Discipling kids

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/mother-who-beat-her-son-9-with-a-tree-branch-and-poured-salt-over-his-wounds-after-he-soiled-his-pants-avoids-jail-31418668.html

Another story from court. Basically the jist of it is, a mother beat her 9 year old son and poured salt on his wounds, and she gets a 2 year suspended sentence.
Her defence was where she comes from, this is a normal way to disciple children, and now recognises it's not. :rolleyes:


Personally, I'm disgusted. At both what she done, and the fact she's walked away with no real repercussions.

I suppose I'm wondering, what is an appropriate way to discipline kids without taking a stick to them. Time out? Rewards for being good? Taking away treats for being naughty?
Can't get my head around a fully grown adult raising their hand (or a weapon) to someone who might not even be to their elbow. I think if you have to resort to beating a child - you're failing as a parent.

Tubberadora

Wooden spoon.never did me any harm.

Armchair Andy

Take em to Mickey Dees and force feed them Eurosavers.

McDermotX

As is usual on boards.ie, there is fine line here............if you practice physical discipline over your kids, you obviously batter them about the head to within an inch of their life (such as the one above).............if you don't believe in it, you're some sort of wishy-washy hippy who is of the sort responsible for all those kids running wild these days.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Pouring salt on open wounds is off the Richter scale, but this soft approach of taking away toys is too much in the other direction too.

If I got too cheeky I got a slap in the head and sent to bed, never turned me into a rampaging psychopath.

galljga1

That's great. A child soils his pants and is probably severely embarrassed about it. What do you do? Beat him and humiliate him more.
Stupid bitch.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

McDermotX wrote: »

As is usual on boards.ie, there is fine line here............if you practice physical discipline over your kids, you obviously batter them about the head to within an inch of their life (such as the one above).............if you don't believe in it, you're some sort of wishy-washy hippy who is of the sort responsible for all those kids running wild these days.

I just don't get the physical discipline at all. You're basically teaching the child it's okay to slap someone when they do something they're not happy with. Or is it a case of do as I say, not as I do?

OneOfThem

Someone I know has a thing going where her kid can earn stars. Do a good thing, like volunteer to help clean the house or whatever, get some stars, the better the thing the more stars, do something bad, lose some stars, the worse thing the more stars they lose. If they want some toy or whatever they can ask how many stars it'd take to get it, then save up that amount and cash them in.

Think that's a clever idea. Coupled with always explaining to him why the bad things are bad things and why the good things are good things, rather than just saying they are cause I said so, it seems to work well.

galljga1

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I just don't get the physical discipline at all. You're basically teaching the child it's okay to slap someone when they do something they're not happy with. Or is it a case of do as I say, not as I do?

That's it. I can beat the sh!t out of you but if you dare hit anyone else, do you know what I will do? I will beat the sh1t out of you.

kneemos

Can't say what I think as the Mods will reprimand me.

galljga1

Regardless of what you think about methods of discipline, does anyone think this kid had done anything wrong? I don't.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Kid did nothing wrong, he had an accident. Big deal. Bring him home and get him cleaned up. He was 9, I'm sure he was embarrassed enough that it had happened.

rubberdiddies

I've never hit my kids.
I was on the receiving end of the wooden spoon many times as a kid but never thought it was a deterrent.

I firmly believe that the only reason parents these days discipline by hitting is when they can't cope. It's just lashing out.

My kids are disciplined by the look I give them and following through on punishment such as no treats, cancelling swimming etc etc

Touch wood it's worked for us so far

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Just reminded of my cousins step daughter. During summer she would mind my cousins kids (her sister and brother) and if they were bold she would put hot sauce in their mouths. Seems very sadistic.

galljga1

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Just reminded of my cousins step daughter. During summer she would mind my cousins kids (her sister and brother) and if they were bold she would put hot sauce in their mouths. Seems very sadistic.

But not if there are chicken wings. I must get up and get some food.

Sir Osis of Liver.

What is the "Magic Cream" that teachers possess?

Ficheall

I can't come up with a decent witticism poking fun at the misspelling in the title Poking fun at religion is usually a surefire way of getting at least a couple of thanks on AH, even if it isn't at all funny. Opportunity missed.

RichardCeann

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Just reminded of my cousins step daughter. During summer she would mind my cousins kids (her sister and brother) and if they were bold she would put hot sauce in their mouths. Seems very sadistic.

I would consider force feeding kids hotsauce to be a form of child abuse. Did you have words with her?

mfceiling

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

What is the "Magic Cream" that teachers possess?

