I turn into a psycho when I drink.....I fear for the future...Please help?

misscpmfan

If I drink too much I get violent. Over the past two years it has progressively gotten worse and I snap for no reason at all! My boyfriend is absolutely insane for wanting to remain with me but I'm glad he is still with me
last night was one of the worst violent rages I've had. I was in the porch literally screaming (I mean I woke the neighbors can't talk kind of a screaming! ).....I was trying to punch the glass in the door and I was tryi n g to smash it. My boyfriend was on the other side of the door threatening to call the police. After I calmed down he let me in but I kept insulting him......It is literally like jekyl and Hyde! I'm a really gentle person sober and felt like committing suicide when I woke up this morning
I bite, I punch, and the fact that it's getting worse makes me worried because when this rage kicks in there is NO stopping it and my mind just turns to anger. I worry that I'll pick up a knife or something one day
I'm extremely sad and sorry for doing this to my boyfriend and even though it might be a struggle I really believe I should quit drinking. ....last night I drank 11 cans. I'm 5 ft 3 and 27 and I don't know what to do I was never like this before.....my boyfriend is a heavy drinker and my tolerance has gone up......should I quit for awhile and get my tolerance down? Should I quit completely? Also I really need a pick me up and advice also simular stories to me would be appreciated I feel like pure crap. Sorry this was so long.

KKkitty

Go to your gp and tell them how you're feeling. If I was you I'd give it up completely. After a few you may think you're OK to have more. Then you're back to being someone you don't want to be. Stay away from situations where drink is accessible for a while at the beginning. You will be happier with yourself in time. Good luck OP.

misscpmfan

Thank you x
I did go to my GP before and he told me to track my drinking. Problem is I do exactly what you said, I have a few feel fine and then I want more. I think I need to cut it completely.

shamrock55

You really need to give up alcohol completely , also the reason you feel like crap today is not just because you are thinking about last night but also because alcohol is a serious deppressant, not everyone is suited to the demon drink, fill your time and wkends with something else

misscpmfan

I did not know that drink was a depressant. .....It's amazing that I don't get hangovers anymore because my tolerance is so strong.
I'm gonna quit for good. Thanks for the advice x

Bongalongherb

If the drink is making you act violently then you really have no choice but to quit it. You don't want to wake up some morning only hearing that you harmed a person. It's not worth it. Knock that on the head before something does happen that you will genuinely regret.

Best of luck.

shamrock55

misscpmfan wrote: »

I did not know that drink was a depressant. .....It's amazing that I don't get hangovers anymore because my tolerance is so strong.
I'm gonna quit for good. Thanks for the advice x

Oh god yea its a serious depressant alright, i used to shall we say enjoy a few drinks myself down through the years,only at wkends mind ,but i would drink a serious amount,iwould wake up in the morning in the horrors just thinking about what did i do or say the night before,i would be paranoid thinking about all these crazy things that i thought i might have done,and shur i didnt do a thing wrong half the time, and i would be down in the dumps for days after untill the next wkend came around and i would go through it all again.dont get me wrong i still drink but only once every 4 or 5 wks but i never got violent with drink anyway that was never a problem its just that i cant be dealing with the after effects of it anymore. I gave up ciggeretes and took up running and cycling and that keeps me away from the pubs now too, good luck with it anyway and i really hope you can sort yourself out,nothing like waking up on a sat or sun morn with a clear head its seriously underated;)

misscpmfan

Yea I understand you there, it amazes me what you do and completely forget about when you drink booze.
I drink quite a lot I am ashamed to admit but it all started when I met my bf. He would drink almost every night with his friend. Me and him met at Christmas time back in 2012. I thought the reason why he drank so much was because it was the season to be jolly but it progressed and I would be just like......"Hmmm ok I can deal with this". I'd fall asleep after 3 pints, 4 cans it was fine back then. Now......I can drink 2 bottles of wine and drink 4-5 cans WITH THAT and I'd probably go nuts. Sometimes I'm ok it's not all the time but it's just embarrassing. I really do not want to see the neighbors. ...my voice is gone over last night and there is blood all over my jeans caused by me! Last week I had another drunken rage and cut myself with my bfs blade on the wrist and laughed about it. I just wanna Bury my head seriously x (

Stheno

You sound like you have a serious problem with drinking, and need to stop asap.

