Wedding invite less than four weeks before wedding

Stheno

Hey

The oh has been invited to a wedding in three and a half weeks, got the invite today

Now I know that the couple involved only decided to get married a couple of months ago, but surely it's downright unreasonable to send invites so late?

Its a weekday wedding too!

wdmfapq4zs83hv

Stheno wrote: »

Hey

The oh has been invited to a wedding in three and a half weeks, got the invite today

Now I know that the couple involved only decided to get married a couple of months ago, but surely it's downright unreasonable to send invites so late?

Its a weekday wedding too!

You were probably in the 2nd round of invites sent out. Most couples send out their invites to the people they most want there & hold back a few. When they get declines they then send out another round. 3 and a half weeks is very little notice though especially for a weekday wedding

Stheno

Sariyah Full Recipe wrote: »

You were probably in the 2nd round of invites sent out. Most couples send out their invites to the people they most want there & hold back a few. When they get declines they then send out another round. 3 and a half weeks is very little notice though especially for a weekday wedding

Hmmph that makes sense when they announced it to oh they said it was going to be a small wedding. And they want an RSVP by this Friday

It will take me that long to figure out if I can take the day off

annoyedgal

Only go if you want to! Way too short notice in my opinion.

Milly33

mmmmmm sounds like you are making excuses as such. tisnt unreasonable really just people do different things.



You don't know maybe they go delayed or something.. Just go or don't go

haveringchick

Milly33 wrote: »

mmmmmm sounds like you are making excuses as such. tisnt unreasonable really just people do different things.



You don't know maybe they go delayed or something.. Just go or don't go

You must be very lucky with your job milly. Most working people would find it very tricky to get a days holidays at three weeks notice this time of the year, never mind gathering up the money for a pressie , hairdo transport drinks etc. unexpectedly like this. The idea that I was only invited to make up the numbers would mean it's a no from me I'm afraid!

amdublin

Who knows if you were or weren't invited for numbers.

Me personally I'd give them the benefit of the doubt.

So do you want to go or not?
Can you actually go or not?
I'd rsvp on the basis of those two questions.

Sligo1

OP stated the couple only decided to get married a couple of months ago. So imo it is completely reasonable to send out invites 3.5 weeks before the date. Obviously they probably would've given more notice if they had gotten engaged more than 2 months before but this is not the case....

Yes it's hard to get days off work etc... But as I said... The couple prob barely had time to fart before having to organise everything during such a short space of time themselves.

Stheno

amdublin wrote: »

Who knows if you were or weren't invited for numbers.

Me personally I'd give them the benefit of the doubt.

So do you want to go or not?
Can you actually go or not?
I'd rsvp on the basis of those two questions.

I'm just going to be joining to keep the OH company, I've met the couple once and don't know anyone else at the wedding at all.

I'll have to check if I can go, I work as a contractor, so I've different customers who book me on different days, so I've to figure out if I can shunt what's on on the relevant day around to another day that week. I also don't get paid if I take time off, and that along with the expense of a wedding is also annoying me with so little notice.

OH may well end up going on his own, he knows lots of people who will be there. I'll just be there making up numbers either way

tina1040

If you can go you can go; if you can't then it's not much of a loss as you don't know the couple well. It's as simple as that. No need to be stressed.

Stheno

tina1040 wrote: »

If you can go you can go; if you can't then it's not much of a loss as you don't know the couple well. It's as simple as that. No need to be stressed.

That's kinda my attitude now after thinking it through, I'll know by Thursday if I can go or not hopefully.

Just severely dislike disorder in my ordered world I'm also trying to organise a weeks holiday so was going to load up on work before that

haveringchick

Really my thoughts on this are, whatever the reasons for the hasty arrangements, the bride and groom will just have to accept that some guests will just have to decline due to the short notice.

Stheno

haveringchick wrote: »

Really my thoughts on this are, whatever the reasons for the hasty arrangements, the bride and groom will just have to accept that some guests will just have to decline due to the short notice.

