When should a child be barred from a parent's bed?

bajer101

As per the thread title, is there an age at which children should be barred from from sleeping in the same bed with their parents?

Fagashlil

Every child is different so I would say when the child is ready to sleep alone!

LegacyUser

Probably at any age - although I don't think "barred" is a word I'd use, more "gently encouraged" to stay in their own bed as much as possible.Small children will have midnight visits to their parents, they can't help it - it's getting them to be ok with going back to their own bed is the challenge!

There's piles of literature out there about how to manage encouraging a child to stay in their own bed. Google is your friend on that one Consistency in your approach seems to be the key.

pwurple

Every family is different. Sometimes a child is upset or has a bad dream, they might pop in for a cuddle, a bit of comfort.

I know when parents are on night shift and need to sleep during the day etc, then maybe doors might have to be locked. But every set up is different. Whatever works.

Moonbeam

Mine slept with me when they were small babies and needed to be nursed in the middle of the night,then they moved to a cot in my room until they were 6-12 months.
Then they got their own rooms and the only time they sleep with me is if they are sick or if they were really upset so very rarely .
Different things suit different people though and I have 4(6,4,2 and 1) so it would be pretty impossible for them all to sleep with me and I need sleep too:)

cassid

We have an open policy in our house, if you are not well, afraid or just needing some TLC, you can pop in with us. We have a superking sized bed which helps. It is totally up to each family how they wish to proceed.

Ms2011

Don't think I'd ever bar my child from my bed, I wouldn't encourage regular stays in it but I would always let them know they can come in if they are sick or just need some comfort.

Diamond Doll

cassid wrote: »

We have an open policy in our house, if you are not well, afraid or just needing some TLC, you can pop in with us. We have a superking sized bed which helps. It is totally up to each family how they wish to proceed.

This is exactly how I'd feel! We never did the whole co-sleeping thing really in our house, but I'd want my child to feel free to come into the bed at any stage in their lives if they felt they needed the comfort etc.

Even at 29 years old, I'd still have no problem popping into bed beside my own mother for chats and advice. It's not really something I do, but I'd hate to ever feel unwelcome to do so.

Akrasia

cassid wrote: »

We have an open policy in our house, if you are not well, afraid or just needing some TLC, you can pop in with us. We have a superking sized bed which helps. It is totally up to each family how they wish to proceed.

We're the same. We'll strongly encourage them to sleep in their own bed but if they are feeling sick or have had a bad dream we want them to come to us.

AndersLimpar

I have two, 5 and 2 1\2, and both of them come into our bed every night in the middle of the night. Most times I don't even remember them coming in I just wake up beside them!! They've been doing this since they were both 12 months old when they were put into their own beds. In hindsight it was probably a mistake to put them into beds so young as they learned to climb out very quickly. Sometimes it's a bit of a squash in the bed and I get agitated with the lack of sleep but most nights we all sleep sound.

Whenever I have a bad nights sleep I always want to stop them coming in but as my wife says, they will be big soon enough and won't want to be in the same rooms as us never mind sleep with us so we leave them be!!

Sam Kade

Children should never be allowed sleep in their parents beds, give them the habit once and there's no turning back.

harr

Ours never slept with us, but as others have said if they are upset or need a hug I would no problem letting them in for a while and the same in the mornings our 4 year old loves getting in between us for a cuddle for a while,not every morning mind but he will bring a book in for us to read to him... only times they have slept for a full night would be if they were sick or a hotel stay.

iguana

Sam Kade wrote: »

Children should never be allowed sleep in their parents beds, give them the habit once and there's no turning back.

And yet despite children sleeping with their parents being the norm throughout most of human history and is still the norm in the majority world, it is not and never has been in any way the norm for older children, teens and adults to continue sleeping with their parents (unless forced to due to extreme poverty).

It is however the norm for adults to sleep together, something that most people find deeply comforting (if occasionally irritating). It's pretty weird for adults to enjoy the natural comfort of sleeping with a loved one while denying that comfort to their very small children. Children will naturally hit a point in their lives when they want the independence of their own sleeping space. For some children this happens almost as soon as they are born, for others it happens as they enter or leave toddlerhood. Even then, most young children will still seek out that comfort when they are frightened or unwell. It's a normal evolutionary trait and if they are denied it, it makes the act of sleeping alone daunting. Knowing that they will always be welcome with their parents should they need it, makes it easier for a child to be comfortable sleeping independently the rest of the time.

AndersLimpar

Sam Kade wrote: »

Children should never be allowed sleep in their parents beds

Why not?

I love sleeping with them - I dread the day when they get older and they no longer want to cuddle up to us in bed!

DellyBelly

I certainly would bar them when we are getting busy...If you know what I mean. Would probably put me off if either of them was in the bed with us

pwurple

DellyBelly wrote: »

I certainly would bar them when we are getting busy...If you know what I mean. Would probably put me off if either of them was in the bed with us

wtf?

I didn't think the thread was asking when to have sex in front of your children!

anncoates

We were quite strict about not letting them sleep with us in the first 3 to 4 years but we've relaxed it a bit now. They're 7 and 5 now. They're both prone to occasionally getting up in the night and bed hopping, sometimes swapping beds, or one ending up with us or in the spare room etc.

Each parent to their own obviously but I would expect (and enforce) them to stay out of our bed by a certain age though.

Akrasia

pwurple wrote: »

wtf?

I didn't think the thread was asking when to have sex in front of your children!

And of course, the answer to this question (that wasn't asked) is that you should stop having sex as soon as you notice that your child has walked into the bedroom :P

Neyite

We go into him and his bed if he is unsettled, but he's always just yelled for us rather than come in to us. It means at least one of us gets sleep without feet in the face or headbutts.

Though I'd say approaching puberty it would feel inappropriate by that stage but chances are that the frequency of them coming in at that age might have dwindled.

How Strange

They should never be barred. I did cosleeping with both until they were six months and since then we actively encourage them to sleep in their own beds. However if they're sick then they come and sleep with us. I always know when they're really sick as they cuddle up to me and fall asleep within minutes. I know they may be faking it if there's messing and generally not much interest in sleeping.