 2nd hand stuff off the likes of Adverts.ie. you will save a fortune, all babies need the same stuff and everybody buys new, loads of top quality stuff going cheap online.

supersheeps

When instinct kicks in it's a very odd feeling! I've never been particularly maternal & didn't spend much time around babies. I read all the literature given in the hospital & had an app that dripfed info about managing after the big day. I had my daughter in the morning, by the afternoon I was changing nappies like a pro, allowing her to feed on demand and even dressed her without too much fuss. The moment I knew I'd "arrived" as a mum was when I was out shopping & she was home with my hubby. He rang me to say she was crying & he couldn't stop it, I listened to her & said, "oh, that's a dirty nappy, she's pooped" He insisted it wasn't, he'd just changed her recently, but I was certain it was. Yep, monster poop, I could figure out what was wrong with her over the phone!

pwurple

Like everything else I do, I read up on it first.

I got a couple of books beforehand which helped.

The baby whisperer by Tracy hogg, the gina ford one - contented little baby (that was too militant for us, don't recommend), and Dr Spocks Baby and Childcare.

Hannibal Smith

Don't worry. There'll be plenty of people to tell you how not to do everything!

Learned most of what I needed on here. Nothing beats experience and knowing you're not the only one whose child doesn't fit into what the books say!

eviltwin

You muddle though, some of it is just guess work, some of it is instinct and some of it is just pure luck. And it will be like that right the way through their life. It doesn't get any easier but you will get to know your child and you will grow in confidence as a parent and you will be fine.

hairyslug

You really don't know, it's all trial and error and eventually you know by the tone of a cry or noise what the baby wants.

And by the time your 3rd one comes along, you are showing the nurses a few tricks that you will have picked up along the way.

sm213

pwurple wrote: »

Like everything else I do, I read up on it first.

I got a couple of books beforehand which helped.

The baby whisperer by Tracy hogg, the gina ford one - contented little baby (that was too militant for us, don't recommend), and Dr Spocks Baby and Childcare.

Baby whisperer easy method saved my life.
Gina Ford is a weapon though.
I didn't need help much as I'm the oldest of 6

Nappies and dressing was grand. Lack of sleep is hard but that passes awfully quickly. My babs is 5 months and I miss midnight cuddles. Although they're a bit more of an occirence this week as she's cutting a tooth :-)
Baby books can be good but take everything with a pinch of salt as all babies are different. Ask family and friends but ultimately you decide how to bring up your baby.
Wing it. Boards is always here if you need a hand.
Rollercoaster.ie is also great.