Ah yeah I'd imagine so I'm just mega grumpy today and up to my tonsils in work, so having to arrange to be able to go, if I can, just annoyed me

He (OH ) now thinks it's 3-4 months ago they set a date, but we've no idea, it's definitely at least two, but that's not time and I'm sure they'll be fine, he'll go, I'm just invited as his partner so it's no big deal to them if I don't

My sister just got engaged at the weekend and is getting married in Oct 2016 so I was comparing the two

amdublin

Stheno wrote: »

Ah yeah I'd imagine so I'm just mega grumpy today and up to my tonsils in work, so having to arrange to be able to go, if I can, just annoyed me

He (OH ) now thinks it's 3-4 months ago they set a date, but we've no idea, it's definitely at least two, but that's not time and I'm sure they'll be fine, he'll go, I'm just invited as his partner so it's no big deal to them if I don't

My sister just got engaged at the weekend and is getting married in Oct 2016 so I was comparing the two

Very different scenario from your sister I wouldn't be comparing them.

Enjoy if you go! No biggie if you don't I'd imagine....

Milly33

haveringchick wrote: »

You must be very lucky with your job milly. Most working people would find it very tricky to get a days holidays at three weeks notice this time of the year, never mind gathering up the money for a pressie , hairdo transport drinks etc. unexpectedly like this. The idea that I was only invited to make up the numbers would mean it's a no from me I'm afraid!

Well I do have a nice job thanks for asking, and hair done, my hair is just so gorgeous it does itself for occasions...

No im just saying that reaction would come across as the OP didn't want to go either why so was just making an excuse or looking into it more than look yeah we got an invite..

I think people take the idea of waves of invites the wrong way altogether...

I am sure even OP if you could not get the time off and the other half could they couple would not mind if you went to the afters of the event.. We done that a few times, and I do remember thinking man that is a bit cheeky to ask but honestly I think couples just prefer if you are open with them

Stheno

Turns out this is a tiny wedding 30 guests in all

We were thinking of a cash gift, then got a text from the groom that times are tough so don't bother with a gift, but think we should anyway

Despite not knowing them well I like and admire this couple and will have no problem giving them the cash gift. They live together, so I imagine have everything they need

stickybookmark

Stheno wrote: »

Turns out this is a tiny wedding 30 guests in all

We were thinking of a cash gift, then got a text from the groom that times are tough so don't bother with a gift, but think we should anyway

Fair play to him! That's a rare one !!

stickybookmark

Sligo1 wrote: »

OP stated the couple only decided to get married a couple of months ago. So imo it is completely reasonable to send out invites 3.5 weeks before the date. Obviously they probably would've given more notice if they had gotten engaged more than 2 months before but this is not the case....

Yes it's hard to get days off work etc... But as I said... The couple prob barely had time to fart before having to organise everything during such a short space of time themselves.

I don't accept that. We decided to get married end Jan for a wedding at start of June. So 4 months to do it all. For that reason my no.1 priority was the invites. I did invites first before anything else. I sent them out as soon as I possibly could which meant people got them 3 months before the wedding which is actually early compared to most weddings. That gave enough time to get RSVPs back and invite the second round in a reasonable time. As soon as I got confirmed (expected) Nos back either by text, email or whatever I sent another invite out. So everyone got them at least 2 months in advance

michellie

We got one earlier this month for a wedding 2 weeks away in another county...we didn't go !

Milly33

For some reason this popped into my head this morning and I was thinking was it really 3 1/2 weeks you said.. Even at that 3 1/2 weeks vs 4 weeks mmm there is like a difference of 2 1/2 days...

I just don't get people with weddings and invites.. Glad it turned out that the bride and groom were actually right here bit non the less even if they weren't you were kinda dissing them for the sake of 2 1/2 days...

