Help

LegacyUser

I think I need help.

I'm going through a really awful break up - we've been living together 7 years or so, and were very close. However my partner was not happy and broke off our engagement, just after it was announced to family and friends. We agreed to keep it as a relationship, and keep trying - but they've decided now that they just want to move on.
Unfortunately, we are renting a house, and they are in a position financially to move out on their own, I am not.
I also have a dog and cat, and because I thought the next step for us was house and marriage, I have furniture, and just a general house load of stuff. Its not possible for me to go back to renting a room in a house share, which is all I can afford.
People have told me to get rid of the animals, but quite frankly, between losing my partner and friend and my home, I'd rather just end it than give them up. Its just not something I can do, they're all I have.

I'm just at a loss. I was under pressure from my parents to buy a house, and they said they would 'help out' and pay half, so when I went to them to ask for their help now, they hmmmed and hawwed and said no sorry, they don't think its a good idea to buy a house right now, and I should just maybe get a bedsit somewhere.

I'm waiting for the bank to get back to me with how much I can borrow, but without my parents help, I won't get enough to buy anything.

I'm just sunk. I'm almost 40, so I just feel I've lost out on everything, family, kids, a home, a life. I'm having panic attacks and am so stressed out and upset, but everyone expects me to carry on as normal. I feel ashamed that at 40 I had to go to my parents to beg for financial help to get a home for myself (They've never had a mortgage and bought their house outright, and can't understand why I can't do the same)

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for, just some help in dealing with it and trying to make sense of what I should do.

MissFlitworth

Ah dude, what a horrible situation to be in. If your parent's are in a position to help you out financially for a few months would they spot you a chunk of rent so that you could rent a house out for you and your furred support system and spend some time finding a housemate?

Actually - could you get a housemate for where you live now when your ex moves out?

jimd2

Help03 wrote: »

I think I need help.

I'm going through a really awful break up - we've been living together 7 years or so, and were very close. However my partner was not happy and broke off our engagement, just after it was announced to family and friends. We agreed to keep it as a relationship, and keep trying - but they've decided now that they just want to move on.
Unfortunately, we are renting a house, and they are in a position financially to move out on their own, I am not.
I also have a dog and cat, and because I thought the next step for us was house and marriage, I have furniture, and just a general house load of stuff. Its not possible for me to go back to renting a room in a house share, which is all I can afford.
People have told me to get rid of the animals, but quite frankly, between losing my partner and friend and my home, I'd rather just end it than give them up. Its just not something I can do, they're all I have.

I'm just at a loss. I was under pressure from my parents to buy a house, and they said they would 'help out' and pay half, so when I went to them to ask for their help now, they hmmmed and hawwed and said no sorry, they don't think its a good idea to buy a house right now, and I should just maybe get a bedsit somewhere.

I'm waiting for the bank to get back to me with how much I can borrow, but without my parents help, I won't get enough to buy anything.

I'm just sunk. I'm almost 40, so I just feel I've lost out on everything, family, kids, a home, a life. I'm having panic attacks and am so stressed out and upset, but everyone expects me to carry on as normal. I feel ashamed that at 40 I had to go to my parents to beg for financial help to get a home for myself (They've never had a mortgage and bought their house outright, and can't understand why I can't do the same)

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for, just some help in dealing with it and trying to make sense of what I should do.

I am extremely surprised at your parents attitude here. Are they saying that they were so great in getting a house without a mortgage and that you are somewhat a lesser person because you cant?

First of all, you are now on your own and there is no knowing what help they had along the way or a bit of luck is getting a bargain etc.

So put their implied criticism out of your mind, it is simply not something you should be ashamed of.

Regarding the breakup, unfortunately this is what happens and you are better off with this happening now and not after marriage.

It is difficult to advise but, if your parents started out mortgage free then there is a very strong likeliehood that they have quite a bit of spare cash. I think you should think through where you would like to live and what type of house that would be suitable along with price range for purchase or rent. Ask your parents for a loan and look into buying with the loan as a downpayment. If you dont think that the potential mortgage would be feasible then your bet option is to look to rent and possibly save as much as you can.

Best of luck

coathanger

Sorry to hear you are going such a tough time of it.i don't really have any advice for you. Just to hang in there, if u could manage to get someone in to house share, it would save you the additional stress of looking for somewhere else, for u & ur furry friends...mind yourself .