question for seperated dads

LegacyUser

Hi. Id just like get an opinion from daddys please. I have a child by my ex having seperated when pregnant. My childs father sees his child every 2nd weekend. I have just been told hes to become a dad again with his partner. My question is do fathers take preference to kids they have with a loved one.? Im wondering will he still have the same interest in my son now that he is having a new baby or will my child suddenly fade into the background.

iusedtoknow

no one can answer this, it would be different from person to person. The only way you can find out is to talk directly to the father about it. The very fact that he takes your kid every 2nd weekend would indicate that he's already involved.

Talk to him about it.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Thanks for replies. No his dad doesnt take his child every 2nd weekend, he usually calls to see him for 4 or 5 hours every 2nd weekend. He only takes him weekends when it suits him to do so which cud be 3 - 7 - 4th weekend depending whats happening in his dads life. so i dont feel hes that invested in his childs life as is.

Knine

Yes in my situation my ex definitely has preference to the child he lives with, probably not helped by the fact that our child has a disability.

He cancels access whenever it suits him & makes very little effort with her. Thankfully my partner more then makes up for it so she is not missing out.

LegacyUser

Knine wrote: »

Yes in my situation my ex definitely has preference to the child he lives with, probably not helped by the fact that our child has a disability.

He cancels access whenever it suits him & makes very little effort with her. Thankfully my partner more then makes up for it so she is not missing out.

Thanks for your reply Kline. Im sorry to hear about the dad. He is the one missing out, and your very lucky to have met someone who loves your child.

Im very worried as my child is so crazy about his dad but the fact that anytime he sees him is on his dads terms and conditions as is, i feel this is the beginning of the end for their relationship.

LegacyUser

seperated mum wrote: »

Hi. Id just like get an opinion from daddys please. I have a child by my ex having seperated when pregnant. My childs father sees his child every 2nd weekend. I have just been told hes to become a dad again with his partner. My question is do fathers take preference to kids they have with a loved one.? Im wondering will he still have the same interest in my son now that he is having a new baby or will my child suddenly fade into the background.

The short answer is no.
If he is a good dad , he'll remain a good dad.

Seperated mom wrote: »

Thanks for replies. No his dad doesnt take his child every 2nd weekend, he usually calls to see him for 4 or 5 hours every 2nd weekend. He only takes him weekends when it suits him to do so which cud be 3 - 7 - 4th weekend depending whats happening in his dads life. so i dont feel hes that invested in his childs life as is.

oh.
I can't judge but I'd want to see my kid a lot more than that and actually make the time.
Unless its work , I can't see what would be more important than keeping a whole day free every 2 weeks for your kid.

I suspect you have bigger problems with his attitude than the new baby on the way.

blackbird98

I think it depends on the individual. I have a friend in a similar situation and he treats all children equally and makes sacrifices to ensure he sees his kids

Sleepy

Actually living with his new child could prove to make him a better father to his child with you. As it is, he's a part-time Dad, still free to live the life of a single or child-free man most of the time. It's unlikely his new partner will put up with that when their child is born and it's quite likely that he won't want that lifestyle anymore once he gets past the sleep deprivation etc. Becoming a full-time Dad may make him realise he should be putting more time into his relationship with his existing child.

zeffabelli

Yea there is absolutely a different relationship with the child they live with and the child they know they never live with.

Also that child's mother has far more influence over him than you do.

LegacyUser

Sleepy wrote: »

Actually living with his new child could prove to make him a better father to his child with you. As it is, he's a part-time Dad, still free to live the life of a single or child-free man most of the time. It's unlikely his new partner will put up with that when their child is born and it's quite likely that he won't want that lifestyle anymore once he gets past the sleep deprivation etc. Becoming a full-time Dad may make him realise he should be putting more time into his relationship with his existing child.

WEll now thats the thing. My ex lives a 2 hour drive from me but a 4 hour drive from his partner. He works in Dublin and lives in dublin during the week so him becoming a full time dad is not likely this time either. Im wondering would he love his new child more because he loves the childs mother i guess.

zeffabelli

seperate mom wrote: »

WEll now thats the thing. My ex lives a 2 hour drive from me but a 4 hour drive from his partner. He works in Dublin and lives in dublin during the week so him becoming a full time dad is not likely this time either. Im wondering would he love his new child more because he loves the childs mother i guess.

Probably....it's an unspoken taboo to admit it but I think it's true.

They also know they will never ever live with their own child so...that makes a difference too. We might think it shouldn't but it does.

Neyite

seperate mom wrote: »

WEll now thats the thing. My ex lives a 2 hour drive from me but a 4 hour drive from his partner. He works in Dublin and lives in dublin during the week so him becoming a full time dad is not likely this time either. Im wondering would he love his new child more because he loves the childs mother i guess.

To be fair, I don't think anyone can answer that for you, probably not even he could. And if he could answer it and tell you that he prefers one child over the other, its hardly likely he would ever admit it. Few parents who have favourites do.

You sound worried that he will lose interest in your child when the baby comes. Do you have a cordial enough relationship to talk to him about how you both need to ensure your child does not feel sidelined by a new sibling?

LegacyUser

Neyite wrote: »

You sound worried that he will lose interest in your child when the baby comes. Do you have a cordial enough relationship to talk to him about how you both need to ensure your child does not feel sidelined by a new sibling?

We have a grand relationship once i dont push the boat with him. if i start asking him questions about seeing his son more etc he closes down and conversations turn to the bare minimum of texts.