Think weddings drive people crazy

Sligo1

stickybookmark wrote: »

I don't accept that. We decided to get married end Jan for a wedding at start of June. So 4 months to do it all. For that reason my no.1 priority was the invites. I did invites first before anything else. I sent them out as soon as I possibly could which meant people got them 3 months before the wedding which is actually early compared to most weddings. That gave enough time to get RSVPs back and invite the second round in a reasonable time. As soon as I got confirmed (expected) Nos back either by text, email or whatever I sent another invite out. So everyone got them at least 2 months in advance

Perhaps these people didn't need time for a "second round"? Which I think is pretty crap anyway tbh... Sorry guys, you didn't make the first cut... But here you go....

And initially when I posted OP had stated a couple of months which referred to 2 and not 4 like ye had. Also to note... It actually sounds like the couple are fairly reasonable and not putting mad expectations on anyone so I doubt they'd be distraught if people can't attend due to the short notice anyway...

Milly33

people take this whole second round invites wayyy to personally..

It isn't that people don't want ye there it is just sometimes people have big families etc and they have to invite them out of politeness or for the whole family politics issue. This means yes sometimes you have to wait for people to refuse before you can go yes score now I can invite so and so.

Or you have a venue that will only hold a certain amount of people....

It isn't nothing to do with mmmm well I will invite them now as a second choice because they aren't making the cut as top notch .. People think to highly of themselves these days..

Sligo1

Milly33 wrote: »

people take this whole second round invites wayyy to personally..

It isn't that people don't want ye there it is just sometimes people have big families etc and they have to invite them out of politeness or for the whole family politics issue. This means yes sometimes you have to wait for people to refuse before you can go yes score now I can invite so and so.

Or you have a venue that will only hold a certain amount of people....

It isn't nothing to do with mmmm well I will invite them now as a second choice because they aren't making the cut as top notch .. People think to highly of themselves these days..

No offence Milly, it's not because people think too highly of themselves. It's because the couple getting married don't think enough of them... If I found out I was in a second round of invites I would politely decline. I don't see the point of second round invites anyway. You are either close to the couple or not. If you are not close to the couple you won't be in their first round of invites as there is not enough space or for financials or whatever. And why would you even bother inviting a second round if you are not close to people?? If I'm honest I think In the majority of cases (not all!), couples only invite second rounds to make up number... Not because they are great friends and want them there on the day...

Milly33

But you just said it there.. You are assuming the couple don't think of enough of you , therefore thinking too about you.. tisnt about you it is about them.. Sometimes as pointed out people have big families that interfere with other invites going out

There is nothing sinister or they like them more than they like me, its just managing things.. A lot of the time it is a case of where you have someone on the after list as there isn't room and you move them up to the full invite...

You have disagree and agree to it... like everything else with weddings

Sligo1

Milly33 wrote: »

But you just said it there.. You are assuming the couple don't think of enough of you , therefore thinking too about you.. tisnt about you it is about them..

You have disagree and agree to it... like everything else with weddings

Milly I actually haven't a notion what you are trying to say here....

Milly33

well agree to disagree sligo

Sligo1

Milly33 wrote: »

well agree to disagree sligo

I can't agree or disagree if I don't understand what you are trying to articulate?

stickybookmark

Sligo1 wrote: »

Perhaps these people didn't need time for a "second round"? Which I think is pretty crap anyway tbh... Sorry guys, you didn't make the first cut... But here you go....

My 2nd round was 100% parent's friends/associates/colleagues/neighbours
There is a lot of ''they invited us to their daughter's wedding' going on......
My mother prepared a list of 1st round (must haves) and then 2nd round (nice to haves)
I was happy I was able to invite all of her list in the end anyway, coz I got enough cancellations (our venue could only take max 182)

saying it's to ''make up numbers'' what does that mean exactly? Why would you want a specific number of people at a wedding :

Sligo1

stickybookmark wrote: »

My 2nd round was 100% parent's friends/associates/colleagues/neighbours
There is a lot of ''they invited us to their daughter's wedding' going on......
My mother prepared a list of 1st round (must haves) and then 2nd round (nice to haves)
I was happy I was able to invite all of her list in the end anyway, coz I got enough cancellations (our venue could only take max 182)

saying it's to ''make up numbers'' what does that mean exactly? Why would you want a specific number of people at a wedding :

As I said imo in the majority but not all cases its to make up numbers. I "believe" a lot of venues require minimum numbers for weekend wedding etc. so if there are a lot of declines for example... Couples will still have to pay for the minimum number regardless of minimum numbers attend. That is one example.


