Help

Springbrook

I am in desperate need of help in understanding that I am not mad, not paranoid and that my gut feelings were right. I would like to talk to someone who can help me deal with the last 11 traumatic years of my life. I feel completely empty and unjustifiably judged by people who have been conditioned over years to believe I am mad, jealous, crazy . . . I do not know where to turn. Please help.

Taltos

Mod Note:
Springbrook - I've given you your own thread as each thread is dedicated to the Opening Poster (OP).
Can you please provide more context of what specifically you need help with here to help guide the advice given.

Thanks
Taltos

Springbrook

Sorry I am new, I am unsure of how this works. I write things in angst. I am a little lost at the moment with a million painful memories churning around in my head.

Old Perry

Why do you think you feel like this.

Springbrook

I am not sure what you mean, maybe that is because I am being a little vague. I have an exhaustive list of things that have destroyed my self worth over 11 years, it is very difficult to put my experience into words. I am sorry, I have been searching and searching for answers to why I have been so badly treated but it is difficult to put into words. I have read many articles recently on narcissistic abuse and sex addiction, and a whole flood of realisation has overwhelmed me. I am a victim of such a person, and it hurts.

sneakysnake007

Hi there, I hope all is ok with you. I don't know much about your situation but what I can advise you to do is to be brave and look forward, don't look back. Personally, I find that focusing on the future instead of replaying and reliving the past helps me to move in the right direction after difficult times. Think of it this way, you have the ability to alter your future but unfortunately cannot change your past. You sound like a strong person and hopefully in time will reflect back to how this part of your life has shaped you as you have overcome your struggles. I wish you the very best and all the happiness in the world. You are in charge of what happens next, good luck.

c montgomery

Springbrook wrote: »

I am not sure what you mean, maybe that is because I am being a little vague. I have an exhaustive list of things that have destroyed my self worth over 11 years, it is very difficult to put my experience into words. I am sorry, I have been searching and searching for answers to why I have been so badly treated but it is difficult to put into words. I have read many articles recently on narcissistic abuse and sex addiction, and a whole flood of realisation has overwhelmed me. I am a victim of such a person, and it hurts.

If your not happy do everything in your power to change this.
Life is short and wonderful, not to be wasted on people who make you feel bad or worthless.

Springbrook

I have started the process, I have filed for divorce this week and put my house on the market. The problem is that I am left struggling to to let go of all the awful lies that I was screamed at for being paranoid, mad, crazy. I was hoping to talk to someone who can relate to my experiences to justify my feelings. Sorry if this a little deep, it is quite raw for me at present, I have taken time off work and just needed some clarity in what has happened.

Springbrook

But thank you for your reply, I appreciate what you said and I know I am stronger. These people abuse this strength through there weakness, it drains, and it causes immense pain.

LegacyUser

Don't give up on your marriage, rather try to fix this situation. Do no not make any rash decisions you might regret later.

Springbrook

sneakysnake007 wrote: »

Hi there, I hope all is ok with you. I don't know much about your situation but what I can advise you to do is to be brave and look forward, don't look back. Personally, I find that focusing on the future instead of replaying and reliving the past helps me to move in the right direction after difficult times. Think of it this way, you have the ability to alter your future but unfortunately cannot change your past. You sound like a strong person and hopefully in time will reflect back to how this part of your life has shaped you as you have overcome your struggles. I wish you the very best and all the happiness in the world. You are in charge of what happens next, good luck.

Thank you for such a lovely personal heartfelt reply. Reliving the past is the worst terror, this is what causes me the most stress. I need to learn how to manage this, at the moment I seem to relive every circumstance, wanting to be set free with the truth, truth I am never going to get - this is what pains me deeply.

I know what you are saying is right, and I will get there with the right support.

Thank you again x

Maurice Greene.

Hi there,

What seemed a bit vague at the start, I kinda understand now what your troubles are.
Im sorry for you but you are doing the right thing by getting it out there. It is the first step of healing and I wish you well.
You will get a wealth of help and gudidance from well informed people here to aid you on your path of recovery, I will try myself.
You will get through this!

StarryMoon0

Hi Springbrook,

I think I know what's going on, and I am so deeply sorry.

First of all, breath deeply, secondly, know this is not your fault. Its nothing you have done or not done. Its not how you acted, how you looked or how smart you are. There was absolutely nothing you could have done and there is a 99% chance that this existed before you met and married. They hide it so well. If you have scoured the internet for info (as we have all done) and found stuff about being co-dependant and all that rubbish, please forget what you read.

I recommend this book: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal (B Steffans & M Means)
It saved my life.

The one other thing that saved my life was this: recoverynation.com
Check it out. Its free, its anonymous and its a place where you can write out every deep dark secret that you cannot tell anyone else. No one will judge you and everyone is there to help. Everyone there has been through it, or is going through it.

As Maurice said, you will get through this. It just takes time.