Sensible versus Free

Molly999

Hi,
Just wondering what other posters would do.
I need to buy somewhere to live as I am soon to be turfed out of my apartment. I have a deposit saved up so I just need to find a place. However, the thoughts of it fill me with dread. I am doing it because it is the ''sensible'' thing to do.
On the other hand I am extremely extremely unhappy with my life at the moment. Should I use my deposit to get away for a year. To spend the year doing yoga or just trying to ''find myself''.
Oh, and probably the most relevant point in all of this is that I am in my early 40's. I really should do the sensible thing, shouldn't I and be unbearably unhappy for the rest of this godforsaken life?!!

OneOfThem

Molly999 wrote: »

and be unbearably unhappy for the rest of this godforsaken life?!!

Well no, obviously. You only get one life. One single play at the table. Do what will make you happy. May have your face eaten off by a chimp tomorrow, and then where will you be? Just, follow your own heart. Worst comes to worst, you start again. But you are in a very fortunate place in a very fortunate time. Even if everything tumbles apart, you're still going to be grand. Take a chance, nothing to lose.

prettyrestless

How secure is your job / what are your career options like? i.e. if you go away for a year will you have difficulty finding work when you come home?

Why do you feel you have to buy? Is renting an option, even for six months while you make up your mind about a few things?

I would be hesitant to spend a load of savings on a holiday / year long break. Could you take a couple of grand out of your savings and go traveling for a month or two?

LegacyUser

I'm a single woman in my early 40s and I bought my first house this year. My hand was forced a little on it so I can relate to how you feel. I hated just about everything to do with house hunting and it made me so unhappy I used to cry. If anyone had come along to me in the middle of it all and offered me the chance to run away I would have done so. Can you not make changes to your life right now? Why does it have to involve running away from your problems?

What is it that is making you unhappy in your life? Is it your job? Your private life? Where you live? Are you sure you're not just wanting to run away because the stress of house hunting and the commitment of buying a house are now coming at you like a steam train? I'm guessing that like me, you had been putting money aside to save up for a deposit. All for a house that was this vague thing that was going to happen sometime in "the future". Only now "the future" has arrived.

At 41 I think you need to look more closely at the sensible option. It's very easy to dish out the standard advice of "you've only one life, go enjoy it" but before you do anything like that you should take out a calculator and look at the downsides of this. When I went to get my mortgage the longest term I get was 24 years because of my age. If you still want to buy a home of your own, can you afford a costlier shorter term mortgage?
What about your job? If you plan to leave your job, go find yourself and get another job down the line you're again shortening the length of your mortgage. Can you afford this hit?

If you plan to rent forever and live out of a rucksack then that's another matter entirely. Just be very careful what you choose to do from here.

CaraMay

Yeah don't blow it all on traveling as it might be hard to earn it again once you come back. What exactly is making you unhappy about your own life? Is location only likely to fix it

Blingy

Sounds like u need to get away from it all for a while and make some decisions. Take a few grand and go on a month long yoga retreat in South East Asia. Or just travel around for a couple of months. You really don't need much money over there. Then come back and decide what you want to do. The world is your oyster. No need to do something just cause society says it's the right thing to do (however would recommend not blowing the whole deposit saved on travelling!!).

ManOfMystery

You don't have to buy a house.

Of course, society says that once past 30+, we should all be thinking about settling down, kids, house & mortgage, and so on. And renting is wasted money, obviously. But that doesn't mean you have to buy a house. Money is not the be all and end all to many people, and neither is having a house or other possessions. I know a guy who's parents died when he was quite young; he later got married and had a child, but sadly his child also died and his marriage broke down as a result. He's in his late 40s now and financially secure, but still rents and has no plans to buy a house. He doesn't have loans or debts and freely admits he likes the fact that he doesn't have anything tying him down, and could get up and leave tomorrow if he felt like it (obviously losing his rental deposit, but that's a small price to pay). He has no-one to leave a house to so is living his life exactly as he wants it. It's somewhat liberating I guess, though probably a bit sad that his attitude towards earthly possessions was forever altered because of personal losses in his life.

It's entirely your own choice.

Are you single? I assume you're not married as your post doesn't mention any other half who would surely factor into a large decision like that. Lots of people buy a house because they want a home to call their own, but equally lots of people do it with their children or family in mind - something that can be left to them someday. If you're single and don't have kids, or don't plan to have any kids, that's one factor which isn't really a consideration. So any choice you do make is entirely for you.

Bear in mind also though, that buying a house is not always the albatross around your neck that you think it is. The process of buying can be stressful and complicated, but once it's done and you have the mortgage in place, it's just another monthly payment. If you want to go away, you can always rent the house out. Doesn't mean you can get up and leave any day you feel like it, but equally it doesn't mean you're tied to one place for the rest of your life : with some advance preparation and effort, you could find a tenant within a month or two, check the finances online from wherever you happen to be, and have a management company dealing with any issues in the house.

I think the advice to go away somewhere and think deeply about this is prudent. Whilst I've said that you don't really have to buy a house, equally you should bear in mind that when you get to 50s/60s/70s your thoughts on things may be a bit different - will you still be travelling that much then? Will you want something more stable and a home you know is yours? Will you have financial security to cover renting until the day you die? And so on.

miamee

From the outside looking in, I'd say go for the house first and plan a trip for sometime in the future. Unfortunately our problems or issues whatever they are, will come with us wherever we go until we have faced them head on and sorted them out. Travelling won't change whatever is wrong, it'll be the same sh!t, different background, if you'll excuse the wording.