Another example... Couple havr a budget can invite 200 people. Get some declines. Second round goes out to aquintances or distant family as opposed to friends or those close to the couple.

Another example... And again... I'm not saying this is what you did here. But I would say there are some venues who may take for example 200 people. Couple gets declines and then think... Crap.. I won't get such and sucj amount in gifts... I better invite some people from work to make up the numbers!!

I really have to say... Second rounds just don't sit right with me. You either want people there on your day or you are not too bothered either way. If the couple aren't initially overly bothered.. The why bother at all?? But having said that, we were fortunate enough to invite those who we wanted there or who my mum wanted there. But then there's hardly a massive list either.

Anyway... There's a few examples of making up numbers....

stickybookmark

Sligo1 wrote: »

A But having said that, we were fortunate enough to invite those who we wanted there or who my mum wanted there. But then there's hardly a massive list either.

Well my Mum did have a massive list.

eviltwin

Unless it was a sibling or a really close friend I wouldn't expect to be included in the first round of invites so getting a second round invite wouldn't offend me. I understand weddings are expensive and there are only so many people who can be invited and then there is the politics where you have to bump someone you want off the list to make room for the great aunt you haven't seen in 10 years....

Its short notice though, I know I wouldn't be able to go so soon so I'd have to decline. I'm sure they would understand though.

pwurple

I wouldn't be able to go on a weekday to a wedding with that short notice, but if I could, I would. It's nice to be invited.

We got married about 4 months after we got engaged as well... invites went out with 7 weeks to go, about 1 week after we booked the location. These people may just be very disorganised.

Milly33

Sligo1 wrote: »

Milly I actually haven't a notion what you are trying to say here....

I was trying to say that as such you are the person saying well if they didn't think of me for the first round well then I am obviously not that important to them. So as such you are thinking that highly of yourself and not that couple...

The disagree bit was that, with stuff like this people either agree or disagree. Like us I agree with it or see why people do it and you don't get it..

There are so many different things to do right and wrong and ill say it again do whatever makes ye happy! haha ill have that quote drilled into my head by the end of all this

ShaShaBear

We have 60 guests to invite to our ceremony and meal. That is our financial limit. We are sending invites out to beloved family members. There is my mother and father's side, my OH's mother's and stepfather's side, and then his biological father's side. Given that myself, OH, my mother, brother and two bridesmaids and his mum and stepdad and two best men are 10 of those people, you can see how tight we are. However, among the list of relatives we love very much, some are ill and live a distance away and might have no other choice but to decline the invite. In this case, my OH and I would love to be informed so that we can extend the unused invite to people whom we would not otherwise be able to invite - examples being my best friend from college, the recently widowed father of my partner's best man etc.
We don't have money to throw around willy nilly and if someone getting a second round of invites got snotty with me because they were not invited over our family in the first round, I'd be telling them to hop off and good luck to them!!! :mad:

Milly33

see that's what I mean.. perfectly great way to do is shashar bear..

Sligo1

ShaShaBear wrote: »

We have 60 guests to invite to our ceremony and meal. That is our financial limit. We are sending invites out to beloved family members. There is my mother and father's side, my OH's mother's and stepfather's side, and then his biological father's side. Given that myself, OH, my mother, brother and two bridesmaids and his mum and stepdad and two best men are 10 of those people, you can see how tight we are. However, among the list of relatives we love very much, some are ill and live a distance away and might have no other choice but to decline the invite. In this case, my OH and I would love to be informed so that we can extend the unused invite to people whom we would not otherwise be able to invite - examples being my best friend from college, the recently widowed father of my partner's best man etc.
We don't have money to throw around willy nilly and if someone getting a second round of invites got snotty with me because they were not invited over our family in the first round, I'd be telling them to hop off and good luck to them!!! :mad:

I think it's all in context Shasha. And I know I'm probably being quite judgemental here... But nobody could possibly be snotty with the examples presented in this last page.

