Kleptomania

I started working in a new role a few weeks ago, and things have gone missing from my desk on a regular basis. These are the most petty things: half a bottle of Tom Ford, a personalised mug, a phone charger, a USB disc, and so on. Stuff that is so unremarkable I was convincing myself I had mislaid them.

Then I came into work the other day, and my gym bag was missing. This was an extremely worthless gym bag with my old college crest on it, containing trainers, a towel, smelly gym clothing & toiletries. Who would possibly take it? Someone did.

I assumed it was a prank, and then some people started telling me they'd had things stolen, that there was a kleptomaniac in the office! Apparently this is well known, and there is no CCTV in my area of the office, so we don't know who it is. Others have their suspicions but they won't tell me.

Have you ever come across kleptomania?
Are you a kleptomaniac?
Do you have my gym bag?

Samaris

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Do you have my gym bag?

Dammit, found out. I'm sorry.

The_Valeyard

How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy that gives those sermons in church? Captain What's-his-name. We live in a society of laws, why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies? For fun?

Well I didn't hear anybody laughing. Did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Vroom. Beep. Honk. Honk.



Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze.

Lucyfur

Sounds like they're taking something for it

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I started working in a new role a few weeks ago, and things have gone missing from my desk on a regular basis. These are the most petty things: half a bottle of Tom Ford, a personalised mug, a phone charger, a USB disc, and so on. Stuff that is so unremarkable I was convincing myself I had mislaid them.

Then I came into work the other day, and my gym bag was missing. This was an extremely worthless gym bag with my old college crest on it, containing trainers, a towel, smelly gym clothing & toiletries. Who would possibly take it? Someone did.

I assumed it was a prank, and then some people started telling me they'd had things stolen, that there was a kleptomaniac in the office! Apparently this is well known, and there is no CCTV in my area of the office, so we don't know who it is. Others have their suspicions but they won't tell me.

Have you ever come across kleptomania?
Are you a kleptomaniac?
Do you have my gym bag?

You'll need lots of fire to deal with this situation effectively. So much fire it will make international news coverage.

Fire.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

You'll need lots of fire to deal with this situation effectively. So much fire it will make international news coverage.

Fire.

So much beautiful delicious burning fire.

GAAman

Your gym bag has been stripped down and sold for parts, accept it op.

Samaris

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I started working in a new role a few weeks ago, and things have gone missing from my desk on a regular basis. These are the most petty things: half a bottle of Tom Ford, a personalised mug, a phone charger, a USB disc, and so on. Stuff that is so unremarkable I was convincing myself I had mislaid them.

Here's an idea; get one of those callme things, you know the things you attach to keys so you can find them? Stick it to something innocuous and thieve-able. Once it goes, ring it.

Bingo!

Course, if it turns out to be the boss doing it, you might find yourself out on your ear

Turtyturd

Stop being the person who leaves their sh*t all over the office.

GAAman

GAAman wrote: »

Your gym bag has been stripped down and sold for parts, accept it op.

Funnily enough, I could dismiss it if there was something of value in this stuff. The part that gets me is the worthlessness of it all. I doubt whoever took it is sitting at home in my gym-wear, drinking from a novelty mug with my mate's face on it. I sorta hope not.

Even now I'm doubting muself, wondering if it's an elaborate prank for the being the newbie in the section. I always thought kleptomaniacs only went after valuable items.

Turtyturd wrote: »

Stop being the person who leaves their sh*t all over the office.

It was all on, inside or underneath my desk

Jesus Wept

Need backstory on why you have and bring to work a mug with your mates face on it.

brandnewaward

my ex flatmate used to nick my girlfriends undies, blatantly. carrying his laundry into the room one night , the missus's best cheese cutter dropped from the pile , muttered sorry , picked it up and toddled off into his room

Massimo Cassagrande

The cleaners currently innocently chucking the rest of his smelly crap out into the same bin as the gym-bags in...

Medusa22

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Funnily enough, I could dismiss it if there was something of value in this stuff. The part that gets me is the worthlessness of it all. I doubt whoever took it is sitting at home in my gym-wear, drinking from a novelty mug with my mate's face on it. I sorta hope not.

Even now I'm doubting muself, wondering if it's an elaborate prank for the being the newbie in the section. I always thought kleptomaniacs only went after valuable items.

