Social Life Problems

LegacyUser

There are a couple of sides to me. One is the fun loving side that loves a bit of craic, cannot stop talking. Can talk for Ireland if I am surrounded with the people I am comfortable with.
The other side to me then is the shy, socially anxious side and introverted. Some people do not warm to me even though I am as nice as pie to them. It really bugs me.

I felt earlier in the year things had started to improve in a social way for me. I was involved in a group that I really liked and my friends were also involved in it too. Somehow things went sour in a short space of a week. I don't know why. Firstly there were some of us travelling from Dublin down the country to an event. Some of the people who were going said they were travelling with me. Suddenly then out of the blue they weren't. I also noticed they weren't really bantering towards me on the Whatsapp group either. No explanation. I said nothing but it did bug me. On the day of the event itself one of the lads was a bit nervous and I could see it. We were in the pub and I saw he was out by himself so I went out to him just to see if he was okay and he didn't take it too well.
Afterwards he wouldn't even speak to me even though I was sitting beside him. I asked him had I done something wrong and he said I didn't. He continued to act cold towards me afterwards at events and also at the meetings to the point where he blanked me virtually for the whole night. I then decided to only go to events when it was guaranteed he wouldn't be there. (WhatsApp group helped with this) I pulled out of a couple of things in order to not be blanked. It really hurt me because I do not know what I have done wrong to him or the others also. I actually now have muted the group on my Whatsapp because I don't see the point in interacting on it anymore.

It has closed off a channel for me which I am saddened about. Even before this my weekends are usually spent by myself. I do things by myself a lot and I do be self conscious about it especially when I always see groups of people my own age together (I'm 25). I get a few texts from the lads but generally it's all quiet. My friends from Dublin don't head out as much on Fridays and Saturdays. My friends from down the country and college usually go home or tied up doing other things. It can be saddening and lonely as weekends compromise of myself and myself. I tried doing tag rugby a couple of weeks ago and it soured a game I used be ok at. I played it earlier in the summer and picked it back up quick enough. The organisers of team I was going to play with were chancers and twats. In the trial thing I went to they didn't encourage me to play more. They didn't really pass the ball to me. They were acting like show offs to the others who turned up. I had a busy day at work so I wasn't at the top of my game too and played crap. Nearly everyone else were friends with people there too. I felt really alone and left out. To cap it off then the show offs were stuck for lads to play in the league they were in and they asked all the lads except me on the WhatsApp group.

I went to my friend's wedding by myself at the weekend and though I was chatting to people I was still by I felt like a hanger on to those I was talking too. It was daunting as I only knew a handful of the people there. I feel more comfortable talking to people older than me (say late 20's/early 30's and older I felt out of touch with some of the people my own age there (mid/early 20's). I did feel quite shy and some people from that group there didn't take to me even though I made the effort. Sometimes I wonder is it because of my accent (I have a thick rural Ireland accent) or things I do or say. Then I didn't really want to dance because I felt uncomfortable and also because I cannot dance. I felt like a real wallflower

I was badly bullied in school growing up and grew up in a household with an alcoholic parent which has had bad effects on me personally. We hadn't much money growing up and used be picked on for this too. This weekend really got to me and makes me wonder what do I do wrong?

Wabbit Ears

From what you wrote you over compensate for your social awkwardness by being annoyingly self confident.

santana75

Op Youre super sensitive. It happens to a lot of people who grew up in dysfunctional families. You're taking everything personal, I mean reading over your description of what happened in the group and the guy in the bar, I was scratching my head thinking, how did you come to the conclusion that you did something wrong, when it was blantantly clear that it was this guys issue, 100%. And the tag rugby thing, thats the way things go when you join a new team. Theres a clique, and you're not in it, right now. You cant expect to show up to something new and have everyone be all inclusive with you, thats not how it works in reality. First of all you have to approach them and make conversation, its not their job to come over to you and invite you in. It sounds like you were stand offish and expecting people to connect with you, and thats never gonna happen. And then you said they were being arrogant, but thats more a reflection of your own insecurity than anything else.
Youre taking everything to heart and thats a one way ticket to unhappiness. You have to turn your attention inwards and rebuild your self worth and the relationship you have with yourself because right now its not so good. Id go see a therapist if I were you, because it just seems like your self awareness is pretty low, and if youre not aware then you cant make changes. Having someone to confide in and tell your story to is a massive help, but they'll also be able to point things out to you that you're not seeing right now.