No excuses, nothing just stop

Seek professional help if you need to or cannot stop

shamrock55

Tbh i think you need to get rid of the boyfriend too, if you stay with someone who drinks the way he seems to you will never rid yourself of booze, i know a girl who went out with a lad who had serious problems with drink when she first got with him she very rarely drank,2 yrs later she was drinking every night of the week and would get into some states, thankfully she saw where she was heading and dumped him, now she is married to another fella and is like a different person now

shamrock55

Another thing op, dont be worrying yourself about last night the gloomy feeling will pass, tomorrow morning you will feel so much better and have a brighter outlook on things,its never as bad as you think anyway.
one thing you should do is plan something for yourself to do next wkend that doesnt involve alcohol , be it a shopping trip,visit to the zoo, cinema, anything that you can look forward to and aim for ,owe it to yourself to stay away from drink next wkend and see how you feel when you wake up fresh on sun or mon morning, you will feel great about yourself,remember its all about baby steps and setting little goals for yourself:)

Bongalongherb

OP the thing with wine is that it's mostly strong stuff. Drinking two bottles of that can, and will, make a person almost have a blackout, and can drive a person mad. I'm a beer drinker only, but many years ago I remember drinking two bottles of 14% wine and I had a personal black-out and also was told the following day in the garda station that I smashed it all up and broke windows in there as well. I couldn't remember doing it at all, but they showed me the place when I sobered up.

I'm a very relaxed and logical person that can enjoy and be happy with a few beers, but drinking that much wine and also with beers would make many a folk half black-out and do something that they would never ever do sober. If you really find it hard to stop drinking, do yourself a favour and stop drinking wine altogether, also if wine has this effect on you as it does, then also never drink cider as this will be as bad.

The best thing for you imo would be to stop drinking altogether, give it up, because I know old friends that ended up in a really bad place because of alcohol. Keep away from the wine, trust me on that one.

If something doesn't agree with a person, then why take it.

misscpmfan

shamrock55 wrote: »

Tbh i think you need to get rid of the boyfriend too

Yea I understand your thinking but even though he drinks more than me on the rare occasions when I will decide not to join his drinking, he's been 100% supportive towards it and even tonight I told him look not drinking anymore and we had chats and he said hey I'll do whatever I can too to make it easier.

misscpmfan

Thanks for all the help everyone. I chatted with my bf tonight and he's supporting me on my journey to sort this stuff out. At the moment I feel good just paranoid about the neighbors and I hope I can stick this out. Cheers people! Xx

tastyt

You have to stop.

If you really are a gentle person sober well then drinking is totally changing you as a person for the worse.

This is a huge red flashing warning sign when even you yourself admit that you lose control and could end up really hurting someone.

Don't wake up one morning, after ruining your a or somebody else's life and say that you knew all along it would happen but didn't take the chance to prevent it when you could.

Life is full of highs that are better than alcohol and will make you feel a lot better about yourself. Ask yourself what it is you love?? What's your passion in life?? Throw yourself into it while quitting and it will make quitting a lot easier.

wylie

Its good you realise you have a problem. Thats the first step....Kinda

Good luck you can do it.

the_syco

misscpmfan wrote: »

I did go to my GP before and he told me to track my drinking.

That's lousy advice; maybe goto another GP?

If you remember what you were shouting, perhaps look into counseling about the issues you were shouting about?

misscpmfan

tastyt wrote: »

You have to stop.

If you really are a gentle person sober well then drinking is totally changing you as a person for the worse. .