Don't know but I remember that brother finbar used to make us swallow it and it was very salty...

fatknacker

Ficheall wrote: »

I can't come up with a decent witticism poking fun at the misspelling in the title Poking fun at religion is usually a surefire way of getting at least a couple of thanks on AH, even if it isn't at all funny. Opportunity missed.

It's a 12 step solution

fatknacker

Actually I don't even know if that makes sense. Did Jesus have 12 apostles or disciples? Are they the same thing?

Oww. I really wished I paid more attention in religion class now.

kneemos

fatknacker wrote: »

Actually I don't even know if that makes sense. Did Jesus have 12 apostles or disciples? Are they the same thing?

Oww. I really wished I paid more attention in religion class now.

12 followers.

Pre twitter.

Sir Osis of Liver.

fatknacker wrote: »

Actually I don't even know if that makes sense. Did Jesus have 12 apostles or disciples? Are they the same thing?

Oww. I really wished I paid more attention in religion class now.

Or was it testicles?
Yeah,thats it.Jesus had 12 testicles.

fatknacker

kneemos wrote: »

12 followers.

Pre twitter.

Pfft. Even I've more than that. And I never claimed to be the messiah.

anncoates

A whipping and dripping Tabasco sauce in the welts works for us.

anncoates

McDermotX wrote: »

As is usual on boards.ie, there is fine line here............if you practice physical discipline over your kids, you obviously batter them about the head to within an inch of their life (such as the one above).............if you don't believe in it, you're some sort of wishy-washy hippy who is of the sort responsible for all those kids running wild these days.

Very After Hours. Here's a story about a woman who got two years for assaulting and near torturing her child. By the way, did you ever tap your kid on the arse?

Samaris

@fatknacker - Four apostles, twelve disciples (official twelve, many of his followers that also preached could also be called disciples)

I have no problem with light physical discipline - it's usually more in line of giving the child a start if they're being hysterical than aiming to cause physical pain.

It also depends on the society the child is being raised in, mind you. Our great-grandparents may have lived in a society where misbehavior was rewarded with having to go cut a switch from the garden to be hit with. But because a switching was a fairly common thing, it was not regarded as being cruel or unusual and the kids just accepted it as normal, albeit 'strict'. There were "rules" too, if the child understood the rules and broke them, they were punished, often physically. Abuse was seen as something much different - look at Jane Eyre; we're supposed to regard her treatment as abusive, when she was locked up alone in a room that terrified her. Nat in Little Men (Louisa Alcott) was seen as abused as he was raised in an unsafe environment and punished in ways that did not fit the 'crime'. Abuse was seen much more as emotional and due to a lack of love. Nowadays, physical attacks on someone much smaller than you (i.e. your sprog) who is entirely under your control is seen as cruel.

Obviously I don't agree with creatively sadistic punishments. Nor do I really agree with switching/paddling - it was just a line of thought my mind wandered off on given the topic

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

anncoates wrote: »

Very After Hours. Here's a story about a woman who got two years for assaulting and near torturing her child. By the way, did you ever tap your kid on the arse?

Well that's the thing, isn't it? She got nothing for it because her defence was that it was acceptable in her culture.

frostyjacks

Naughty step works fine, though I've no issue with parents giving a short, sharp smack on the back of the leg or backside if the child is out of control.

I'm surprised the woman's defence team put forward cultural sensitivities as a defence. What sort of culture is it that would allow this torture of children? Not one that I want to see allowed to settle in this country.

iguana

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I suppose I'm wondering, what is an appropriate way to discipline kids without taking a stick to them. Time out? Rewards for being good? Taking away treats for being naughty?
Can't get my head around a fully grown adult raising their hand (or a weapon) to someone who might not even be to their elbow. I think if you have to resort to beating a child - you're failing as a parent.

I find treating my son like a very young human being who needs to learn everything from scratch and taking a moment to mentally put myself in his shoes when we are at cross purposes works splendidly. I keep my expectations for his behaviour in line with his mental and physical development. I don't punish with any sort of physical force or withdrawal of affection, instead I lay down firm boundaries where necessary and if he crosses them the consequences are logical and explained to him. If he is upset by the consequence, I reinforce that he is loved, help him calm down and again explain why I took the action that I did so that he understands and learns. The next time I have to explain the boundary to him I use the same language and do as much as I can to help him learn why that boundary is there. Usually he learns quickly as I make the experience as positive as possible but if it takes him a while to understand the consequences I stay patient as much as I can.