But I really do think a lot of couples extend second round invites to mere acquaintances they barely know to make up numbers for the likes of gifts etc... That is what I don't think is right. I don't know any people that do this but I have heard it happens a lot. And maybe I should've expressed that more clearly. Of course if it's your best friend etc that is a completely different matter. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

ShaShaBear

Sligo1 wrote: »

I think it's all in context Shasha. And I know I'm probably being quite judgemental here... But nobody could possibly be snotty with the examples presented in this last page.

But I really do think a lot of couples extend second round invites to mere acquaintances they barely know to make up numbers for the likes of gifts etc... That is what I don't think is right. I don't know any people that do this but I have heard it happens a lot. And maybe I should've expressed that more clearly. Of course if it's your best friend etc that is a completely different matter. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

I think that totally depends on the size of the wedding. And of course you should know yourself your relationship with the person sending the invite and it should be indication enough as to what kind of invite you got. If you're the second cousin that last seen them at a 50th birthday bash in the pub 2 years ago then it's probably a present scam. But if you are closely related and a good friend with them, then its fair to assume they want you there but couldn't afford it originally.
I've been a second-rounder to (actually now that I think of it) every wedding I've ever been to. I've never been offended. I usually go, take a small wedding gift as befitting the personal relationship and have a great time with other guests that I would be more friendly with.

PhoenixParker

I've heard rumours of the sort of behaviour Sligo1 describes but never seen it in real life. Outside of ten year old Eddie Hobbs shows anyone inviting extra people to make more money on presents is playing a very dangerous budgeting game that could very easily backfire severely on them. With that in mind I tend to give couples the benefit of the doubt as far as possible, though, barring immediate family, I'll still only accept a wedding invitation if I want to go and it's convenient to go.

From observation B lists tend to arise when you have a very uncertain A list. Lots of relatives and close friends who you would really like to attend the wedding but for whom it is likely to be expensive and/or inconvenient to attend. As a host you're then stuck trying to balance the size of the venue, your minimum numbers and your budget against a very uncertain guest list. With big Irish families and emigration, it's very easy to have 50+ people who you'd love there but you're 90% sure can't make it, and a little voice screaming in the back of your head what if they all come. The safest bet is to invite the core group and the most uncertain people first. Then when you know you have the space and budget to invite the remaining group of people.

Milly33

Ah see Sligo that is completely different now that is just being a tool. But for the most part people aren't like this.. Mind you there was bridemaids gate haha wonder will we have another gem like this, this year

stickybookmark

PhoenixParker wrote: »

From observation B lists tend to arise when you have a very uncertain A list. Lots of relatives and close friends who you would really like to attend the wedding but for whom it is likely to be expensive and/or inconvenient to attend. As a host you're then stuck trying to balance the size of the venue, your minimum numbers and your budget against a very uncertain guest list. With big Irish families and emigration, it's very easy to have 50+ people who you'd love there but you're 90% sure can't make it, and a little voice screaming in the back of your head what if they all come. The safest bet is to invite the core group and the most uncertain people first. Then when you know you have the space and budget to invite the remaining group of people.

Exactly.

This is why it irks me when people make sweeping statement on here ''I don't agree wtih second round either I'm good enough for the first round or else forget about it''

Irish weddings (and perhaps all weddings) are a complicated business involving as you say - family members/friends abroad who have to be invited but almost definitely won't be able to come, large extended families, parish politcs, and the wishes of parents of the bride and groom. It's not just about the bride and groom and their friends, far from it !!!!

And I wanted to invite as many people as possible to my wedding, not because I wanted extra presents but because I wanted my wedding to be a big hooley. My philosophy is there are enough ****e and sad days in life you gotta celebrate the happy ones in style !!