It was all on, inside or underneath my desk

My sister used to be a right little klepto when we were kids, she'd pocket anything that wasn't nailed down, barbie clothes being a favourite of hers but she'd also steal random things like flip flops and items she didn't even want or need. So the point is OP, that kleptos don't care what they steal, the thrill is in stealing it. You might have to start stapling your precious items to your desk.

cazzer22

Have definitely had experience of this. I went to boarding school, so naturally living with eight others girls, things frequently went missing. This Spanish girl started boarding with us and it started to happen more and more often. None of us had ANY money obviously, so when she started getting all this new hockey gear, we were a little suspicious. A girl's new hockey stick, along with gear, all went missing. The Spanish girl was questioned over it and because we were her friends we defended her and stuck up for her.
This was until I invited her over to my house for the weekend. I had just started a part-time job and because I was getting cash in hand I had it all in my room (very silly) and I was later going to transfer it into my bank account. I was counting it in my room to see how much I had (we were going on a shopping trip the following day) and I trusted her (foolishly). I went out of my room and then I came back I noticed that 50 euro was missing. I questioned my family and everything and I was really upset. The next day, the girl had plenty of money (funnily enough).
After a few weeks back in school, more of my stuff went missing, a cd, clothes, makeup etc. The girl was later found wearing someone else's underwear (very strange).

kneemos

brandnewaward wrote: »

my ex flatmate used to nick my girlfriends undies, blatantly. carrying his laundry into the room one night , the missus's best cheese cutter dropped from the pile , muttered sorry , picked it up and toddled off into his room

At least he was washing it.

Wang King

I know a woman who was recently diagnosed as being a kleptomaniac, even had a portion of her sentence commuted.
Up until then we just thought she was a thieving bitch. .....to be honest, I still do .

brandnewaward

in all seriousness , knew a guy who was full blown klepto. came over one day and went to the shop next door to get milk for some tea......took my mini disc walkman , tv remote and a small desk type thing just inside the front door to throw keys on.....never saw the fecker again but heard he pillaged so many people we knew

The Rodgers

The Rodgers wrote: »

Need backstory on why you have and bring to work a mug with your mates face on it.

We just took a lot of coffee study-breaks together, before we moved apart. It's not particularly sentimental to me, none of it is, it's just... odd.

I don't even know what I'd say if I found out who it was. I'm tempted to leave my laptop webcam stealthily recording my desk tomorrow, there's a motion sensor function on it. Only I'm afraid they'd nick that and all.

brandnewaward wrote: »

in all seriousness , knew a guy who was full blown klepto. came over one day and went to the shop next door to get milk for some tea......took my mini disc walkman , tv remote and a small desk type thing just inside the front door to throw keys on.....never saw the fecker again but heard he pillaged so many people we knew

A desk?! Bizarre. I'd never condone theft, but at least make it worth the risk like

It's like when you see people shoplifting in Penneys. No ambition at all.

donegaLroad

you can get one of those mini GPS devices for about €20. Hide one in the lining of your bag, or in some hidden compartment.. then track it online.

Vizzy

Funny enough, we have a maniocleptiac in our office ( a person who walks in backwards and puts stuff up on desks) what did you say you are missing again and I will have a look later.

K4t

Where the hell do you work that this kind of thing keeps happening? And why are you tolerating it? It's not kelptomania, it's called being a c*nt.

nocoverart

I never heard of the term Kleptomania before OP. You just robbed me of thinking I had a high IQ.

K4t

K4t wrote: »

Where the hell do you work that this kind of thing keeps happening?

Funnily enough (well not really) everyone on that floor manages other people's money in some way or another!

And why are you tolerating it?

Well it's only just this week I discovered it. I'm "tolerating" it because if it were notified, it would be an automatic firing for the person. Given that they probably have mental health issues, I'm not going to destroy their lives by crying about my favourite cup and gym shorts!

I'm not ignoring it, just gonna be sensitive about it. That's why I'm curious about others' experience of similar situations.

K4t

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Well it's only just this week I discovered it. I'm "tolerating" it because if it were notified, it would be an automatic firing for the person. Given that they probably have mental health issues, I'm not going to destroy their lives by crying about my favourite cup and gym shorts!

I'm not ignoring it, just gonna be sensitive about it. That's why I'm curious about others' experience of similar situations.

There is being sensitive, and there is being a soft touch. If someone is stealing your stuff, you're not destroying their lives by reporting the situation to management.

K4t

K4t wrote: »

There is being sensitive, and there is being a soft touch. If someone is stealing your stuff, you're not destroying their lives by reporting the situation to management.

If they manage money, you are leaving management with no choice but to fire them.

I'm not a soft touch, but I'd rather be a soft touch than a complete bollox. I'm not looking for selfless brownie points either, I don't want to be the newbie who gets dear old Agnes fired (not saying it's you Aggie, if you reading this, although you hate the internet and speak no english at all)

Junkyard Tom

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Have you ever come across kleptomania?

Yep, and not long after she ran off with my heart.

SuperS54

Get something like this; http://www.sjcam.com/3-cameras i had an issue at work where I'd come in in the morning and find food wrappers in the bin in my office and chair moved from where I'd left it, installed the camera and found it was a nightshift operator who used to have a midnight snack and sleep in my office after sneaking off the production floor.

The Corinthian

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Have you ever come across kleptomania?

First flat I had was a bedsit in shared house - £36 p.w., if I remember correctly. Total dive.

Needless to say the bathroom was shared, which was less than ideal due to the rather less than hygienic nature of some of my neighbours.

