Plagued by ex

LegacyUser

I was in quite an emotionally painful relationship on and off for over 5 years throughout my teens and into early adulthood. He thinks of himself as quite the starving artist type, very philosophical and unique. He had several other partners while with me, was arrested, was in trouble and left me several times before without reason or for other people but always reeled me back in with the "you're special, I always come back to you" stories, which I, unfortunately, as an insecure teenager, always believed.

Long story short I began college last September and really started to come into myself and slowly realized that my relationship was not how relationships were supposed to be. He disappeared for two weeks in January and when he came back I ended it for good. It was very hard but it wasn't the end of the world and to be honest I was probably a bit numb and just couldn't believe I had stayed so miserable so long.

He left me alone for a while apart from a couple of messages, I tried to make the most of the end of the college year and stayed very busy. Since then, I've received texts and emails on and off, very long and strange emails detailing how happy he his with his new girlfriend, then how his new girlfriend left him, how I need to move on with my life, how it's "high time" I made some friends and stopped letting my world revolve around him, about his smoking, getting into trouble, lots of very strange things. It's very hard to just ignore these messages as I worry a lot for his mental health, but I do not get into conversations with him. I have explained this to him and he says he understands and I tell him if he ever is in serious trouble I will try my best to help but he can't be sending me these long winded messages that go nowhere and just talk about how I "need to move on". Although I have not received a message in maybe almost 3 months now I still find myself on edge every time my phone goes off. I have had some late night phone calls that I presume are him, but I cannot be sure as nobody ever speaks. Is it cruel to block his number and email? I am afraid that one day he really will need some help and he will have nobody else, but is that just how he's keeping me there on the side? I still feel a bit held back and I'm always holding my breath while scrolling through my emails, which I need to do every day for work. Is this just me being stupid and clinging on, is it okay to just ignore the messages/block him from contacting me?

irishdude11

Yes it is perfectly fine to block this loser who treated you like terribly for several years and who will only negatively impact on your life in future if you engage with him.

Ask yourself what good can come of having anything to do with him, seriously, he cheated on you lots of times in the past, you can never trust him, he'll let you down again.

...in a few years time when you have more life experience and perspective and you will see what a useless selfish waster this type of person really is.

You're worried about it being "cruel" to block him...he didn't seem to have too much worries about being cruel to you when it came to cheating on you and treating you like crap. Just drop this waster once and for all.

tomwaterford

Block him.....you owe him nothing...he treated you like crap by all accounts


Let his problems be his own

SpaceTime

They're not your problems.

Just block & delete at this stage!

Penny Tration

Jesus, you're an absolute saint to be willing to help someone who treated you so terribly!


For the sake of your own conscience (because you sound as though you feel guilty about ignoring him), can you contact a family member of his, or a friend? Just tell them he's sending you long, ranty messages, you're worried for his mental well being, and could they please keep an eye on him.

Then block him from every possible form of communication and enjoy your life!

Sephiroth_dude

Block him , he sounds odd.

mapaca

I second Jenny, maybe contact one of his friends or family, voice your concerns about his well-being, and then block, delete, ignore. Change your number if necessary. You don't owe him anything anymore. It sounds like he treated you terribly and he enjoys the hold he still has on you. Once you cut him off you can move on properly. Best of luck.

athtrasna

mapaca wrote: »

I second Jenny, maybe contact one of his friends or family, voice your concerns about his well-being, and then block, delete, ignore. Change your number if necessary. You don't owe him anything anymore. It sounds like he treated you terribly and he enjoys the hold he still has on you. Once you cut him off you can move on properly. Best of luck.

I wouldn't get involved at all, contacting someone is just reopening a closed door. Delete and block on every platform. Move on, the future is bright, don't let the past pull you down OP

ABajaninCork

mapaca wrote: »

I second Jenny, maybe contact one of his friends or family, voice your concerns about his well-being, and then block, delete, ignore. Change your number if necessary. You don't owe him anything anymore. It sounds like he treated you terribly and he enjoys the hold he still has on you. Once you cut him off you can move on properly. Best of luck.

I wouldn't bother with any of that. You owe this waste of space nothing. Block, delete and ignore.

Then get on with the rest of your life.

kylith

Block him on all media possible. I understand you want to help but he is not your problem. If he's in trouble he can contact his family or the emergency services; he is a grown man.

Erase him from your life and put him behind you. You can't move forward while he's holding you back.

Wabbit Ears

Just change your e-mail and phone number, blocking is easily gotten around. It's actually nowhere near as much hassle as it first seems to change those details. Life is to short to give tossers a second thought and you'll sleep easier by just cutting ties.

FouxDaFaFa

I think you've handled everything incredibly well thus far.

I'm assuming his friends and family know that he went missing for a few weeks so I don't think they need to be alerted that he has mental health problems. They'll be very much aware.

You seem like a very caring person and I understand your impulse to help him in a crisis but you are doing so to your own detriment.

DaDoRonRonRon

It's to your credit that you still want to help this guy after everything he has done to hurt you. The problem is that someone like this will continue to drain you long after you think that you are out of the relationship. For the sake of your own well being you need to free yourself from him. You are absolutely within your rights to prevent him from contacting you by blocking him. Do it today.

Barely There

canicutcontact wrote: »

I tell him if he ever is in serious trouble I will try my best to help

Seriously, he sounds like an utter waster and it's not your job to have to help him.

Just block and ignore him and he'll eventually get bored and piss off.

eviltwin

As everyone has said block and ignore. I know that can be hard to do with someone you had feelings for but its not being cruel, its essential for both of you that you can move on and leave the past in the past. Some people want to have their cake and eat it, they want to end the relationship but keep you in their life on their terms which is not on. There is nothing in this for you, just a lot of worry and potential heartache. He's using you, don't let him.