Boyfriend is a workaholic

LegacyUser

Hi all
As the title says, my boyfriend is a workaholic. He set up his own business 2 years ago and it's the type of business where he needs to be on call 24/7. He is constantly working 14 hour days and sees no difference between weekdays and weekends. It's all getting a bit much, we're going out a year and a half and as his business is getting more successful I'm seeing him less and less. I may see him once or twice a week but never for very long. He loves his work and doesn't mind the long hours. I find it all hard to deal with. I start thinking long term to when we've kids and realise how little he'd see them. We've never gone on hols in the last two years, at most we've got away for a weekend due to a wedding or other occasion. He lives at home, I rent but he's not inclined to stay over as he's always so tired. I feel like I'm single but in a relationship. Has anyone any ideas on how to cope with this life? I love him to bits but I'm finding it all very hard.

jimmycrackcorm

I don't think he is going to change especially if his business is successful and taking off. Is there a possibility that you could also get involved in the business which could mean both spending more time together and also building up something together.

LegacyUser

It's quite a specialised business, he's highly qualified in it, I have gone on call outs with him but by the nature of the business I'm not much help. I've also done some office work for him where I can, but his assistant does most of that and he has an accountant for his books. I just don't see an end to it. Is it possible to sustain a relationship like this?

Wompa1

Fed up and lonely wrote: »

Hi all
As the title says, my boyfriend is a workaholic. He set up his own business 2 years ago and it's the type of business where he needs to be on call 24/7. He is constantly working 14 hour days and sees no difference between weekdays and weekends. It's all getting a bit much, we're going out a year and a half and as his business is getting more successful I'm seeing him less and less. I may see him once or twice a week but never for very long. He loves his work and doesn't mind the long hours. I find it all hard to deal with. I start thinking long term to when we've kids and realise how little he'd see them. We've never gone on hols in the last two years, at most we've got away for a weekend due to a wedding or other occasion. He lives at home, I rent but he's not inclined to stay over as he's always so tired. I feel like I'm single but in a relationship. Has anyone any ideas on how to cope with this life? I love him to bits but I'm finding it all very hard.

Not sure what age you and he are but I listen to a few Podcasts. This reminded me of what one of them covered. That for many their 20's and early 30's are about achieving what they want to achieve. It's up to you whether you want to stick with him or not. From about the age of 25, I started working some pretty long hours. I'm 30 now and I'm working even longer hours. My fiancé is fine with it because she's also busy with work.

Jotunheim

Did you post about this before OP? If that was you, did you address it directly with him? What was the response? Besides things actually getting worse, obviously, I mean did he at least see the problem and offer hope of improvement at some point?

veggirl

This is so interesting! i have exactly the opposite problem!!!! my man has never worked in his life he is always in my face cause he likes to sit at home! sure he is emotionally available but what's the point if he's not doing anything... only promises things.

I think that you may need to make a choice if u want to suffer your condition or u can become a very busy lady yourself so then the time will fly. cause i could really imagine it work if both people are workaholics!

LegacyUser

I know how you feel. I went out with someone in past that was a workaholic also. If they were not at work, they were always thinking / talking about it, I would see them rarely, I did love them, but in reality I was not having a proper relationship because I never got to spend any quality time with them, for me, at that time in my life , it was not for me, I wasn't sure they were ever going to change, and I didn't want to continue with being in a relationship but not really, its lonely. I would discuss it with him to see if he would make some time for you, changes, holidays, dates, nights that turn into days together, see if he changes / makes an effort. If he doesn't then you consider yourself and what you want from a relationship. Best wishes.

HardenendMan

You have to let him at it IMO. He is ambitious. Tread carefully, for you could be treading on his dreams. He is at an age where his hunger is relentless and powerfully foolish.

I speak this because I was exactly like your boyfriend. Only I failed to achieve. I spent too much time trying not to upset a sulking girlfriend. We broke up because I couldn't be with someone who didn't see the long term implications of me not giving it my all before it was too late.

My now wife is so so supportive. Alas I have lost my foolish hunger. It was sucked out of me.

December2012

Workaholic is a dangerous phrase. Somebody having a demanding job is different to somebody choosing to work instead of spending personal time together.

He is trying to make hay while the sunshines, he's working hard to succeed, not to avoid you.

Could you move in together so you at least share sometime in the night?

professore

I would say if his business is so successful why is he still living at home? A successful business is one that can pay a mortgage, wife and kids and still have money and time left over for some sort of life.

davmol

Richard Branson,Bill gates Steve jobs and many others worked up to 17/18 hour days at something they had a passion for.If you want something to work you have to invest time.

im sure when he gets to a good position he can hire someone else and take the load off.Why not support him in his dream and you might bear the rewards from it.