As the previous poster has pointed out, you can have a mortgage without it being the end of life as you know it. Presumably you are already paying rent somewhere so paying a mortgage shouldn't be a shock to the system. You've been saving so you wanted to buy a house at some point. If life is really as stressful as all that, you should take some time out. Decide how much you can spend on this time out both money-wise and time-wise and then make a plan. I'd advise not doing anything rash until you've taken some time away to think about it. Is there anything stopping you from going away for a 2 week break? It would give you time to think about things and then take a career break/give up your job/do more travelling if that is what you decide. Giving up your job will be a nail in the coffin for a mortgage though, another thing to think about and another reason to buy the house first if possible. That's if you still actually want a home of your own, maybe you have changed your mind on that?

kylith

You can always do both. Buy a house and rent it out, letting the rent cover the mortgage while you go travel.

Merkin

Molly999 wrote: »

Hi,
Just wondering what other posters would do.
I need to buy somewhere to live as I am soon to be turfed out of my apartment. I have a deposit saved up so I just need to find a place. However, the thoughts of it fill me with dread. I am doing it because it is the ''sensible'' thing to do.
On the other hand I am extremely extremely unhappy with my life at the moment. Should I use my deposit to get away for a year. To spend the year doing yoga or just trying to ''find myself''.
Oh, and probably the most relevant point in all of this is that I am in my early 40's. I really should do the sensible thing, shouldn't I and be unbearably unhappy for the rest of this godforsaken life?!!

Why are you so unhappy OP?

jester77

Buying a house is not going to solve problems or suddenly make you happy. You need to look at why you are unhappy and start working on that. If there are are multiple things making you unhappy, then make a list. Take small steps, tackle the easiest issue or the issue you are unhappiest with. Aim to make one small change and work on from there. Travelling could help, depending on your current circumstances, it could help you get away from things that are making unhappy and give you the freedom and peace of mind to work on them.

Don't fall into the Irish trap of having to have your own house. It's a very unfortunate trait that Irish people have and has led to many people being trapped and miserable. It won't suddenly make you happy, work on you and then start look into buying a house when you are happy with yourself. Buying a house now would be akin to going shopping when you are hungry, you'll buy chocolate to get a quick happiness boost but this usually turns to regret shortly after.

magicmushroom

If you're extremely unhappy with your life right now, a year away doing yoga isn't going to solve that - you'll still have to come back!

I would look at making changes to your life instead, such as changing job, moving to a new area, something like that.
I don't know why you're unhappy so I can't give specific advice but I really don't think a year of 'finding yourself' is the answer - that 12 months will fly past then you'll just return home with no money and a miserable feeling because it's all back to reality.

LegacyUser

Like another poster said, you dont HAVE to buy a house.
Go with your gut feeling of what you should do. People can advise you but only you really know what you WANT to do.

for what its worth i had money in the bank, a secure good job and life threw me a curveball at the grand old age of 30. Id always wanted to travel but never got around to it. I bit the bullet and left money behind to pay for rent and bills and took a three month career break. Three months came and went and over a year later i arrived home. For me it was the best thing ive ever done and dont reget a single day. Coming home and starting again is hard i wont lie, but every traveller will tell you that.

Regret the things you did in life, not the things you didnt do!

R.D. aka MR.D

I think it depends on what your view of the future is. If you are planning on eventually settling down and doing the traditional thing then you should consider the 'sensible' thing.

However, from my point of view, mortgages aren't very 'sensible' but that's just because I was in a large amount of debt several years ago and although it only took 2 years of hard work to pay it off, it has scarred me for life. I'll never willingly get into debt again. But to other people, like some posters above, it's not a big deal.

So basically, it entirely depends on what kind of person you are and what you want for the future. It seems like you're not happy with the current state of affairs.

I'd also like to add that people say that problems follow you and that is very true but in the 3 years that I've been away from Ireland, I have been able to resolve many of issues by having different experiences and getting a different perspective on things. I will say that I've actively worked on myself though and not just gone away and hoped things would change!

vertmann

Molly, I hope you don't mind but I took at look at your other posts on boards to try and get a bigger picture of what's going on here. You seem to be a person who's lonely and gets very very down. You posted previously about being lonely and about losing out on the chance of buying a great apartment because of your job situation. I'm sorry you feel so low and have anxiety issues but I also wonder what steps you've taken to try and change things. Did you leave that job you hated and find one you liked better? Have you visited your GP recently? Are you taking medication at the moment? Has therapy helped you at all? How about meeting new people - did you try that at all? These are all questions you don't have to answer here but which you might ask yourself. Hard and all as it is, the only person who can truly help you is you.

I don't think you should make any major decisions for now. I would strongly advise against you blowing your savings as a reaction to doing the "sensible" thing. After all, it was only a year ago you were posting about being consumed with regret over missing out on buying the apartment. What has changed? You must've been eager to buy your own home back then.

I'm not sure you'll "find yourself" if you get away for the year. All you would be doing is taking a very costly holiday that's enabling you to run away from your unhappiness. You can't live on your savings forever - some day you will run out of money and you'll find yourself looking for work and somewhere new to stay again at 44 or 45 years of age. I don't know you from Adam but I get the impression that the insecurity of that would ramp up your anxiety again.

My advice to you would be to find somewhere else to rent for now and forget about buying for a few months at least. If you decide you still want to buy you can do so when you feel up to it. I also think you need to make out a list of what it is that is making you so unhappy and see if there is anything you can do to change those. Maybe you need to visit a life coach or a career advisor. A cognitive behavioural therapist who can help pinpoint what it is that might be leading you to push people away. If you've got annual leave to use up how about looking into taking some sort of health spa/yoga type holiday abroad for a week or two. These are all small things but might help you.