Milly33

We were delighted recently there, as a lot of people came back late and cancelled so I really wanted to invite one of the extended family but we just could not fit anymore than who we thought we had... And then we have space and I was thinking crap will I ask or not, we had sent an afters invite already. Sure we did and they were delighted when we asked and they completely understood so they did... And super happy they can be there now for the whole day... It will be loverly to see them

Still surprised at people who don't rsvp it is the ones you least expect.....

Toots

Milly33 wrote: »

We were delighted recently there, as a lot of people came back late and cancelled so I really wanted to invite one of the extended family but we just could not fit anymore than who we thought we had... And then we have space and I was thinking crap will I ask or not, we had sent an afters invite already. Sure we did and they were delighted when we asked and they completely understood so they did... And super happy they can be there now for the whole day... It will be loverly to see them

Still surprised at people who don't rsvp it is the ones you least expect.....

Sure half a whole side of my husband's massive family didn't RSVP, they just assumed we'd know they were going (how, I don't know). We were in my in-law's house the day before the RSVP deadline and chatting about the guest list and I mentioned I hadn't heard back from a load of people. Well my MIL goes "The feckers! I'll kill them!" and disappeared into the front room with the phone. Within half an hour we had confirmed all the guests from her side - she rang and gave them all a bollocking :pac:

Milly33

Its weird so it is... How people don't do it.. I would be the you other halfs dilemma as such. My side is huge and half of them didn't come back I had to chase them on it. Still I know one is going and they haven't sent the rsvp back. hoping they will be back today so I don't have to ring but if not im getting on the phone at the weekend

ShaShaBear

If anyone I invite doesn't RSVP I'm uninviting them :pac:

Milly33

Hahaha!! Youd still have to call them to dis invite them d'oh....I have heard it mention by a few couples saying that people actually showed up on the day without telling anyone they were going, or one bride said a whole lot of family arrived from abroad the night before her wedding.. Id die I think or like that now make them all sit outside come rain or come sun

stinkle

PhoenixParker wrote: »

From observation B lists tend to arise when you have a very uncertain A list. Lots of relatives and close friends who you would really like to attend the wedding but for whom it is likely to be expensive and/or inconvenient to attend. As a host you're then stuck trying to balance the size of the venue, your minimum numbers and your budget against a very uncertain guest list. With big Irish families and emigration, it's very easy to have 50+ people who you'd love there but you're 90% sure can't make it, and a little voice screaming in the back of your head what if they all come. The safest bet is to invite the core group and the most uncertain people first. Then when you know you have the space and budget to invite the remaining group of people.

Are you me?? This was totally our experience last year. We had strict max numbers and we KNEW deep down they surely couldnt all make it - we sent invites to the UK, Aus, NZ, USA, Canada and goodness knows where else. If they did all make it it would have severly reduced the amount of friends and famly friends we could ask.

People are generally well-meaning and there was lots of talk of "looking into coming over for it". It was so nice that they were keen! But there was lots of up-in-the-air stuff too - cousin X says shes coming, but what about her other half? Cousin Y said they'd need to take time off work and will get back to us, and Aunty Mary might not be up to the travel. All this was on my OH's side too, so I wanst sure how to deal with the different personalities and dynamics - as in, are they just saying this to be nice and wont give a straight answer or are they the type to move mountains to get here and we just need to give them some time? A lot of the abroad crowd weren't great at RSVPing but once we'd heard on the grapevine theyd made travel plans and the hotel kept us in the loop about who had booked rooms things became clearer.

At one stage my MIL was freaking as so many abroad guests were making noises about coming over. I think we held back some of the "parents' friends" invites by a couple of weeks to be safe (and to make the point that family+our friends came first), but since the original invites went out 3 months beforehand for the benefit of all the folks abroad, this wasnt short notice or anything for them.

Things did sort themselves out though - not all guests could travel, some Irish folk had other things on, etc etc.

Sherlof3

It's a pity they didn't send out a save the date a few months ago to let you know to start organising...even a free email one!