I'm a relatively new parent so perhaps I'm in for a crazy shock one of these days. But I have a 2.5 year old who is affectionate, extremely generous, gets on well with others, helps with housework, tidies his own toys away on his own initiative, comforts anyone he thinks is upset and can be trusted to walk untethered by a riverbank. He has enough self-control to help harvest berries (his very, very, very favourite food) and not eat any unless he is given explicit permission and even then he checks that everyone else who might like one has one first. 90% of the time sets his own bedtime at the right time each night. And if he wants to rough house and play fight, he actually asks permission first usually by coming up to me with a hopeful expression on his face and saying 'Mummy, I be the Hulk, pweeeaase.' He's had a major tantrum once in his life at a time when he was really ill and I took him out when he was exhausted. Other than that crying and tension between us is rare because he trusts that if I'm doing something he doesn't like I probably have a good reason which I will explain as well as I can and he is never left feeling insecure or unloved.

anncoates

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Well that's the thing, isn't it? She got nothing for it because her defence was that it was acceptable in her culture.

Should have been more severely punished obviously but at least a suspended sentence is still a criminal conviction.

Naughty step usually worked for us. When they're older, you can deprive them of stuff or ground them

Have smacked lightly before but very rarely.

Wacker The Attacker

I subscribe to the "good crack on the arse" system

4zn76tysfajdxp

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

I subscribe to the "good crack on the arse" system

Why stop there? A good, firm slug on the jaw will show 'em who's boss.

NachoBusiness

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

I subscribe to the "good crack on the arse" system

Never waste good crack.

bodhrandude

Aren't they a bit young to be featured in the Bible yet! :pac:

Barely There

I have a large cannon in the back garden and if they're bold I'll launch them over the nearby fields.

They have to then walk home.

"Oh darling please don't pull the dog's tail
No Toby now stop slapping your Uncle. Isn't he lively!
Owwww baby don't slap Mummy, give Mummy a kiss
Lol Toby no, put down Granny's cup...
Oh dear, sorry Granny, it wasn't important was it?.."

*GET OUT*

KERSPLAT!

I was given a few slaps on the bum or legs when I was younger, I don't think it did me any harm but at the same time I won't be using that method with my little lad.

I'm not exactly sure what I'll do but I suppose a mixture of the bold step, sent to his room, no treats, toys taken away along with a proper explanation of exactly what's happening and why it's happening, depending on the circumstances.

I suppose it depends on the age of the child too. I wouldn't send a 2 year old to his room, I'd just explain what he did was wrong, more measures could be brought in as he gets older.

I'm not sure what the most effective method is but hitting him won't be one I'll be trying out

Sir Osis of Liver.

I find forty lashes of a bullwhip while tied to the clothesline pole does the trick with my kids.

Annasopra

How exactly do you disciple children anyway?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Clearly the title was a typo, but hey, spot the posters that used to sit at the front of the class with the jam jar glasses on them

fatknacker

You don't need to be smacking kids about the place. If childcare workers can manage not to (for the most part) then why not parents?

zeffabelli

iguana wrote: »

I find treating my son like a very young human being who needs to learn everything from scratch and taking a moment to mentally put myself in his shoes when we are at cross purposes works splendidly. I keep my expectations for his behaviour in line with his mental and physical development. I don't punish with any sort of physical force or withdrawal of affection, instead I lay down firm boundaries where necessary and if he crosses them the consequences are logical and explained to him. If he is upset by the consequence, I reinforce that he is loved, help him calm down and again explain why I took the action that I did so that he understands and learns. The next time I have to explain the boundary to him I use the same language and do as much as I can to help him learn why that boundary is there. Usually he learns quickly as I make the experience as positive as possible but if it takes him a while to understand the consequences I stay patient as much as I can.

I'm a relatively new parent so perhaps I'm in for a crazy shock one of these days. But I have a 2.5 year old who is affectionate, extremely generous, gets on well with others, helps with housework, tidies his own toys away on his own initiative, comforts anyone he thinks is upset and can be trusted to walk untethered by a riverbank. He has enough self-control to help harvest berries (his very, very, very favourite food) and not eat any unless he is given explicit permission and even then he checks that everyone else who might like one has one first. 90% of the time sets his own bedtime at the right time each night. And if he wants to rough house and play fight, he actually asks permission first usually by coming up to me with a hopeful expression on his face and saying 'Mummy, I be the Hulk, pweeeaase.' He's had a major tantrum once in his life at a time when he was really ill and I took him out when he was exhausted. Other than that crying and tension between us is rare because he trusts that if I'm doing something he doesn't like I probably have a good reason which I will explain as well as I can and he is never left feeling insecure or unloved.

I found that school changes everything.

dinorebel

Tubberadora wrote: »

Wooden spoon.never did me any harm.

Stop Stirring.