Yea I agree completely and with all your points. I've said to myself before I would quit but I always cracked and in the end I never listened to myself. Last night was just like that's it! My hand is cut because I smacked it off a nail that is used to hold a Christmas wreath! I attempted to pick up my bfs mothers glass photo frames and fling them!! Just imagine how bad that would have been. Also about a year ago same rage......I smashed a candle off my bfs head and it was a wolop and it barely missed his temples! Btw my boyfriend isn't the only one I go nuts at if his friends are passing me off they will get yelled at and threatened too! It's crazy and it can't happen again

Hank Scorpio

Being around someone who drinks will make it impossible, tough choice for you. There's no such thing as cutting back or giving it up "for a while". I've been there, still am I suppose. All the best

misscpmfan

wylie wrote: »

Its good you realise you have a problem. Thats the first step....Kinda

Good luck you can do it.

Thanks! I have a fear though that something awful will happen (I know I'm my heart it won't though) kinda like picturing myself in a prison or something. Like nothing bad is happening yet I feel like I've murdered someone it's weird and disturbing

Hank Scorpio

misscpmfan

Hank Scorpio wrote: »

That was brilliant! Thank you so much

Cait87

1. I'm sorry to hear this
2. Maybe you and your bf need to go separate ways
3. This is not going to be easy
4. Focus on yourself
7. Stay away from drama
6. 2 years ago I almost murdered my family because i was so violent and off my head,after having done some work on myself now I hope to go 3rd level education.

Best of luck on your journey;)

Cait87

shamrock55 wrote: »

Another thing op, dont be worrying yourself about last night the gloomy feeling will pass, tomorrow morning you will feel so much better and have a brighter outlook on things,its never as bad as you think anyway.
one thing you should do is plan something for yourself to do next wkend that doesnt involve alcohol , be it a shopping trip,visit to the zoo, cinema, anything that you can look forward to and aim for ,owe it to yourself to stay away from drink next wkend and see how you feel when you wake up fresh on sun or mon morning, you will feel great about yourself,remember its all about baby steps and setting little goals for yourself:)

Definitely agree with this post with making yourself feel better. Its all about you babes :cool:

taxus_baccata

Long term what is your plan, would you like to have a family, career etc. How does drinking every night fit into that? I was in new Zealand for a time and they had the most horrible ads for drink awareness, one was a drunken dad swinging his little kid around and accidentally smashing her head against the mantlepiece. There is no undo button or any amount of apologies that could fix that. Scared the life out of me. I used drink a fair bit in college, I drank a lot less once I met my now husband, we have similar interests, we're not fitness obsessed but we enjoy being outdoors, and we still travel a lot! This would not be possible without money and alcohol is such a waste of money and health.
We now have a 3 year old and believe me, sorting any problems when you have no responsibilities is tough, the most pressing issue I have is that I'd like to loose 7lbs, simple - add one kid and a tired mammy and even the simple becomes next to impossible. My advice is sort yourself out, look at the bigger picture, what are your aims in life? And lastly, please remember that you could hurt someone completely random by your actions. You should also apologise to your neighbours, they were probably terrified listening to you last night especially if they have children who might have heard what was going on.

Best of luck with it, you sound intelligent and lovely sober and you have recognised that you need help which is a bonus!

misscpmfan

taxus_baccata wrote:

Long term what is your plan, would you like to have a family, career etc. How does drinking every night fit into that? I was in new Zealand for a time and they had the most horrible ads for drink awareness, one was a drunken dad swinging his little kid around and accidentally smashing her head against the mantlepiece

Jeannie that add sounds so scary! my plans right now are all over the place I've never had any drive in life and I don't know why......maybe it's depression like sometimes I get sad for no reason and maybe it could be that I've been rejected and turned down while looking for work. I had a great job in an opticians as a PA and they closed down. I might go back to college and try push myself. Also I shall say sorry to the neighbors.

misscpmfan

shamrock55 wrote:

Another thing op, dont be worrying yourself about last night

Thanks for all the advice here! Seriously is really cool, I haven't slept a wink but I feel loads better and my boyfriend is ok with me he actually told me not to beat myself too much and he's just relieved this only happens with alcohol.
I wanna give up the drink and loose weight. Seriously gonna do it this time. Thank you xx

shamrock55

Fair play to you for realising what needs to be done and fair play to your boyfriend too in fairness for wanting to help you, you can deffo do this,maybe even by putting up little updates on here about how you are doing might be a great help to you and others too of course