The other thing about my neighbours was that at least one of them was a bit of a kleptomaniac. Forget to take your shampoo or anything else from the bathroom and it was gone within 15 minutes. Guaranteed.

I got rather fed up with this, after forgetting yet another bottle of shower gel one morning, so I waited until I had used up three quarters of my shampoo, went and bought a tube of hair removal cream, squeezed it in and did my best to mix it all together into a common consistency. Then I left it in the bathroom and needless to say it was gone within the hour.

The bathroom kleptomania ended thereafter.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Get another gym bag and buy a new iPhone and make sure to switch on 'find my iPhone' function. Put the phone in the bag and when it goes missing, track it on your PC. Ring the guards and report the dirty low down thieving bastard!

kylith

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Funnily enough (well not really) everyone on that floor manages other people's money in some way or another!


Well it's only just this week I discovered it. I'm "tolerating" it because if it were notified, it would be an automatic firing for the person. Given that they probably have mental health issues, I'm not going to destroy their lives by crying about my favourite cup and gym shorts!

I'm not ignoring it, just gonna be sensitive about it. That's why I'm curious about others' experience of similar situations.

Wouldn't getting fired be just too fcking bad for them? Boo frigging hoo; they're robbing all around them and if you're working with other people's money there's a chance they have their sticky mitts into that as well.

The only reason I'd not report them is if you were in the position to give them a bit of a 'cop on' kicking yourself.

kneemos

kylith wrote: »

Wouldn't getting fired be just too fcking bad for them? Boo frigging hoo; they're robbing all around them and if you're working with other people's money there's a chance they have their sticky mitts into that as well.

The only reason I'd not report them is if you were in the position to give them a bit of a 'cop on' kicking yourself.

You're not a diplomat are you ?

kylith

kneemos wrote: »

You're not a diplomat are you ?

Funnily enough they turned me down for the job. Something about 'threatening the British PM that if he didn't cop himself on he'd be going home in an ambulance'... I was only joking and all; ambulances take you to hospital, not home! :pac:

biko

I got a dose Kleptomania in Holland but a week of antibiotics cleared it right up.

Wabbit Ears

Hidden spy cam is your only option!!

Be careful with revenge and remember that the shampoo trick above and any form of laxative poisoning etc is actually a way more serious crime than theft and can land you in way deeper trouble.

Mesrine65

Install this on your office PC OP, you'll soon discover the culprit...

http://www.ispyconnect.com/

KungPao

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

Get another gym bag and buy a new iPhone and make sure to switch on 'find my iPhone' function. Put the phone in the bag and when it goes missing, track it on your PC. Ring the guards and report the dirty low down thieving bastard!

I think there's a safer and cheaper option!

Be sure to keep us updated on your investigations, OP.

I'm going into town later to buy one of those cheap GPS-tracker tiles. I don't know what to stick it onto , though. The stuff s/he's been taking to date has been unpredictable in its worthlessness. Should I leave it in an old tissue? sew it into a pair of worn boxers? Old Stickyfingers could take anything lying around, it's a lottery.

A girl I work with is missing her sudoku book. I think this could be a joke/ bored office troll, and not kleptomania.

Jordan 199

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I'm going into town later to buy one of those cheap GPS-tracker tiles. I don't know what to stick it onto , though. The stuff s/he's been taking to date has been unpredictable in its worthlessness. Should I leave it in an old tissue? sew it into a pair of worn boxers? Old Stickyfingers could take anything lying around, it's a lottery.

A girl I work with is missing her sudoku book. I think this could be a joke/ bored office troll, and not kleptomania.

Sew the tracker into the pair of worn boxers.

KomradeBishop

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

If they manage money, you are leaving management with no choice but to fire them.

I'm not a soft touch, but I'd rather be a soft touch than a complete bollox. I'm not looking for selfless brownie points either, I don't want to be the newbie who gets dear old Agnes fired (not saying it's you Aggie, if you reading this, although you hate the internet and speak no english at all)

If they're managing money, I'd be getting them fired and then auditing all of the accounts they had any involvement in.

You can probably pick up some kind of silly 'webcam-in-ornament' thing in town somewhere, leave it on your desk and have that stream onto the work network somewhere safe (somewhere other than your own computer) - they'll probably steal that too, but then, they'll be recorded doing it.

Samaris

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I'm going into town later to buy one of those cheap GPS-tracker tiles. I don't know what to stick it onto , though. The stuff s/he's been taking to date has been unpredictable in its worthlessness. Should I leave it in an old tissue? sew it into a pair of worn boxers? Old Stickyfingers could take anything lying around, it's a lottery.

A girl I work with is missing her sudoku book. I think this could be a joke/ bored office troll, and not kleptomania.

I would suggest a cheap plastic pencil-case, or else some bit of bright-coloured tack of the type you get in holiday shops.

Eye-catching, fairly valueless and easily nicked.

uch

I'd Araldite a €2 coin to your desk to p1ss the fecker off, it'll drive them insane