Cant cope without my dad

Mollymops

Hi im new to this so not really sure how it works, iv heard great things about it though.
Anyway, I lost my dad 6 months ago suddenly. He was a picture of health but fell down the stairs and died instantly. In the blink of an eye he was gone just like that. He was only 50!
I just dont no what to do and I just feel there is nobody can understand me.
On top of all this all of my 'friends' bar one turned their backs on me and this has made me so hurt and even more angry at the world. Im so scared that ill loose the one friend that has stood by me.
My whole world is falling apart and iv just turned 21. My uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer the day of my fathers inquest so he now has very little time to live.
I just never want to leave the house or do anything. Nothing seems worth it any more. I dont want to go to college or work and the anxiety i get any where I go is unbareable.
I hope someone here can give me a few tips on how to bring myself back up a little bit or anything at all that will help.

Thank you.

LynnGrace

OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be horrendous to lose your dad, at such a young age, and so suddenly. I think, as a first step, I would suggest visiting your GP. They should be able to treat / refer you appropriately for help with your anxiety.
I know that there are bereavement support groups, which some people find helpful, but one thing at a time, as the anxiety would probably make that route difficult for you, just now.
Some people find counselling helpful. As a first step, as I've said, I would urge going to your GP. Write down what you want to say, if that helps. Believe me, he/she will have dealt with many people, in similar circumstances.

In relation to your friends, I'm not trying to make excuses for them, but it may be that you are the first of the circle to go through this, and they don't know how to deal with it. It may not be that they are deliberately pulling away from you. They just don't know how to help.

I hope that you have some family that you can turn to also. Please take care.

irish gent

Sorry to read your post its sad but he only wants you to move on and better yourself .Talk to freinds family Doctor about how you feel. In time it will get better for you..it takes awhile to grieve.My Day was young to and I felt like you do . But give yourself time and be easy on yourself It will get better I promise you that..you have to be brave and move on life has it's ups and downs..you look after yourself ...

mbradso2003

OP sorry to hear about your loss.

I too lost parent at similar age, albeit a number of years ago.

I was a very angry man because of it and waited long time before speaking to GP.

Totally agree with LynnGrace, maybe your friends do not know how to deal with it. My best friend lost his mother recently and even though I'd been through same thing I was dreading speaking to him and seeing him, I didn't know what to say.

Take care of yourself.

Mollymops

Lynngrace Thank you so much for your advice I think ill definately start writing things down.
I have got a number for brevement councilling but just feel im not quiet ready yet.
What you said about my friends helped a lot as I would have been the 'strong' one of the group in the past the one who they all would turn to. Hopefully in time we can talk about it just need to sort my own head out first.

Mollymops

Irishgent thank you also for your advice I need to learn that this will take time I seem to forget that and tried to move on with my life to soon. I no he wouldnt want me to be like this. Sorry for your loss also

mbradso2003 I strongly relate to you about the anger. I think its just something we both have to go through. Its nice to know and hear that it does get easier. I hope someday I can help people and give them advice like you have done with me. Thank you so much

mbradso2003

Mollymops wrote: »

Irishgent thank you also for your advice I need to learn that this will take time I seem to forget that and tried to move on with my life to soon. I no he wouldnt want me to be like this. Sorry for your loss also

mbradso2003 I strongly relate to you about the anger. I think its just something we both have to go through. Its nice to know and hear that it does get easier. I hope someday I can help people and give them advice like you have done with me. Thank you so much

You're welcome Mollymops. Birthday's, holidays and anniversaries can be tough but it does get easier trust me. Like most Irish men, I wouldn't be great at talking about about my feelings but felt I had no choice when anger became an issue (embarrassed to say picking fights in bars etc) but talking about it really helped.

LynnGrace

Mollymops wrote: »

Lynngrace Thank you so much for your advice I think ill definately start writing things down.
I have got a number for brevement councilling but just feel im not quiet ready yet.
What you said about my friends helped a lot as I would have been the 'strong' one of the group in the past the one who they all would turn to. Hopefully in time we can talk about it just need to sort my own head out first.

You are very welcome. It's a lot to deal with, so take things one step at a time. Look after your own health too, make sure to eat properly, and get out for a walk, if possible, every day. It sounds like a small thing, but it helps to keep a structure on your day.

I'm glad that helped, about your friends. Believe me, there are people a lot older, than they (presumably) are, who don't know what to do or say, when someone is bereaved, and find it easier to say or do nothing, which is more hurtful, in the long run.

People don't realise that it's not about finding the 'right' words, it might be just someone giving you a hug, when there are no words, or taking you out, or just listening, when you want to talk, or sitting in silence with you.

Talk to your GP, and take things from there. Take care.

gerarda

I went through the same thing some years ago and it hit me like a bus and the advice I got was to get out of the house and meet people or get involved in a club of some kind - staying indoors thinking about it is the worst thing you can do.