Homesickness

LegacyUser

I just moved to a new city.

I am terribly homesick. The strange thing is, it's not really for a particular place, but for a person. I have a parent who lives alone (they have friends, and are out and about, so aren't alone generally, but you know what I mean).

We don't always get along, but I miss them terribly. I won't be able to go home for quite some time, and it's really getting me down. Is there anything that I can do/any coping strategies for this? Obviously I have a new job, so I will be around people (almost constantly, actually), but I still feel incredibly alone.

Rubberchikken

Can you skype/text?

You're right, homesickness isn't always about missing home.

It probably sounds oldfashioned but would this person love to get an occasional letter (written)?. It's a great way to get your thoughts down and it's still lovely to get an actual letter even with all the technology available

LegacyUser

We do talk everyday, so that is something, but it just doesn't feel the same as going for a walk with them/ eating dinner with them, etc.

It's strange, because I know I need to live my own life, and pursue my career and so on, but I'm just worried that something will happen to them, or they'll be lonely, and there will be nothing I can do about it.

miamee

Even though you can't go home for quite some time, can you still begin to plan that trip home? Or invite your parent to come visit you in the meantime? Having definite plans in place may help, even if they are several months away.

iusedtoknow

You also need to try and start "living" where you are, even if you don't consider it a long term place. You could be projecting your own loneliness onto your parent. Go out, meet people, make friends and try to make a life for yourself as well. It sounds like your parent is active enough.

I've lived abroad for 10 years now, and none of my siblings are around my parents - they themselves are off traveling after my dad retired. They are in their mid to late 60's, hale and hearty, and extremely active. When they are in Cork, they have an active social life and are always up to something. When things eventually change, my siblings and I will see what is needed to be done - but at the moment any of us being around them would probably be holding them back.

Lollipops23

I lived abroad for a year (for the sheer adventure of it) and missed my dad more than I anticipated. It really surprises you what and who you miss!

Honestly, talking to them every single day won't help. You need to space it out until it's once/twice a week. Get yourself out and meeting people- before you know it you'll be too busy to be ringing home ever day!

Sun in Capri

I have experienced home sickness a few times in my life and it is really debilitating. When I look back on how I felt and what I felt homesick for, I realise that my imagination had really blown things out of proportion. The people I worried about, was sad about, whilst they missed me, they were getting on with their lives and what made them happy was for me to do the same. It takes time to settle in a new situation, new place etc. In a way it is a kind of grieve for familiarity. You will be surprised when you get more used to your new situation, you will not feel as much of that awful inside sadness. Do get out and about as much as possible, explore the new city and bit by bit you will feel better.

blackcard

HomesickIn wrote: »

We do talk everyday, so that is something, but it just doesn't feel the same as going for a walk with them/ eating dinner with them, etc.

It's strange, because I know I need to live my own life, and pursue my career and so on, but I'm just worried that something will happen to them, or they'll be lonely, and there will be nothing I can do about it.

The saying 'if you love them, you must set them free' usually applies to parents giving their children the freedom to live their own lives. But in your case I think you have to set your parents free. From what you say, they seem to be coping grand. It is the way of the world that parents and their offspring separate as they get older. You will still get to meet them when you visit and you will cherish that time all the more. If things change in the future, you can cross that hurdle when it comes. In the meantime, allow yourself to enjoy your own life.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice, but it's a single parent.

meme74

Having lived away from home and experiencing homesickness I can tell you Skype is definitely a great help. A phonecall isnt quite the same as a video chat. Also, just remember the grass is always greener. When living away from home we tend to put the halo effect on everything and everyone we are missing and really in reality after afew days/weeks begin back there, we remeber its not quite what we have built it up to be when we are feeling sorry for ourselves during a bout of homesickness!

Get out and do something fun or enjoyable (a walk, the cinema, explore your area) and embrace your new location.

GenGenie

Hello, this thread is very interesting. I just recently (few weeks) moved with my family 3 hours away to live beside my husbands family. My children new started school today and I am so so sad. I totally underestimated how much I would miss home. My parents, the familiarity of it all. I was allowed to keep my job so I am working from home so alone with my thoughts all day.

My husband and kids are really happy so that should keep my happy but I am miserable. We were only renting in our previous county, and had already moved with the kids twice, as houses were being sold. There is a lovely house here belonging to my brother in law that we can rent and eventually buy so we moved really to give the kids security of a home and with me working from home, I will see more of the kids. But now I am wondering did we move for the right reasons?

We have agreed to give it a year but I am already dreaming about moving back home at end of school year (my husband is a teacher) - which would mean moving kids back to their old school.

I am very miserable, not sleeping and probably a nightmare to live with. My parents keep asking am I ok, and I am afraid to say no, I don't want to worry them.

My question is, do you think it would awful to move the kids back to rent again? Do you think we moved for the right reasons?? I really feel I need help.

csm

At a few weeks it is far too early to consider returning home. I believe homesickness to be a form of grieving but with the added complication that you are constantly comparing your current situation with your previous one. With any grief you need to give it time to settle. Giving it a year is a sensible idea. I'd even go so far as to say 2 years.

The important thing is to actually give it that time. If you spend the year counting the days before you return home then it does no one any good. Better to embrace your new situation for a fixed period and then reassess

Wompa1

GenGenie wrote: »

Hello, this thread is very interesting. I just recently (few weeks) moved with my family 3 hours away to live beside my husbands family. My children new started school today and I am so so sad. I totally underestimated how much I would miss home. My parents, the familiarity of it all. I was allowed to keep my job so I am working from home so alone with my thoughts all day.

My husband and kids are really happy so that should keep my happy but I am miserable. We were only renting in our previous county, and had already moved with the kids twice, as houses were being sold. There is a lovely house here belonging to my brother in law that we can rent and eventually buy so we moved really to give the kids security of a home and with me working from home, I will see more of the kids. But now I am wondering did we move for the right reasons?

We have agreed to give it a year but I am already dreaming about moving back home at end of school year (my husband is a teacher) - which would mean moving kids back to their old school.

I am very miserable, not sleeping and probably a nightmare to live with. My parents keep asking am I ok, and I am afraid to say no, I don't want to worry them.

My question is, do you think it would awful to move the kids back to rent again? Do you think we moved for the right reasons?? I really feel I need help.

Just my take on this. You need to figure out if you miss the familiarity, your parents or the place....

Familiarity is not important. You will become familiar with your new surroundings overtime. This is an opportunity for you to build a new life somewhere else. You're lucky. Your only three hours away from home. You could go home every weekend if you really wanted to.

If it's for your parents and I tell my fiance this too and it's blunt. When you have your kids and a husband they become your immediate family and they should be your priority. Also, the obvious. Biologically speaking, it's more likely that your parents will die long before you do. Moving back to be close to them could be a decision with very long term affects for a short term gain. Which area is better for your immediate family? It sounds like the new area from everything you've posted.

If it's the place...well then, is the place better for you and your family? Do you guys all gain from moving back? Moving for the security of a home in the new place isn't much of a reason. Now, with that said you did state they all seem happy....Could you guys not have a home in your old place? How would your husband feel about that?...What place is better for your kids?